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I'm in a state of depression. At a crossroads at which each path looks bleak and dank.They always say to be yourself but that is what they say and i am not one of them.
I could ignore who i am and continue down my original path after all change is hard.I long to see the end of my time to lie alone and know that it is over, that there is nothing more that i have to do. But that is a long way off and all though i long for the end i must wait, i will not shorten the time it takes it to come. To be my self would be bliss i could for once stop hiding, i would be free. But they would not like that for i am not one of them.
So i hide i push my true self down and cover it in layers of a reflected personality. When they are happy i will be happy, when they are sad i will be sad. Maybe one day the part of me that is me will burn out, the flicker of soul will extingush and i will truely be one of them. But if it will not die if i am to be me for the rest of my existance what then? They know i am not one of them they sense it. I am not one of them.
I push everyone away so that they do not see my soul, the true me but it does not always work. When the walls weaken and the true me escapes they do not like it. I am the enemy. They wish to hunt me down and stamp out the fire that burns within me, but when they leave and I am nothing but ashes the fire rekindles itself and the walls rebuild themselves and i will remain forever me.
I am not one of them.
> If you dont fit the stereotype
> Unless you don't fit the social stereotype and there's actually some
> other reason than the rather generic "people don't understand
> me" malarky. No, people never understand people. I'm not
> understood - Loki thought I was telling you to kill yourself - I
> wasn't - that's just the way I am.
Which part of the following symbol: ;) - didn't make it clear that my post was light-hearted?
But seriously, saying 'if you want to die, do it' may reasonably be perceived as unhelpful if directed at someone who turned out to be genuinely suicidal. Dont'ya think?
Basically you're a depressed person who wears black to make herthemselvesself individual but also semi-socially outcasted, but that really isn't you and you wonder why you don't fit it. Sorry to quote my own name but it's a paradox.
If you dont fit the stereotype
Unless you don't fit the social stereotype and there's actually some other reason than the rather generic "people don't understand me" malarky. No, people never understand people. I'm not understood - Loki thought I was telling you to kill yourself - I wasn't - that's just the way I am.
Don't get upset over what people think, whether they say things to you or whatever. Find yourself a small group of like-minded friends or a boyfriend/girlfriend and you'll have people to talk to. Vent yourself emotionally and you'll feel better for it. I talk about stuff with my girlfriend and I always feel better afterwards, alternatively I write things down, your thoughts look much less complicated on paper rather than swimming about in your head.
If you're stubborn and actually like been depressed
Some people like getting attention from being depressed and dont want to cheer people up. If you're one of those (which after posting for advice on a forum I doubt you are) then you're a waste of my time :-P
Hope something here managed to make a bit of sense to you, I hate depression
> Are you religious?
No but i suppose that there has to be someone who made everything...
However I will appease you Loki:
Try talking to some family or friends about how you feel. I've been depressed before and it helps a lot (women are generally the better listeners). Alternatively get a partner, a relationship is likely to open your eyes to how wonderful life can be, although at times it seems like a monotonous cycle. There is good in life, you've just got to look deeper than the surface.