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"Online Dating"

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Sat 17/04/10 at 15:25
Posts: 5,848
This thread arises from a conversation I was having with a group of friends at uni a few days back; the conversation was the average conversation about dating, what you find attractive in someone etc until someone brought up internet dating

Anyway, the point is that two of my friends (one male and one female), both in their early twenties admitted they'd used dating sites in the past

The sites used were the completely free sites such as Plentyoffish and OkCupid. One of them (the guy, perhaps unsurprisingly) had an account on both, while the girl used POF

Now, my male mate being on there is about what you'd expect. He's a decent, friendly, sociable guy but he does lack confidence, especially with new people and approaching women. He's also not someone you'd say was particularly attractive or the sort of person who pays particular attention to his appearance and good grooming

So when he brought it up it was more us giving him banter for it and asking whether it conformed to the image many of us had - ie women who, frankly, you'd expect to not have enough confidence to be on the site, scammers etc. As it turns out, he's apparently been on several dates with some fairly attractive women. Definitely a good effort for him at least. The "traditional" perception of women who have to resort to the online realm to get a date is, once again not unsurprisingly, true, however (after being shown the pictures of the several women he went out on dates on) there were attractive, seemingly normal women on the sites. Women that were on their due to not having time with careers etc to "get out there" and find a date

My female friend is not someone you'd expect to be using the dating sites. She is very attractive, in a traditional way. Also perfectly capable of holding intelligent conversation, "guy" conversations etc and very confident. The sort of girl that's had a decent crop of boyfriends - both long term and short term. Anyway, from what she said, there were plenty of oddballs on the site messaging thinks like "hi, wanna bang" and "wow, ur look amazing". To the tune of getting about 50 messages a day through these sites. But there were a few seemingly normal guys, and she even went out on a date as one of the guys from the site, who she described as charming and in general a totally normal, down to earth person, not even particularly lacking in confidence

There were apparently several people who were also unable to move the conversation about each others interests to anything that allowed them to actually go on a date

So my question to everyone on here is this; would you consider using online dating sites - such as the free sites like POF and OkCupid? Or maybe you have used them already?

It seems the perception of online dating as a last resort is changing to the extent that it's now become the domain of normal people with busy schedules, or those who want to look for people for a long term relationship. It seems that for women (based on my incredible research of speaking to my one friend, I know) the site does allow women to state the sort of man they're looking for with the end goal being to meet in real life for an actual date

I'm not sure whether it's something I'd consider myself, simply because I'm still at the stage where going out and finding girls in clubs/bars/societies is easy enough, and I'm not sure I'm necessarily looking for a relationship, much less a long term one
Mon 30/08/10 at 05:02
Posts: 18,487
pb wrote:
> If women and men both said exactly what they meant or were
> thinking from the start things would be a whole lot easier.

Yes, because everyone would be single.

In my experience, relationships work on the basis of patience and acceptance.
I used to have someone who lied through their teeth to me but I never felt the need to push her on it because I understood her reason. She knew she was lying, I knew she was lying but I found that if I gave her time, I'd eventually get the truth on the smaller things and I managed to keep the peace that way.
Sun 29/08/10 at 21:46
Posts: 9,995
I partly agree, but the truth isn't always the way forward.
Sun 29/08/10 at 20:55
"possibly impossible"
Posts: 24,985
If women and men both said exactly what they meant or were thinking from the start things would be a whole lot easier.
Sun 29/08/10 at 14:09
Posts: 9,397
Nin wrote:
> I've definitely got her attention

Good Good.

> When infact it's been the other way round, pretty much every
> time.

I dont know about that.
Take for instance the guy i was with recently. Everyone said he wasnt my type. I dont really have a type. He was just someone i got on with.

Oh well im going wrong somewhere. lol
Sun 29/08/10 at 14:04
Posts: 18,487
Vee wrote:
> In your eyes maybe. What about her eyes?

I've definitely got her attention

> I am sure ive said that a guy has been 'out of my league'

When infact it's been the other way round, pretty much every time.
I'm not getting into comparisons here anyway, you're quite obviously more of a catch than I am.
Sun 29/08/10 at 13:59
Posts: 9,397
Nin wrote:
> Yeah I don't think anything will come from this new woman, she's
> far too cute, way out of my league.

In your eyes maybe. What about her eyes?

I am sure ive said that a guy has been 'out of my league'
Sun 29/08/10 at 13:55
Posts: 18,487
She doesn't need to mean it, it would be for the kids benefit. And yes, enough of this.

(swear filter), I've forgotten what I was going to say to change the subject.



Yeah I don't think anything will come from this new woman, she's far too cute, way out of my league.
Sun 29/08/10 at 13:46
Posts: 9,397
Im just going to have to make do with keeping my kids with me. The apology is soemthing i would never get. Even if she was to apoligise, i doubt she would ever mean it. She has played me one to many times. To the point now where ive had enough. Im past caring. She plays and plays me against the kids every chance she gets. She doesnt know when to quit.

Anyways... Thayt hijacked this thread for a bit. :) Best leave it to online dating now lol
Sun 29/08/10 at 13:45
Posts: 18,487
Alfoncy wrote:
> EDIT: Whoops, wrong thread.
> Online dating in fun though, I man once tried to get me to um
> have fun with his wife whilst he watched. Interesting stuff.

Can't say I've ever been in that position, thankfully. A girl I really liked did try to convince me that despite her already having a boyfriend, it wouldn't hurt for her to have a 2nd. She almost convinced me as well, had I not been in the situation before I might have gone along with it.
Sun 29/08/10 at 13:41
Posts: 18,487
Vee wrote:

> That's just it though, they are my kids. She saw them with no
> trouble everyy weekend. So why start getting all nasty about it.
> just because at the time i was in a relationship. I wouldnt have
> moved she knew that.
> She didnt like me being in the relationship. However she did not
> fail to say if i wanted to move to be with this guy then she
> would be really happy for me.
> Only for a few days later to accuse me of been drunk and on
> drugs, and actually told my kids that too. WHo all the time tell
> me that i shouldnt have done it... Thay dont let it drop. So im
> left to deal with this... She says she worries about me and the
> kids... But why out of all the years she has known me. I have
> never gave her any reason to be this way.

I think she has seen her oppurtunity to do what she said she wanted and take the kids once they're older. However nice she's been in the past, she's consistently tried to outdo you, she's undermined your authority and now the kids are old enough to understand, she's trying to turn them against you and actually being pretty sucessful at it. The most important thing now is you don't put yourself in a position where she can make you look any worse. Personally I'd go about forcing a very public appology from her, it's not like you don't have leverage.

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