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"Quote boat"

Welcome to the all purpose boat of quotes (yes I know there is a quote boat on digitiser, but it is a decent enough title), I set this up as a multi purpose topic to house quotes from "stuff" rather than have lots of different quoty topics.
Feel free to post quotes here (or not as the case may be).

"You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"

Smooth Criminal wrote:
> The Fast Show:
My name, is Michael Cain, and i am a nosey neighbour.




I could be wrong, but was that not Harry Enfield and Chums?

And I'm pretty sure they didn't actually take his name. Michael Pain I think they used.

And I only remember 2 sketches of that but they were both hialrious.

"After I saw the fit woman from across the street leave her house, I snuck over there. I found my way into her bed room and his under the floorboards. I stayed there for 2 weeks only to find that she had gone on bloody holiday."

"The old woman from across the street fell down the stairs and looked to break her back. She lay there for 2 weeks before anyone found her!"

Neither of those will be even close to the actual wording but the jist of it is there.

While we're quoting Red Dwarf.....


Rimmer: Right, go to red alert!

Kryten: Are you sure sir? That does mean changing the bulb.


----------


Rimmer: (talking about Lister dying in a future echo) Well I'm sorry Lister but I've just seen someone I know die in the most hideous hideous way!

...........

Lister: So I explode then?

Rimmer: Mmmmmm, bits of you do.

The Fast Show:
My name, is Michael Cain, and i am a nosey neighbour.

Red Dwarf

Rimmer: I quote space corp directive 77469102/b
Kryten: 77469102/b, but sir, surely that's not possible without a live chicken and a Rabii!*

Heh, hilarious isn't it?



*A Jewish priest (I think)

From 'Dusk Till Dawn'

Seth Gecko(George Clooney) to hostage;

'don't you ever think about running on us, 'cos i've got five little friends (looks at his gun) and they can all run faster than you can'.

From Planet of the Apes (The original):

'Beware the beast man, for he is the devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport, or lust or greed. Yes, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him. Drive him back into his jungle lair: For he is the harbinger of death'.

How very true...

Red Dwarf

Cat: Don't fish swim south for the winter?
Kryten: That's birds, sir
Cat: Birds swim south for the winter? How do they breathe?


Teehee

Well isnt this place a geographical oddity? Two weeks from everywhere!

"its not that I'm lazy, I just don't care"

- office space