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"Only in Harlow"

So it's half eight in the morning, I'm walking my girlfriend and her Mother to the town. In the dis**tance I see some children mucking about, jumping and rolling on the wet ground. But as I get closer, I realise that these aren't children, they are but men. Two men in their twenties, clearly unable to get any form of employment, smacked out (possibly on smack), at half eight in the morning. They were saying the queeres**t things too: "I'll sh*t in your mouth", was what they were mos**tly saying, to people in suits, passers-by, and even an old lady with a push trolley.

It dawned on me after a second or two, that there was no way pas**t these two goons without me getting my fair share of their unique brand of Chris**tmas spirit. They'd moved on a bit as we were walking, but we had to pass them in a narrow gap, and that's when we got our honours. I laughed, my girlfriend laughed, and my girlfriend's Mother laughed. "Why is everyone laughing at me, I'll sh*t in their mouths", they said, "Hey Bruv (yes, he actually said that), I'll sh*t in your mouth". Me and the girlfriend walk off giggling, GF's Mum goes in shop, giggling.

Not exactly what I wanted to happen that early in the morning, and I have to admit that I was tempted to one-inch punch them both, then drop their corpses off at the Police s**tation. But the real Police got there firs**t. "The girls in Next were f**king asking for it", I hear one of them say as I make my way home.

Leah Betts had the right idea.

Light wrote:
> So I've spent today furious and furiously blasting through the work
> so that they HAVE to bother their ass to do something. I cc'd all
> their bosses in on the data I sent them, so they have no excuse.
>
> Merry Xmas you bunch of ****s.

Beautiful.

I got every department in the business giving our department work to do, so that they could sit on their ass and say "well, we're waiting for the Data back from the Database team".

So I've spent today furious and furiously blasting through the work so that they HAVE to bother their ass to do something. I cc'd all their bosses in on the data I sent them, so they have no excuse.

Merry Xmas you bunch of ****s.

Mr Snuggly wrote:
> I was in Burger King yesterday

You poor, poor man.

LOL - very ammusing story - couldn't help but laugh no matter how vulgar...

I got £40 & a bottle of wine today in tips.
From old people mainly.

I hate this town even more since I walk around it in the rain.

I was in Burger King yesterday (purely out of necessity and proximity) and behind me in the queue was a man of at least 30 sporting a stepped haircut (spiky and gelled on the top) wearing a large puffa jacket, giggling with his equally sartorially challenged thirtysomething mate.

I ordered one burger, they got it wrong and gave me two. How can you get an order for one burger wrong? Still, I ate both of them. Suckers.

[URL]http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/4120649.stm[/URL]

Quite scary, one poor guy is dead.

SHEEPY wrote:
> Isn't there a mad knife man running about London somewhere?

So that's how Forest Fan is spending Xmas...

Isn't there a mad knife man running about London somewhere?

Pandaemonium wrote:
> Miserableman wrote:
>
> Who the fook gets royally trousered on a Sunday morning :0|

If you know it's sunday morning then you haven't had enough.