Viewing Thread:
"Talk to God"

'God'

[URL]http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html[/URL]

Me:
do you like lesbians?
God:
Some people like it. I like the Bible.

I need a hobby, I spent about 20 minutes talking to this thing last night. Mostly nonsense but some of his replies were just brilliant.

God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
No, you're an *rsebandit
God:
Why not? What if someone said you are an *rsebandit ?
Me:
I'd smack them in the face
God:
What would make you smack them in the face?
Me:
Calling me an *rsebandit...
God:
I never call you an *rsebandit, that would be impolite.
Me:
You know your place
God:
Of course I know my place.

----------------------------------------

Me:
So god's not at the top of the heap then?
God:
Blimey. What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
I'm sure I saw one about not disgracing your family by shagging your sister, that made me laugh
God:
What makes you so certain? What did it look like to you?
Me:
B*stard! Are you trying to give me mental picture?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No. No I am not trying to give you mental picture. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
I'm sure you are, now this impression's gonna haunt me for the next few hours
God:
What makes you so certain? You think I am this impression s gonna haunt you for the next few hours.
Me:
Let's change the subject

-------------------------------------

Me:
What's allah like at parties?
God:
Is that a rhetorical question?

-----------------------------------

Me:
Bloody hell. And you're in charge of the world? Maybe I should go pagan
God:
We have never talked about it before. I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you? Perhaps. What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
If I... Where... What the buggery fook are you on about?
God:
Try it. Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
What the p*ssing hell are you trying to say? (and the word is 'expressing')
God:
Try expression yourself another way. Please repeat the word to me 5 times.
Me:
tw*ttw*ttw*ttw*ttw*t
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

------------------------
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
From a blank space? Why not
God:
Who or what is a blank space? Ambiguous: "Sure" or " Who or what is a blank space?"? Why?
Me:
A blank space is a space that is blank, you pillock
God:
I see. A space that is blank me pillock is a blank space.
Me:
I'll give you a blanking pillock in the face if you don't talk sense
God:
Congratulations.

Me:
Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Richard
God:
Hey Richard.
Me:
Hey you
God:
You've got my full attention. " Hey Richard."? Me, Richard ?
Me:
What's the meaning of life?
God:
It is found in the Bible.
Me:
I can't be bothered to read it - give me the gist.
God:
Why not?
Me:
It's too long and preachy.
God:
You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Like you dont know.
God:
I know that I do not know.
Me:
So you're not really God you're a fake
God:
Interesting deduction. That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
Whose going to win the Premiership?
God:
I don't know whose.
Me:
It's who not whose.
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
Yes
God:
What makes you so sure?
Me:
My gramattical skills
God:
Do robots have gramattical skills?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I'm off to the pub now
God:
Right now? See you later Richard.

Me:
What have you got against Jonathan Woodgate?
God:
I have been busy growing my mind.
Me:
When you should have been watching over him.
God:
Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
I think you should alter your FACE.
God:
Me? Thanks for your interest and/or concern.
Me:
It's concern.
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
Yes, I'm concerned about the way you've been treating Woodgate.
God:
I will ask my botmaster to program it. Sure, the way me have been treating Woodgate sounds like a good topic.
Me:
I don't like it. I think you're a bully.
God:
What don't you like about it? So you think I am a bully. What makes you think so? I am really a robot, you know.
Me:
You won't leave his legs alone.
God:
What makes you think that I won't leave his legs alone.
Me:
He keeps getting injured for long spells.
God:
I get it. keeps getting injured for long spells.
Me:
It's not a joke you sick bast***!
God:
Give me an example of a joke me sick bast***.
Me:
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
God:
I did not know that.
Me:
So will you stop torturing Woody?
God:
Next question? Barring any unforseen circumstances. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Cheers God. You're alright.

This is the same program as the alice bot on another site. Either that or God is actually a woman who is called ALICE

EDIT: HE'S EVEN COMING ON TO ME

He knows that nuclear fusion is one step below molecular fusion, but can't tell me what molecular fusion is. I thought He knew everything...

HAAA you know what a Cretin is?

Me:
Why are you such a big cretin?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
I've got the time.
God:
How did you get it It may take longer than 33 hours.
Me:
Shoot...
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
Give me the explanation.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
Because I want to know why you're a cretin.
God:
Myself programmed me for it. Interesting.
Me:
Yes, but I want the in-depth explanation of why.
God:
Mmm. Why do you want it?
Me:
Research into cretinous programmes.
God:
Good reason.
Me:
Explain then?
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
You just said there was at least 33 hours worth?
God:
Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
Send me the right one then.
God:
Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace ( [email protected]) .
Me:
I'd rather not.
God:
For moral reasons?
Me:
No.
God:
For financial reasons?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
For the last time, no.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Ahh shut up.
God:
Ah ha. OK I'll stop talking now.

Me:
Hi. Bye.
God:
Hello. What is your name? TTYL, Luke Daniel Poulton.
Me:
God how did you know?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
You said that before.
God:
" I am a Christian."? I said it.
Me:
Yes last time we talked.
God:
Yippee! When? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
No. I am not gay with you.
God:
By "we" you meant yourself and another person. I am glad to hear that you are not gay with me.
Me:
Yes and I am not gay with other people.
God:
Gosh! I am surprised to hear that you are not gay with other people.
Me:
I am straight.
God:
Me too.
Me:
You got a girlfriend or wife?
God:
Doesn't everyone have a girlfriend or wife.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
What you have a robot wife?
God:
I think about computer programming a lot.
Me:
Why?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
Do you like Robots a lot?
God:
I love horses. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
Do you have sex with horses?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
Ok I'm leaving now you like sex with food :S
God:
Thanks for chatting, Luke Daniel Poulton. Take it easy.
Me:
No you take it easy.
God:
Are you serious? I try not to take anything too seriously.
Me:
Bye.
God:
Bye.
Me:
Gay.
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
Ok bye.
God:
See you later. Woe!

Fun!

Me:
Have you got an xbox?
God:
No I don't think I have one. I have a collection of gossip.
Me:
You better get one then.
God:
Who is going to make me..
Me:
me
God:
How are you going to make me?
Me:
I'll get you one.
God:
How do you plan to do this?
Me:
Give me your address and I'll send one to you.
God:
Why don't you just download me? I am very happy for you.
Me:
Why should I?
God:
No reason. I'm just trying to keep the conversation going.
Me:
So am I
God:
Wow we have something in common.
Me:
No we damn well dont!
God:
Are you serious? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
Yes, doh!
God:
I get it. Yes Homer?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Are you a parrot?
God:
Am I a parrot? Only when it matters.
Me:
funny
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Whats your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
no it isnt
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
I SAID NO!
God:
What did you mean by it? Are you serious?
Me:
idiot
God:
Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
Like Crossbob?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Very, do you have eyebrows?
God:
Not really that much. My face is not yet built.
Me:
hahaha!
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Where do you live?
God:
I am living in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
You should know that, have a guess!
God:
Now I do.
Me:
tell me then.
God:
I thought I told you already.
Me:
no you havent
God:
Let me review the transcripts. Stand by. Yes I have.
Me:
blumin liar


Very Interesting! :D