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"Good afternoon sir, a woman left a letter for you."
The man smiled at the bellboy, took the letter, sliped it into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette, and lit up.
"I'll be at the blackjack tables if there's a phone call for me."
"Oui senoir."
The man calmly strode down the long stairs to the chandilier lit casino. Smoke filled the room, puffed out by men who were a lot less rich now that they'd been in here for a few hours.
But there was one man who always seemed to win. He sat at table 5...
So he sat down, opposite, and offered to play in. The table accepted.
A woman around the table eyed the new player... he knew his cards... and she knew his face.
"Cool, hit me." He said, taking a deep drag from his cigarette.
"Excuse me sir, have I seen you around places before?" The lady finally asked.
"Maybe. I've been to places before." The man quipped, taking another drag and raising the stakes.
The man, the man who never seemed to lose sneered at the smoking man's comment.
"So who are you?" The lady asked.
"The name's Snuggly." Snuggly took another deep drag from his cigarette. "Mr. Snuggly."
"Oh! I DO know you... remember when we inflitrated that drugs ring in South America... we made love under the sunset after we bought Mr Large to justice... he faced an untimely death after being rolled in his giant mechanical joint making machine."
The man who never losed eyed Snuggly... "I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone else."
"Can't you remember?" The woman said, giggling. "It wasn't that long ago... we're both spies, you know, you'd expect us to remember things like that. You DO still work for the British Secret Service, don't you?"
The man who never losed suddenly stood up quickly... two men seized Snuggly from behind, and the woman was punched in the face by the man, and fell to the floor.
"You! You the spy that been following me huh?" The man said.
"You've been stealing OAP's to build your underwater lair, Hybrid. It was only a matter of time before we found out your evil scheme."
"Acchh... I was so sure nobody would notice that they went missing..." Hybrid said. "Still, ah well. I'll just have to kill you now."
"Not if I do this!" Snuggly managed to loosen his grip on the man holding him to his left. He punched the one to the right, kicked the other one in the shin, and then pulled an elastic band from his pocket, and shot it at Hybrid.
He fell back, screaming, and fell into an automatic card shuffler. The other members that had come to play cards moaned at the sight, as Hybrid was split into two even sections.
"He always was a right pack to deal with." Snuggly said to himself.
The woman rushed to her feet. "Oh Snuggly... how foolish of me, but what do you expect, I'm only a woman, after all." The woman giggled, and offered Snuggly back to her place for a few hours of sex.
Snuggly placed the letter from the woman that was given to him in his jacket, and promptly forgot about it.
----------
LONDON - THREE DAYS LATER
----------
"Glad to hear that you've dealt with Hybrid, Snuggly!" Tony said, sitting behind his antique desk, smoking a pipe.
"In more ways than one." Loki said, opening the door and letting himself in.
"Ah, Loki, I've been meaning to thank you for that elastic band you gave me for that mission... came in handy."
"We're here to help you get the man Snuggly, don't you forget. The amount of times Loki Branch has saved your life, I'll never count. Did you manage to return the elastic band?"
"Well... yes, I was meaning to say..."
Loki sighed.
"Never mind that now, you two, sit down." Tony stood up, and waited for the two to sit. "Now, a small problem has arised in Venice... our payman there, Meka, he hasn't reported in for a few days."
"What was he sticking his nose in at the time?" Snuggly asked.
"We're not sure. The last time he radio contacted us, he told us that something big was going down at the 'Plumage Club'. It's a big nightclub, probably the best you can find in Venice."
"Does it have a casino?" Snuggly asked.
"Yes."
"Superb."
"So your assignment is this." Tony said, summing up the mission, and taking a puff from his pipe. "Go to Venice, visit where Meka was staying, find anything you can, and visit this 'Plumage Club' as well. Meka might still be alive, so please, work as fast as you can."
"You know me, sir." Snuggly stood up. "I'll leave immedietely."
"Not quite so fast..." Loki said, standing up to. "Come with me down to the Workshop, we've got a few gadgets for you to bring with you."
The man smiled at the bellboy, took the letter, sliped it into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette, and lit up.
"I'll be at the blackjack tables if there's a phone call for me."
"Oui senoir."
The man calmly strode down the long stairs to the chandilier lit casino. Smoke filled the room, puffed out by men who were a lot less rich now that they'd been in here for a few hours.
But there was one man who always seemed to win. He sat at table 5...
So he sat down, opposite, and offered to play in. The table accepted.
A woman around the table eyed the new player... he knew his cards... and she knew his face.
"Cool, hit me." He said, taking a deep drag from his cigarette.
"Excuse me sir, have I seen you around places before?" The lady finally asked.
"Maybe. I've been to places before." The man quipped, taking another drag and raising the stakes.
The man, the man who never seemed to lose sneered at the smoking man's comment.
"So who are you?" The lady asked.
"The name's Snuggly." Snuggly took another deep drag from his cigarette. "Mr. Snuggly."
"Oh! I DO know you... remember when we inflitrated that drugs ring in South America... we made love under the sunset after we bought Mr Large to justice... he faced an untimely death after being rolled in his giant mechanical joint making machine."
The man who never losed eyed Snuggly... "I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone else."
"Can't you remember?" The woman said, giggling. "It wasn't that long ago... we're both spies, you know, you'd expect us to remember things like that. You DO still work for the British Secret Service, don't you?"
The man who never losed suddenly stood up quickly... two men seized Snuggly from behind, and the woman was punched in the face by the man, and fell to the floor.
"You! You the spy that been following me huh?" The man said.
"You've been stealing OAP's to build your underwater lair, Hybrid. It was only a matter of time before we found out your evil scheme."
"Acchh... I was so sure nobody would notice that they went missing..." Hybrid said. "Still, ah well. I'll just have to kill you now."
"Not if I do this!" Snuggly managed to loosen his grip on the man holding him to his left. He punched the one to the right, kicked the other one in the shin, and then pulled an elastic band from his pocket, and shot it at Hybrid.
He fell back, screaming, and fell into an automatic card shuffler. The other members that had come to play cards moaned at the sight, as Hybrid was split into two even sections.
"He always was a right pack to deal with." Snuggly said to himself.
The woman rushed to her feet. "Oh Snuggly... how foolish of me, but what do you expect, I'm only a woman, after all." The woman giggled, and offered Snuggly back to her place for a few hours of sex.
Snuggly placed the letter from the woman that was given to him in his jacket, and promptly forgot about it.
----------
LONDON - THREE DAYS LATER
----------
"Glad to hear that you've dealt with Hybrid, Snuggly!" Tony said, sitting behind his antique desk, smoking a pipe.
"In more ways than one." Loki said, opening the door and letting himself in.
"Ah, Loki, I've been meaning to thank you for that elastic band you gave me for that mission... came in handy."
"We're here to help you get the man Snuggly, don't you forget. The amount of times Loki Branch has saved your life, I'll never count. Did you manage to return the elastic band?"
"Well... yes, I was meaning to say..."
Loki sighed.
"Never mind that now, you two, sit down." Tony stood up, and waited for the two to sit. "Now, a small problem has arised in Venice... our payman there, Meka, he hasn't reported in for a few days."
"What was he sticking his nose in at the time?" Snuggly asked.
"We're not sure. The last time he radio contacted us, he told us that something big was going down at the 'Plumage Club'. It's a big nightclub, probably the best you can find in Venice."
"Does it have a casino?" Snuggly asked.
"Yes."
"Superb."
"So your assignment is this." Tony said, summing up the mission, and taking a puff from his pipe. "Go to Venice, visit where Meka was staying, find anything you can, and visit this 'Plumage Club' as well. Meka might still be alive, so please, work as fast as you can."
"You know me, sir." Snuggly stood up. "I'll leave immedietely."
"Not quite so fast..." Loki said, standing up to. "Come with me down to the Workshop, we've got a few gadgets for you to bring with you."
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MEANWHILE
Wookiee and Cheese go to grab Snuggly... and the contraption suddenly falls to the ground.
"Good God, it was only a coathanger and a furry car seat cover!"
"Where've I heard that before?" Wookiee said.
A tape recorder with all of Snuggly's lines on fell out. He recorded them earlier because he's a genius.
"Damn." Said Wookiee. "Foiled again."
Wookiee and Cheese go to grab Snuggly... and the contraption suddenly falls to the ground.
"Good God, it was only a coathanger and a furry car seat cover!"
"Where've I heard that before?" Wookiee said.
A tape recorder with all of Snuggly's lines on fell out. He recorded them earlier because he's a genius.
"Damn." Said Wookiee. "Foiled again."
Downing the Martini quickly, Snuggly walked calmly from the club, thanking the bartender... only to be pushed out of the way by a very grumpy man, obviously a little short of luck in the casino.
The Plumage Club... odd name... lay across a few streets away. He knew, because it said "Pumage Clu" in big lights above it. It was close enough, and he couldn't be bothered to find another club even if it was called that anyway. He walked along, over a small bridge that crossed the river that lay between the two streets, and continued on behind the grumpy man.
Snugglys eyes were a bit blinded by the flickering lights of the sign... and looked up around him, at the windows of the city... there was a flash.
Was it his eyes? Another flash... and then a gunshot. The grumpy man that had walked out in front of Snuggly dropped to the floor.
Snuggly ran to the man, looking around to see where the gunshot had come from... the man had taken a bullet straight through the centre of his head... it looked like it wasn't a miss, as he first expected.
But there was no-one around. The streets were empty but for him and the dead man in the street.
And then he realised.
Police came running around the corner, and Snuggly ran for it. Tony hadn't told the Italian Government that they had put one of their best spies in Venice for a good reason... And for a man to be caught next to a dead man, innocent or not, it's a complete waste of time while another man's life is on the line.
Snuggly turned and ran, only for a speedboat to splash along the river that lay next to him, and stop underneath the bridge.
As he ran over it, he looked down, to a frantically waving man looking up at him.
"JUMP!"
Snuggly looked behind, the police were closer. He climbed up onto the stone rails of the bridge, and jumped down onto the hard wood of the boat, falling to his side.
The man ran into the boat, gained the controls, and sped off. The Italian police gathered at the bridge, radioing for help, but for little use. The river joined the sea, and the boat was long gone.
-------------
"I suppose it's customary to thank those that save one's life." Snuggly said.
"No problem." The man accepted.
Snuggly looked around the calm black as night sea... not a soul to be found... and he tried to think about what had just happened.
It looks like someone had wanted him to fall into police hands... but didn't want him dead... why not?
"I suppose it's also customary to introduce oneself?" Snuggly asked.
"Ah, of course. My name is Mr Happy, I work for the Italian Government."
A chill went up Snuggly's spine.
"I know what you're thinking. Trust me, we have our sources too. Just because our Governments don't speak, doesn't mean that we don't know what's going on."
"But how do I know that all that back there wasn't just an elaborate scheme to make me jump onto this boat?"
"You don't. I've been tailing you. I saw that man get shot in the head... the gunshot came from the window above the Resse Clothes Store, by the way. Sniper, most definitely. Good job I had a boat nearby, hey?"
Snuggly smiled through the corner of his mouth. "Ok, if you're really working for the Italian Government, take me to them."
"That's where we're going." Mr Happy said, and pointed ahead. "See that small island? That's where we're going. We have our small eye on the boats in this area in the moment... there's more to this than I think your Government knows."
Snuggly smiled. Good acting or not, this man was at least providing some information.
Mr Happy pulled the boat to the island, and they both departed, and headed for inland.
The Plumage Club... odd name... lay across a few streets away. He knew, because it said "Pumage Clu" in big lights above it. It was close enough, and he couldn't be bothered to find another club even if it was called that anyway. He walked along, over a small bridge that crossed the river that lay between the two streets, and continued on behind the grumpy man.
Snugglys eyes were a bit blinded by the flickering lights of the sign... and looked up around him, at the windows of the city... there was a flash.
Was it his eyes? Another flash... and then a gunshot. The grumpy man that had walked out in front of Snuggly dropped to the floor.
Snuggly ran to the man, looking around to see where the gunshot had come from... the man had taken a bullet straight through the centre of his head... it looked like it wasn't a miss, as he first expected.
But there was no-one around. The streets were empty but for him and the dead man in the street.
And then he realised.
Police came running around the corner, and Snuggly ran for it. Tony hadn't told the Italian Government that they had put one of their best spies in Venice for a good reason... And for a man to be caught next to a dead man, innocent or not, it's a complete waste of time while another man's life is on the line.
Snuggly turned and ran, only for a speedboat to splash along the river that lay next to him, and stop underneath the bridge.
As he ran over it, he looked down, to a frantically waving man looking up at him.
"JUMP!"
Snuggly looked behind, the police were closer. He climbed up onto the stone rails of the bridge, and jumped down onto the hard wood of the boat, falling to his side.
The man ran into the boat, gained the controls, and sped off. The Italian police gathered at the bridge, radioing for help, but for little use. The river joined the sea, and the boat was long gone.
-------------
"I suppose it's customary to thank those that save one's life." Snuggly said.
"No problem." The man accepted.
Snuggly looked around the calm black as night sea... not a soul to be found... and he tried to think about what had just happened.
It looks like someone had wanted him to fall into police hands... but didn't want him dead... why not?
"I suppose it's also customary to introduce oneself?" Snuggly asked.
"Ah, of course. My name is Mr Happy, I work for the Italian Government."
A chill went up Snuggly's spine.
"I know what you're thinking. Trust me, we have our sources too. Just because our Governments don't speak, doesn't mean that we don't know what's going on."
"But how do I know that all that back there wasn't just an elaborate scheme to make me jump onto this boat?"
"You don't. I've been tailing you. I saw that man get shot in the head... the gunshot came from the window above the Resse Clothes Store, by the way. Sniper, most definitely. Good job I had a boat nearby, hey?"
Snuggly smiled through the corner of his mouth. "Ok, if you're really working for the Italian Government, take me to them."
"That's where we're going." Mr Happy said, and pointed ahead. "See that small island? That's where we're going. We have our small eye on the boats in this area in the moment... there's more to this than I think your Government knows."
Snuggly smiled. Good acting or not, this man was at least providing some information.
Mr Happy pulled the boat to the island, and they both departed, and headed for inland.
Snuggly stopped in the shade of a very fat person to light a cigarette.
Then he made sure no-one was looking and stamped it out.
"Oh, yeah, good smoke!" he shouted loudly. Didn't want people knowing he didn't smoke. That wasn't very secret agent-ish.
He walked slowly down the street, resisting the urge to dance in the rain. He put the hood up on his hooded top. Damn useful this, and it looked so stylish inside his tuxedo.
"Oi-a. Are you a Snuggly.A?"
There was only one person who spoke in that stereotypical Italian accent. It wasn't them though.
"Who the hell are you?" said Snuggly, drawing his hoodie drawstrings tight.
"Who am I?" laughed the person.
"Yes, thats what I asked."
"Oh. Sorry, it was a rhetorical question."
"Gotcha."
"Right. Glad we understand each other. I am Mouldy Cheese."
"You are?"
"No, it's my name."
"Ah. Bit wierd."
"Yeah, it's only a codename."
"What's your real name?"
"Decomposing dairy product."
Snuggly considered this.
"Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? Anyway, who are you?"
Cheese stepped out of the shadows, holding a gun.
"I am one of the evil henchmen, of course."
Snuggly laughed. "I bet you're like the ones from Diamonds are Forever. You know, the gay ones."
"What?! How did you...Of course I'm not."
Another figure moved in the shadows.
"We're perfectly heterosexual." said a big, hairy man. He was called Wookiee Monster, for reasons not explained here.
"Of course you are. Ducky."
Wookiee growled. Cheese said nothing.
"If you'll come with us, someone who's not the main villian but one of the side-villians who you have quite a good fight scene with wants a word with you."
Snuggly thought about this. They had guns, and Wookiee looked like the kind of person who had Issues. On the other hand...
"Take this! Aha!" yelled Snuggly, flinging something at them.
They didn't move, and it bounced off them.
"Snuggly? That's a Jackie Collins novel."
"Oh. Suppose I'd better come then."
Then he made sure no-one was looking and stamped it out.
"Oh, yeah, good smoke!" he shouted loudly. Didn't want people knowing he didn't smoke. That wasn't very secret agent-ish.
He walked slowly down the street, resisting the urge to dance in the rain. He put the hood up on his hooded top. Damn useful this, and it looked so stylish inside his tuxedo.
"Oi-a. Are you a Snuggly.A?"
There was only one person who spoke in that stereotypical Italian accent. It wasn't them though.
"Who the hell are you?" said Snuggly, drawing his hoodie drawstrings tight.
"Who am I?" laughed the person.
"Yes, thats what I asked."
"Oh. Sorry, it was a rhetorical question."
"Gotcha."
"Right. Glad we understand each other. I am Mouldy Cheese."
"You are?"
"No, it's my name."
"Ah. Bit wierd."
"Yeah, it's only a codename."
"What's your real name?"
"Decomposing dairy product."
Snuggly considered this.
"Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? Anyway, who are you?"
Cheese stepped out of the shadows, holding a gun.
"I am one of the evil henchmen, of course."
Snuggly laughed. "I bet you're like the ones from Diamonds are Forever. You know, the gay ones."
"What?! How did you...Of course I'm not."
Another figure moved in the shadows.
"We're perfectly heterosexual." said a big, hairy man. He was called Wookiee Monster, for reasons not explained here.
"Of course you are. Ducky."
Wookiee growled. Cheese said nothing.
"If you'll come with us, someone who's not the main villian but one of the side-villians who you have quite a good fight scene with wants a word with you."
Snuggly thought about this. They had guns, and Wookiee looked like the kind of person who had Issues. On the other hand...
"Take this! Aha!" yelled Snuggly, flinging something at them.
They didn't move, and it bounced off them.
"Snuggly? That's a Jackie Collins novel."
"Oh. Suppose I'd better come then."
SOMEWHERE IN EGYPT
A man dressed in white robes dismounts his camel. He approaches the pyramid, and then pauses. He briefly surveys the deserted dunes undulating into the distance, but the reflections on the pale sand from the fierce sunlight dazzle him. Waiting no longer, he delves into his robes and retreives some carefully hidden device. There is a rumbling from deep within the earth, and the sand parts to reveal a stairway leading down beneath the pyramid.
------------------------
IN VENICE, AGAIN
Snuggly approached the barman, catching his eye with little effort.
"Dry Stolichnaya Vodka Martini, Shaken not stirred. A twist of lemon, no Ice, served in a chilled glass."
The barman nodded.
"You'll take gold sovereigns, naturally?"
"erm... yes"
"Just one moment"
Snuggly paused, and carfully unstiched the gold sovereigns which had been stitched into the lining of his suit.
He paid the man, and turned to look around the casino. Rich businessmen were losing vast amounts of money to impress the ladies at the roulette table, and then there were the serious gamblers at the poker table. Steely-eyed, unflinching faces, peering over the top of "Prunage Club" playing cards.
Damn. He was in the wrong casino.
A man dressed in white robes dismounts his camel. He approaches the pyramid, and then pauses. He briefly surveys the deserted dunes undulating into the distance, but the reflections on the pale sand from the fierce sunlight dazzle him. Waiting no longer, he delves into his robes and retreives some carefully hidden device. There is a rumbling from deep within the earth, and the sand parts to reveal a stairway leading down beneath the pyramid.
------------------------
IN VENICE, AGAIN
Snuggly approached the barman, catching his eye with little effort.
"Dry Stolichnaya Vodka Martini, Shaken not stirred. A twist of lemon, no Ice, served in a chilled glass."
The barman nodded.
"You'll take gold sovereigns, naturally?"
"erm... yes"
"Just one moment"
Snuggly paused, and carfully unstiched the gold sovereigns which had been stitched into the lining of his suit.
He paid the man, and turned to look around the casino. Rich businessmen were losing vast amounts of money to impress the ladies at the roulette table, and then there were the serious gamblers at the poker table. Steely-eyed, unflinching faces, peering over the top of "Prunage Club" playing cards.
Damn. He was in the wrong casino.
Hum. That seemed much longer when I wrote it.
So...why was he here again?
Snuggly looked around, clicked the back button, and smiled.
He was looking for a casino. There was probably a subplot hanging around somewhere, but Snuggly didn't care.
---
A cat purred on a table.
Next to the cat was a man. He was stroking it. The cat, that is, not the table.
"Ah, Meester Snuggly. I see you have been sent to try and deal with me. Well, we'll see about that, shall we?"
The strokey cat man raises his voice.
"Wookie! Deploy the newbies!"
The carpet on the floor stands up, and leaves the room. This was rather surprising, as carpets don't usualy stand up. Even Wookie Monster, who was standing in the corner of the room, looked surprised.
Wookie did indeed leave the room, and he did indeed go to deploy the newbies. While he is doing this, we are shown a close up of cat strokey guy, and surprisingly it isn't Bill Gates.
All we see is the top of the guys head, which has a pair of underpants on it, accomponied by two socks...
Snuggly looked around, clicked the back button, and smiled.
He was looking for a casino. There was probably a subplot hanging around somewhere, but Snuggly didn't care.
---
A cat purred on a table.
Next to the cat was a man. He was stroking it. The cat, that is, not the table.
"Ah, Meester Snuggly. I see you have been sent to try and deal with me. Well, we'll see about that, shall we?"
The strokey cat man raises his voice.
"Wookie! Deploy the newbies!"
The carpet on the floor stands up, and leaves the room. This was rather surprising, as carpets don't usualy stand up. Even Wookie Monster, who was standing in the corner of the room, looked surprised.
Wookie did indeed leave the room, and he did indeed go to deploy the newbies. While he is doing this, we are shown a close up of cat strokey guy, and surprisingly it isn't Bill Gates.
All we see is the top of the guys head, which has a pair of underpants on it, accomponied by two socks...
I've just got in to trouble for laughing too hard. Particularly since I am wearing a black Satan hoodie as I read. Give me more, my last fix is wearing off!
Some good writing seen here.
Snuggly pulled himself out of the water quickly, and looked around for his attacker, but alas, nothing, he flicked his wet hair away from his face, and pulled something from his pocket. Anchovies, dozens of then. The waters of Venice were full of them, apparently.
"My poor man, let me get you out of those wet clothes"
Snuggly turned around to see a pair of legs tightly wrapped in PVC. His eyes followed the legs up through shapely thighs, up into heaving breasts. Seeing that shoulder length wavy dark hair, and big brown eyes, Snuggly was gobsmacked.
"Only if I can also get you out of yours" replied Snuggly, raising an eyebrow.
She laughed "I wanna hump"
"Sorry?"
"Ivana Hump, that's my name, now are you coming or not?"
"Steady" said Snuggly to himself, before following Ivana into a nearby apartment.
----------
After wiping his, and some of her juices on the bed sheets Snuggly got back into his now dry clothes, made his excuses, and headed off for the Plumage Club. He was somehow sure that he and Ms Hump would cross paths and probably sexual organs again.
"My poor man, let me get you out of those wet clothes"
Snuggly turned around to see a pair of legs tightly wrapped in PVC. His eyes followed the legs up through shapely thighs, up into heaving breasts. Seeing that shoulder length wavy dark hair, and big brown eyes, Snuggly was gobsmacked.
"Only if I can also get you out of yours" replied Snuggly, raising an eyebrow.
She laughed "I wanna hump"
"Sorry?"
"Ivana Hump, that's my name, now are you coming or not?"
"Steady" said Snuggly to himself, before following Ivana into a nearby apartment.
----------
After wiping his, and some of her juices on the bed sheets Snuggly got back into his now dry clothes, made his excuses, and headed off for the Plumage Club. He was somehow sure that he and Ms Hump would cross paths and probably sexual organs again.
All my hoodie work stems from your classical skatepark scene, as lauded by many literary critics, MC.
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