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"Online Dating"

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Sat 17/04/10 at 15:25
Regular
Posts: 5,848
This thread arises from a conversation I was having with a group of friends at uni a few days back; the conversation was the average conversation about dating, what you find attractive in someone etc until someone brought up internet dating

Anyway, the point is that two of my friends (one male and one female), both in their early twenties admitted they'd used dating sites in the past

The sites used were the completely free sites such as Plentyoffish and OkCupid. One of them (the guy, perhaps unsurprisingly) had an account on both, while the girl used POF

Now, my male mate being on there is about what you'd expect. He's a decent, friendly, sociable guy but he does lack confidence, especially with new people and approaching women. He's also not someone you'd say was particularly attractive or the sort of person who pays particular attention to his appearance and good grooming

So when he brought it up it was more us giving him banter for it and asking whether it conformed to the image many of us had - ie women who, frankly, you'd expect to not have enough confidence to be on the site, scammers etc. As it turns out, he's apparently been on several dates with some fairly attractive women. Definitely a good effort for him at least. The "traditional" perception of women who have to resort to the online realm to get a date is, once again not unsurprisingly, true, however (after being shown the pictures of the several women he went out on dates on) there were attractive, seemingly normal women on the sites. Women that were on their due to not having time with careers etc to "get out there" and find a date

My female friend is not someone you'd expect to be using the dating sites. She is very attractive, in a traditional way. Also perfectly capable of holding intelligent conversation, "guy" conversations etc and very confident. The sort of girl that's had a decent crop of boyfriends - both long term and short term. Anyway, from what she said, there were plenty of oddballs on the site messaging thinks like "hi, wanna bang" and "wow, ur look amazing". To the tune of getting about 50 messages a day through these sites. But there were a few seemingly normal guys, and she even went out on a date as one of the guys from the site, who she described as charming and in general a totally normal, down to earth person, not even particularly lacking in confidence

There were apparently several people who were also unable to move the conversation about each others interests to anything that allowed them to actually go on a date

So my question to everyone on here is this; would you consider using online dating sites - such as the free sites like POF and OkCupid? Or maybe you have used them already?

It seems the perception of online dating as a last resort is changing to the extent that it's now become the domain of normal people with busy schedules, or those who want to look for people for a long term relationship. It seems that for women (based on my incredible research of speaking to my one friend, I know) the site does allow women to state the sort of man they're looking for with the end goal being to meet in real life for an actual date

I'm not sure whether it's something I'd consider myself, simply because I'm still at the stage where going out and finding girls in clubs/bars/societies is easy enough, and I'm not sure I'm necessarily looking for a relationship, much less a long term one
Mon 19/04/10 at 14:12
Staff Moderator
"Freeola Ltd"
Posts: 3,299
I'm sure that was meant in a good way, but in reality there is no way you can ever really "deal" with the opposite sex..... you just have to do your best whilst they nick your wallet :(
Mon 19/04/10 at 13:49
Regular
"Embrace the Martian"
Posts: 285
Sonic Chris wrote:
> I do better with a girl online rather than in real life. If you
> screw up online with a girl, you just sign out msn, or turn the
> computer off or claim a mate wrote that stupid sentence. In real
> life, you can't exactly run away can you?

I think being able to deal with it in real life is certainly a factor that can help in the long run though. Especially if it turns out how it did for my friend Warhunt.
Mon 19/04/10 at 13:14
Regular
"AkaSeraphim"
Posts: 9,397
I cant see myself being with anyone to be honest. Not till atleast my kids are grown up.
Mon 19/04/10 at 12:41
Regular
"@optometrytweet"
Posts: 4,686
I am waiting until Uni, although that is if my place hasn't vanished...thanks to UCAS.

Also just spoke to one of my team mates - she seems to have lots of single friends and I think I may have been stupid enough to ask her to matchmake me!
Mon 19/04/10 at 10:25
Staff Moderator
"Freeola Ltd"
Posts: 3,299
Never really needed to, been really lucky with ladies. I'm sure there is something to it but if there is I dont know.

I do get massively nervous, but my first I got to know at a party (I worked with her too) and that night was pretty ...... well we got to know each other.

After that it was a simple case of having a horrific head on collision with a drunk driver that left me bed ridden for two days to get her to realise she actually really wanted to be with me.

Easy when you know how.... (and the pubs stay open even to blatant drivers...)

My fiance now though, I met at a pub... and just went for it. Hi, give me your number kind of thing. Turned out the bravest and best thing I have ever done.
Mon 19/04/10 at 08:35
Regular
"@optometrytweet"
Posts: 4,686
I'm a member of POF (kill me now).

Met my ex on there...and you know the story with that one, so despite having some attractive ladies on there with a near perfect personality in their profile, there are a few nutters. I'm sure I am one of them.

I see no real problem with it, although struggling to get a date on there more than I am in real life! Swings and roundabouts really!
Sat 17/04/10 at 19:23
Regular
"AkaSeraphim"
Posts: 9,397
Yeah i suppose sometimes it can be easier to say stuff online. I like to talk face to face with people these days. On a night out if i talk to a guy and he really bores me though i just tell him that and walk off, or if i decide he's a plank ill let him so before i leave.Could be why im single lol.
Sat 17/04/10 at 19:08
Regular
"How Ironic"
Posts: 4,312
I do better with a girl online rather than in real life. If you screw up online with a girl, you just sign out msn, or turn the computer off or claim a mate wrote that stupid sentence. In real life, you can't exactly run away can you?
Sat 17/04/10 at 18:51
Regular
"AkaSeraphim"
Posts: 9,397
I wouldnt sign up to an online dating site. Dont even go on dates as it is. I kept turning down a guy who kept asking me out on a date. Luckily we still talk and i see him at least one a week. At the minute i just love having my friends and building up a circle of good friends. I guess im one for putting friendships before relationship. Well so ive been told!
Sat 17/04/10 at 15:25
Regular
Posts: 5,848
This thread arises from a conversation I was having with a group of friends at uni a few days back; the conversation was the average conversation about dating, what you find attractive in someone etc until someone brought up internet dating

Anyway, the point is that two of my friends (one male and one female), both in their early twenties admitted they'd used dating sites in the past

The sites used were the completely free sites such as Plentyoffish and OkCupid. One of them (the guy, perhaps unsurprisingly) had an account on both, while the girl used POF

Now, my male mate being on there is about what you'd expect. He's a decent, friendly, sociable guy but he does lack confidence, especially with new people and approaching women. He's also not someone you'd say was particularly attractive or the sort of person who pays particular attention to his appearance and good grooming

So when he brought it up it was more us giving him banter for it and asking whether it conformed to the image many of us had - ie women who, frankly, you'd expect to not have enough confidence to be on the site, scammers etc. As it turns out, he's apparently been on several dates with some fairly attractive women. Definitely a good effort for him at least. The "traditional" perception of women who have to resort to the online realm to get a date is, once again not unsurprisingly, true, however (after being shown the pictures of the several women he went out on dates on) there were attractive, seemingly normal women on the sites. Women that were on their due to not having time with careers etc to "get out there" and find a date

My female friend is not someone you'd expect to be using the dating sites. She is very attractive, in a traditional way. Also perfectly capable of holding intelligent conversation, "guy" conversations etc and very confident. The sort of girl that's had a decent crop of boyfriends - both long term and short term. Anyway, from what she said, there were plenty of oddballs on the site messaging thinks like "hi, wanna bang" and "wow, ur look amazing". To the tune of getting about 50 messages a day through these sites. But there were a few seemingly normal guys, and she even went out on a date as one of the guys from the site, who she described as charming and in general a totally normal, down to earth person, not even particularly lacking in confidence

There were apparently several people who were also unable to move the conversation about each others interests to anything that allowed them to actually go on a date

So my question to everyone on here is this; would you consider using online dating sites - such as the free sites like POF and OkCupid? Or maybe you have used them already?

It seems the perception of online dating as a last resort is changing to the extent that it's now become the domain of normal people with busy schedules, or those who want to look for people for a long term relationship. It seems that for women (based on my incredible research of speaking to my one friend, I know) the site does allow women to state the sort of man they're looking for with the end goal being to meet in real life for an actual date

I'm not sure whether it's something I'd consider myself, simply because I'm still at the stage where going out and finding girls in clubs/bars/societies is easy enough, and I'm not sure I'm necessarily looking for a relationship, much less a long term one

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