Viewing Thread:
"Comfort me"

I just got perhaps the most upsetting E-Mail I've ever read:

"shaun,

i'm sending u this as i thought u shold now as soon as possible so u don't waste any more time on E and can move on to a new obssesion. E is now dating J. i'm sorry shaun i know u really like her but she sees u more as a friend. i thought u should know so u don't get hurt later. sorry.

amber

P.s don't be too upset shaun i predict u'll find someone who care about u as much as u care about them"

She's bloody going out with one of my best friends. I'm really damn upset, been crying for the last hour. I need comfort.

SHEEPY wrote:
> So we've deceided he should pole the other bird?
>
> Now GO
****

Well...not exactly. We've decided he has no balls and that this Amber does indeed love him....

My spidey sense is telling me she might be a munter....Oo..maybe Shaneo is gay. Any dude who spends over an hour crying without losing a limb must be gay.

Maybe he suffers from light bladder weakness.

Remember: 97% of women over 40 do.
Sadly, the remaining 3% have either forgotten how to make urine, all healed up or collect it in buckets to throw at the evil oppressing dictator-bastård males.

How many men suffer from light bladder weakness, then?
How come there's no adverts for that, eh? Bloody women, taking up all our advertising space; I need a pad, dammit.

Although it wouldn't really be a pad, wouldn't it?
More like a bog roll with a loads of tissues bunged up one end. Or, perhaps, a condom with a balloon on the end.
Perhaps just a pipe, running down the side of your leg, into a special absorbant in-sole in your slippers.

I dunno.
Perhaps men are too manly to get 'bladder weakness' - where I come from, they call it free wee, or the unfettered stream. No messing about there.

I'd go down the pub, and we'd just be chatting away.
There's Jim - "Ack no!" He shouts, "I've only gone and p!ssed meself again. Any more 'o this, and I'll tie a knot in it. It's not like it gets much use, anyways."

Then Bill was all up in his face, he was like: "Whatever. I bone me wife twice a day at least."

Then there was that painful silence, when no-one wishes to remind him that his wife's been dead for three years.
But you can always rely on Bob to start to conversation going again.

"That's nothing," he scoffed, "I've started wearing nappies now - y'know, the ones you see on them really fat kids in Asda - it's non-bloody-stop, a neverending trickle of stagnant urine. If I ever go missing - just follow the water trail."

He sighed then, and got another round in; shaking his leg off as he went.

True stories: male bladder weakness.
The silent, shameful truth.

He's probably too tearful to get it up.

So we've deceided he should pole the other bird?

Now GO

*is a writer*

something tells me that shaun may need counselling now but frankly can it get any better than poetry and song? this stuff is pure gold.

Ta, I liked the third bit of the intro bit best.

Paradox: wrote:
> I used to like J but he's with E
> And Shaun, nobody is easier than me
> You're my pity date, the second best
> Want to get naked and oil up my chest?

Absolute unadulterated brilliance.

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?

Well hung.

VenomByte wrote:
> Indeed they do like sensetive guys. They just don't fancy them...
*****
So true.

Seriously, girls who like sensetive are lesbians. Hairy ones most of the time too.
;)