The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Sniper lay on the medic table, that Grix lay on oh so long ago... just before they all entered his mind, and entered a world of the west, fought like cowboys and swore like Scotsmen.
Sniper, was in what seemed a coma... mind you, he didn't actually have a mind, as it had been removed...
Oh right, you don't know about any of this crap... better update you then.
A week ago, Sniper's and Bill Gate's mind were both put onto a megadrive cartridge after they failed to save him. Soon after that, Grix died, so they put his mind on it too. So he's kinda alive, but not.
Hmmm.
Let's start again.
Sniper's mind is now on the megadrive cartridge along with Bill Gate's mind and Grix's. We don't know why.
But, Sniper's mind for some reason has taken control, and now has created a world for which the minds to live in. A bit like the Matrix, but not.
For you see, it's Sniper's mind that creates the world... much like Grix's mind made the western world, that they all got stuck in.
Hmmm...
Did you ever see that episode of Red Dwarf when Kryten got that bug, and in order to fight it, he made a computer program that he fought in with his mind? Gunmen of the Apocolypse, right?
Well, it's like that.
-------------
"Would anyone be utterly shocked if we entered this thing and it was just a barren wasteland?" Pb asked.
"Now now, they'll be room for plenty of empty minded Sniper jokes later. Let's not ruin them all now." FM replied.
They had chosen the original four to go back inside the Megadrive cartridge, for obvious reasons. Being "more deserving to be wrote about" seemed to be top reason.
So Venombyte, Pb, Meka and FantasyMeister all decided that they would enter, Goatboy then managed to convince them that he should go too. Rock and roll, apparently.
So it was decided. The rest just lay around, and waited. And so they entered Sniper's mind.
----------------
Tuesday. Just a name for another day.
Sniper doodled a naked woman in his diary... completely out of proportion, dreamy.
He had been stuck inside all day, waiting... just like any other damn day. He wore a black and white suit, and waited in his black and white room... he looked out into the white sky, with black clouds and black rain. It was if the whole damn world was black and white.
He dreamed of a rainbow, but he couldn't remember what it looked like.
Hell, he couldn't even remember what his face looked like. He got up from his desk, and walked to the mirror.
A damn handsome man starred back at him... just as he thought, he was beautiful. How could he forget.
He went back to his desk, and began to clear away his things. Pointless staying in the office all day... damn, he needed to get out... and of course, his award ceremony tonight, dedicated to him... was supposed to be a surprise, but how do you hide something from Sniper?
He smiled to himself. He rocked.
A knock came at the black and white door of his colourless room... as it opened, the name of the occupant and his job description flew also, along with a beautiful woman in a red dress.
"Detective Sniper? Is that you?"
Sniper turned fully around, and brushed his hair back with his fingers.
"Hi there sugarcake. What can I do for you?"
The woman seemed flustered, embarressed.
"To be honest, I'm... I didn't expect you to look... so..."
"Handsome? Don't worry darling, the words will come, but let us forget communication for the time being, and let's get down to business..."
"No... I... but..." The woman resisted, still clinging to the handle of the door. "I need your help, I'm worried... I think there is someone trying to kill me."
Sniper took the words like the smoke from his cigarette, calmly destroying his insides while seeming so good. "I'm intrigued, why would anyone want to kill you?"
"I don't know..." The woman obviously lied. "I just... you have to protect me. It's Grix Thraves, I think he's stalking me."
Grix... the name made his tongue sting every time he uttered the word... speaking out to him like a lemon juice without any added sugar.
"Grix..." He said, wiping his tongue with his teeth. "Him."
"Yeah... he's after me Sniper, I feel him everywhere I go..."
Sniper's thoughts disgusted him. "Damn him. Don't worry darling, I'll get him, don't you worry about it."
"Thank you, please, I have something to tell you..." The woman left the door, and approuched Sniper... she leaned in towards him...
Sniper smiled and looked deep into her eyes...
"You can find him usually in the arms of a lady in the Queen's Arms at 9:00PM every night."
"The Queen's Arms? But that's a gay bar." Sniper said, thoughtful.
"How do you know that?"
Sniper looked around. "I'm a private detective sugarcup, I have to know these things." Sniper smoothed back his hair again.
"Please, Sniper, make love to me, now, please!" The woman fell to her knees.
"Not now darling, my clan awaits me... tonight we're playing Unreal Tournament." He paused. "It's been a while. A long while." Sniper left the room, and the woman cried in her arms.
Sniper, was in what seemed a coma... mind you, he didn't actually have a mind, as it had been removed...
Oh right, you don't know about any of this crap... better update you then.
A week ago, Sniper's and Bill Gate's mind were both put onto a megadrive cartridge after they failed to save him. Soon after that, Grix died, so they put his mind on it too. So he's kinda alive, but not.
Hmmm.
Let's start again.
Sniper's mind is now on the megadrive cartridge along with Bill Gate's mind and Grix's. We don't know why.
But, Sniper's mind for some reason has taken control, and now has created a world for which the minds to live in. A bit like the Matrix, but not.
For you see, it's Sniper's mind that creates the world... much like Grix's mind made the western world, that they all got stuck in.
Hmmm...
Did you ever see that episode of Red Dwarf when Kryten got that bug, and in order to fight it, he made a computer program that he fought in with his mind? Gunmen of the Apocolypse, right?
Well, it's like that.
-------------
"Would anyone be utterly shocked if we entered this thing and it was just a barren wasteland?" Pb asked.
"Now now, they'll be room for plenty of empty minded Sniper jokes later. Let's not ruin them all now." FM replied.
They had chosen the original four to go back inside the Megadrive cartridge, for obvious reasons. Being "more deserving to be wrote about" seemed to be top reason.
So Venombyte, Pb, Meka and FantasyMeister all decided that they would enter, Goatboy then managed to convince them that he should go too. Rock and roll, apparently.
So it was decided. The rest just lay around, and waited. And so they entered Sniper's mind.
----------------
Tuesday. Just a name for another day.
Sniper doodled a naked woman in his diary... completely out of proportion, dreamy.
He had been stuck inside all day, waiting... just like any other damn day. He wore a black and white suit, and waited in his black and white room... he looked out into the white sky, with black clouds and black rain. It was if the whole damn world was black and white.
He dreamed of a rainbow, but he couldn't remember what it looked like.
Hell, he couldn't even remember what his face looked like. He got up from his desk, and walked to the mirror.
A damn handsome man starred back at him... just as he thought, he was beautiful. How could he forget.
He went back to his desk, and began to clear away his things. Pointless staying in the office all day... damn, he needed to get out... and of course, his award ceremony tonight, dedicated to him... was supposed to be a surprise, but how do you hide something from Sniper?
He smiled to himself. He rocked.
A knock came at the black and white door of his colourless room... as it opened, the name of the occupant and his job description flew also, along with a beautiful woman in a red dress.
"Detective Sniper? Is that you?"
Sniper turned fully around, and brushed his hair back with his fingers.
"Hi there sugarcake. What can I do for you?"
The woman seemed flustered, embarressed.
"To be honest, I'm... I didn't expect you to look... so..."
"Handsome? Don't worry darling, the words will come, but let us forget communication for the time being, and let's get down to business..."
"No... I... but..." The woman resisted, still clinging to the handle of the door. "I need your help, I'm worried... I think there is someone trying to kill me."
Sniper took the words like the smoke from his cigarette, calmly destroying his insides while seeming so good. "I'm intrigued, why would anyone want to kill you?"
"I don't know..." The woman obviously lied. "I just... you have to protect me. It's Grix Thraves, I think he's stalking me."
Grix... the name made his tongue sting every time he uttered the word... speaking out to him like a lemon juice without any added sugar.
"Grix..." He said, wiping his tongue with his teeth. "Him."
"Yeah... he's after me Sniper, I feel him everywhere I go..."
Sniper's thoughts disgusted him. "Damn him. Don't worry darling, I'll get him, don't you worry about it."
"Thank you, please, I have something to tell you..." The woman left the door, and approuched Sniper... she leaned in towards him...
Sniper smiled and looked deep into her eyes...
"You can find him usually in the arms of a lady in the Queen's Arms at 9:00PM every night."
"The Queen's Arms? But that's a gay bar." Sniper said, thoughtful.
"How do you know that?"
Sniper looked around. "I'm a private detective sugarcup, I have to know these things." Sniper smoothed back his hair again.
"Please, Sniper, make love to me, now, please!" The woman fell to her knees.
"Not now darling, my clan awaits me... tonight we're playing Unreal Tournament." He paused. "It's been a while. A long while." Sniper left the room, and the woman cried in her arms.
Page:
"Iguana, mother, please, let me risk my life for means of entertainment, and to raise some money for people that seem remarkably familiar but for reasons of story are complete strangers..."
Iguana thought for a second. "Hmmm... let me see... ok then."
"Excellent."
------------
Goatboy, Pb and Venombyte cheered from the posts, and Bleeders the Hutt waved down from his pedestal, as he ate a midget.
"You can do it Anty!" Iguana shouted down.
Ant started up the pod racer he had built himself, which composed mainly of a dustbin and pram wheels. It was beginning to go a bit black from the soot created by the super engines on the floating race pods all around him.
Aliboy walked around the back of Ant's dustbin in full view, and removed one of the wheels.
"Good aluck you poodoo." He said, as he got back in his pod.
Ant got out and put the wheel back on, trying not to take his eyes off Aliboy.
"GET READY!" er-no shouted from the commentary box... "GET SET!..."
Ant put his feet on the pedals ready...
"GO!"
Ant pedaled as fast as he could...
Yes! Yes, it was beginning to move! It was working! It was working!
He reached top speed, and leaned to turn around the first corner... and then he was knocked to the ground by Aliboy lapping him.
Aliboy looked behind him and laughed... and hit a wall.
His pod exploded, and an engine span around and landed in another pod... which fell down and smashed on the ground, taking the two behind down with it...
...which in turn took down another three behind it...
------------
Six hours later...
"Yes! Here comes Ant! We can just see him coming, thank God!"
Ant was pedalling furiously as he headed for the final flag... most of the crowd had left though, after the rest of the racers had blown up.
Iguana held her breath as Ant neared the finish line...
And he passed it!
"HURRAH!" She shouted... The others just shook their heads and went down to Ant.
Goatboy pulled Ant out from his dustbin. "Yeah, well done Ant. Wonderful."
Iguana ran down." Well done Anty. You give "hope" to those; who, have. NONE!"
Ant was startled by the sickening acting. "Shut up mother, I'm leaving you, I'm going to become a fiction character."
"Whatever you do, don't look back."
"Is that a metaphor for how my life will turn out? Are you trying to make yourself intelligent? Just shut up, really, I'm sick of you, you're more irritating than that sodding Gungan."
Ant stormed off. Goatboy, Pb and Venombyte followed... Pb ran into a shop, got his winnings, and walked quickly to catch up.
Iguana thought for a second. "Hmmm... let me see... ok then."
"Excellent."
------------
Goatboy, Pb and Venombyte cheered from the posts, and Bleeders the Hutt waved down from his pedestal, as he ate a midget.
"You can do it Anty!" Iguana shouted down.
Ant started up the pod racer he had built himself, which composed mainly of a dustbin and pram wheels. It was beginning to go a bit black from the soot created by the super engines on the floating race pods all around him.
Aliboy walked around the back of Ant's dustbin in full view, and removed one of the wheels.
"Good aluck you poodoo." He said, as he got back in his pod.
Ant got out and put the wheel back on, trying not to take his eyes off Aliboy.
"GET READY!" er-no shouted from the commentary box... "GET SET!..."
Ant put his feet on the pedals ready...
"GO!"
Ant pedaled as fast as he could...
Yes! Yes, it was beginning to move! It was working! It was working!
He reached top speed, and leaned to turn around the first corner... and then he was knocked to the ground by Aliboy lapping him.
Aliboy looked behind him and laughed... and hit a wall.
His pod exploded, and an engine span around and landed in another pod... which fell down and smashed on the ground, taking the two behind down with it...
...which in turn took down another three behind it...
------------
Six hours later...
"Yes! Here comes Ant! We can just see him coming, thank God!"
Ant was pedalling furiously as he headed for the final flag... most of the crowd had left though, after the rest of the racers had blown up.
Iguana held her breath as Ant neared the finish line...
And he passed it!
"HURRAH!" She shouted... The others just shook their heads and went down to Ant.
Goatboy pulled Ant out from his dustbin. "Yeah, well done Ant. Wonderful."
Iguana ran down." Well done Anty. You give "hope" to those; who, have. NONE!"
Ant was startled by the sickening acting. "Shut up mother, I'm leaving you, I'm going to become a fiction character."
"Whatever you do, don't look back."
"Is that a metaphor for how my life will turn out? Are you trying to make yourself intelligent? Just shut up, really, I'm sick of you, you're more irritating than that sodding Gungan."
Ant stormed off. Goatboy, Pb and Venombyte followed... Pb ran into a shop, got his winnings, and walked quickly to catch up.
Grix had been flying for a while and was beginning to get tired...
He was losing concentration so deceided to put the radio on...
"Welcome to PlanetScape FM" Said the speaker
Grix awoke and began talking to his watch which he took for FM...
" So FM where are you going mate? "
" Click, Click "
" Really? I was considering going there as well, weren't we brain? "
Brain blinked
" Exactly, seee Brain knows what I mean "
Just ahead was FM in his X-Wing singing along to Radiohead...
Grix feel asleep and the Millenium Ant lost control, it moved like a squirrel on speed...
" I Might be Wrong... I'm sure I saw Grix just fly past "
The Millenium Ant clipped the X-Wing and both went of course and were pulled into the gravtational pull of the Tartan Planet...
------
Darth Sheepy lay on the ground covered in his one quids worth of Fromage Frai, trying his best to look evil...
------
YH, Ant and pb were all doing something to do with Episode One, maybe at the pod races...
He was losing concentration so deceided to put the radio on...
"Welcome to PlanetScape FM" Said the speaker
Grix awoke and began talking to his watch which he took for FM...
" So FM where are you going mate? "
" Click, Click "
" Really? I was considering going there as well, weren't we brain? "
Brain blinked
" Exactly, seee Brain knows what I mean "
Just ahead was FM in his X-Wing singing along to Radiohead...
Grix feel asleep and the Millenium Ant lost control, it moved like a squirrel on speed...
" I Might be Wrong... I'm sure I saw Grix just fly past "
The Millenium Ant clipped the X-Wing and both went of course and were pulled into the gravtational pull of the Tartan Planet...
------
Darth Sheepy lay on the ground covered in his one quids worth of Fromage Frai, trying his best to look evil...
------
YH, Ant and pb were all doing something to do with Episode One, maybe at the pod races...
As they neared the Gungan City... Grix turned round, Vai was fine.. But Brain was nowhere to be seen... Grix U-turned and headded towards the surface. Upon surfacing he saw Brain talking to a Storm Trooper.
"What do you mean you're the brain of the Senator?!" Asked the Storm Trooper, confused.
Brain was conversing with the Storm Troopers brain.
Grix had had enough... "Phantom Menace Crap!" He thought... He had to get out of here... first he needed a ship... so he sneaked into the docking bay that sat beside the lake and took a look around...
There were loads of Starfighters... they were obviously not in season... and Grix was going to be no exception to the rule by taking one.
He walked on down the bay and tripped on a handle.
"What the?!" he said "Hmmm.... handle!" He pulled the handle and opened the hatch... As he walked down the steps into what seemed to be a transporter room there was a golden glow... probably because the author hasn't got a clue what the atmosphere should be like, but regardless, there WAS a glow!
Grix couldn't believe it! There it was, his way out of the hole that was Naboo! The Millennuim Ant! The ship of the glory days that did the Kessel Run in less than five parsecs!
Grix fired it up and purred like a tiger!
Just outside, Brain had the Storm Trooper dancing in the lake... probably because he was a Jedi Brain, well either way, it was funny... at least until a big fish ate him.
Skittles were starting to fall out the sky, and the big rainbow on the horizon didn't look to pretty!
All of a sudden there came a crash out of the earth... Grix had surfaced the Millennuim Ant, quite un orthodoxly, but nevertheless he had.
Brain blinked.
Grix opened the Hatch and let brain in...
"Where to, old boy?!" Asked Grix
Brain blinked.
Grix Crashed into the wall.
Then reversed and set off into space...
"Imagine the reaction when the others find out about this!"
"Hold on a minute!" Said Brain "Why the hell was the Millennium Any in Episode 1?!
Grix shrugged, and sipped his lemon tea...
They were in space already, and the Millennuim Ant was in tip-top shape, if only there was someone to race!
Grix remembered FM... he smiled... and headded for the Pink Planet... thanks to a tip from brain...
"What do you mean you're the brain of the Senator?!" Asked the Storm Trooper, confused.
Brain was conversing with the Storm Troopers brain.
Grix had had enough... "Phantom Menace Crap!" He thought... He had to get out of here... first he needed a ship... so he sneaked into the docking bay that sat beside the lake and took a look around...
There were loads of Starfighters... they were obviously not in season... and Grix was going to be no exception to the rule by taking one.
He walked on down the bay and tripped on a handle.
"What the?!" he said "Hmmm.... handle!" He pulled the handle and opened the hatch... As he walked down the steps into what seemed to be a transporter room there was a golden glow... probably because the author hasn't got a clue what the atmosphere should be like, but regardless, there WAS a glow!
Grix couldn't believe it! There it was, his way out of the hole that was Naboo! The Millennuim Ant! The ship of the glory days that did the Kessel Run in less than five parsecs!
Grix fired it up and purred like a tiger!
Just outside, Brain had the Storm Trooper dancing in the lake... probably because he was a Jedi Brain, well either way, it was funny... at least until a big fish ate him.
Skittles were starting to fall out the sky, and the big rainbow on the horizon didn't look to pretty!
All of a sudden there came a crash out of the earth... Grix had surfaced the Millennuim Ant, quite un orthodoxly, but nevertheless he had.
Brain blinked.
Grix opened the Hatch and let brain in...
"Where to, old boy?!" Asked Grix
Brain blinked.
Grix Crashed into the wall.
Then reversed and set off into space...
"Imagine the reaction when the others find out about this!"
"Hold on a minute!" Said Brain "Why the hell was the Millennium Any in Episode 1?!
Grix shrugged, and sipped his lemon tea...
They were in space already, and the Millennuim Ant was in tip-top shape, if only there was someone to race!
Grix remembered FM... he smiled... and headded for the Pink Planet... thanks to a tip from brain...
After seeing 80 planets where there was probably 3 or 4, FM decided to tune into the Radio Stations...
"Welcome to PlanetScape FM" Said the speaker
FM thought it was a personal greeting... he was impressed, so he left it on.
"PlanetScape has a fantastic offer for X and Y-Wing owners... you can get a free set of Christmas lights to hook round your laser cannons everytime you have your craft washed at DamnDirtyWashers!"
FM was sick of these stupid little impulse story ideas... so he decided to head off towards the pink planet, which was conveniently stuck right infront of him...
He hit the thrusters on and the ship turned upside down.. FM paused, then blinked, and then fell down... he couldn't understand why gravity was effecting him, but he was still to drunk to complain... he set the ship back on course... stuck on some Rolling Stones, and cruised to the Pink Planet.
"Welcome to PlanetScape FM" Said the speaker
FM thought it was a personal greeting... he was impressed, so he left it on.
"PlanetScape has a fantastic offer for X and Y-Wing owners... you can get a free set of Christmas lights to hook round your laser cannons everytime you have your craft washed at DamnDirtyWashers!"
FM was sick of these stupid little impulse story ideas... so he decided to head off towards the pink planet, which was conveniently stuck right infront of him...
He hit the thrusters on and the ship turned upside down.. FM paused, then blinked, and then fell down... he couldn't understand why gravity was effecting him, but he was still to drunk to complain... he set the ship back on course... stuck on some Rolling Stones, and cruised to the Pink Planet.
"Sniper? Where did you go?" Venom asked, as he walked through the door.
"I just had to pop out for a minute. I'm back in this subplot now though."
---------------------
Fantasymeister wiped the vomit from his chin... what the hell had happened? He was drunk...
But on what?
He looked around... he was stuck in some sort of green landish type stuff. Grass. It reached out all over the place, and these bobbly pokey things stuck out of the grass everywhere.
Trees.
He was stuck in the Phantom Menace, you could tell by the half done epicness trying to take itself more seriously than it really should do. He needed out.
-----
"I want an X-Wing." FM said to the droid.
"X-Wing? Sorry, what's that?"
"Look, if Game is going to put fecking AT-AT's in Episode One, then I want a X-Wing. Gimme."
"Ok sir, sign here."
FM signed T. Rainbird on the pad, and gave it back to him.
"Oh! Senator Rainbird! We're honoured by your presence!"
"Yeah yeah, lovely. Where's my X-Wing?"
"Right out back, already waiting for you... wow, are you leaving Naboo for long Senator Rainbird?"
"Probably."
"Oh, rightio then. Ta ta."
Still half drunk, FM clawed his way into the X-Wing, fired it up, crashed the X-Wing User Interface once again, and flew off into the wall.
A few minutes later, he was back in the air, and flew out of the atmosphere...
And then he didn't really know what to do. He checked his onboard computer again, to see if there were any planets he could go to.
"I just had to pop out for a minute. I'm back in this subplot now though."
---------------------
Fantasymeister wiped the vomit from his chin... what the hell had happened? He was drunk...
But on what?
He looked around... he was stuck in some sort of green landish type stuff. Grass. It reached out all over the place, and these bobbly pokey things stuck out of the grass everywhere.
Trees.
He was stuck in the Phantom Menace, you could tell by the half done epicness trying to take itself more seriously than it really should do. He needed out.
-----
"I want an X-Wing." FM said to the droid.
"X-Wing? Sorry, what's that?"
"Look, if Game is going to put fecking AT-AT's in Episode One, then I want a X-Wing. Gimme."
"Ok sir, sign here."
FM signed T. Rainbird on the pad, and gave it back to him.
"Oh! Senator Rainbird! We're honoured by your presence!"
"Yeah yeah, lovely. Where's my X-Wing?"
"Right out back, already waiting for you... wow, are you leaving Naboo for long Senator Rainbird?"
"Probably."
"Oh, rightio then. Ta ta."
Still half drunk, FM clawed his way into the X-Wing, fired it up, crashed the X-Wing User Interface once again, and flew off into the wall.
A few minutes later, he was back in the air, and flew out of the atmosphere...
And then he didn't really know what to do. He checked his onboard computer again, to see if there were any planets he could go to.
They picked themselves up, brushed themselves down, and looked around...
The world seemed to be quite rural... no farmlands, but just fields and forests, and the odd lake.
Grix looked down... what remained of Sniper wasn't pretty to say the least... he hair and eyes had kind of... well, never mind...
Grix backed away from the body, but was subsequentially flawed by a speeding boomba globe...
Brain was confused... he just floated there.... blinking.
"Ooh, meesa so sooory!" Exclaimed a voice
"Oh God no..." moaned Grix "Not.... Ulgh!"
His sentace was cut short by the realisation that it was indeed Jar Jar Binks standing infront of him...
Brain was confused... he just floated there... and blinked.
"Yousa Okay?" Asked Binks...
"I was..." said Grix, in the same morbid tone. "God, Anyone, Brain, get us out of here...!"
Brain just blinked...
"Take be back to the boat story!... said Grix "Anywhere but here...!"
Although after remembering how bad the boat story turned out, he wasn't sure that was such a good idea, but he was quickly reassured it was by the firebolt from a laser cannon of an AT-AT...
Grix jumped up, scared... but quickly saved what was left of his dignity by snapping into a valiant pose... a bit like a hero would...
"Meesa think weesa should be going!"
And for once, Grix agreed.... "Let's Go!" He said...
They fled into the forest... but not 5 seconds after they'd rushed in, they were fleaing back out, chased by a hoard of storm troopers on landspeeders...
Grix and Jar Jar headded for the lake, followed closely by the floating brain...
All of a sudden, a screaming voice came from behind them... It was Dogberry from Much Ado, played by none other that Michael Keaton...
"I am an áss!" he exclaimed... then ran backwards straight into a laser bolt...
Brain just blinked.
Grix shook his head as if having just woken from a daydream... Jar Jar had already performed a double somersault with a six and a half twist, and splashed through the water just as Grix realised he had...
"Here!" came a voice...
Grix turned round... it was Vai! Quite what he was doing there was a mystery, but regardless.
"Use this!" Vai Exclaimed..."You'll be able to breathe underwater!
Vai chucked Grix a breath mask, and the two, along with brain, waded into the swampy water... Grix feared he may have lost Jar Jar... not that that was a bad thing, but seeing as he was prime navigator, and had a reputation for running away, Grix thought it best to follow him...
The light penetrated the lake, all the way to the bottom..., but even the sunlight was no match for the blue, bioluminescent glow of the the Gungan world...
Grix, Vai and Brain headded towards the enterance...
The world seemed to be quite rural... no farmlands, but just fields and forests, and the odd lake.
Grix looked down... what remained of Sniper wasn't pretty to say the least... he hair and eyes had kind of... well, never mind...
Grix backed away from the body, but was subsequentially flawed by a speeding boomba globe...
Brain was confused... he just floated there.... blinking.
"Ooh, meesa so sooory!" Exclaimed a voice
"Oh God no..." moaned Grix "Not.... Ulgh!"
His sentace was cut short by the realisation that it was indeed Jar Jar Binks standing infront of him...
Brain was confused... he just floated there... and blinked.
"Yousa Okay?" Asked Binks...
"I was..." said Grix, in the same morbid tone. "God, Anyone, Brain, get us out of here...!"
Brain just blinked...
"Take be back to the boat story!... said Grix "Anywhere but here...!"
Although after remembering how bad the boat story turned out, he wasn't sure that was such a good idea, but he was quickly reassured it was by the firebolt from a laser cannon of an AT-AT...
Grix jumped up, scared... but quickly saved what was left of his dignity by snapping into a valiant pose... a bit like a hero would...
"Meesa think weesa should be going!"
And for once, Grix agreed.... "Let's Go!" He said...
They fled into the forest... but not 5 seconds after they'd rushed in, they were fleaing back out, chased by a hoard of storm troopers on landspeeders...
Grix and Jar Jar headded for the lake, followed closely by the floating brain...
All of a sudden, a screaming voice came from behind them... It was Dogberry from Much Ado, played by none other that Michael Keaton...
"I am an áss!" he exclaimed... then ran backwards straight into a laser bolt...
Brain just blinked.
Grix shook his head as if having just woken from a daydream... Jar Jar had already performed a double somersault with a six and a half twist, and splashed through the water just as Grix realised he had...
"Here!" came a voice...
Grix turned round... it was Vai! Quite what he was doing there was a mystery, but regardless.
"Use this!" Vai Exclaimed..."You'll be able to breathe underwater!
Vai chucked Grix a breath mask, and the two, along with brain, waded into the swampy water... Grix feared he may have lost Jar Jar... not that that was a bad thing, but seeing as he was prime navigator, and had a reputation for running away, Grix thought it best to follow him...
The light penetrated the lake, all the way to the bottom..., but even the sunlight was no match for the blue, bioluminescent glow of the the Gungan world...
Grix, Vai and Brain headded towards the enterance...
FM heard the 'crunch' as Grix and his Brain landed on Sniper.
He drifted in and out of his drunken stupor, only half seeing half hearing Grix stumble off muttering something to himself about 'lack of good inspiration around here', and then he collapsed again. Back into that puddle of vomit that he'd been lying in for a few days.
He wondered who's it was. Then he drifted away into unconsciousness again and had hallucinogenic dreams about the number 42.
He drifted in and out of his drunken stupor, only half seeing half hearing Grix stumble off muttering something to himself about 'lack of good inspiration around here', and then he collapsed again. Back into that puddle of vomit that he'd been lying in for a few days.
He wondered who's it was. Then he drifted away into unconsciousness again and had hallucinogenic dreams about the number 42.
"I'm awfully confused. I thought we were in the Phantom Menace, not Hitchhikers Guide..."
"Well, you started it." Grix's brain replied. "When in the Phantom Menace did somebody get ejected into space. If you had been paying attention then we would have been stuck in a room, and perhaps they would have tried to gas us. Allowing us to show off George Lucas' new special effects instead of actually telling a captivating story like he used to do."
"Yup, you can't beat the original trilogy." Grix said, looking around the dock they had suddenly appeared on.
"Yeah, Empire Strikes Back is by far the best." His brain muttered, watching as the lands transformed around him.
"I don't like it here brain."
"Me neither."
"Let's booger off."
Grix opened the emergency escape hatch, and fell through back into space... his brain followed.
Unfortunatly, or fortunatly as it may seem, Grix and brain found themselves not in deep space when they left the spaceship, but in the atmosphere of a planet.
Of course, being in an atmosphere at least allows them to breathe.
But then there's the small problem of gravitational pull.
It's a good job Sniper was there to break their fall.
"Well, you started it." Grix's brain replied. "When in the Phantom Menace did somebody get ejected into space. If you had been paying attention then we would have been stuck in a room, and perhaps they would have tried to gas us. Allowing us to show off George Lucas' new special effects instead of actually telling a captivating story like he used to do."
"Yup, you can't beat the original trilogy." Grix said, looking around the dock they had suddenly appeared on.
"Yeah, Empire Strikes Back is by far the best." His brain muttered, watching as the lands transformed around him.
"I don't like it here brain."
"Me neither."
"Let's booger off."
Grix opened the emergency escape hatch, and fell through back into space... his brain followed.
Unfortunatly, or fortunatly as it may seem, Grix and brain found themselves not in deep space when they left the spaceship, but in the atmosphere of a planet.
Of course, being in an atmosphere at least allows them to breathe.
But then there's the small problem of gravitational pull.
It's a good job Sniper was there to break their fall.
"God, pb was right, your cooking does taste like cow's testicles!" Sniper said, with no regards to the feelings of Ant's mother, Iguana. But who cared? She was a mere slave.
"Yes, alas, we are only slaves. And what is a cow?"
"Mesa wonderen howsa pb gotsa on," Goatboy said, ignoring her question.
"Yeah, hopefully he's got our parts by now, especially the drinks holder, I just want to get out of this hellhole."
"Wanna see my robot? I made it myself." Ant said excitedly.
"No."
Suddenly, something smashed through the front door. It was pb's foot. "Damn!! That ponce wouldn't let me use Republic Credits!"
"You just broke my door!" Iguana said, horrified.
"Agh, be quiet and make me a drink, scum."
"Yes, alas, we are only slaves. And what is a cow?"
"Mesa wonderen howsa pb gotsa on," Goatboy said, ignoring her question.
"Yeah, hopefully he's got our parts by now, especially the drinks holder, I just want to get out of this hellhole."
"Wanna see my robot? I made it myself." Ant said excitedly.
"No."
Suddenly, something smashed through the front door. It was pb's foot. "Damn!! That ponce wouldn't let me use Republic Credits!"
"You just broke my door!" Iguana said, horrified.
"Agh, be quiet and make me a drink, scum."
Ant was happily strolling home when he saw Aliboy. Aliboy was a notorious pod-racer, known for his cheating. For some reason he appeared to be having a go at that strange creature known as Goatboy. He quickly made his way over there.
"Oh no!! Mesa no wanted crunchen!" Goatboy cried.
"Shut up Goatboy." Venom said, looking embarrased.
Ant stepped in front of Aliboy, and said in a foreign tongue, "Buigger off, aszhole." It didn't sound much different from English.
"You ganna be poodoo next time wes meet in the pods," Aliboy said with a snarl. He finally left.
Ant picked Goatboy up, and turned to the others, "Hi, you're friend here was about to be turned into green and violet goo."
"Mesa no wanten crunchen!"
"Shut it."
"Sorry Venom."
"Hey, there's a big sandstorm coming," Ant said in his annoying American accent, "They're very dangerous. You better stop off at my place."
An alien walked by and said, "No, there's no storm coming."
Ant stopped for a moment, and thought, "Yep, he's right. Ah well, you may as well come back anyway."
"I'll need to talk to your owner, what's his name?" pb asked Ant.
"He doesn't own me," Ant said defiantly. "I'll be free someday."
"No you won't, so shush and tell me what his name is."
"Your Honour," Ant said, annoyed.
"There we go. Wasn't too hard, was it?" pb said patronisingly. "Now while I go see Your Honour, the rest of you can go home and taste some of Ant's mother's undoubtledly disgusting meals."
The others headed off, Ant mumbling something about how ignorance runs rampant.
___________________________
"Ah hello, how can I help you?" said YH, 'flying' towards pb.
"I need part for a ship."
"What sort of ship?"
"I dunno, it's just a ship, do I really need to know what type?"
"No, I guess not...what parts?"
"A hyperdrive and a drink-holder," pb replied.
"Ahh, we have many of them." YH headed over to a shelf and rummaged for a drinks holder. He then pointed outside to the Hyperdrive.
"How will you be paying for these?"
"Republic Credits."
"Republic Credits?? YH said disgusted, "We have no use of them."
"Republic Credits will do fine," pb said, kicking YH in the leg.
"No they won't."
"Republic Credits will do fine," pb repeated, kicking YH in the leg again.
"No, they won't! You're Jedi leg-kicks will not work with me. No money, no hyperdrive and no drinks holder."
pb unhappily made his way out of the store, kicking a droid in tantrum.
"Oh no!! Mesa no wanted crunchen!" Goatboy cried.
"Shut up Goatboy." Venom said, looking embarrased.
Ant stepped in front of Aliboy, and said in a foreign tongue, "Buigger off, aszhole." It didn't sound much different from English.
"You ganna be poodoo next time wes meet in the pods," Aliboy said with a snarl. He finally left.
Ant picked Goatboy up, and turned to the others, "Hi, you're friend here was about to be turned into green and violet goo."
"Mesa no wanten crunchen!"
"Shut it."
"Sorry Venom."
"Hey, there's a big sandstorm coming," Ant said in his annoying American accent, "They're very dangerous. You better stop off at my place."
An alien walked by and said, "No, there's no storm coming."
Ant stopped for a moment, and thought, "Yep, he's right. Ah well, you may as well come back anyway."
"I'll need to talk to your owner, what's his name?" pb asked Ant.
"He doesn't own me," Ant said defiantly. "I'll be free someday."
"No you won't, so shush and tell me what his name is."
"Your Honour," Ant said, annoyed.
"There we go. Wasn't too hard, was it?" pb said patronisingly. "Now while I go see Your Honour, the rest of you can go home and taste some of Ant's mother's undoubtledly disgusting meals."
The others headed off, Ant mumbling something about how ignorance runs rampant.
___________________________
"Ah hello, how can I help you?" said YH, 'flying' towards pb.
"I need part for a ship."
"What sort of ship?"
"I dunno, it's just a ship, do I really need to know what type?"
"No, I guess not...what parts?"
"A hyperdrive and a drink-holder," pb replied.
"Ahh, we have many of them." YH headed over to a shelf and rummaged for a drinks holder. He then pointed outside to the Hyperdrive.
"How will you be paying for these?"
"Republic Credits."
"Republic Credits?? YH said disgusted, "We have no use of them."
"Republic Credits will do fine," pb said, kicking YH in the leg.
"No they won't."
"Republic Credits will do fine," pb repeated, kicking YH in the leg again.
"No, they won't! You're Jedi leg-kicks will not work with me. No money, no hyperdrive and no drinks holder."
pb unhappily made his way out of the store, kicking a droid in tantrum.
Page: