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"Only in Harlow"

So it's half eight in the morning, I'm walking my girlfriend and her Mother to the town. In the dis**tance I see some children mucking about, jumping and rolling on the wet ground. But as I get closer, I realise that these aren't children, they are but men. Two men in their twenties, clearly unable to get any form of employment, smacked out (possibly on smack), at half eight in the morning. They were saying the queeres**t things too: "I'll sh*t in your mouth", was what they were mos**tly saying, to people in suits, passers-by, and even an old lady with a push trolley.

It dawned on me after a second or two, that there was no way pas**t these two goons without me getting my fair share of their unique brand of Chris**tmas spirit. They'd moved on a bit as we were walking, but we had to pass them in a narrow gap, and that's when we got our honours. I laughed, my girlfriend laughed, and my girlfriend's Mother laughed. "Why is everyone laughing at me, I'll sh*t in their mouths", they said, "Hey Bruv (yes, he actually said that), I'll sh*t in your mouth". Me and the girlfriend walk off giggling, GF's Mum goes in shop, giggling.

Not exactly what I wanted to happen that early in the morning, and I have to admit that I was tempted to one-inch punch them both, then drop their corpses off at the Police s**tation. But the real Police got there firs**t. "The girls in Next were f**king asking for it", I hear one of them say as I make my way home.

Leah Betts had the right idea.

monkey_man wrote:
> My Brother used to dump Harlow Star newspapers in the ditch by our
> house, or give me a Kinder egg to do it for him. Seemed like a good
> deal at the time.

thats still a good deal.

My Brother used to dump Harlow Star newspapers in the ditch by our house, or give me a Kinder egg to do it for him. Seemed like a good deal at the time.

I used to have to go around Harlow to check people were receiving their Harlow Star newspapers. The further into central Harlow you get, the more it turns into the Deep South, with mouthbreathing rednecks and their wrong-faced children yapping at you and brandishing pitchforks.

Some of Willowfield is ok, some of it isn't.
The tower is grim, and the 8th floor smells of a mixture of kippers and unwashed ladies parts.

Goatboy wrote:
> I walked around Willowfield and Woodcroft in the sunshine, was given
> money and alcohol by people for simply doing my job and watched 2
> male dogs trying to sex each other whilst I smoked and laughed.

My girlfriend's Aunt lives in Willowfield. Not the tower though. If I lived there, the first thing I'd do after moving all my stuff up is jump out the window.

The ladies in the sales department here appear to have misunderstood the "Dress Casual in the last week" for an instruction to "Dress like an increasingly desperate slapper with a morbid fear of being alone at Xmas".

10-1 on that tomorrow one of them attempts to rape one of the sales managers...

Forza wrote:
> Trying to?

---

The one underneath kept getting angry and spinning around before climbing up having a go on the other.
Repeat.
Repeat.

It was like a bizarre hairy wrestling match.

SHEEPY wrote:

> Quite scary, one poor guy is dead.

At least it was a poor guy

Trying to?

I walked around Willowfield and Woodcroft in the sunshine, was given money and alcohol by people for simply doing my job and watched 2 male dogs trying to sex each other whilst I smoked and laughed.