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"A Goodbye"

This isn’t some craftily worded little parody or a creative piece of writing, I’m actually leaving the forums. I know lately I’ve been the malignant little tumour and done nothing of much use around here except be ‘controversial’ and annoy people – for this I am sorry. Lately I haven’t been pleasant to be around at all. Truth be told I’m depressed – not in a trendy gothic way, in a real haunting way. There’s not much in my life that makes me happy, in fact I’m struggling to find a simple example.

Nothing is wrong with my life, I think I’m just sick of the same routine. Wake up, go to school, learn, homework, essays. My plan is to gain perspective. See life from a different side, change parts of my life that I’m not happy with, and it somehow seems wasteful posting on an Internet forum when I should be learning life skills and stuff that I really know nothing about.

I’ve gone on and on about wanting to be a writer but I don’t think that will make me happy. This kind of messes up my future plans because my university plans are all set – however I’m starting to realise that perhaps this isn’t all that important to have a plan, I’m just going to take things as they come – try and enjoy life for once. Enjoying life is something I haven’t done for quite some time now. I know I’m not a particularly pleasant person but I’m going to try and get my piece of enjoyment from life. Maybe it’s something we’re all entitled to.

I’ve basically come to realise that I’m a very unbalanced person – either I’ll be happy or depressed – there’s no real equilibrium for me. I finally admitted my situation to a ‘real’ person, my mum. I told her everything about how I am unhappy with life, that I’m a confused little boy with no real plans or ideas and that I am pretty much depressed to the point of considering killing myself. She’s going to take my to the doctors, she thinks they can help me with medicine or something. Maybe balance me out somehow. I always knew I was unbalanced and that I wasn’t like other people but I didn’t know I was this bad. Since I’ve told my mum my family have treated me like I’m seriously ill, telling me I can “talk to them about anything” and they “just want to do what’s best for me”

I hope I don’t end up in a ward in a straightjacket eating all my meals through straws because I’m not allowed near cutlery. I don’t think I’d like that.

So, is this goodbye forever? Perhaps. Perhaps not. I need to sort my life out and that involved changing aspects of my life – and sitting at a computer nearly every night isn’t such a great achievement. The way I’ve been going lately I’ve been looking at a banning anyway and I doubt I’d have returned if that happened, again. So whilst I’m not banned here’s my little farewell. I’ve made something of a big deal about it – to be perfectly honest because it is a big deal for me. These forums have been a part of my life for nigh on 4 years and up-and-leaving isn’t the easiest thing in the world.

For the times I have had I am grateful. I remember fondly the early days – the spoofs and the constant parodies of stuff. I remember gaining an interest in writing due to the stuff I’ve seen here, something which has probably changed my means of self expression forever. I’ve talked to people here with fantastic outlooks on life, then again I’ve talked to some utter idiots.

I don’t know what my standing in the popularity stakes is at the moment, nor do I really care any more. Craving acceptance from Internet people is no longer on my agenda. I hope, however, that as I leave it is a fond farewell and not a good riddance.

A few of you are still on my msn list and when I am online (which will not be as much) I will gladly chat to you. I’m not trying to sever links I’ve made, just to change my life and be happy.

I’ll leave you with a quote that has offered me a reasonable level of comfort over the years.

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know”
- Ernest Hemmingway

You know my feelings kyle, I think you are an amazing individual and one day i hope to meet you in person.

One things for sure - if you wont be around here... good it can kinda corner you into an un enscapable corner so the change may do you well BUT i wont be reading your work here

SO EMAIL IT TO ME

I will do visa versa (critism on course no doubt)

Afternoon wrote:
> btw dont take medicine they just make you go all zombie like

BWAINZ!

*Drools*

Sayonara.

Later para.

*Removes Para from death list*

No first Mr Snuggly now you :(
btw dont take medicine they just make you go all zombie like

I'm not going to give you support, Mister Docks. I'm not going to say 'Omg I wiLL miss u so mch'.

Truth be told, Paradox, you're a good member of the forums and, I don't mean this ina derogatory way, I think you'll come back, some day. Possibly soon. Probably, even. Making a goodbye post will probably get you more abuse than it will support, anyway, as it looks like a plea for attention.

See you soon, my lover.

So I did. You're not blocked, just deleted. Feel free to talk to me whenever. That goes for most of you who have my email address.

Paradox: wrote:
> Thanks Biggles love, did you add me to msn a couple of days ago?

I added you absolutely ages ago. You must have deleted me at some point.

What is your msn paradox?

Thanks Biggles love, did you add me to msn a couple of days ago?