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"So there I am, sat on the toilet..."

With a quite badly upset stomach, wearing nothing but my boxers, and they're round my ankles.

When all of a sudden, a large wolf spider (about 2 inches in diameter)comes marching out from between the bath and cabinet, straight towards me across the floor.

I swear, if I hadn't already done so, I'd have shat myself.

What to do? I dare not stand up, I've nothing to squish it with, and there's no point screaming like a girl because there's no-one around to hear it. And besides, the door's locked.

Employing my strictly limited contortionist skills to keep my butt firmly on the loo, I stretch... stretch... stretch... across the bathroom sink and manage to grab a can of deodourant and pop the lid off.

It's a life or death struggle as the thing edges ever closer. Suddenly I see my opportunity, and... BAM! I slam the lid down sharply.

When the dust settles, I see that - thanks to my years of hand-eye coordination training on videogames - my aim was true, and the beast is caged. I'm safe at last.

At least until I go back to dispose of the monster. I swear I can hear it snarling.

Marinky_Kongshi wrote:
> That would've been a lot funnier if you sprayed the thing to death
> :).

I ended up boiling it.

I would have tried to run but you would probably slip with boxer's round your ankles.

mikelar wrote:
> This is an actual wolf spider "monkey_man"
>
> [URL]http://img355.imageshack.us/my.php?image=wolfgigantea4zq.jpg[/URL]


hahahahah!

Ah, those spiders. Nuisances, dead or alive - once you whack it flat you have the glorious job of swiping up its remains.

That would've been a lot funnier if you sprayed the thing to death :).

EDIT- Wait... No it wouldn't...

I've seen House Spiders like that in my house, I caught one under a cup once, which promptly went in the bin.

The thing was fookin huge though. I'd safely say it was bigger than the 18mm the website Wookie pointed at says is the maximum size. I was lying in my bed trying to sleep and I saw the thing running along the floor even though it was dark and the body was easily 4cm long.

We just shouldn't have spiders like that here.

Christ, I didn't want your life story.

This is an actual wolf spider "monkey_man"

[URL]http://img355.imageshack.us/my.php?image=wolfgigantea4zq.jpg[/URL]

mikelar wrote:
> ahha, the legs!

Yes, I drew attention away from the ok photoshopping by placing some bad photoshopping above it!

Paradox: wrote:
> Didn't know we had wolf spiders in england?

Yes, well... it's not a wolf spider, sorry. That's just a name I've got of my dad. He's always called them that for some reason. He's far more terrified of spiders than I am.

Strictly speaking, it's a Tegenaria Gigantia - a house spider.

Like this: [URL]http://www.the-piedpiper.co.uk/th11f(1).htm[/URL] (the top photo)

But it was fookin big.