The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Sniper lay on the medic table, that Grix lay on oh so long ago... just before they all entered his mind, and entered a world of the west, fought like cowboys and swore like Scotsmen.
Sniper, was in what seemed a coma... mind you, he didn't actually have a mind, as it had been removed...
Oh right, you don't know about any of this crap... better update you then.
A week ago, Sniper's and Bill Gate's mind were both put onto a megadrive cartridge after they failed to save him. Soon after that, Grix died, so they put his mind on it too. So he's kinda alive, but not.
Hmmm.
Let's start again.
Sniper's mind is now on the megadrive cartridge along with Bill Gate's mind and Grix's. We don't know why.
But, Sniper's mind for some reason has taken control, and now has created a world for which the minds to live in. A bit like the Matrix, but not.
For you see, it's Sniper's mind that creates the world... much like Grix's mind made the western world, that they all got stuck in.
Hmmm...
Did you ever see that episode of Red Dwarf when Kryten got that bug, and in order to fight it, he made a computer program that he fought in with his mind? Gunmen of the Apocolypse, right?
Well, it's like that.
-------------
"Would anyone be utterly shocked if we entered this thing and it was just a barren wasteland?" Pb asked.
"Now now, they'll be room for plenty of empty minded Sniper jokes later. Let's not ruin them all now." FM replied.
They had chosen the original four to go back inside the Megadrive cartridge, for obvious reasons. Being "more deserving to be wrote about" seemed to be top reason.
So Venombyte, Pb, Meka and FantasyMeister all decided that they would enter, Goatboy then managed to convince them that he should go too. Rock and roll, apparently.
So it was decided. The rest just lay around, and waited. And so they entered Sniper's mind.
----------------
Tuesday. Just a name for another day.
Sniper doodled a naked woman in his diary... completely out of proportion, dreamy.
He had been stuck inside all day, waiting... just like any other damn day. He wore a black and white suit, and waited in his black and white room... he looked out into the white sky, with black clouds and black rain. It was if the whole damn world was black and white.
He dreamed of a rainbow, but he couldn't remember what it looked like.
Hell, he couldn't even remember what his face looked like. He got up from his desk, and walked to the mirror.
A damn handsome man starred back at him... just as he thought, he was beautiful. How could he forget.
He went back to his desk, and began to clear away his things. Pointless staying in the office all day... damn, he needed to get out... and of course, his award ceremony tonight, dedicated to him... was supposed to be a surprise, but how do you hide something from Sniper?
He smiled to himself. He rocked.
A knock came at the black and white door of his colourless room... as it opened, the name of the occupant and his job description flew also, along with a beautiful woman in a red dress.
"Detective Sniper? Is that you?"
Sniper turned fully around, and brushed his hair back with his fingers.
"Hi there sugarcake. What can I do for you?"
The woman seemed flustered, embarressed.
"To be honest, I'm... I didn't expect you to look... so..."
"Handsome? Don't worry darling, the words will come, but let us forget communication for the time being, and let's get down to business..."
"No... I... but..." The woman resisted, still clinging to the handle of the door. "I need your help, I'm worried... I think there is someone trying to kill me."
Sniper took the words like the smoke from his cigarette, calmly destroying his insides while seeming so good. "I'm intrigued, why would anyone want to kill you?"
"I don't know..." The woman obviously lied. "I just... you have to protect me. It's Grix Thraves, I think he's stalking me."
Grix... the name made his tongue sting every time he uttered the word... speaking out to him like a lemon juice without any added sugar.
"Grix..." He said, wiping his tongue with his teeth. "Him."
"Yeah... he's after me Sniper, I feel him everywhere I go..."
Sniper's thoughts disgusted him. "Damn him. Don't worry darling, I'll get him, don't you worry about it."
"Thank you, please, I have something to tell you..." The woman left the door, and approuched Sniper... she leaned in towards him...
Sniper smiled and looked deep into her eyes...
"You can find him usually in the arms of a lady in the Queen's Arms at 9:00PM every night."
"The Queen's Arms? But that's a gay bar." Sniper said, thoughtful.
"How do you know that?"
Sniper looked around. "I'm a private detective sugarcup, I have to know these things." Sniper smoothed back his hair again.
"Please, Sniper, make love to me, now, please!" The woman fell to her knees.
"Not now darling, my clan awaits me... tonight we're playing Unreal Tournament." He paused. "It's been a while. A long while." Sniper left the room, and the woman cried in her arms.
Sniper, was in what seemed a coma... mind you, he didn't actually have a mind, as it had been removed...
Oh right, you don't know about any of this crap... better update you then.
A week ago, Sniper's and Bill Gate's mind were both put onto a megadrive cartridge after they failed to save him. Soon after that, Grix died, so they put his mind on it too. So he's kinda alive, but not.
Hmmm.
Let's start again.
Sniper's mind is now on the megadrive cartridge along with Bill Gate's mind and Grix's. We don't know why.
But, Sniper's mind for some reason has taken control, and now has created a world for which the minds to live in. A bit like the Matrix, but not.
For you see, it's Sniper's mind that creates the world... much like Grix's mind made the western world, that they all got stuck in.
Hmmm...
Did you ever see that episode of Red Dwarf when Kryten got that bug, and in order to fight it, he made a computer program that he fought in with his mind? Gunmen of the Apocolypse, right?
Well, it's like that.
-------------
"Would anyone be utterly shocked if we entered this thing and it was just a barren wasteland?" Pb asked.
"Now now, they'll be room for plenty of empty minded Sniper jokes later. Let's not ruin them all now." FM replied.
They had chosen the original four to go back inside the Megadrive cartridge, for obvious reasons. Being "more deserving to be wrote about" seemed to be top reason.
So Venombyte, Pb, Meka and FantasyMeister all decided that they would enter, Goatboy then managed to convince them that he should go too. Rock and roll, apparently.
So it was decided. The rest just lay around, and waited. And so they entered Sniper's mind.
----------------
Tuesday. Just a name for another day.
Sniper doodled a naked woman in his diary... completely out of proportion, dreamy.
He had been stuck inside all day, waiting... just like any other damn day. He wore a black and white suit, and waited in his black and white room... he looked out into the white sky, with black clouds and black rain. It was if the whole damn world was black and white.
He dreamed of a rainbow, but he couldn't remember what it looked like.
Hell, he couldn't even remember what his face looked like. He got up from his desk, and walked to the mirror.
A damn handsome man starred back at him... just as he thought, he was beautiful. How could he forget.
He went back to his desk, and began to clear away his things. Pointless staying in the office all day... damn, he needed to get out... and of course, his award ceremony tonight, dedicated to him... was supposed to be a surprise, but how do you hide something from Sniper?
He smiled to himself. He rocked.
A knock came at the black and white door of his colourless room... as it opened, the name of the occupant and his job description flew also, along with a beautiful woman in a red dress.
"Detective Sniper? Is that you?"
Sniper turned fully around, and brushed his hair back with his fingers.
"Hi there sugarcake. What can I do for you?"
The woman seemed flustered, embarressed.
"To be honest, I'm... I didn't expect you to look... so..."
"Handsome? Don't worry darling, the words will come, but let us forget communication for the time being, and let's get down to business..."
"No... I... but..." The woman resisted, still clinging to the handle of the door. "I need your help, I'm worried... I think there is someone trying to kill me."
Sniper took the words like the smoke from his cigarette, calmly destroying his insides while seeming so good. "I'm intrigued, why would anyone want to kill you?"
"I don't know..." The woman obviously lied. "I just... you have to protect me. It's Grix Thraves, I think he's stalking me."
Grix... the name made his tongue sting every time he uttered the word... speaking out to him like a lemon juice without any added sugar.
"Grix..." He said, wiping his tongue with his teeth. "Him."
"Yeah... he's after me Sniper, I feel him everywhere I go..."
Sniper's thoughts disgusted him. "Damn him. Don't worry darling, I'll get him, don't you worry about it."
"Thank you, please, I have something to tell you..." The woman left the door, and approuched Sniper... she leaned in towards him...
Sniper smiled and looked deep into her eyes...
"You can find him usually in the arms of a lady in the Queen's Arms at 9:00PM every night."
"The Queen's Arms? But that's a gay bar." Sniper said, thoughtful.
"How do you know that?"
Sniper looked around. "I'm a private detective sugarcup, I have to know these things." Sniper smoothed back his hair again.
"Please, Sniper, make love to me, now, please!" The woman fell to her knees.
"Not now darling, my clan awaits me... tonight we're playing Unreal Tournament." He paused. "It's been a while. A long while." Sniper left the room, and the woman cried in her arms.
Page:
Some of us don't play UT all day. :0)
Weid you get time to type something that long..
The camel rode long into the night, but it wasn't long before Meka decided that it was time to rest.
Pb had forgotten how cold it got in an imaginary desert at night... Meka, however, had packed a small amount of wood with him.
"You don't have much wood with you." Pb commented.
"Our journey is not long." Meka replied.
Pb watched the inanimate stars plastered around the sky... it seemed odd how they could all...
"Pb, do you not wonder why I chose you to travel with me?"
Pb snapped out of his thinking. "I go wherever my life takes me. I don't need to question it."
"That's a wonderful philosophy to have, Pb." Meka said, fanning the flames of the campfire. "But I can't help but feel that you're going to change it rather soon."
Pb said nothing as Meka sat down around the fire with him.
"I have a story to tell you." Meka said, playing in the sand with a piece of wood. "A tale of legend."
Pb listened quietly.
"There is a place not all that far away from here called Arcadia. Today, it remains as a simple trading route for airships and other flying vessels... but the past tells a very different story indeed."
"At one time, it was the centre for all magic in the galaxy, and was the home to the Eight Wizards of Arcadia, who were seen as powerful, and magical, wise men. They did not rule the world, in fact, nobody really ruled the world, but they were seen as the most high people of the lands. The wizards would always number eight, and as one was nearing death, one more would be born, raised, and trained to take his place... only those with the true blood of wizardry can perform magic."
"But because of this, they were a saught after target. It was believed if someone could destroy the wizards, then the Universe would be their own. Unfortunatly, this became true."
Pb watched the fire dance as he listened.
"Nearly thirty years ago, a man, who appeared from nowhere, infiltrated the island of Arcadia, and destroyed the towers in which the wizards lived. We still have no idea how he managed to do it... but it happened."
"Did all the wizards die?" Pb asked.
"Not immedietely." Meka said. "Some of them escaped and were hunted down... but, there was one who was dying when Arcadia was attacked... and a small boy had already been born."
Pb watched the fires again.
"This boy was taken by the only wizard who had managed to escape... and before the wizard himself fell to hiding, he left the child in the hands of his Uncle and Aunty, who were sworn to secrecy to protect him. He was raised as if he was their own child... and in his eyes, they were his parents."
"What was his name?" Pb asked.
"The small boy was christened Bp. We changed his name so nobody could identify him."
"To what?"
"Pb."
Pb looked into the flames...
He thought for a second.
"What? Me?"
"Yes... you, Pb. You are born of the blood of the wizard. You are the last of us."
"Us?"
"Yes... I am a wizard too. I was the only one who managed to escaped the attacks... and I was the one who saved you."
"I..."
"Search your feelings Pb, you know it to be true..."
"It's like I've known all along." Pb said.
"Now I ask you this... will you travel with me, train with me, so you can become the powerful magician that you were born to be, so you can take on Sniper's brain and free these lands?"
"I have little choice... but I want to anyway. I must learn, and I'm not afraid."
"You will be. You WILL be." Meka said.
Pb stared at Meka.
"Where do we go first?" He asked him.
"We must go back to Arcadia... and go deep beneath the remains of the towers. There is something there that belongs to you, and it is of great importance that we retrive it. Only then will you be ever be powerful enough to take on Sniper's brain and win. We will leave first thing tommorrow morning... I have a ship six hours from here, and we should reach there by morning if we travel now."
"Then we must leave immedietely. I thank you for everything you've done for me so far..."
"You will soon repay the favour, I am sure." Meka said... "I wish I could have told you earlier, but I felt that the moment needed to be right for you to truly understand... hence the fire and night."
Pb smiled. He packed away everything else onto the camel, and mounted it. Meka got on too, and they rode off into the night.
Pb had forgotten how cold it got in an imaginary desert at night... Meka, however, had packed a small amount of wood with him.
"You don't have much wood with you." Pb commented.
"Our journey is not long." Meka replied.
Pb watched the inanimate stars plastered around the sky... it seemed odd how they could all...
"Pb, do you not wonder why I chose you to travel with me?"
Pb snapped out of his thinking. "I go wherever my life takes me. I don't need to question it."
"That's a wonderful philosophy to have, Pb." Meka said, fanning the flames of the campfire. "But I can't help but feel that you're going to change it rather soon."
Pb said nothing as Meka sat down around the fire with him.
"I have a story to tell you." Meka said, playing in the sand with a piece of wood. "A tale of legend."
Pb listened quietly.
"There is a place not all that far away from here called Arcadia. Today, it remains as a simple trading route for airships and other flying vessels... but the past tells a very different story indeed."
"At one time, it was the centre for all magic in the galaxy, and was the home to the Eight Wizards of Arcadia, who were seen as powerful, and magical, wise men. They did not rule the world, in fact, nobody really ruled the world, but they were seen as the most high people of the lands. The wizards would always number eight, and as one was nearing death, one more would be born, raised, and trained to take his place... only those with the true blood of wizardry can perform magic."
"But because of this, they were a saught after target. It was believed if someone could destroy the wizards, then the Universe would be their own. Unfortunatly, this became true."
Pb watched the fire dance as he listened.
"Nearly thirty years ago, a man, who appeared from nowhere, infiltrated the island of Arcadia, and destroyed the towers in which the wizards lived. We still have no idea how he managed to do it... but it happened."
"Did all the wizards die?" Pb asked.
"Not immedietely." Meka said. "Some of them escaped and were hunted down... but, there was one who was dying when Arcadia was attacked... and a small boy had already been born."
Pb watched the fires again.
"This boy was taken by the only wizard who had managed to escape... and before the wizard himself fell to hiding, he left the child in the hands of his Uncle and Aunty, who were sworn to secrecy to protect him. He was raised as if he was their own child... and in his eyes, they were his parents."
"What was his name?" Pb asked.
"The small boy was christened Bp. We changed his name so nobody could identify him."
"To what?"
"Pb."
Pb looked into the flames...
He thought for a second.
"What? Me?"
"Yes... you, Pb. You are born of the blood of the wizard. You are the last of us."
"Us?"
"Yes... I am a wizard too. I was the only one who managed to escaped the attacks... and I was the one who saved you."
"I..."
"Search your feelings Pb, you know it to be true..."
"It's like I've known all along." Pb said.
"Now I ask you this... will you travel with me, train with me, so you can become the powerful magician that you were born to be, so you can take on Sniper's brain and free these lands?"
"I have little choice... but I want to anyway. I must learn, and I'm not afraid."
"You will be. You WILL be." Meka said.
Pb stared at Meka.
"Where do we go first?" He asked him.
"We must go back to Arcadia... and go deep beneath the remains of the towers. There is something there that belongs to you, and it is of great importance that we retrive it. Only then will you be ever be powerful enough to take on Sniper's brain and win. We will leave first thing tommorrow morning... I have a ship six hours from here, and we should reach there by morning if we travel now."
"Then we must leave immedietely. I thank you for everything you've done for me so far..."
"You will soon repay the favour, I am sure." Meka said... "I wish I could have told you earlier, but I felt that the moment needed to be right for you to truly understand... hence the fire and night."
Pb smiled. He packed away everything else onto the camel, and mounted it. Meka got on too, and they rode off into the night.
The Millenium Ant burst through the atmosphere and into space...
Remarkably the sub-conscience FM was flying pretty well, although was singing Shania Twain to himself...
" Man I feel like a woman " da da dada da da da...
Venom and Grix were arguing about the best cucumbers...
" No Venom listen, I'm always right. Safeway has the best cucumbers "
" No they don't, Asda has the most consistent radius... 7 cm, now that big... "
" Look size doesn't matter " said Grix, beginning to blush, Safeway's are full of juice...
Venom threw a cucumber at Grix, but missed and hit Ant in the corner... who was watching some kind of Universal wrestling... the rest laughed at Ant... Mainly Goatboy who started muttering about oil and naked men, with 5 arms.
The author showing a lack of knowledge of Star Wars and story... deceides the Millenium Ant are going to stop at a plasma petrol station...
" FM stop here will you " shouted Grix
" Now everyone be back on the ship in 20 mins, thats when were leaving and thats how long you can breathe in Star Wars space remember?
They all trod off into the service, space, port thingy, which is floating in space.
" Right Grix " said Venom... "Lets go and see if the cucumbers are any good here"
----------
YH walks into the kitchen of the spaceship thing that Darth Sheepy and Sniper's brain are on...
" Look at the state of those dishes, I'll need to clean them "
YH pulls on his pink rubber gloves that he bought out Ann Summers, for his mum.
Forgetting that he is meant to be making tea for Darth Sheepy...
YH gets bored and goes into a cupboard with his pink rubber gloves...
--------
The aurthor remembers Meka and pb are on cammels ina desert somewhere but lets somebody else do that... :)
Remarkably the sub-conscience FM was flying pretty well, although was singing Shania Twain to himself...
" Man I feel like a woman " da da dada da da da...
Venom and Grix were arguing about the best cucumbers...
" No Venom listen, I'm always right. Safeway has the best cucumbers "
" No they don't, Asda has the most consistent radius... 7 cm, now that big... "
" Look size doesn't matter " said Grix, beginning to blush, Safeway's are full of juice...
Venom threw a cucumber at Grix, but missed and hit Ant in the corner... who was watching some kind of Universal wrestling... the rest laughed at Ant... Mainly Goatboy who started muttering about oil and naked men, with 5 arms.
The author showing a lack of knowledge of Star Wars and story... deceides the Millenium Ant are going to stop at a plasma petrol station...
" FM stop here will you " shouted Grix
" Now everyone be back on the ship in 20 mins, thats when were leaving and thats how long you can breathe in Star Wars space remember?
They all trod off into the service, space, port thingy, which is floating in space.
" Right Grix " said Venom... "Lets go and see if the cucumbers are any good here"
----------
YH walks into the kitchen of the spaceship thing that Darth Sheepy and Sniper's brain are on...
" Look at the state of those dishes, I'll need to clean them "
YH pulls on his pink rubber gloves that he bought out Ann Summers, for his mum.
Forgetting that he is meant to be making tea for Darth Sheepy...
YH gets bored and goes into a cupboard with his pink rubber gloves...
--------
The aurthor remembers Meka and pb are on cammels ina desert somewhere but lets somebody else do that... :)
YH remained crouched in the Main Control Room of the Ship. "At last", he thought - but with speech marks this time, does it look better with them? Ah well, on we go.
"At last", he thought, "I've stayed the same character for nearly 24 hours! This IS progress!"
Anyway, he was crouched in the main control room of the Ship thing. You know the one. With Snipers Brain and Darth SHEEPY in? You don't? Look, sod off and read the rest of the story, and come back when you're ready. It's ok, I'll still be here.
Done that? Right, we can carry on.
YHs eyes adjusted to the Turning On Of The Lights by SHEEPY, and he was staring intently at the scene in front of him. He was stupid, so it's lucky it was all pretty damn obvious.
There were two screens at the far end of the room. Both of them had a space map on. One with todays date underneath, the other with a date 3 days hence.
There was once difference between the two maps.
The one set in 3 days hanceforth, didn't have the planet Arcadia on it! (Dramatic Chord!)
"Darth SHEEPY, in three days hanceforth from this time, we will have destroed Arcadia, and the InterGalactic ByPass will be finished."
"Yes Oh-"
"Not that again!"
"Sorry, Sire." Replied SHEEPY in a raspy voice.
"That's better. Your throat giving you some gyp again?"
"No Sire, I feel it gives me a more menacing appearance if it sounds like I've been smoking 60 a day for the last 100 years."
"Ah." Sniper's Brain rolled his eyes. Why did he have to work with such incompetence? Then he remembered, it was all he could afford from Bad Guys R Us. Ho hum.
"Where is your Body Sire? Have you managed to trace it?"
"Er yeah, but I've forgotten."
"You mean the author has no idea?"
"Yup. Sounds about right."
YH was getting cramp at this point, and he had just coughed.
"What was that noise?"
"Er, me coughing, Sire."
"Ah, a slave. Good. Go and get me a cup of tea."
"Sire" YH bowed and walked out of the room, on a mission to find a cup of tea....
"At last", he thought, "I've stayed the same character for nearly 24 hours! This IS progress!"
Anyway, he was crouched in the main control room of the Ship thing. You know the one. With Snipers Brain and Darth SHEEPY in? You don't? Look, sod off and read the rest of the story, and come back when you're ready. It's ok, I'll still be here.
Done that? Right, we can carry on.
YHs eyes adjusted to the Turning On Of The Lights by SHEEPY, and he was staring intently at the scene in front of him. He was stupid, so it's lucky it was all pretty damn obvious.
There were two screens at the far end of the room. Both of them had a space map on. One with todays date underneath, the other with a date 3 days hence.
There was once difference between the two maps.
The one set in 3 days hanceforth, didn't have the planet Arcadia on it! (Dramatic Chord!)
"Darth SHEEPY, in three days hanceforth from this time, we will have destroed Arcadia, and the InterGalactic ByPass will be finished."
"Yes Oh-"
"Not that again!"
"Sorry, Sire." Replied SHEEPY in a raspy voice.
"That's better. Your throat giving you some gyp again?"
"No Sire, I feel it gives me a more menacing appearance if it sounds like I've been smoking 60 a day for the last 100 years."
"Ah." Sniper's Brain rolled his eyes. Why did he have to work with such incompetence? Then he remembered, it was all he could afford from Bad Guys R Us. Ho hum.
"Where is your Body Sire? Have you managed to trace it?"
"Er yeah, but I've forgotten."
"You mean the author has no idea?"
"Yup. Sounds about right."
YH was getting cramp at this point, and he had just coughed.
"What was that noise?"
"Er, me coughing, Sire."
"Ah, a slave. Good. Go and get me a cup of tea."
"Sire" YH bowed and walked out of the room, on a mission to find a cup of tea....
FM hit Ant with a shovel.
"So..." said Grix. "Anyone watch Have I got News for you?"
The others looked at him...
FM hit grix with a spade... the audience musn't know anything about real life! Although Ian Hislop is wierd enought to make it half alien!
"How much money have we got?!" Said Ant...
"Why do you want to know?" Asked Venom...
"Well" replied Ant, "Theres this rainibow making competition..."
Grix was rolling on the floor...
"Ha ha ha!..." Said FM... "I made a Rainbow once...!"
"Really?!" Asked Goatboy with interest?!
"Well, kind of... I painted one... then it came to life after Sniper dipped it in his Broccoli soup..."
Ant his FM with a shovel.
"I have an idea" Said Venom... "Why don't we take Pb's money, and go to that Airship convention on that err.. what'sitcalled planet... err.... Arcadia!"
Ant hit himself with a shovel.
"Hmmmm..... Arcadia... rings a bell!" Said FM, rubbing the bumb on his head.
All of a sudden the Millennuim Ant coughed, spluttered and fired up....
"Woo!" Cried Goatboy "Anty be flying!"
No-one was sure where he picked up the Scottish accent, but it seemed to fit...
"So... FM, reckon you can get us to Arcadia by tomorrow?!" Asked Grix
"Suuuuuuuuure..." Said FM "Just as soon as i've finished burying Ant alive! Venom hit FM with a chair, and Grix, Goaty, Ant, Venom, and a semi-conscious FM took to the air in the Millennuim Ant... there were on their way to Arcadia!
Brain was left on the surface finishing off the remains of Aliboy... he'd missed the flight! ...Although, he was a Brain, and these insignificant characters crop up anywhere and anytime... look at Sniper!
"So..." said Grix. "Anyone watch Have I got News for you?"
The others looked at him...
FM hit grix with a spade... the audience musn't know anything about real life! Although Ian Hislop is wierd enought to make it half alien!
"How much money have we got?!" Said Ant...
"Why do you want to know?" Asked Venom...
"Well" replied Ant, "Theres this rainibow making competition..."
Grix was rolling on the floor...
"Ha ha ha!..." Said FM... "I made a Rainbow once...!"
"Really?!" Asked Goatboy with interest?!
"Well, kind of... I painted one... then it came to life after Sniper dipped it in his Broccoli soup..."
Ant his FM with a shovel.
"I have an idea" Said Venom... "Why don't we take Pb's money, and go to that Airship convention on that err.. what'sitcalled planet... err.... Arcadia!"
Ant hit himself with a shovel.
"Hmmmm..... Arcadia... rings a bell!" Said FM, rubbing the bumb on his head.
All of a sudden the Millennuim Ant coughed, spluttered and fired up....
"Woo!" Cried Goatboy "Anty be flying!"
No-one was sure where he picked up the Scottish accent, but it seemed to fit...
"So... FM, reckon you can get us to Arcadia by tomorrow?!" Asked Grix
"Suuuuuuuuure..." Said FM "Just as soon as i've finished burying Ant alive! Venom hit FM with a chair, and Grix, Goaty, Ant, Venom, and a semi-conscious FM took to the air in the Millennuim Ant... there were on their way to Arcadia!
Brain was left on the surface finishing off the remains of Aliboy... he'd missed the flight! ...Although, he was a Brain, and these insignificant characters crop up anywhere and anytime... look at Sniper!
"Why do we always end up trawling through a sodding desert in these mind things?" Venombyte asked. "Can't anyone think of anything better to do?"
"Well, you're not even writing." Ant said.
"Neither are you!"
"Yeah, but I'm going to."
"Shut up, both of you." Grix's brain said. "You're just as lazy as eachother. Now be quiet."
And so the sun went up and down a few times... and the heat began to dwell on the walkers...
"Hey, guys!" FM said. "I've just remembered something!"
The rest of them twirled around... their necks crackling, cooked skin holding their bones together.
"I've got a teleporter in my pocket. The one I used to teleport Grix and brain into my X-Wing."
"Oh." They said. There was a long silence.
"Where shall we go?" FM asked.
"Land of the Necrophiliacs!" Grix's brain suggested.
They looked at him.
"Well, since you're stealing everything else from Red Dwarf, though I might as well add to it."
Grix's eyes narrowed.
"Let's go back to the Millenium Ant." FM said, finally. The rest nodded and agreed, and so FM locked onto the signal given off by the Ant, and teleported everyone to it.
And there they were.
"Cool, just like old times again."
FM looked out of the cockpit... completely dark, not even a star in the sky...
"Where the hell are we?" FM asked. He set the computers navigation to pinpoint their location, but it wasn't working.
"I..." Ant looked outside... "I don't know. Where in the galaxy are there no stars in the sky?"
"What the hell...? Have we uncovered some strange point in space where there are no systems...? Are we at the end of the universe?"
FM remembered that the ship had been left alone to float through space... they could be anywhere!
Grix, however, was looking out the side window.
"I know where we are." Grix said. He walked up to the door, opened it, and walked out.
The rest of them walked out onto the sandy surface of Tatooine, and after tutting quietly to themselves, began work on digging the ship out from the sand.
"Well, you're not even writing." Ant said.
"Neither are you!"
"Yeah, but I'm going to."
"Shut up, both of you." Grix's brain said. "You're just as lazy as eachother. Now be quiet."
And so the sun went up and down a few times... and the heat began to dwell on the walkers...
"Hey, guys!" FM said. "I've just remembered something!"
The rest of them twirled around... their necks crackling, cooked skin holding their bones together.
"I've got a teleporter in my pocket. The one I used to teleport Grix and brain into my X-Wing."
"Oh." They said. There was a long silence.
"Where shall we go?" FM asked.
"Land of the Necrophiliacs!" Grix's brain suggested.
They looked at him.
"Well, since you're stealing everything else from Red Dwarf, though I might as well add to it."
Grix's eyes narrowed.
"Let's go back to the Millenium Ant." FM said, finally. The rest nodded and agreed, and so FM locked onto the signal given off by the Ant, and teleported everyone to it.
And there they were.
"Cool, just like old times again."
FM looked out of the cockpit... completely dark, not even a star in the sky...
"Where the hell are we?" FM asked. He set the computers navigation to pinpoint their location, but it wasn't working.
"I..." Ant looked outside... "I don't know. Where in the galaxy are there no stars in the sky?"
"What the hell...? Have we uncovered some strange point in space where there are no systems...? Are we at the end of the universe?"
FM remembered that the ship had been left alone to float through space... they could be anywhere!
Grix, however, was looking out the side window.
"I know where we are." Grix said. He walked up to the door, opened it, and walked out.
The rest of them walked out onto the sandy surface of Tatooine, and after tutting quietly to themselves, began work on digging the ship out from the sand.
YH looked about, he was now no longer Watto from Episode 1, but some other minor actor. Damn, he felt like he was Steve Buscemi or something.
On second thoughts, maybe not. Steve seemed to play a worrying large number of peadophiles. Ho hum. Anyway, continuing:
YH was inside a metal room. An alarm was going off. Who was he? Did it matter? Come to think of it, he didn't feel like Steve Buscemi, but more like that bloke from Quantum Leap. The one that wakes up as a different person and has to find out what's going on, and save the day. Always hoping his next leap, will be the leap home....
Ahem, sorry about that. Right, back to YH. He's in a metal room, lying on a bed. He gets uo, and walks out the door - into space. All he can see is blackness with millions upon millions of stars, glowing like, like..... lot's of little glowy things. Like stars.
He looks around, and sees that he is in a corridor. Ah, he thinks to himself (but without speech marks), I'm in a space ship. Sorted.
He wanders off, to have a look around like. There's the odd signpost for "Main control room", so he goes in that general direction.
Upon entering the "Main control room" he sees a man dressed all in black staring out of the window, and a brain, just sitting on a chair, having a smoke.
"Darth Sheepy" says the brain.
"Yes Oh Lord Sniper King Chief Type Geezer" (as was his official title).
"Are we nearly ready to attack?"
"Yes Oh Lord Sniper King Chief Ty-"
"That's enough of that, I get bored hearing it all the time."
"Yes Oh Lord Sniper King-"
"SHUT UP!" Darth Sheepy sttod silence.
YH looked on to see Darth Sheepy's hand reach out, as if to press a button. Closer, and closer the hand got to the switch.
What should YH do? He could try and save all humanity, but then he might dye himself (perhaps a nice purple colour...). A bead of sweat rolled down YH's face, the hand got closer, time had slowed to a crawl.
With an explosion of sound and light, the hand made the rest of it's way to the switch. A bright light burst between YH's eyelids, searing into his brain.
"Ah, that's better, I could see sod all without the lights on." He heard Darth SHEEPY say.
"Well, you do choose to wear that bloody stupid helmet all the time...." Replied Brain.
On second thoughts, maybe not. Steve seemed to play a worrying large number of peadophiles. Ho hum. Anyway, continuing:
YH was inside a metal room. An alarm was going off. Who was he? Did it matter? Come to think of it, he didn't feel like Steve Buscemi, but more like that bloke from Quantum Leap. The one that wakes up as a different person and has to find out what's going on, and save the day. Always hoping his next leap, will be the leap home....
Ahem, sorry about that. Right, back to YH. He's in a metal room, lying on a bed. He gets uo, and walks out the door - into space. All he can see is blackness with millions upon millions of stars, glowing like, like..... lot's of little glowy things. Like stars.
He looks around, and sees that he is in a corridor. Ah, he thinks to himself (but without speech marks), I'm in a space ship. Sorted.
He wanders off, to have a look around like. There's the odd signpost for "Main control room", so he goes in that general direction.
Upon entering the "Main control room" he sees a man dressed all in black staring out of the window, and a brain, just sitting on a chair, having a smoke.
"Darth Sheepy" says the brain.
"Yes Oh Lord Sniper King Chief Type Geezer" (as was his official title).
"Are we nearly ready to attack?"
"Yes Oh Lord Sniper King Chief Ty-"
"That's enough of that, I get bored hearing it all the time."
"Yes Oh Lord Sniper King-"
"SHUT UP!" Darth Sheepy sttod silence.
YH looked on to see Darth Sheepy's hand reach out, as if to press a button. Closer, and closer the hand got to the switch.
What should YH do? He could try and save all humanity, but then he might dye himself (perhaps a nice purple colour...). A bead of sweat rolled down YH's face, the hand got closer, time had slowed to a crawl.
With an explosion of sound and light, the hand made the rest of it's way to the switch. A bright light burst between YH's eyelids, searing into his brain.
"Ah, that's better, I could see sod all without the lights on." He heard Darth SHEEPY say.
"Well, you do choose to wear that bloody stupid helmet all the time...." Replied Brain.
Yeah... probably... thought FM.
After losing the final 1% of the audience because Game wrote... ;0)... There was little to do but mooch around the sands...
They stopped at a well, and began to drink from it. Odd, there being a well in the middle of the desert...
FM looked into the horizon... was...?
A black figure appeared to sway in the distance...
Fm run back to his bag, and tried to pull out a gun...
When suddenly, a two pence piece landed out from the sky, and knocked him out.
Grix watched as the man approuched. He dismounted his camel, and walked over to FM.
"He's knocked out." The man said.
"Yes." Replied Grix. "He was my friend."
"That's my well." The man countered.
"I've drunk from it."
"You are welcome." The man said.
A small uneasy silence.
"Who are you?"
"I am known, as Meka Dragon. You are Grix Thraves?"
"Yes."
"You require my help." Meka said.
"Yes." Grix replied again.
"What do you need?"
"An escape."
"An escape?"
"Yes." Grix answered.
The man paused for a second, raising his hand to his chin.
FM woke, and looked up to see Meka. "Who are you?"
"I am Meka Dragon."
Grix heard a steel drum.
"Where are the others?" FM asked.
"They're waiting for us to return with Meka's water." Grix said.
"As I said, you are welcome." Meka added.
"You said you can help us?" Grix asked.
"I can. But I require your help. The one known as Pb, he must travel with me."
"Why?"
"He is important to what I wish to achieve." Meka answered.
Not long later, Pb was at the well, and had agreed to travel with Meka.
"I believe this belongs to you." FM said, handing the two pence piece back to Meka.
"It does." Meka said, taking it.
Meka and Pb mounted the camel, and left off into the desert heat.
FM and Grix wondered about what the hell just happened, and returned to the rest of the party.
After losing the final 1% of the audience because Game wrote... ;0)... There was little to do but mooch around the sands...
They stopped at a well, and began to drink from it. Odd, there being a well in the middle of the desert...
FM looked into the horizon... was...?
A black figure appeared to sway in the distance...
Fm run back to his bag, and tried to pull out a gun...
When suddenly, a two pence piece landed out from the sky, and knocked him out.
Grix watched as the man approuched. He dismounted his camel, and walked over to FM.
"He's knocked out." The man said.
"Yes." Replied Grix. "He was my friend."
"That's my well." The man countered.
"I've drunk from it."
"You are welcome." The man said.
A small uneasy silence.
"Who are you?"
"I am known, as Meka Dragon. You are Grix Thraves?"
"Yes."
"You require my help." Meka said.
"Yes." Grix replied again.
"What do you need?"
"An escape."
"An escape?"
"Yes." Grix answered.
The man paused for a second, raising his hand to his chin.
FM woke, and looked up to see Meka. "Who are you?"
"I am Meka Dragon."
Grix heard a steel drum.
"Where are the others?" FM asked.
"They're waiting for us to return with Meka's water." Grix said.
"As I said, you are welcome." Meka added.
"You said you can help us?" Grix asked.
"I can. But I require your help. The one known as Pb, he must travel with me."
"Why?"
"He is important to what I wish to achieve." Meka answered.
Not long later, Pb was at the well, and had agreed to travel with Meka.
"I believe this belongs to you." FM said, handing the two pence piece back to Meka.
"It does." Meka said, taking it.
Meka and Pb mounted the camel, and left off into the desert heat.
FM and Grix wondered about what the hell just happened, and returned to the rest of the party.
After losing 99% of the audience because of mentioning the word tartan, FM decided it was best if the section took a differnet direction...
He wasn't being rude, but you know how it is...
He transported Grix and his Brain to the X-Wing... it was a tight fit, but Brain wasn't too big, and FM was quite flexible, maybe.
Grix was unconscious... FM decided to leave him, and decide the way on his own... There weren't many options...
There was lots of space, and nothing to see except the horrible wormhole that sucked them in while this is being written!
"Gulp!" Said FM...
They were sucked into a wormhole, and as they passed through and headded for the other end they saw floating neon C64 characters...
Under Dizzy Dinosaurs legs they went, and eventually came out the other end... of the wormhole, that is...
All they could see was light brown...
Just before they crashed into the the sponsor, they realised they ween't the only ones to have suffered this horrible ordeal...
Aliboy, stumbled up, but fell over again, in accordance with the Directors wished so the story could continue...
FM stumbled out of the cockpit with Grix over his shoulder and brain floating behind...
He was knackered... the heat was already killing him... there was no water, no nothing...
___________
FM woke up on a bed...
"It's awake!" Yelled Pb!
"I beg your pardon?!" Exclaimed FM... "...what do you Mean, 'It'?!"
"Not you, Monkey", said Ant, "...the Brain...!"
"Ah!", FM apologised.
"What were you doing in the desert?" Asked Venom...
"I dunno, the inexperienced author scenario, I expect...!"
"I know the the one..." Said Pb...
"Hey, I'm Pb, by the way. This here's Ant, Venom and the guy over there fighting with the broom is Goatboy!"
"Oh, Yeah..." Replied FM... "I'm FM, The unconscious guy is Grix and the brain is, Brain... although I think he should be called brian... same letters and all..."
Goatboy started to cry... "That broom beat me..." He said, rather upset... look at that Pb, it's going to leave a mark!"
Pb shrugged his shoulders...
"Hey, listen" said Ant, "Pb just made a packet from my pod-racing! We're bound to find something to do with all his money... Wanna come along...?"
FM thought for a minute as Grix woke up... seeing as the writers were all out of ideas for now, he decided it might be quite a good idea... someone would think of something while they were walking...
"What's happening, FM?!" Asked Grix?!
"We're going for a walk..." FM replied.
"Cool"
The 7 made their way down the long road that faced into the sun, and hummed the theme that you hear when you complete Street Fighter 2 on 6 stars with Ryu...
FM wasn't worried... he knew someone would think of something!...
He wasn't being rude, but you know how it is...
He transported Grix and his Brain to the X-Wing... it was a tight fit, but Brain wasn't too big, and FM was quite flexible, maybe.
Grix was unconscious... FM decided to leave him, and decide the way on his own... There weren't many options...
There was lots of space, and nothing to see except the horrible wormhole that sucked them in while this is being written!
"Gulp!" Said FM...
They were sucked into a wormhole, and as they passed through and headded for the other end they saw floating neon C64 characters...
Under Dizzy Dinosaurs legs they went, and eventually came out the other end... of the wormhole, that is...
All they could see was light brown...
Just before they crashed into the the sponsor, they realised they ween't the only ones to have suffered this horrible ordeal...
Aliboy, stumbled up, but fell over again, in accordance with the Directors wished so the story could continue...
FM stumbled out of the cockpit with Grix over his shoulder and brain floating behind...
He was knackered... the heat was already killing him... there was no water, no nothing...
___________
FM woke up on a bed...
"It's awake!" Yelled Pb!
"I beg your pardon?!" Exclaimed FM... "...what do you Mean, 'It'?!"
"Not you, Monkey", said Ant, "...the Brain...!"
"Ah!", FM apologised.
"What were you doing in the desert?" Asked Venom...
"I dunno, the inexperienced author scenario, I expect...!"
"I know the the one..." Said Pb...
"Hey, I'm Pb, by the way. This here's Ant, Venom and the guy over there fighting with the broom is Goatboy!"
"Oh, Yeah..." Replied FM... "I'm FM, The unconscious guy is Grix and the brain is, Brain... although I think he should be called brian... same letters and all..."
Goatboy started to cry... "That broom beat me..." He said, rather upset... look at that Pb, it's going to leave a mark!"
Pb shrugged his shoulders...
"Hey, listen" said Ant, "Pb just made a packet from my pod-racing! We're bound to find something to do with all his money... Wanna come along...?"
FM thought for a minute as Grix woke up... seeing as the writers were all out of ideas for now, he decided it might be quite a good idea... someone would think of something while they were walking...
"What's happening, FM?!" Asked Grix?!
"We're going for a walk..." FM replied.
"Cool"
The 7 made their way down the long road that faced into the sun, and hummed the theme that you hear when you complete Street Fighter 2 on 6 stars with Ryu...
FM wasn't worried... he knew someone would think of something!...
Page: