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Following the recent horrific bombing of rush-hour trains in Spain, President George W Bush gave an historic press conference outside of Camp David where he had retreated for the week to do jigsaws and potato-paintings of tanks.
Standing sombrely safely within the camp, President Bush began his speech, pausing only for dramatic effect and the correct pronunciations of really big words through his ear-piece.
“Ladies and Generalmen, what happened in France is a terrible, terrible act of despicable terror. We show our support and solidarity with that brave country by doing absolutely nothing and privately using this as an excuse to ramp up the Home Protection Act, which gives us powers to look into your brains with big space lasers and see if you are a communist. But rest assured, Al-Queda is to blame. Not ETA or other minor separatist terror groups operating for almost 40 years. Nope, it’s Al-Queda without doubt. I have here some intelligence that proves, beyond any pail of a doubt, that those evil Arabs did it.”
(at this point, it should be noted that President Bush showed an impressively thick sheaf of papers, which he wiggled aloft like a newborn baby. But a baby made of paper and badly-researched intelligence from 12 year old thesis reports downloaded with Kazak)
“So you can see, our detention of people that couldn’t run away fast enough in Afghanhoundiran is entirely justified. Now, I’m aware that major media outlets around the world are criticising Camp X-Ray for torturing people held without charge for over two years. But the actions of evil killer Muslims today prove that surely it’s safer to snatch and torture innocent civilians away from your prying, do-goody eyes than it is to simply let this happen.
Ok, so it did happen despite the moral outrage and international condemnation of the tactics and treatments in Guantanemo. And I grant you, it would appear that the terror attacks in Germany today do indicate that our actions in detaining people without charge indefinitely would actually appear to be doing nothing at all to combat terrorism. But surely you can see how it might be a good thing, and today that is what this is all about.
Al-Queda is an evil, barbaric group and I can conclusively report that they are to blame for everything in the entire world. Take it from me and pa, Hussein was only the first. Many many more former CIA-backed dictators will be brought to justice and whisked to godknows where.
So, Al-Queda does all the bad things in the world. And we suggest that you stay indoors and watch quality entertainment shows on Fox Network and drink lots and lots of alcohol to keep you stupid and oblivious. And should you feel the need to fear and loathe anybody not White Anglo-Saxon, then we shall assist you by creating lots and lots of big movies with Muslims, Arabs and darkies as the villains.
You have nothing to fear but evil-eyed immigrants who wish to do you harm, steal your grandmother and possibly want to borrow your hedge-strimmer and never give it back.”
Following this press conference, most major news networks decided to agree with the unofficial suggestion from government to not report the recently-freed innocent British civilians held without charge and subjected to mental/physical torture. They also agreed to never ever mention Saddam Hussein, indeed a recent poll shows that 87% of the public have completely forgotten about the now-disappeared former “Most Evil Man in The World”.
Chuck Deadweight, 43, said “Hell, ah figured that Hoo-sayn was dead. We saw that eye-raki being yanked from the ground like a weed and stuff, but since then there’s been nothin’ on the toob ‘cept war movies and adverts for beer”
Prime Minster Tony Blair was asked for his opinion, and offered little of interest in between that insincere, crocodile-smile he employs when feeling pressured.
He also refused to comment on the vandal that broke into the House of Commons and scrawled on the despatch box “Blair is a c###” (as in today’s Daily Mail, Express and Times).
Al-Queda spokesman, Neruh-Al-Jihad expressed outrage at the attacks in Spain.
“It sucks man, we’re getting blamed for that and everything else. I swear, we’re the bogeyman now. Used to be, after September 11th, you heard Al-Queda and were afraid. But now we’re responsible for everything from obesity in Americans to the decline in quality of recent Simpson episodes, people are losing the fear and respect we crave. It’s like, the boy who cried Camel and stuff. Pretty soon, Al-Queda will mean nothing, and we’ll have to strike with even more horrific attacks just to keep our membership in the Evil Groups Club”
When asked if the constant linking of Al-Queda to every single little incident anywhere on the planet would mean that, eventually, people thought of them as little more than a footnote in history, instead of the threat that they are, President Bush had this to say:
”Remember the Ayotollah? He was evil for a bit. As was Gadaffi. We used to hate those guys, but after a couple decades of insurgence, US-backed death squads and the rigging of elections to ensure a West-friendly dictator was installed, we like them now. Trust me, in 10 years from now, we’ll be inviting Bin-Laden back to America to chat to Rumsfeld again, like we did with Hussein in the 1980s. Right during his gassing period, strangely! It’s a wacky world I tells ya!”
A poll conducted with the British public to ascertain their feelings on the “War” on terror revealed that the average Briton was more concerned over who would win Big Brother and what happened in Eastenders.
Sociology Professor Dr. Hfuurrhhurrr was quoted as saying “Classic Ostrich syndrome, with the head in the sand and pretending everything is ok, things will never change. As long as it isn’t happening on their doorstep, nobody seems to care really.”
Indeed, it would appear that people are only too happy to read scare stories in tabloid newspapers and view strangers with fear and suspicion.
The Daily Mail knew exactly who is to blame in a 3-page pullout entitled
”Gays! Evil single mum muslim gays die die die”.
This article played up to the stereotype of the illegal immigrant smuggling themselves over inside a banana to move in next door to your granny and try to tempt her into Islam with a nice bit of fish (probably a BOMBFISH!!!!) and also managed to suggest that teenagers having sex were part of the problem.
As it stands, the recent attacks in Spain are being laid firmly at the door of Al-Queda. Whilst this does provide a decent excuse to bump the story of tortured, innocent civilians from the national conscience, it also allows a climate of bigotry, misunderstanding, hate and fear to prevail.
But don’t worry, because Eastenders may be going 5 nights a week soon.
So stay indoors, consume the opiate programming and be safe in the knowledge that your government is combating the war on terror.
By encouraging ignorance, rewarding stupidity and from refusing to even consider spending the billions they do on weapons on educating and helping the poor, young members of a culture that views The West with suspicion, hatred and fear.
A cycle that will never end as long as you keep swallowing lies and excuses instead of demanding action.
Standing sombrely safely within the camp, President Bush began his speech, pausing only for dramatic effect and the correct pronunciations of really big words through his ear-piece.
“Ladies and Generalmen, what happened in France is a terrible, terrible act of despicable terror. We show our support and solidarity with that brave country by doing absolutely nothing and privately using this as an excuse to ramp up the Home Protection Act, which gives us powers to look into your brains with big space lasers and see if you are a communist. But rest assured, Al-Queda is to blame. Not ETA or other minor separatist terror groups operating for almost 40 years. Nope, it’s Al-Queda without doubt. I have here some intelligence that proves, beyond any pail of a doubt, that those evil Arabs did it.”
(at this point, it should be noted that President Bush showed an impressively thick sheaf of papers, which he wiggled aloft like a newborn baby. But a baby made of paper and badly-researched intelligence from 12 year old thesis reports downloaded with Kazak)
“So you can see, our detention of people that couldn’t run away fast enough in Afghanhoundiran is entirely justified. Now, I’m aware that major media outlets around the world are criticising Camp X-Ray for torturing people held without charge for over two years. But the actions of evil killer Muslims today prove that surely it’s safer to snatch and torture innocent civilians away from your prying, do-goody eyes than it is to simply let this happen.
Ok, so it did happen despite the moral outrage and international condemnation of the tactics and treatments in Guantanemo. And I grant you, it would appear that the terror attacks in Germany today do indicate that our actions in detaining people without charge indefinitely would actually appear to be doing nothing at all to combat terrorism. But surely you can see how it might be a good thing, and today that is what this is all about.
Al-Queda is an evil, barbaric group and I can conclusively report that they are to blame for everything in the entire world. Take it from me and pa, Hussein was only the first. Many many more former CIA-backed dictators will be brought to justice and whisked to godknows where.
So, Al-Queda does all the bad things in the world. And we suggest that you stay indoors and watch quality entertainment shows on Fox Network and drink lots and lots of alcohol to keep you stupid and oblivious. And should you feel the need to fear and loathe anybody not White Anglo-Saxon, then we shall assist you by creating lots and lots of big movies with Muslims, Arabs and darkies as the villains.
You have nothing to fear but evil-eyed immigrants who wish to do you harm, steal your grandmother and possibly want to borrow your hedge-strimmer and never give it back.”
Following this press conference, most major news networks decided to agree with the unofficial suggestion from government to not report the recently-freed innocent British civilians held without charge and subjected to mental/physical torture. They also agreed to never ever mention Saddam Hussein, indeed a recent poll shows that 87% of the public have completely forgotten about the now-disappeared former “Most Evil Man in The World”.
Chuck Deadweight, 43, said “Hell, ah figured that Hoo-sayn was dead. We saw that eye-raki being yanked from the ground like a weed and stuff, but since then there’s been nothin’ on the toob ‘cept war movies and adverts for beer”
Prime Minster Tony Blair was asked for his opinion, and offered little of interest in between that insincere, crocodile-smile he employs when feeling pressured.
He also refused to comment on the vandal that broke into the House of Commons and scrawled on the despatch box “Blair is a c###” (as in today’s Daily Mail, Express and Times).
Al-Queda spokesman, Neruh-Al-Jihad expressed outrage at the attacks in Spain.
“It sucks man, we’re getting blamed for that and everything else. I swear, we’re the bogeyman now. Used to be, after September 11th, you heard Al-Queda and were afraid. But now we’re responsible for everything from obesity in Americans to the decline in quality of recent Simpson episodes, people are losing the fear and respect we crave. It’s like, the boy who cried Camel and stuff. Pretty soon, Al-Queda will mean nothing, and we’ll have to strike with even more horrific attacks just to keep our membership in the Evil Groups Club”
When asked if the constant linking of Al-Queda to every single little incident anywhere on the planet would mean that, eventually, people thought of them as little more than a footnote in history, instead of the threat that they are, President Bush had this to say:
”Remember the Ayotollah? He was evil for a bit. As was Gadaffi. We used to hate those guys, but after a couple decades of insurgence, US-backed death squads and the rigging of elections to ensure a West-friendly dictator was installed, we like them now. Trust me, in 10 years from now, we’ll be inviting Bin-Laden back to America to chat to Rumsfeld again, like we did with Hussein in the 1980s. Right during his gassing period, strangely! It’s a wacky world I tells ya!”
A poll conducted with the British public to ascertain their feelings on the “War” on terror revealed that the average Briton was more concerned over who would win Big Brother and what happened in Eastenders.
Sociology Professor Dr. Hfuurrhhurrr was quoted as saying “Classic Ostrich syndrome, with the head in the sand and pretending everything is ok, things will never change. As long as it isn’t happening on their doorstep, nobody seems to care really.”
Indeed, it would appear that people are only too happy to read scare stories in tabloid newspapers and view strangers with fear and suspicion.
The Daily Mail knew exactly who is to blame in a 3-page pullout entitled
”Gays! Evil single mum muslim gays die die die”.
This article played up to the stereotype of the illegal immigrant smuggling themselves over inside a banana to move in next door to your granny and try to tempt her into Islam with a nice bit of fish (probably a BOMBFISH!!!!) and also managed to suggest that teenagers having sex were part of the problem.
As it stands, the recent attacks in Spain are being laid firmly at the door of Al-Queda. Whilst this does provide a decent excuse to bump the story of tortured, innocent civilians from the national conscience, it also allows a climate of bigotry, misunderstanding, hate and fear to prevail.
But don’t worry, because Eastenders may be going 5 nights a week soon.
So stay indoors, consume the opiate programming and be safe in the knowledge that your government is combating the war on terror.
By encouraging ignorance, rewarding stupidity and from refusing to even consider spending the billions they do on weapons on educating and helping the poor, young members of a culture that views The West with suspicion, hatred and fear.
A cycle that will never end as long as you keep swallowing lies and excuses instead of demanding action.
Page:
Bell has a point there. I don't think that Iraq played all that big a part in the reasons behind the bombings. I think it may have been a small thought, but nothing more.
I think its more likely that Iraq wasn't as much as the cause of the bombings, but the latest attempt at justification.
Then again, i've never met any terrorists, with any luck i never will, so i might be wrong. Its just an idea.
I think its more likely that Iraq wasn't as much as the cause of the bombings, but the latest attempt at justification.
Then again, i've never met any terrorists, with any luck i never will, so i might be wrong. Its just an idea.
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> This is exactly what terrorist groups want, people ruled by fear.
> They'd take responsibility for everything if they thought it would
> turn people against their leaders.
Wrong - in part, they don't want the West to live in fear, they want each and every person dead.
As it is the bombs in Madrid have - in all likelihood, changed the outcome of the Spanish Elections - the losing party was polling ahead by 10% until the bombs - voter turnout was higher than 2000 by about 9% and so far the explanation being offered is that younger voters who would not usually vote did so, and voted socialist because of their anti-war stance. However, until the bombs, despite the previous governments pro war stance, the previous ruling party was still all set to win.
Clearly younger voters did so in the belief that a socialist government would pull out of Iraq, hence Al Qaeda will not target Spain...that's my theory anyway.
You are right that Al Qaeda wants to turn people against their leaders, that is increasingly looking like the secondary objective of the Madrid blasts and given the effect it wouldn't be surprising if they try similar elsewhere. Even so, Al Qaeda has done a pretty good job of dividing people and the world before Madrid anyway, it's exactly what they want to happen because it makes the chance of a united attack against them less and less likely to happen.
You think the terrorists went around the platform and on the trains in Madrid and did a poll of who was for and against Iraq before they blew everyone to crap? You think there was quick straw poll onboard the 9/11 hijacked airliners on who supported what policies in the Middle East with parchutes given out to those who disagreed with what went on their? Was their hell.... Al Qaeda and their supporters don't care, if you're not a follower of their own screwed up version of Islam and you live in the West or a Western allied country then you're a target, they want you dead.
I'll now await Gotaboy/Light to continue squabbling rather than actually try discuss the topic, Light will of course (though by saying this I may change the future) feel the need to insert his usual "I don't argue but Bell is yadda yadda yadda" which will be longer than any actual on topic paragraphs.
> This is exactly what terrorist groups want, people ruled by fear.
> They'd take responsibility for everything if they thought it would
> turn people against their leaders.
Wrong - in part, they don't want the West to live in fear, they want each and every person dead.
As it is the bombs in Madrid have - in all likelihood, changed the outcome of the Spanish Elections - the losing party was polling ahead by 10% until the bombs - voter turnout was higher than 2000 by about 9% and so far the explanation being offered is that younger voters who would not usually vote did so, and voted socialist because of their anti-war stance. However, until the bombs, despite the previous governments pro war stance, the previous ruling party was still all set to win.
Clearly younger voters did so in the belief that a socialist government would pull out of Iraq, hence Al Qaeda will not target Spain...that's my theory anyway.
You are right that Al Qaeda wants to turn people against their leaders, that is increasingly looking like the secondary objective of the Madrid blasts and given the effect it wouldn't be surprising if they try similar elsewhere. Even so, Al Qaeda has done a pretty good job of dividing people and the world before Madrid anyway, it's exactly what they want to happen because it makes the chance of a united attack against them less and less likely to happen.
You think the terrorists went around the platform and on the trains in Madrid and did a poll of who was for and against Iraq before they blew everyone to crap? You think there was quick straw poll onboard the 9/11 hijacked airliners on who supported what policies in the Middle East with parchutes given out to those who disagreed with what went on their? Was their hell.... Al Qaeda and their supporters don't care, if you're not a follower of their own screwed up version of Islam and you live in the West or a Western allied country then you're a target, they want you dead.
I'll now await Gotaboy/Light to continue squabbling rather than actually try discuss the topic, Light will of course (though by saying this I may change the future) feel the need to insert his usual "I don't argue but Bell is yadda yadda yadda" which will be longer than any actual on topic paragraphs.
Humour? Since when was terrorism, which ends up with dead people, a worthy subject of humour?
"Yay !!! Hundreds dead!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha"
Bet it'd go down a storm in New York, Madrid....
The fact is that the Spanish government, like our own, has warned constantly that Al Qaeda could strike. And every time you get muppets like Goatboy claiming it's all a scam, jsut to keep people scared etc It's not, the threat is real and unless we are very lucky one day it will be our country. From what we know the Spanish had zero idea this was coming.
But hey, let's have a laugh, terrorism is FUNNY. People being blown to bits for having the temerity to stand at a train station is FUNNY.
"Yay !!! Hundreds dead!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha"
Bet it'd go down a storm in New York, Madrid....
The fact is that the Spanish government, like our own, has warned constantly that Al Qaeda could strike. And every time you get muppets like Goatboy claiming it's all a scam, jsut to keep people scared etc It's not, the threat is real and unless we are very lucky one day it will be our country. From what we know the Spanish had zero idea this was coming.
But hey, let's have a laugh, terrorism is FUNNY. People being blown to bits for having the temerity to stand at a train station is FUNNY.
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> Edit: And for the record, if you fail to see the humour in the
> original post for what it was, then you're on the same clueless train
> as Forest Fan. Choo choo.
Never been compared to a train before, that's a new one.
> Edit: And for the record, if you fail to see the humour in the
> original post for what it was, then you're on the same clueless train
> as Forest Fan. Choo choo.
Never been compared to a train before, that's a new one.
Show me a post where someone said it wasn't done by Al-Qaeda. Go on. That seems to be the main point of your post. Show me. Pop one now, go on.
I think you'll find Goatboy's extremely simple point was that whenever something bad happens in the world, whether there's evidence or not, the fingers are always pointed at Al-Qaeda. On this occasion, they may well be right. But it didn't stop them from proclaiming them guilty and peppering the front pages with horror stories about how we're next, without a shred of credible evidence.
This is exactly what terrorist groups want, people ruled by fear. They'd take responsibility for everything if they thought it would turn people against their leaders. Quit reading things the way you want to read them and actually try and consider things from both sides of the argument, not just from underneath your crispy, bald-eagle emblazoned duvet.
Edit: And for the record, if you fail to see the humour in the original post for what it was, then you're on the same clueless train as Forest Fan. Choo choo.
I think you'll find Goatboy's extremely simple point was that whenever something bad happens in the world, whether there's evidence or not, the fingers are always pointed at Al-Qaeda. On this occasion, they may well be right. But it didn't stop them from proclaiming them guilty and peppering the front pages with horror stories about how we're next, without a shred of credible evidence.
This is exactly what terrorist groups want, people ruled by fear. They'd take responsibility for everything if they thought it would turn people against their leaders. Quit reading things the way you want to read them and actually try and consider things from both sides of the argument, not just from underneath your crispy, bald-eagle emblazoned duvet.
Edit: And for the record, if you fail to see the humour in the original post for what it was, then you're on the same clueless train as Forest Fan. Choo choo.
Ah the increasingly famous double standards.
Goatboy "wah people are saying it's Al Qaeda and I am right and they are wrong, though I have no evidence and have made fun of every single time the government has warned Britain may be a target"
Evidence emerges it is more than likely Al Qaeda.
Goatboy (+ sundry hangers on) "wah nasty Belldandy didn't make any assumptions who did it but we all did and said it wouldn't be Al Qaeda - Belldandy has no evidence (like us when we made fun of people saying it would be Al Qaeda) but he's wrong. Wah etc"
Carry on...
Though from all account Al Qaeda got two notes in history this time from one attack...
BTW, any of you care to go back to the actual topic rather than whining at me because your cynicism was proved wrong? Or are we trying to deflect attention from that?
Goatboy "wah people are saying it's Al Qaeda and I am right and they are wrong, though I have no evidence and have made fun of every single time the government has warned Britain may be a target"
Evidence emerges it is more than likely Al Qaeda.
Goatboy (+ sundry hangers on) "wah nasty Belldandy didn't make any assumptions who did it but we all did and said it wouldn't be Al Qaeda - Belldandy has no evidence (like us when we made fun of people saying it would be Al Qaeda) but he's wrong. Wah etc"
Carry on...
Though from all account Al Qaeda got two notes in history this time from one attack...
BTW, any of you care to go back to the actual topic rather than whining at me because your cynicism was proved wrong? Or are we trying to deflect attention from that?
Goatboy wrote:
> Stuff wot amused me
Heh. You know something? I wish I still got the same enjoyment out of humiliating Bell with his prissy lack of humour, and pathological need to take himself seriously (cos someone has to). But I've done it so often, and made him look so dumb on so many occasions, that it's lost it's sparkle. I think maybe I need a break from Bellbaiting. At the moment, it's as challenging as kneading dough and it's not like the rest of the forum haven't had the truth of what a coward he is hammered home on numerous occasions.
Hmm...
> Stuff wot amused me
Heh. You know something? I wish I still got the same enjoyment out of humiliating Bell with his prissy lack of humour, and pathological need to take himself seriously (cos someone has to). But I've done it so often, and made him look so dumb on so many occasions, that it's lost it's sparkle. I think maybe I need a break from Bellbaiting. At the moment, it's as challenging as kneading dough and it's not like the rest of the forum haven't had the truth of what a coward he is hammered home on numerous occasions.
Hmm...
I don't believe this account, George Bush would never have spoken for so long
Sssshhh, don't mention all the front pages of Britain's national newspapers on Friday, it'll spoil whatever point he's trying to make.
And as soon as he works out what that point is, I'll proceed to highlight the staggering inadaquecies in his responses.
And as soon as he works out what that point is, I'll proceed to highlight the staggering inadaquecies in his responses.
> Belldandy wrote:
> Well I'm still failing to see a great deal of evidence that the
> media
> is laying the Madrid attacks "firmly on Al-Qaeda"...
> -------
Hmm, the Express headline at the weekends, plus countless other Daily Mail headlines have all read thusly:
"WAS IT AL-QAEDA?"
"IT COULD HAVE BEEN AL-QAEDA"
"THIS WAS PROBABLY AL-QAEDA"
"I KNOW THIS HANDIWORK, IT COULD ONLY BE AL-QAEDA"
The fact is, no-one knows who did it yet, and yeah, it's more than likely going to end up being attributed to them, but it's scaremongering to suggest something when you have absolutely no evidence to back up your claims.
> Well I'm still failing to see a great deal of evidence that the
> media
> is laying the Madrid attacks "firmly on Al-Qaeda"...
> -------
Hmm, the Express headline at the weekends, plus countless other Daily Mail headlines have all read thusly:
"WAS IT AL-QAEDA?"
"IT COULD HAVE BEEN AL-QAEDA"
"THIS WAS PROBABLY AL-QAEDA"
"I KNOW THIS HANDIWORK, IT COULD ONLY BE AL-QAEDA"
The fact is, no-one knows who did it yet, and yeah, it's more than likely going to end up being attributed to them, but it's scaremongering to suggest something when you have absolutely no evidence to back up your claims.
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