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Forever Me
I'm in a state of depression. At a crossroads at which each path looks bleak and dank.They always say to be yourself but that is what they say and i am not one of them.
I could ignore who i am and continue down my original path after all change is hard.I long to see the end of my time to lie alone and know that it is over, that there is nothing more that i have to do. But that is a long way off and all though i long for the end i must wait, i will not shorten the time it takes it to come. To be my self would be bliss i could for once stop hiding, i would be free. But they would not like that for i am not one of them.
So i hide i push my true self down and cover it in layers of a reflected personality. When they are happy i will be happy, when they are sad i will be sad. Maybe one day the part of me that is me will burn out, the flicker of soul will extingush and i will truely be one of them. But if it will not die if i am to be me for the rest of my existance what then? They know i am not one of them they sense it. I am not one of them.
I push everyone away so that they do not see my soul, the true me but it does not always work. When the walls weaken and the true me escapes they do not like it. I am the enemy. They wish to hunt me down and stamp out the fire that burns within me, but when they leave and I am nothing but ashes the fire rekindles itself and the walls rebuild themselves and i will remain forever me.
I am not one of them.
I'm in a state of depression. At a crossroads at which each path looks bleak and dank.They always say to be yourself but that is what they say and i am not one of them.
I could ignore who i am and continue down my original path after all change is hard.I long to see the end of my time to lie alone and know that it is over, that there is nothing more that i have to do. But that is a long way off and all though i long for the end i must wait, i will not shorten the time it takes it to come. To be my self would be bliss i could for once stop hiding, i would be free. But they would not like that for i am not one of them.
So i hide i push my true self down and cover it in layers of a reflected personality. When they are happy i will be happy, when they are sad i will be sad. Maybe one day the part of me that is me will burn out, the flicker of soul will extingush and i will truely be one of them. But if it will not die if i am to be me for the rest of my existance what then? They know i am not one of them they sense it. I am not one of them.
I push everyone away so that they do not see my soul, the true me but it does not always work. When the walls weaken and the true me escapes they do not like it. I am the enemy. They wish to hunt me down and stamp out the fire that burns within me, but when they leave and I am nothing but ashes the fire rekindles itself and the walls rebuild themselves and i will remain forever me.
I am not one of them.
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The Lord of Darkness
As i lie here the light fades and i gradually fall. I'm caught by Him, He takes me into his arms, the Dark Knight swears to protect me and i know that i am safe, he pulls me into the night, into the darkness. I go willingly but all to soon the night is gone and the light returns. I go into the land of the living and all i see is decay and corruption. I wait for the night when he takes me into his arms but again the night does not last long enough. Every night i fall into darkness and every morning i am thrust into the light. I begin to see it for what it really is, various shades of grey, and i long for the night with it's dark rich colours and feelings. In the light they say i am becoming pale, i am fading, only a shadow of what i was. I hardly talk instead i give a vague smile and nod when they talk to me, smile and nod, smile and nod until no one notices me. I return to my Lord in Darkness and ask him, plead with him to let me stay in his arms forever. I am thrust back into the light and think about His words to me. I watch the sun shine it's rays of poison down onto the earth, i look down at my feet and decide. I will join my Lord for everlasting darkness, i will make a blood sacrifice to Him and i will give Him pure blood, the blood of a maiden, my blood. The light shines off the knife in my hand, my sacrificial dagger, i plunge it into my chest, the pain is great but not as great as my joy at the thought of being with Him forever.As my heart beats its last beat i smile, i will join my Lord, i have given Him the great sacrifice He asked for, I have given myself to darkness.
As i lie here the light fades and i gradually fall. I'm caught by Him, He takes me into his arms, the Dark Knight swears to protect me and i know that i am safe, he pulls me into the night, into the darkness. I go willingly but all to soon the night is gone and the light returns. I go into the land of the living and all i see is decay and corruption. I wait for the night when he takes me into his arms but again the night does not last long enough. Every night i fall into darkness and every morning i am thrust into the light. I begin to see it for what it really is, various shades of grey, and i long for the night with it's dark rich colours and feelings. In the light they say i am becoming pale, i am fading, only a shadow of what i was. I hardly talk instead i give a vague smile and nod when they talk to me, smile and nod, smile and nod until no one notices me. I return to my Lord in Darkness and ask him, plead with him to let me stay in his arms forever. I am thrust back into the light and think about His words to me. I watch the sun shine it's rays of poison down onto the earth, i look down at my feet and decide. I will join my Lord for everlasting darkness, i will make a blood sacrifice to Him and i will give Him pure blood, the blood of a maiden, my blood. The light shines off the knife in my hand, my sacrificial dagger, i plunge it into my chest, the pain is great but not as great as my joy at the thought of being with Him forever.As my heart beats its last beat i smile, i will join my Lord, i have given Him the great sacrifice He asked for, I have given myself to darkness.
Deathskitten wrote:
> 11yrs of being depressed and my mother has finally asked if anything
> is the matter cause i seem a little down. miracles do happen and it's
> not even near christmas...
Try not to put too much importance on the maths test, everyone's got their weak subjects, i would suggest talking to your mum and try to be patient with her because it can be very difficult to explain whats going on.
> 11yrs of being depressed and my mother has finally asked if anything
> is the matter cause i seem a little down. miracles do happen and it's
> not even near christmas...
Try not to put too much importance on the maths test, everyone's got their weak subjects, i would suggest talking to your mum and try to be patient with her because it can be very difficult to explain whats going on.
11yrs of being depressed and my mother has finally asked if anything is the matter cause i seem a little down. miracles do happen and it's not even near christmas...
now am bored.............very very bored.....
just done maths exam.... failed...damn
Deathskitten wrote:
> have stupid maths exam on monday... gonna fail it... damn
Keep busy and try your hardest.
> have stupid maths exam on monday... gonna fail it... damn
Keep busy and try your hardest.
have stupid maths exam on monday... gonna fail it... damn
Deathskitten wrote:
> not doing too badly. too busy to be depressed at the moment.
Good, it'll help to keep busy, if it stops you from thinking.
> not doing too badly. too busy to be depressed at the moment.
Good, it'll help to keep busy, if it stops you from thinking.
Archangel wrote:
> I hope Deathskitten responds to this post. I want to know how you're
> doing. Well, I hope. You posted at one time that no one cares
> "whether I live or die." I care. Others here do, too. So
> tell us how you're doing. We want to know.
not doing too badly. too busy to be depressed at the moment.
> I hope Deathskitten responds to this post. I want to know how you're
> doing. Well, I hope. You posted at one time that no one cares
> "whether I live or die." I care. Others here do, too. So
> tell us how you're doing. We want to know.
not doing too badly. too busy to be depressed at the moment.
depression lets me think clearly
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