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Some of these true stories are too hard to beleive its been said that these poor ffolk are unfit to live due to theire complete and utter stupidity.
(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for
hydrogen beer is at the heart of a
three-way lawsuit between
unemployed stockbroker Toshira
Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar, and
the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr.
Otoma is suing the bar and the
brewery for selling toxic substances,
and is claiming damages for grievous
bodily harm leading to the loss of his
job. The bar is counter-suing for
defamation and loss of customers.
The Asaka Beer corporation brews
"Suiso" brand beer, in which the
carbon dioxide normally used to add
fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas.
Two side effects of the hydrogen gas
have made the beer extremely popular
at karaoke sing-along bars and
discotheques.
First, because hydrogen molecules are
lighter than air, sound waves are
transmitted more rapidly, so individuals
whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic
gas can speak with an
uncharacteristically high voice.
Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic
urbanites can now sing soprano parts
on karaoke sing-along machines after
consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
Second, the flammable nature of
hydrogen has also become a selling
point, though it should be noted that
Asaka has not acknowledged that this
was a deliberate marketing ploy.
The beer has inspired a new fashion of
blowing flames from one's mouth using
a cigarette as an ignition source. Many
new karaoke videos feature singers
shooting blue flames in slow motion,
while flame contests take place in pubs
everywhere. "Mr. Otoma has no one to
blame but himself. If he had not
become drunk and disorderly, none of
this would have happened. Our
security guards undergo the most
careful screening and training before
they are allowed to deal with
customers," said Mr. Takashi Nomura,
Manager of the Tike-Take bar.
"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of
hydrogen beer in order to maximize the
size of the flames he could belch
during the contest. He catapulted balls
of fire across the room that Godzilla
would be proud of, but this was not
enough to win him first prize since the
judgment is made on the quality of the
flames and the singing, and after fifteen
bottles of lager he was badly out of
tune."
"He took exception to the result and
hurled blue fireballs at the judge,
singeing the front of a female judge's
hair and entirely removing her
eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the
clothes of two nearby customers. None
of these people have returned to my
bar. When our security staff
approached Mr. Otoma, he turned his
attentions to them, making it almost
impossible to approach him. Our head
bouncer had no choice but to hurl
himself at Mr. Otoma's knees,
knocking his legs from under him."
"The laws of physics are not to be
disobeyed, and the force that propelled
Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also
pivoted around his center of gravity and
moved his upper body forward with
equal velocity. It was his own fault that
he had his mouth open for the next
belch, his own fault that he held a
lighted cigarette in front of it, and his
own fault that he swallowed that
cigarette."
"The Tike-Take bar takes no
responsibility for the subsequent
internal combustion, rupture of his
stomach lining, nor the third degree
burns to his esophagus, larynx and
sinuses as the exploding gases forced
their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma's
consequential muteness and loss of
employment are his own fault."
Mr. Otoma was unavailable for
comment
(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for
hydrogen beer is at the heart of a
three-way lawsuit between
unemployed stockbroker Toshira
Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar, and
the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr.
Otoma is suing the bar and the
brewery for selling toxic substances,
and is claiming damages for grievous
bodily harm leading to the loss of his
job. The bar is counter-suing for
defamation and loss of customers.
The Asaka Beer corporation brews
"Suiso" brand beer, in which the
carbon dioxide normally used to add
fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas.
Two side effects of the hydrogen gas
have made the beer extremely popular
at karaoke sing-along bars and
discotheques.
First, because hydrogen molecules are
lighter than air, sound waves are
transmitted more rapidly, so individuals
whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic
gas can speak with an
uncharacteristically high voice.
Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic
urbanites can now sing soprano parts
on karaoke sing-along machines after
consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
Second, the flammable nature of
hydrogen has also become a selling
point, though it should be noted that
Asaka has not acknowledged that this
was a deliberate marketing ploy.
The beer has inspired a new fashion of
blowing flames from one's mouth using
a cigarette as an ignition source. Many
new karaoke videos feature singers
shooting blue flames in slow motion,
while flame contests take place in pubs
everywhere. "Mr. Otoma has no one to
blame but himself. If he had not
become drunk and disorderly, none of
this would have happened. Our
security guards undergo the most
careful screening and training before
they are allowed to deal with
customers," said Mr. Takashi Nomura,
Manager of the Tike-Take bar.
"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of
hydrogen beer in order to maximize the
size of the flames he could belch
during the contest. He catapulted balls
of fire across the room that Godzilla
would be proud of, but this was not
enough to win him first prize since the
judgment is made on the quality of the
flames and the singing, and after fifteen
bottles of lager he was badly out of
tune."
"He took exception to the result and
hurled blue fireballs at the judge,
singeing the front of a female judge's
hair and entirely removing her
eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the
clothes of two nearby customers. None
of these people have returned to my
bar. When our security staff
approached Mr. Otoma, he turned his
attentions to them, making it almost
impossible to approach him. Our head
bouncer had no choice but to hurl
himself at Mr. Otoma's knees,
knocking his legs from under him."
"The laws of physics are not to be
disobeyed, and the force that propelled
Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also
pivoted around his center of gravity and
moved his upper body forward with
equal velocity. It was his own fault that
he had his mouth open for the next
belch, his own fault that he held a
lighted cigarette in front of it, and his
own fault that he swallowed that
cigarette."
"The Tike-Take bar takes no
responsibility for the subsequent
internal combustion, rupture of his
stomach lining, nor the third degree
burns to his esophagus, larynx and
sinuses as the exploding gases forced
their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma's
consequential muteness and loss of
employment are his own fault."
Mr. Otoma was unavailable for
comment
Page:
During the late medieval years in Hungary, one
of the oldest legends in our country took place.
It may even be true.
The city Paks (pronounced pa:ksh) was a little
village in the 1600s and today is a small city
boasting Hungary's single nuclear plant. In the
past, the village had trouble with a neighboring
village. They kept sending their cows to graze
on Paks land, and vice-versa, knowing my
ancestors.
Once a foreigner attacked the Paks herdsman,
beat him badly, and confiscated his cows. But
this was not just any herdsman, it was the son
of the mayor! The people of Paks took up
arms - or rather, work tools they could wield as
arms. The result was a small battle between
the two villages, in which dozen of peasants bit
the dust.
The brave Paks army retreated in defeat.
The mayor of Paks, undaunted, ordered his
men to fabricate a cannon to blast the enemy
to smithereens. It was easier to order it than to
do so, as they did not have the necessary tools
and materials to build a cannon. "No matter,”
said the wise mayor, “Chop a tree down, and
create the cannon from its trunk!"
During the night the people of Paks created
the first wooden cannon in history, ready for
deployment. They towed it up a nearby hill, and
the entire village gathered around to watch the
victory.
The Gunmaster loaded the cannon with
gunpowder, put a large rock projectile in the
barrel, pointed the weapon towards the enemy
village and fired it... KABOOMM!!
Twenty people near the cannon died, and
many others were seriously wounded.
However the mayor survived, and immediately
issued a victory message for his people,
saying: "If we have so many dead, how many
can there be of the enemy?"
what about thatun then
of the oldest legends in our country took place.
It may even be true.
The city Paks (pronounced pa:ksh) was a little
village in the 1600s and today is a small city
boasting Hungary's single nuclear plant. In the
past, the village had trouble with a neighboring
village. They kept sending their cows to graze
on Paks land, and vice-versa, knowing my
ancestors.
Once a foreigner attacked the Paks herdsman,
beat him badly, and confiscated his cows. But
this was not just any herdsman, it was the son
of the mayor! The people of Paks took up
arms - or rather, work tools they could wield as
arms. The result was a small battle between
the two villages, in which dozen of peasants bit
the dust.
The brave Paks army retreated in defeat.
The mayor of Paks, undaunted, ordered his
men to fabricate a cannon to blast the enemy
to smithereens. It was easier to order it than to
do so, as they did not have the necessary tools
and materials to build a cannon. "No matter,”
said the wise mayor, “Chop a tree down, and
create the cannon from its trunk!"
During the night the people of Paks created
the first wooden cannon in history, ready for
deployment. They towed it up a nearby hill, and
the entire village gathered around to watch the
victory.
The Gunmaster loaded the cannon with
gunpowder, put a large rock projectile in the
barrel, pointed the weapon towards the enemy
village and fired it... KABOOMM!!
Twenty people near the cannon died, and
many others were seriously wounded.
However the mayor survived, and immediately
issued a victory message for his people,
saying: "If we have so many dead, how many
can there be of the enemy?"
what about thatun then
Thanks but i aint 18 yet im only 15 NOT FAIR
Anyone for more dumb foreighners?
Anyone for more dumb foreighners?
I have to find this e-mail I was sent, something about the stupidest courtroom phrases or something....
Wasn't there a story of a farmer making love to a chicken and then getting crushed by a boulder which fell from above in the dawin Awards book too? Just imagine being the person to find that, strange.
Darkreaper wrote:
> Hey cheatguru, by any chance do you have a book called "The Darwin Awards"?
Yes, theres also a website for them, but theres another site, not as humourous, more factual, www.rotten.com if your not over 18 don't visit, not nice in some places, just thought i'd share it with you.
> Hey cheatguru, by any chance do you have a book called "The Darwin Awards"?
Yes, theres also a website for them, but theres another site, not as humourous, more factual, www.rotten.com if your not over 18 don't visit, not nice in some places, just thought i'd share it with you.
Wait a minute.....
doesn't Barney (the purple dino) go about spouting "1+1 is 2"?
OMG!!! This thread must be evil then!!!
doesn't Barney (the purple dino) go about spouting "1+1 is 2"?
OMG!!! This thread must be evil then!!!
"1+1= 2"
No wonder this thread is so popular
Original stuff!!
Gotta love it :o)
No wonder this thread is so popular
Original stuff!!
Gotta love it :o)
2.
Why?
Why?
1+1=?
Wasnt Eurasia a mediocre band from the 70's/80's?
Page: