The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Question - When women go into the settling down phase of life, do they (consciously or otherwise) find themselves attracted to providers instead of lovers, or do they just 'settle' for a man who'll marry them?
Page:
biglime wrote:
> When we arrive at the settling down
> stage, for women it is their time to seek a provider whether
> they are financially independent or not. For them it is their
> time of letting go, to be cared for. For men I wouldn't call the
> task of caring for someone both as a lover and provider as
> 'settling down', more the opposite wouldn't you agree?
I think settling down is more about seeking stability in your life, than an easy ride - you settle into a permanent home, take a 20-30 year mortgage, a committed long-term relationship, start a family.
It seems like burdens and hard work all the way, for all concerned!
> When we arrive at the settling down
> stage, for women it is their time to seek a provider whether
> they are financially independent or not. For them it is their
> time of letting go, to be cared for. For men I wouldn't call the
> task of caring for someone both as a lover and provider as
> 'settling down', more the opposite wouldn't you agree?
I think settling down is more about seeking stability in your life, than an easy ride - you settle into a permanent home, take a 20-30 year mortgage, a committed long-term relationship, start a family.
It seems like burdens and hard work all the way, for all concerned!
Ladybird wrote:
> Yes. You can date a man 15 years younger than yourself that is
> unemployed, who still lives with his parents, hangs out in an
> internet chat forum all day, and who's mother still screams at
> him to take a shower when he finally wakes up at 2 in the
> afternoon.
You know, in my head, I can't perceive even a moderately 'normal' woman doing this. I just don't get it.
I suppose it's only natural that a guy can't perceive another man's boyfriend qualities - or appeal to a woman - in the same way that a woman does.
> I was thinking the same thing of the pendulum swing..the other
> extreme.
Interesting. I hadn't considered the confidence as a negative or problematic quality. I have a feeling women are more at risk of 'trying to change' people than men are. Perhaps it ties into the whole badboy thing.
Was that a ture story BTW?
> Everyone is desperate for something or other on some level, but
> the healthy ones are confident that they don't have to lower
> their standards to attain that in which they seek, thus
> potentially compromising on their happiness. Balance is key.
Interesting. I think this highlights the difference between general desperation and specific desperation.
I could be getting along with a nice girl without being desperate.
But if she was particularly striking, and her personality was shining, perhaps I'd become / come off as 'needy' (watered down desperation).
However, if I was an excessively agitated, insecure singleton, I might have a general desperation to be in any relationship.
What use is that distinction? I'm not sure...
> Yes. You can date a man 15 years younger than yourself that is
> unemployed, who still lives with his parents, hangs out in an
> internet chat forum all day, and who's mother still screams at
> him to take a shower when he finally wakes up at 2 in the
> afternoon.
You know, in my head, I can't perceive even a moderately 'normal' woman doing this. I just don't get it.
I suppose it's only natural that a guy can't perceive another man's boyfriend qualities - or appeal to a woman - in the same way that a woman does.
> I was thinking the same thing of the pendulum swing..the other
> extreme.
Interesting. I hadn't considered the confidence as a negative or problematic quality. I have a feeling women are more at risk of 'trying to change' people than men are. Perhaps it ties into the whole badboy thing.
Was that a ture story BTW?
> Everyone is desperate for something or other on some level, but
> the healthy ones are confident that they don't have to lower
> their standards to attain that in which they seek, thus
> potentially compromising on their happiness. Balance is key.
Interesting. I think this highlights the difference between general desperation and specific desperation.
I could be getting along with a nice girl without being desperate.
But if she was particularly striking, and her personality was shining, perhaps I'd become / come off as 'needy' (watered down desperation).
However, if I was an excessively agitated, insecure singleton, I might have a general desperation to be in any relationship.
What use is that distinction? I'm not sure...
Ladybird wrote:
>
> I just can't see why women have to rely on others to provide
> for
> them.
>
> A lot of men rely on women too.
They are in the minority. When we arrive at the settling down stage, for women it is their time to seek a provider whether they are financially independent or not. For them it is their time of letting go, to be cared for. For men I wouldn't call the task of caring for someone both as a lover and provider as 'settling down', more the opposite wouldn't you agree?
>
> I just can't see why women have to rely on others to provide
> for
> them.
>
> A lot of men rely on women too.
They are in the minority. When we arrive at the settling down stage, for women it is their time to seek a provider whether they are financially independent or not. For them it is their time of letting go, to be cared for. For men I wouldn't call the task of caring for someone both as a lover and provider as 'settling down', more the opposite wouldn't you agree?
Mumbai Duck wrote:
> What do people communicate when they appear 'desperate'?
They become hoochies and need to let it all hang out in hopes that -any- man will want it. Heh.
> On what
> level does a prospective partner make inferences from that?
Heh..the level below the beltline
>
> If we're talking about women lowering their standards, is there
> a 'desperation scale', where you can lower your standards a
> little, at expense of appearing slightly more desperate?
Yes. You can date a man 15 years younger than yourself that is unemployed, who still lives with his parents, hangs out in an internet chat forum all day, and who's mother still screams at him to take a shower when he finally wakes up at 2 in the afternoon.
> Perhaps
> with confidence (or indifference?) at the opposite end to
> desperation?
I was thinking the same thing of the pendulum swing..the other extreme. Again, the answer is yes. Like a beautiful out-going educated girl from a decent home marrying a rough and abusive, smelly garbage man with no civilized etiquette..because she doesn't want to be alone and he's buff and muscular and promises he'll take care of her and she in turn is confident she's better than he and that she can change him with her mere presence in his life..like undertaking a project. Everyone looks at her like she can't find herself anything better and that she must have some crappy self-respect to allow it..and they treat her accordingly. Perhaps she's shooting from the heart with hope in it all, but he'll only try to sap her strength, demoralize her for years with physical abuse and end up cheating on her when she's 8 months pregnant. *Sighs* Desperate. What the hell was I thinking.. *cheers*
>
> Maybe desperation and standards aren't so closely linked at all.
I beg to differ. I believe when standards are lowered, desperation seeps in.
> Certianly not if you judge deperation in someone's reaction to a
> specific individual, rather than as a general state of mind.
It's just seems so much more rewarding to build self-esteem through achievement and congeal with people who can reciprocate the same emotional intelligence. The saying is true, that you are the company you keep.
Everyone is desperate for something or other on some level, but the healthy ones are confident that they don't have to lower their standards to attain that in which they seek, thus potentially compromising on their happiness. Balance is key.
> What do people communicate when they appear 'desperate'?
They become hoochies and need to let it all hang out in hopes that -any- man will want it. Heh.
> On what
> level does a prospective partner make inferences from that?
Heh..the level below the beltline
>
> If we're talking about women lowering their standards, is there
> a 'desperation scale', where you can lower your standards a
> little, at expense of appearing slightly more desperate?
Yes. You can date a man 15 years younger than yourself that is unemployed, who still lives with his parents, hangs out in an internet chat forum all day, and who's mother still screams at him to take a shower when he finally wakes up at 2 in the afternoon.
> Perhaps
> with confidence (or indifference?) at the opposite end to
> desperation?
I was thinking the same thing of the pendulum swing..the other extreme. Again, the answer is yes. Like a beautiful out-going educated girl from a decent home marrying a rough and abusive, smelly garbage man with no civilized etiquette..because she doesn't want to be alone and he's buff and muscular and promises he'll take care of her and she in turn is confident she's better than he and that she can change him with her mere presence in his life..like undertaking a project. Everyone looks at her like she can't find herself anything better and that she must have some crappy self-respect to allow it..and they treat her accordingly. Perhaps she's shooting from the heart with hope in it all, but he'll only try to sap her strength, demoralize her for years with physical abuse and end up cheating on her when she's 8 months pregnant. *Sighs* Desperate. What the hell was I thinking.. *cheers*
>
> Maybe desperation and standards aren't so closely linked at all.
I beg to differ. I believe when standards are lowered, desperation seeps in.
> Certianly not if you judge deperation in someone's reaction to a
> specific individual, rather than as a general state of mind.
It's just seems so much more rewarding to build self-esteem through achievement and congeal with people who can reciprocate the same emotional intelligence. The saying is true, that you are the company you keep.
Everyone is desperate for something or other on some level, but the healthy ones are confident that they don't have to lower their standards to attain that in which they seek, thus potentially compromising on their happiness. Balance is key.
hehe
Kawada wrote:
> I think getting divorced and increased financial independance
> tie into together very well :-D
That was my backup plan if I don't think I can bump JK off without anyone noticing. I'll have to settle for half :^D
> I think getting divorced and increased financial independance
> tie into together very well :-D
That was my backup plan if I don't think I can bump JK off without anyone noticing. I'll have to settle for half :^D
Bob_The_Moose wrote:
> :\
Is that so? lol
> :\
Is that so? lol
Mumbai Duck wrote:
> I wonder how the parallels between womens' increased financial
> independence and increasing divorce rates tie into the whole
> picture.
>
> What a mess.
I think getting divorced and increased financial independance tie into together very well :-D
> I wonder how the parallels between womens' increased financial
> independence and increasing divorce rates tie into the whole
> picture.
>
> What a mess.
I think getting divorced and increased financial independance tie into together very well :-D
Kawada wrote:
> Indeed, they're independant now. Girl power and so forth
True. Although if there is an instinctive change in a woman's sense of attraction (from lover to provider), that would probably be built in by evolution, so would have been crafted in times when women were more dependant on a man as a provider.
However, even if we assume our 'settling down' woman is financially independent, perhaps she looks to a man to provide in other ways - fathering her childrenand providing companionship, for example.
I remember hearing somewhere that in nature 25% of the males of a species get 75% of the sex - humans included. And in evolutionary terms, survival of the fittest, this makes sense - the best genes get passed on, while the gene pool is kept reasonably wide.
However, if reporduction-based attraction works like this, there must presumably also be something else at play that makes people settle down in couples at some stage, where those 25% of the males only marry 25(ish)% of the women, and everyone else finally gets a turn!
This means the women either lower or change their standards, instinctively or consciously.
It interests me. It always seems sad to give up on your dreams. But maybe sometimes it's the only way.
I wonder how the parallels between womens' increased financial independence and increasing divorce rates tie into the whole picture.
What a mess.
What do people communicate when they appear 'desperate'? On what level does a prospective partner make inferences from that?
If we're talking about women lowering their standards, is there a 'desperation scale', where you can lower your standards a little, at expense of appearing slightly more desperate? Perhaps with confidence (or indifference?) at the opposite end to desperation?
Maybe desperation and standards aren't so closely linked at all. Certianly not if you judge deperation in someone's reaction to a specific individual, rather than as a general state of mind.
Thoughts on desperation and standards?
> Indeed, they're independant now. Girl power and so forth
True. Although if there is an instinctive change in a woman's sense of attraction (from lover to provider), that would probably be built in by evolution, so would have been crafted in times when women were more dependant on a man as a provider.
However, even if we assume our 'settling down' woman is financially independent, perhaps she looks to a man to provide in other ways - fathering her childrenand providing companionship, for example.
I remember hearing somewhere that in nature 25% of the males of a species get 75% of the sex - humans included. And in evolutionary terms, survival of the fittest, this makes sense - the best genes get passed on, while the gene pool is kept reasonably wide.
However, if reporduction-based attraction works like this, there must presumably also be something else at play that makes people settle down in couples at some stage, where those 25% of the males only marry 25(ish)% of the women, and everyone else finally gets a turn!
This means the women either lower or change their standards, instinctively or consciously.
It interests me. It always seems sad to give up on your dreams. But maybe sometimes it's the only way.
I wonder how the parallels between womens' increased financial independence and increasing divorce rates tie into the whole picture.
What a mess.
What do people communicate when they appear 'desperate'? On what level does a prospective partner make inferences from that?
If we're talking about women lowering their standards, is there a 'desperation scale', where you can lower your standards a little, at expense of appearing slightly more desperate? Perhaps with confidence (or indifference?) at the opposite end to desperation?
Maybe desperation and standards aren't so closely linked at all. Certianly not if you judge deperation in someone's reaction to a specific individual, rather than as a general state of mind.
Thoughts on desperation and standards?
Where are all these new JATs coming from?
Page: