The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Muuuuuuuuuuuuh.
Worst film I've seen in ages.
"I'm Hugh Jackman, and I can't remember my past! What an original concept for you to get your heads around!"
"I'm a CGI beast and pose almost no threat!"
[CGI beast dies]
"I'm Kate Beckinsale and I have a terrible accent. I love you already, Van Helsing. Sorry, Van Haaalssing."
"No time for romance, I've got to fend off this CGI dog and a big gay man pretending to be Dracula!"
"Mwahahahaaa! I am Dracula! Watch as I make the most sinister character ever created look like a member of the Gypsy Kings!"
"We're Dracula's brides, can't act and are annoying"
"I'm Faramir, and I've wandered into the wrong movie. Oh well, how about I do some slapstick and you let me go back to Peter Jackson. No?"
"I'm Frankenstein's Monster. I'm saaad and want out of this movie."
"I'm the Wolfman and serve no real purpose, other than to be CG."
"Quiet, you distracting monsters. I must kill Dracula because he keeps trying to have kids with his annoying wives, and then they'll have really annoying children which will also have really bad accents. Watch as I act out scenes as a third-rate Indiana Jones, with my girlish locks and rubbish hat! Die Dracula, die in a really underwhelming and computer-generated way!"
[lots of other CGI beasts die, along with the entire film-loving community's hopes for a decent monster movie]
"Come Faramir, let us ride into the sunset, towards the inevitable sequel and action figures!"
Worst film I've seen in ages.
"I'm Hugh Jackman, and I can't remember my past! What an original concept for you to get your heads around!"
"I'm a CGI beast and pose almost no threat!"
[CGI beast dies]
"I'm Kate Beckinsale and I have a terrible accent. I love you already, Van Helsing. Sorry, Van Haaalssing."
"No time for romance, I've got to fend off this CGI dog and a big gay man pretending to be Dracula!"
"Mwahahahaaa! I am Dracula! Watch as I make the most sinister character ever created look like a member of the Gypsy Kings!"
"We're Dracula's brides, can't act and are annoying"
"I'm Faramir, and I've wandered into the wrong movie. Oh well, how about I do some slapstick and you let me go back to Peter Jackson. No?"
"I'm Frankenstein's Monster. I'm saaad and want out of this movie."
"I'm the Wolfman and serve no real purpose, other than to be CG."
"Quiet, you distracting monsters. I must kill Dracula because he keeps trying to have kids with his annoying wives, and then they'll have really annoying children which will also have really bad accents. Watch as I act out scenes as a third-rate Indiana Jones, with my girlish locks and rubbish hat! Die Dracula, die in a really underwhelming and computer-generated way!"
[lots of other CGI beasts die, along with the entire film-loving community's hopes for a decent monster movie]
"Come Faramir, let us ride into the sunset, towards the inevitable sequel and action figures!"
Page:
Silent Scope wrote:
> Erm LOTR?
No.
> Erm LOTR?
No.
ßora† §agdiyeV wrote:
> I don't know why anyone expected it to be anything less than mass
> produced butt rot.
Oh, I knew it would blow, but I wanted to see for myself just how bad it was. It was getting savaged in the States and I wanted to rubberneck. Hopefully, Mr Sommers won't be allowed to get his hands on any more Universal horror property after this.
> I don't know why anyone expected it to be anything less than mass
> produced butt rot.
Oh, I knew it would blow, but I wanted to see for myself just how bad it was. It was getting savaged in the States and I wanted to rubberneck. Hopefully, Mr Sommers won't be allowed to get his hands on any more Universal horror property after this.
How can it be a crap film? Paul Ross gave it five stars you idiot. He writes for a quality tabloid and everything.
I knew it'd be a stinker when I read that Sommers had come up with a cunning way of justifying the inclusion of Frankenstein's monster and Dracula in one film. His cunning plot? The monster can awaken Dracula's cohorts. Brilliant effort mate.
I wish that people would simply not go and watch these movies at all (a horror film that is 12a?) forcing the film companies to make some decent ones and not films aimed at then lowest common denominators.
I knew it'd be a stinker when I read that Sommers had come up with a cunning way of justifying the inclusion of Frankenstein's monster and Dracula in one film. His cunning plot? The monster can awaken Dracula's cohorts. Brilliant effort mate.
I wish that people would simply not go and watch these movies at all (a horror film that is 12a?) forcing the film companies to make some decent ones and not films aimed at then lowest common denominators.
I don't know why anyone expected it to be anything less than mass produced butt rot.
Bejam wrote:
> Of course it doesn't have deeply emotional characters, clever plot or
> stuff like that, it's a movie sold purely on it's action and special
> effects.
The special effects suck and the action set-pieces are pony (and mostly involve swinging). The more I thought about it, the more I realised I hated it.
> Of course it doesn't have deeply emotional characters, clever plot or
> stuff like that, it's a movie sold purely on it's action and special
> effects.
The special effects suck and the action set-pieces are pony (and mostly involve swinging). The more I thought about it, the more I realised I hated it.
Plotholes gallore, one for the kids really! Anytime theres a rope involved, how the hell do they make half of the swings?
1- across the huge gorge, wolf gets on, snaps rope n they land next to tree ehhh hows that work?
2- window to bridge n bridge to same window swinging at draculas castle - surely beat any gravity theory i know!??
1- across the huge gorge, wolf gets on, snaps rope n they land next to tree ehhh hows that work?
2- window to bridge n bridge to same window swinging at draculas castle - surely beat any gravity theory i know!??
I thought it was ok.
Was one for the young teens really.
CGI was a little too obvious, but didn't matter as I wasn't expecting a deep story or amazing action. I just fancied seeing something in the cinema.
Was one for the young teens really.
CGI was a little too obvious, but didn't matter as I wasn't expecting a deep story or amazing action. I just fancied seeing something in the cinema.
Ha, it looks so very sh*t. I really don't know why people even bothered going to see it in the firs**t place, from the trailer alone it looks like one of the wors**t films in ages.
I'll s**tick with shooting dogs in my back garden with a crossbow, thank you very much.
I'll s**tick with shooting dogs in my back garden with a crossbow, thank you very much.
I was going to see it yesterday, but thankfully came to my senses at the last minute and decided to leave it. I was hoping it was going to be a fun, possibly silly but still entertaining film in the same vein as The Mummy, but from the reviews I've read it sounds more like a confused, CGI laden mess like The Mummy Returns.
And that's not the end of it either, it's going to be turned into quite a lucrative franchise, a computer game, and animated series of films, a TV series, dare I say a sequel, a theme park ride as well as a multitude of toys. Seems like the film was made for one purpose and one purpose alone, money.
And that's not the end of it either, it's going to be turned into quite a lucrative franchise, a computer game, and animated series of films, a TV series, dare I say a sequel, a theme park ride as well as a multitude of toys. Seems like the film was made for one purpose and one purpose alone, money.
Bejam wrote:
> Of course it doesn't have deeply emotional characters, clever plot or
> stuff like that, it's a movie sold purely on it's action and special
> effects.
Have to agree, but I enjoyed Sommers "Deep Rising" immensely, and to a lesser extent "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns" (apart from Kevin O'Connor's excruciating comedy relief)
The trailers for this one just look uninspired, even the CGI in the *trailer* looks terrible.
I'm going to pass on this one.
> Of course it doesn't have deeply emotional characters, clever plot or
> stuff like that, it's a movie sold purely on it's action and special
> effects.
Have to agree, but I enjoyed Sommers "Deep Rising" immensely, and to a lesser extent "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns" (apart from Kevin O'Connor's excruciating comedy relief)
The trailers for this one just look uninspired, even the CGI in the *trailer* looks terrible.
I'm going to pass on this one.
Page: