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Some of these true stories are too hard to beleive its been said that these poor ffolk are unfit to live due to theire complete and utter stupidity.
(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for
hydrogen beer is at the heart of a
three-way lawsuit between
unemployed stockbroker Toshira
Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar, and
the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr.
Otoma is suing the bar and the
brewery for selling toxic substances,
and is claiming damages for grievous
bodily harm leading to the loss of his
job. The bar is counter-suing for
defamation and loss of customers.
The Asaka Beer corporation brews
"Suiso" brand beer, in which the
carbon dioxide normally used to add
fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas.
Two side effects of the hydrogen gas
have made the beer extremely popular
at karaoke sing-along bars and
discotheques.
First, because hydrogen molecules are
lighter than air, sound waves are
transmitted more rapidly, so individuals
whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic
gas can speak with an
uncharacteristically high voice.
Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic
urbanites can now sing soprano parts
on karaoke sing-along machines after
consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
Second, the flammable nature of
hydrogen has also become a selling
point, though it should be noted that
Asaka has not acknowledged that this
was a deliberate marketing ploy.
The beer has inspired a new fashion of
blowing flames from one's mouth using
a cigarette as an ignition source. Many
new karaoke videos feature singers
shooting blue flames in slow motion,
while flame contests take place in pubs
everywhere. "Mr. Otoma has no one to
blame but himself. If he had not
become drunk and disorderly, none of
this would have happened. Our
security guards undergo the most
careful screening and training before
they are allowed to deal with
customers," said Mr. Takashi Nomura,
Manager of the Tike-Take bar.
"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of
hydrogen beer in order to maximize the
size of the flames he could belch
during the contest. He catapulted balls
of fire across the room that Godzilla
would be proud of, but this was not
enough to win him first prize since the
judgment is made on the quality of the
flames and the singing, and after fifteen
bottles of lager he was badly out of
tune."
"He took exception to the result and
hurled blue fireballs at the judge,
singeing the front of a female judge's
hair and entirely removing her
eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the
clothes of two nearby customers. None
of these people have returned to my
bar. When our security staff
approached Mr. Otoma, he turned his
attentions to them, making it almost
impossible to approach him. Our head
bouncer had no choice but to hurl
himself at Mr. Otoma's knees,
knocking his legs from under him."
"The laws of physics are not to be
disobeyed, and the force that propelled
Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also
pivoted around his center of gravity and
moved his upper body forward with
equal velocity. It was his own fault that
he had his mouth open for the next
belch, his own fault that he held a
lighted cigarette in front of it, and his
own fault that he swallowed that
cigarette."
"The Tike-Take bar takes no
responsibility for the subsequent
internal combustion, rupture of his
stomach lining, nor the third degree
burns to his esophagus, larynx and
sinuses as the exploding gases forced
their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma's
consequential muteness and loss of
employment are his own fault."
Mr. Otoma was unavailable for
comment
(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for
hydrogen beer is at the heart of a
three-way lawsuit between
unemployed stockbroker Toshira
Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar, and
the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr.
Otoma is suing the bar and the
brewery for selling toxic substances,
and is claiming damages for grievous
bodily harm leading to the loss of his
job. The bar is counter-suing for
defamation and loss of customers.
The Asaka Beer corporation brews
"Suiso" brand beer, in which the
carbon dioxide normally used to add
fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas.
Two side effects of the hydrogen gas
have made the beer extremely popular
at karaoke sing-along bars and
discotheques.
First, because hydrogen molecules are
lighter than air, sound waves are
transmitted more rapidly, so individuals
whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic
gas can speak with an
uncharacteristically high voice.
Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic
urbanites can now sing soprano parts
on karaoke sing-along machines after
consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
Second, the flammable nature of
hydrogen has also become a selling
point, though it should be noted that
Asaka has not acknowledged that this
was a deliberate marketing ploy.
The beer has inspired a new fashion of
blowing flames from one's mouth using
a cigarette as an ignition source. Many
new karaoke videos feature singers
shooting blue flames in slow motion,
while flame contests take place in pubs
everywhere. "Mr. Otoma has no one to
blame but himself. If he had not
become drunk and disorderly, none of
this would have happened. Our
security guards undergo the most
careful screening and training before
they are allowed to deal with
customers," said Mr. Takashi Nomura,
Manager of the Tike-Take bar.
"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of
hydrogen beer in order to maximize the
size of the flames he could belch
during the contest. He catapulted balls
of fire across the room that Godzilla
would be proud of, but this was not
enough to win him first prize since the
judgment is made on the quality of the
flames and the singing, and after fifteen
bottles of lager he was badly out of
tune."
"He took exception to the result and
hurled blue fireballs at the judge,
singeing the front of a female judge's
hair and entirely removing her
eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the
clothes of two nearby customers. None
of these people have returned to my
bar. When our security staff
approached Mr. Otoma, he turned his
attentions to them, making it almost
impossible to approach him. Our head
bouncer had no choice but to hurl
himself at Mr. Otoma's knees,
knocking his legs from under him."
"The laws of physics are not to be
disobeyed, and the force that propelled
Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also
pivoted around his center of gravity and
moved his upper body forward with
equal velocity. It was his own fault that
he had his mouth open for the next
belch, his own fault that he held a
lighted cigarette in front of it, and his
own fault that he swallowed that
cigarette."
"The Tike-Take bar takes no
responsibility for the subsequent
internal combustion, rupture of his
stomach lining, nor the third degree
burns to his esophagus, larynx and
sinuses as the exploding gases forced
their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma's
consequential muteness and loss of
employment are his own fault."
Mr. Otoma was unavailable for
comment
Page:
Why isnt there one of you in here?
hers some more.
A Vermont native found
himself in a difficult position
yesterday while touring the
Eagle's Rock African Safari
Zoo with a group of thespians
from St. Petersburg, Russia.
Ronald went to extremes to
demonstrate the power of
Crazy Glue, one of America's
many marvels, to the
Russians.
To prove the effectiveness of
Crazy Glue, he rubbed
several ounces of the
adhesive onto the palms of
his hands and jokingly placed
them on the buttocks of a
passing rhino.
The rhinoceros, a resident of
the zoo for the thirteen years,
was not initially startled, as it
has been part of the petting
exhibit since its arrival as a
baby. However, once it
became aware of being
involuntarily stuck to Ronald,
it began to panic and charge
wildly about the petting area
with Ronald as an unwitting
passenger.
"Sally the Rhino hadn't been
feeling well. She was
constipated, and had just
been given a laxative when
the American played his
juvenile prank, " said
caretaker James Douglass.
During Sally's tirade, a shed
wall was gored, two fences
destroyed, and a number of
small animals escaped.
Three pygmy goats and one
duck were stomped to death.
During the stampede and
subsequent capture, Sally
began to feel the effects of
the laxative, showering
Ronald repeatedly with over
30 gallons of rhinoceros
diarrhea.
A Vermont native found
himself in a difficult position
yesterday while touring the
Eagle's Rock African Safari
Zoo with a group of thespians
from St. Petersburg, Russia.
Ronald went to extremes to
demonstrate the power of
Crazy Glue, one of America's
many marvels, to the
Russians.
To prove the effectiveness of
Crazy Glue, he rubbed
several ounces of the
adhesive onto the palms of
his hands and jokingly placed
them on the buttocks of a
passing rhino.
The rhinoceros, a resident of
the zoo for the thirteen years,
was not initially startled, as it
has been part of the petting
exhibit since its arrival as a
baby. However, once it
became aware of being
involuntarily stuck to Ronald,
it began to panic and charge
wildly about the petting area
with Ronald as an unwitting
passenger.
"Sally the Rhino hadn't been
feeling well. She was
constipated, and had just
been given a laxative when
the American played his
juvenile prank, " said
caretaker James Douglass.
During Sally's tirade, a shed
wall was gored, two fences
destroyed, and a number of
small animals escaped.
Three pygmy goats and one
duck were stomped to death.
During the stampede and
subsequent capture, Sally
began to feel the effects of
the laxative, showering
Ronald repeatedly with over
30 gallons of rhinoceros
diarrhea.
Some of these true stories are too hard to beleive its been said that these poor ffolk are unfit to live due to theire complete and utter stupidity.
(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for
hydrogen beer is at the heart of a
three-way lawsuit between
unemployed stockbroker Toshira
Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar, and
the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr.
Otoma is suing the bar and the
brewery for selling toxic substances,
and is claiming damages for grievous
bodily harm leading to the loss of his
job. The bar is counter-suing for
defamation and loss of customers.
The Asaka Beer corporation brews
"Suiso" brand beer, in which the
carbon dioxide normally used to add
fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas.
Two side effects of the hydrogen gas
have made the beer extremely popular
at karaoke sing-along bars and
discotheques.
First, because hydrogen molecules are
lighter than air, sound waves are
transmitted more rapidly, so individuals
whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic
gas can speak with an
uncharacteristically high voice.
Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic
urbanites can now sing soprano parts
on karaoke sing-along machines after
consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
Second, the flammable nature of
hydrogen has also become a selling
point, though it should be noted that
Asaka has not acknowledged that this
was a deliberate marketing ploy.
The beer has inspired a new fashion of
blowing flames from one's mouth using
a cigarette as an ignition source. Many
new karaoke videos feature singers
shooting blue flames in slow motion,
while flame contests take place in pubs
everywhere. "Mr. Otoma has no one to
blame but himself. If he had not
become drunk and disorderly, none of
this would have happened. Our
security guards undergo the most
careful screening and training before
they are allowed to deal with
customers," said Mr. Takashi Nomura,
Manager of the Tike-Take bar.
"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of
hydrogen beer in order to maximize the
size of the flames he could belch
during the contest. He catapulted balls
of fire across the room that Godzilla
would be proud of, but this was not
enough to win him first prize since the
judgment is made on the quality of the
flames and the singing, and after fifteen
bottles of lager he was badly out of
tune."
"He took exception to the result and
hurled blue fireballs at the judge,
singeing the front of a female judge's
hair and entirely removing her
eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the
clothes of two nearby customers. None
of these people have returned to my
bar. When our security staff
approached Mr. Otoma, he turned his
attentions to them, making it almost
impossible to approach him. Our head
bouncer had no choice but to hurl
himself at Mr. Otoma's knees,
knocking his legs from under him."
"The laws of physics are not to be
disobeyed, and the force that propelled
Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also
pivoted around his center of gravity and
moved his upper body forward with
equal velocity. It was his own fault that
he had his mouth open for the next
belch, his own fault that he held a
lighted cigarette in front of it, and his
own fault that he swallowed that
cigarette."
"The Tike-Take bar takes no
responsibility for the subsequent
internal combustion, rupture of his
stomach lining, nor the third degree
burns to his esophagus, larynx and
sinuses as the exploding gases forced
their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma's
consequential muteness and loss of
employment are his own fault."
Mr. Otoma was unavailable for
comment
(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for
hydrogen beer is at the heart of a
three-way lawsuit between
unemployed stockbroker Toshira
Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar, and
the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr.
Otoma is suing the bar and the
brewery for selling toxic substances,
and is claiming damages for grievous
bodily harm leading to the loss of his
job. The bar is counter-suing for
defamation and loss of customers.
The Asaka Beer corporation brews
"Suiso" brand beer, in which the
carbon dioxide normally used to add
fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas.
Two side effects of the hydrogen gas
have made the beer extremely popular
at karaoke sing-along bars and
discotheques.
First, because hydrogen molecules are
lighter than air, sound waves are
transmitted more rapidly, so individuals
whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic
gas can speak with an
uncharacteristically high voice.
Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic
urbanites can now sing soprano parts
on karaoke sing-along machines after
consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
Second, the flammable nature of
hydrogen has also become a selling
point, though it should be noted that
Asaka has not acknowledged that this
was a deliberate marketing ploy.
The beer has inspired a new fashion of
blowing flames from one's mouth using
a cigarette as an ignition source. Many
new karaoke videos feature singers
shooting blue flames in slow motion,
while flame contests take place in pubs
everywhere. "Mr. Otoma has no one to
blame but himself. If he had not
become drunk and disorderly, none of
this would have happened. Our
security guards undergo the most
careful screening and training before
they are allowed to deal with
customers," said Mr. Takashi Nomura,
Manager of the Tike-Take bar.
"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of
hydrogen beer in order to maximize the
size of the flames he could belch
during the contest. He catapulted balls
of fire across the room that Godzilla
would be proud of, but this was not
enough to win him first prize since the
judgment is made on the quality of the
flames and the singing, and after fifteen
bottles of lager he was badly out of
tune."
"He took exception to the result and
hurled blue fireballs at the judge,
singeing the front of a female judge's
hair and entirely removing her
eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the
clothes of two nearby customers. None
of these people have returned to my
bar. When our security staff
approached Mr. Otoma, he turned his
attentions to them, making it almost
impossible to approach him. Our head
bouncer had no choice but to hurl
himself at Mr. Otoma's knees,
knocking his legs from under him."
"The laws of physics are not to be
disobeyed, and the force that propelled
Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also
pivoted around his center of gravity and
moved his upper body forward with
equal velocity. It was his own fault that
he had his mouth open for the next
belch, his own fault that he held a
lighted cigarette in front of it, and his
own fault that he swallowed that
cigarette."
"The Tike-Take bar takes no
responsibility for the subsequent
internal combustion, rupture of his
stomach lining, nor the third degree
burns to his esophagus, larynx and
sinuses as the exploding gases forced
their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma's
consequential muteness and loss of
employment are his own fault."
Mr. Otoma was unavailable for
comment
Page: