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"Only in Harlow"

So it's half eight in the morning, I'm walking my girlfriend and her Mother to the town. In the dis**tance I see some children mucking about, jumping and rolling on the wet ground. But as I get closer, I realise that these aren't children, they are but men. Two men in their twenties, clearly unable to get any form of employment, smacked out (possibly on smack), at half eight in the morning. They were saying the queeres**t things too: "I'll sh*t in your mouth", was what they were mos**tly saying, to people in suits, passers-by, and even an old lady with a push trolley.

It dawned on me after a second or two, that there was no way pas**t these two goons without me getting my fair share of their unique brand of Chris**tmas spirit. They'd moved on a bit as we were walking, but we had to pass them in a narrow gap, and that's when we got our honours. I laughed, my girlfriend laughed, and my girlfriend's Mother laughed. "Why is everyone laughing at me, I'll sh*t in their mouths", they said, "Hey Bruv (yes, he actually said that), I'll sh*t in your mouth". Me and the girlfriend walk off giggling, GF's Mum goes in shop, giggling.

Not exactly what I wanted to happen that early in the morning, and I have to admit that I was tempted to one-inch punch them both, then drop their corpses off at the Police s**tation. But the real Police got there firs**t. "The girls in Next were f**king asking for it", I hear one of them say as I make my way home.

Leah Betts had the right idea.

> Miserableman wrote:
>
> Who the fook gets royally trousered on a Sunday morning :0|

Depends on whether it's a comtinuation from the night before, or I've got cans left in the fridge to be honest.

Miserableman wrote:

> Who the fook gets royally trousered on a Sunday morning :0|


Umm...not me. Oh nononono...

I remember when I 18 buying my first cycle helmet. This was a Sunday morning, and I made it about 50 yards from the shop I got it from, when I had to stop for a train crossing. While I was waiting there, on my bike and in my cycle helmet, a group of much older pissheads appeared from nowhere, drunk to their eyeballs and intent on ripping it out of me with my cycle helmet, as if they'd never seen one before. I was quite upset, given that they were the first human contact for me in this helmet, so I rarely wore it again (although that was more because I found it dangerous and uncomfortable tbh).

Who the fook gets royally trousered on a Sunday morning :0|

Light wrote:
> chippxero wrote:
>
> Haha and you lived with him. take it you have cut all ties with him.
>
>
> Good lord no; he's moving back in on January 2nd.

oh the fun you must have :P

Pandaemonium wrote:

>
> Quality stuff.


God, I'd forgotten that it was one of Dan's regular tirades as well...

chippxero wrote:

> Haha and you lived with him. take it you have cut all ties with him.


Good lord no; he's moving back in on January 2nd.

dinnea yeh s*oi*e in maa mooth.
DINNEA YEH S*OI*E IN MAAAA MOOOTH!

s*oi*e in maa mooth, sh*i*e in maa mooth.

Bwhahahahaha.

It's from Irvine Welshs "Grantham Star Cause" from "The Acid House" if anyones interesed in reading it.

Brilliant story. God appears to a bloke in the local boozer, turns him into a fly, and he gets to witness his mother doing his father with a strap on.

Quality stuff.

Light wrote:
> Thing is, I'm serious.
>
> The S**t in My Mouth thing was one of his regular drunken tirades...

Haha and you lived with him. take it you have cut all ties with him.

Thing is, I'm serious.

The S**t in My Mouth thing was one of his regular drunken tirades...

Light wrote:

> This may very well be my former housemate...

Is that like the 'one of my friends' statments when you really mean yourself.

Were you playing on the ground again? :P