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Number 10: "Fake Sound of Progress" by the Lost Prophets
It sounds like "Na na naaa na na" they tell us. It in no way involves boyos from the Welsh valleys singing in American accents, oh no, that's not a step back at all. They sing and they jump around a bit wearing shoes. Now that's innovation.
Happy verdict: 4/10
Number 9: "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden
Yay! Old metal! Ah, except it's Iron Maiden, a band who have successfully dodged being cool with a deftness not seen since Julio Iglesias. Bruce Dickinson sings like a girl. Don't just run to the hills, run as far as you can to get away from this one.
HV: 2/10
Number 8: "Toxicity" by System of a Down
There's about 50 time changes in the first minute and so it sounds more mental than metal (in a good way). And the guitar intro sounds like part of "Vancouver" by Jeff Buckley. It's like they recorded a normal song and then had a team of monkeys mix it. And so it rocks!
HV: 8/10
Number 7: "The Power" H-Blockx
This song conatins more throwaway filler phrases than any other song in the history of music. Interspersed between the assortment of "What what what"s and "yeah"s and self name checking are some choice lyrics like "Maniac, Brainiac, I'm the lyrical Jesse James". Yes, Jesse James was a cowboy and so had zero lyrical ability, just like yourself mr.singer. The singer looks like a fat Mike Patton, and in the video he does a Blue-Velvet-Dennis-Hopper-sucking-oxygen impression for no reason at all. The song's so bad that it must have been made so deliberately. I want more fat-Mike-Patton more!
HV: 10/10
Number 6: "How You Remind Me" by Nickleback
Boring guitar riff? Check!
Bland vocals? Check!
Lack of originality? Check!
Welcome to Nickleback's world. The singer is hurt, you know, emotionally. By a girl. We should force that girl to stand trial for the resulting infliction upon our senses of boring, lifeless lift music-rock.
HV: 3/10
Number 5: "My Sacrifice" by Creed
Creed set themselves the challenge of hackneyising an initially interesting guitar intro, and they rise to the challenge with gusto, producing another insipid three minutes of death-by-boredom christian rock. Listen to the die-hard Christians Creed fans; the only rock in Christianity is Peter, so lets have Creed stoned or something.
HV: 2/10
Number 4: "Crazy" by Sugarcoma
"Nu-metal-by-numbers band prove individuality in ironic Britney Spears covering shocker" or not. This song sucks like a vacuum. And that singer has worrying shouting capacity, doesn't she know that it's just not feminine? She would be a good replacement for the dog in sheep racing trials, as she could scream the sheep into their fences. However, great sheep dogs do not great nu-metal singers make. Can't someone do a deathmetal version of "Yellow" instead?
HV: 1/10
Number 3: "Stupid Kid" by the Alkaline Trio
Intelligent pop-punk-rock. (see intelligent members of Spice Girls for a comparison bench mark)
HV: 6/10
Number 2: "It's going Down" by the X-Ecutioners
So, you're a mediocre coterie of turn-tablists and you want to be famous.. what do you do? Yes, you get Linkin Park to make your fairly boring stuff really hip with the cool individual kids in Linkin Park hoodies. Also of note is the Linkin Park rapper proving his lyrical dexterity:
The combination of a vocal caress
With lungs that gasp for breath
From emotional stress
With special effects
"Emotion stress with special effects" - he's summed up the entire nu-metal genre in a sentence. Top marks for succinctness, nowt for anything else.
HV: 0/10
Number 1: "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson
Marilyn Manson makes music for outsiders you know. If you listen to Marilyn you are angry and alone and ooohhhhh so individual. And you rebel by painting your nails black and wearing make-up when you're a *gasps* boy. Tainted Love is a cover of the Soft Cell song, and Manson goths it up and puts it on a movie soundtrack, netting him millions in royalties and money from all of the alternative kiddos. But surely alternative implies a minority, and when a song aims for number one in the UK charts it can hardly be a minority thing can it? Tainted Love: music for people who have to tidy their goddam bedroom or be grounded for a whole damn day and that is like so unfair because Mummy and Daddy won't give me pocket money.
HV: 2/10
------
Overall:
It's just a personal opinion, but Kerrang TV sucks.
It sounds like "Na na naaa na na" they tell us. It in no way involves boyos from the Welsh valleys singing in American accents, oh no, that's not a step back at all. They sing and they jump around a bit wearing shoes. Now that's innovation.
Happy verdict: 4/10
Number 9: "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden
Yay! Old metal! Ah, except it's Iron Maiden, a band who have successfully dodged being cool with a deftness not seen since Julio Iglesias. Bruce Dickinson sings like a girl. Don't just run to the hills, run as far as you can to get away from this one.
HV: 2/10
Number 8: "Toxicity" by System of a Down
There's about 50 time changes in the first minute and so it sounds more mental than metal (in a good way). And the guitar intro sounds like part of "Vancouver" by Jeff Buckley. It's like they recorded a normal song and then had a team of monkeys mix it. And so it rocks!
HV: 8/10
Number 7: "The Power" H-Blockx
This song conatins more throwaway filler phrases than any other song in the history of music. Interspersed between the assortment of "What what what"s and "yeah"s and self name checking are some choice lyrics like "Maniac, Brainiac, I'm the lyrical Jesse James". Yes, Jesse James was a cowboy and so had zero lyrical ability, just like yourself mr.singer. The singer looks like a fat Mike Patton, and in the video he does a Blue-Velvet-Dennis-Hopper-sucking-oxygen impression for no reason at all. The song's so bad that it must have been made so deliberately. I want more fat-Mike-Patton more!
HV: 10/10
Number 6: "How You Remind Me" by Nickleback
Boring guitar riff? Check!
Bland vocals? Check!
Lack of originality? Check!
Welcome to Nickleback's world. The singer is hurt, you know, emotionally. By a girl. We should force that girl to stand trial for the resulting infliction upon our senses of boring, lifeless lift music-rock.
HV: 3/10
Number 5: "My Sacrifice" by Creed
Creed set themselves the challenge of hackneyising an initially interesting guitar intro, and they rise to the challenge with gusto, producing another insipid three minutes of death-by-boredom christian rock. Listen to the die-hard Christians Creed fans; the only rock in Christianity is Peter, so lets have Creed stoned or something.
HV: 2/10
Number 4: "Crazy" by Sugarcoma
"Nu-metal-by-numbers band prove individuality in ironic Britney Spears covering shocker" or not. This song sucks like a vacuum. And that singer has worrying shouting capacity, doesn't she know that it's just not feminine? She would be a good replacement for the dog in sheep racing trials, as she could scream the sheep into their fences. However, great sheep dogs do not great nu-metal singers make. Can't someone do a deathmetal version of "Yellow" instead?
HV: 1/10
Number 3: "Stupid Kid" by the Alkaline Trio
Intelligent pop-punk-rock. (see intelligent members of Spice Girls for a comparison bench mark)
HV: 6/10
Number 2: "It's going Down" by the X-Ecutioners
So, you're a mediocre coterie of turn-tablists and you want to be famous.. what do you do? Yes, you get Linkin Park to make your fairly boring stuff really hip with the cool individual kids in Linkin Park hoodies. Also of note is the Linkin Park rapper proving his lyrical dexterity:
The combination of a vocal caress
With lungs that gasp for breath
From emotional stress
With special effects
"Emotion stress with special effects" - he's summed up the entire nu-metal genre in a sentence. Top marks for succinctness, nowt for anything else.
HV: 0/10
Number 1: "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson
Marilyn Manson makes music for outsiders you know. If you listen to Marilyn you are angry and alone and ooohhhhh so individual. And you rebel by painting your nails black and wearing make-up when you're a *gasps* boy. Tainted Love is a cover of the Soft Cell song, and Manson goths it up and puts it on a movie soundtrack, netting him millions in royalties and money from all of the alternative kiddos. But surely alternative implies a minority, and when a song aims for number one in the UK charts it can hardly be a minority thing can it? Tainted Love: music for people who have to tidy their goddam bedroom or be grounded for a whole damn day and that is like so unfair because Mummy and Daddy won't give me pocket money.
HV: 2/10
------
Overall:
It's just a personal opinion, but Kerrang TV sucks.
Page:
Woah, high scores! You're getting soft.
Kerrang is the best music channel we have, don't knock it
Number 10: "Fake Sound of Progress" by the Lost Prophets
It sounds like "Na na naaa na na" they tell us. It in no way involves boyos from the Welsh valleys singing in American accents, oh no, that's not a step back at all. They sing and they jump around a bit wearing shoes. Now that's innovation.
Happy verdict: 4/10
Number 9: "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden
Yay! Old metal! Ah, except it's Iron Maiden, a band who have successfully dodged being cool with a deftness not seen since Julio Iglesias. Bruce Dickinson sings like a girl. Don't just run to the hills, run as far as you can to get away from this one.
HV: 2/10
Number 8: "Toxicity" by System of a Down
There's about 50 time changes in the first minute and so it sounds more mental than metal (in a good way). And the guitar intro sounds like part of "Vancouver" by Jeff Buckley. It's like they recorded a normal song and then had a team of monkeys mix it. And so it rocks!
HV: 8/10
Number 7: "The Power" H-Blockx
This song conatins more throwaway filler phrases than any other song in the history of music. Interspersed between the assortment of "What what what"s and "yeah"s and self name checking are some choice lyrics like "Maniac, Brainiac, I'm the lyrical Jesse James". Yes, Jesse James was a cowboy and so had zero lyrical ability, just like yourself mr.singer. The singer looks like a fat Mike Patton, and in the video he does a Blue-Velvet-Dennis-Hopper-sucking-oxygen impression for no reason at all. The song's so bad that it must have been made so deliberately. I want more fat-Mike-Patton more!
HV: 10/10
Number 6: "How You Remind Me" by Nickleback
Boring guitar riff? Check!
Bland vocals? Check!
Lack of originality? Check!
Welcome to Nickleback's world. The singer is hurt, you know, emotionally. By a girl. We should force that girl to stand trial for the resulting infliction upon our senses of boring, lifeless lift music-rock.
HV: 3/10
Number 5: "My Sacrifice" by Creed
Creed set themselves the challenge of hackneyising an initially interesting guitar intro, and they rise to the challenge with gusto, producing another insipid three minutes of death-by-boredom christian rock. Listen to the die-hard Christians Creed fans; the only rock in Christianity is Peter, so lets have Creed stoned or something.
HV: 2/10
Number 4: "Crazy" by Sugarcoma
"Nu-metal-by-numbers band prove individuality in ironic Britney Spears covering shocker" or not. This song sucks like a vacuum. And that singer has worrying shouting capacity, doesn't she know that it's just not feminine? She would be a good replacement for the dog in sheep racing trials, as she could scream the sheep into their fences. However, great sheep dogs do not great nu-metal singers make. Can't someone do a deathmetal version of "Yellow" instead?
HV: 1/10
Number 3: "Stupid Kid" by the Alkaline Trio
Intelligent pop-punk-rock. (see intelligent members of Spice Girls for a comparison bench mark)
HV: 6/10
Number 2: "It's going Down" by the X-Ecutioners
So, you're a mediocre coterie of turn-tablists and you want to be famous.. what do you do? Yes, you get Linkin Park to make your fairly boring stuff really hip with the cool individual kids in Linkin Park hoodies. Also of note is the Linkin Park rapper proving his lyrical dexterity:
The combination of a vocal caress
With lungs that gasp for breath
From emotional stress
With special effects
"Emotion stress with special effects" - he's summed up the entire nu-metal genre in a sentence. Top marks for succinctness, nowt for anything else.
HV: 0/10
Number 1: "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson
Marilyn Manson makes music for outsiders you know. If you listen to Marilyn you are angry and alone and ooohhhhh so individual. And you rebel by painting your nails black and wearing make-up when you're a *gasps* boy. Tainted Love is a cover of the Soft Cell song, and Manson goths it up and puts it on a movie soundtrack, netting him millions in royalties and money from all of the alternative kiddos. But surely alternative implies a minority, and when a song aims for number one in the UK charts it can hardly be a minority thing can it? Tainted Love: music for people who have to tidy their goddam bedroom or be grounded for a whole damn day and that is like so unfair because Mummy and Daddy won't give me pocket money.
HV: 2/10
------
Overall:
It's just a personal opinion, but Kerrang TV sucks.
It sounds like "Na na naaa na na" they tell us. It in no way involves boyos from the Welsh valleys singing in American accents, oh no, that's not a step back at all. They sing and they jump around a bit wearing shoes. Now that's innovation.
Happy verdict: 4/10
Number 9: "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden
Yay! Old metal! Ah, except it's Iron Maiden, a band who have successfully dodged being cool with a deftness not seen since Julio Iglesias. Bruce Dickinson sings like a girl. Don't just run to the hills, run as far as you can to get away from this one.
HV: 2/10
Number 8: "Toxicity" by System of a Down
There's about 50 time changes in the first minute and so it sounds more mental than metal (in a good way). And the guitar intro sounds like part of "Vancouver" by Jeff Buckley. It's like they recorded a normal song and then had a team of monkeys mix it. And so it rocks!
HV: 8/10
Number 7: "The Power" H-Blockx
This song conatins more throwaway filler phrases than any other song in the history of music. Interspersed between the assortment of "What what what"s and "yeah"s and self name checking are some choice lyrics like "Maniac, Brainiac, I'm the lyrical Jesse James". Yes, Jesse James was a cowboy and so had zero lyrical ability, just like yourself mr.singer. The singer looks like a fat Mike Patton, and in the video he does a Blue-Velvet-Dennis-Hopper-sucking-oxygen impression for no reason at all. The song's so bad that it must have been made so deliberately. I want more fat-Mike-Patton more!
HV: 10/10
Number 6: "How You Remind Me" by Nickleback
Boring guitar riff? Check!
Bland vocals? Check!
Lack of originality? Check!
Welcome to Nickleback's world. The singer is hurt, you know, emotionally. By a girl. We should force that girl to stand trial for the resulting infliction upon our senses of boring, lifeless lift music-rock.
HV: 3/10
Number 5: "My Sacrifice" by Creed
Creed set themselves the challenge of hackneyising an initially interesting guitar intro, and they rise to the challenge with gusto, producing another insipid three minutes of death-by-boredom christian rock. Listen to the die-hard Christians Creed fans; the only rock in Christianity is Peter, so lets have Creed stoned or something.
HV: 2/10
Number 4: "Crazy" by Sugarcoma
"Nu-metal-by-numbers band prove individuality in ironic Britney Spears covering shocker" or not. This song sucks like a vacuum. And that singer has worrying shouting capacity, doesn't she know that it's just not feminine? She would be a good replacement for the dog in sheep racing trials, as she could scream the sheep into their fences. However, great sheep dogs do not great nu-metal singers make. Can't someone do a deathmetal version of "Yellow" instead?
HV: 1/10
Number 3: "Stupid Kid" by the Alkaline Trio
Intelligent pop-punk-rock. (see intelligent members of Spice Girls for a comparison bench mark)
HV: 6/10
Number 2: "It's going Down" by the X-Ecutioners
So, you're a mediocre coterie of turn-tablists and you want to be famous.. what do you do? Yes, you get Linkin Park to make your fairly boring stuff really hip with the cool individual kids in Linkin Park hoodies. Also of note is the Linkin Park rapper proving his lyrical dexterity:
The combination of a vocal caress
With lungs that gasp for breath
From emotional stress
With special effects
"Emotion stress with special effects" - he's summed up the entire nu-metal genre in a sentence. Top marks for succinctness, nowt for anything else.
HV: 0/10
Number 1: "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson
Marilyn Manson makes music for outsiders you know. If you listen to Marilyn you are angry and alone and ooohhhhh so individual. And you rebel by painting your nails black and wearing make-up when you're a *gasps* boy. Tainted Love is a cover of the Soft Cell song, and Manson goths it up and puts it on a movie soundtrack, netting him millions in royalties and money from all of the alternative kiddos. But surely alternative implies a minority, and when a song aims for number one in the UK charts it can hardly be a minority thing can it? Tainted Love: music for people who have to tidy their goddam bedroom or be grounded for a whole damn day and that is like so unfair because Mummy and Daddy won't give me pocket money.
HV: 2/10
------
Overall:
It's just a personal opinion, but Kerrang TV sucks.
Page: