Viewing Thread:
"Question (Women)"

Question - When women go into the settling down phase of life, do they (consciously or otherwise) find themselves attracted to providers instead of lovers, or do they just 'settle' for a man who'll marry them?

Ladybird wrote:
> I can't see how men are less of a turnoff than women when
> desperate, but I suppose that's just my hetero female point of
> view. I can only derive that that being with men is more
> pleasurable for you. You rock. :)

*Ahem* Erm...no. I'm a happily married (and very hetro) man. (And before anyone says it, I'm not homophobic, just know what I like!) Just so happens, that my previous ex was a lot older than me and somewhat desperate for kids/settling down etc. At first the desperate clingyness was endearing, then it got annoying, then she started desperately trying to change me before finally realising that wouldn't work and walking away...it was such an unfulfilling and bad relationship for me that I nearly missed out on the girl who would eventually become my wife, because as far as I was concerned I was better off staying single.

Cruciatum Fixative wrote:
> Just to add: I can't wait to have kids of my own, but I am quite
> worried that somehow my wife will get upset with me one day,
> then take my kids away from me, and I'll never be able to see
> them again... properly.
>
> There I said it!

Aww.. *hugs* Poor baby, no worries. I can't imagine this happening unless you really messed up, like cheated on her, drank yourself silly everynight with your mates and never came home to help her with the kids, spent all your money on a gambling binge, etc.. Otherwise, bad stuff happens to good people more often than you think. Trust that there'll be a few times in life when you'll take a good look around you and wonder how the.. If you ever find yourself in your described predicament, I would only hope that it was mutually agreed as the best decision for everyone's health, safety and welfare.

Kawada wrote:
> I'll never get married without a pre-nupt.

I hear that! Let's just get it straight from the get-go, aight!?1? Hehe :)

Gone Away wrote:
> Ladybird wrote:
> Desperate guys are a turnoff..
>
> Not half as much as desperate women are...

Um.. I'm deriving an aire of deep-seeded animosity..? Being desperate in general, either male of female, is a turnoff as far as I'm concerned.

I can't see how men are less of a turnoff than women when desperate, but I suppose that's just my hetero female point of view. I can only derive that that being with men is more pleasurable for you. You rock. :)

I always believe you do need to know yourself and what you like and don't like, in order to find that happy medium with any one else. Keep thinking of that saying, "stand for something or fall for anything."

Ladybird wrote:
> Desperate guys are a turnoff..

Not half as much as desperate women are...

I'll never get married without a pre-nupt. Seen too many members of my family get royally screwed over when they got divorced.
Probably won't have kids either, far too selfish. They'll be wanting food and clothing and i'll be too busy buying Disgaea 4 :-D I guess that's where my teaching will come in handy, all the fun of having kids with the even bigger fun of being able to give them back at the end of the day

:D lol, I'll try my best to appease her.

So make sure you always put the toilet seat down

Just to add: I can't wait to have kids of my own, but I am quite worried that somehow my wife will get upset with me one day, then take my kids away from me, and I'll never be able to see them again... properly.

There I said it!

I think you should use the best skills of each person e.g. if the women earns more than the man and doesn't mind working and the man is good at home e.g. ironing or whatever then thats how they should be. But more often than not us men can't really do housework so it ends up the women staying at home, but surely then they have more time to socialise with their friends and lvie a better less stressfull life. Plus they don't have to put up with working in the stupid society we are now living in e.g. I held a door open for a women the other day and she gave me a foul look and said that she found it patronising because she felt undermined as a women in the workplace, but I also hold doors open for my mates, who are blokes. Weird, theres just no helping some people.

biglime wrote:
> Ladybird wrote:
>
>
> I just can't see why women have to rely on others to provide
> for
> them.
>
> A lot of men rely on women too.
>
> They are in the minority. When we arrive at the settling down
> stage, for women it is their time to seek a provider whether
> they are financially independent or not. For them it is their
> time of letting go, to be cared for. For men I wouldn't call the
> task of caring for someone both as a lover and provider as
> 'settling down', more the opposite wouldn't you agree?

I'm sure if men could give birth to children, they wouldn't be so much the minority gender in this. I'm almost believing kept women are the minority these days, because of the increasing economic need for both parties to be amongst the workforce. They're kept by their husbands, or most likely single mothers and living off of government benefits, which only last for so long before they're forced to put their children in day care and go back to work.

I have to ask though, is it so wrong for a woman to aspire to being kept? I find it quite admirable for a man to aspire to caring for the ones he loves. Even if a woman choses to stay home and be a mother/homemaker, she's also working for the benefit of the family, so it's not like they're not working as a team for the family unit..which is the most important to consider in all of this.

To answer your question, I wouldn't consider it "settling down" as much as I would consider it "settling in" to a new way of life. :)

Mumbai Duck wrote:
> Ladybird wrote:
> Yes. You can date a man 15 years younger than yourself that is
> unemployed, who still lives with his parents, hangs out in an
> internet chat forum all day, and who's mother still screams at
> him to take a shower when he finally wakes up at 2 in the
> afternoon.
>
> You know, in my head, I can't perceive even a moderately
> 'normal' woman doing this. I just don't get it.

She must have been desperate, whatcha think ;)