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I'll admit straight out the gate that I'm biased, I love the original Star Wars trilogy like an illegitimate film baby.
They're being released on DVD later this year and I'll buy them - Special Edition or not, it doesn't matter.
Star Wars holds a place in my heart, my childhood and my memories. The defining movies of my generation, and they'll always be that way. No amount of tinkering or rejigging by Lucas can change that.
Why?
Because Star Wars was the first film I ever saw. And the first time I'd ever been to the cinema.
I was 4 yrs old, Saturday morning and my dad took me to the cinema to introduce me to films. This was when The Odeon in Harlow was a gigantic, single screen place with an upper balcony, the left-hand side reserved for smokers and a woman would come down after the adverts with her little tray and you could buy Ki-Ora and Cornettos before the film started.
They played a cartoon first, I had my drink and settled back.
The curtains drew back and everything went dark.
Then *that* music started and the opening crawl came up (dad read it to me in case I missed any).
Then a rumble started from the back of the cinema, I remember turning round and looking to see what it was.
And then that Star Destroyer hoved into view. It just slowly appeared and kept appearing for what seemed like an age. I'd never ever seen anything like it before. Then the corridor and the rebels running down, the silent anticipation of what was to come.
I was glued to my seat, saucer eyed and slack-jawed.
The door blows in and Stormtroopers come out, then from the smoke? The greatest screen villain in my history:
Darth Vader. Strolling out from the smoke, dressed in black, breathing strangely and strangling a rebel. Terrified me beyond words.
You can't imagine the effect that film had on a 4yr old Goatboy. No experience like it ever before, nothing to compare it to, a vocabulary too small to explain. I made my dad take me back 5 times to watch it, and I had all the toys. I loved that world completely.
I wanted to be Luke Skywalker - the innocent naive kid that wanted to be a Star Pilot at the Academy, wanted to have adventures and see things. We all wanted that. We wanted Chewbacca as a friend, droids as cool toys and we wanted Landspeeders, lightsabers and The Death Star.
It unlocked my imagination and gave birth to a love of movies in me.
You had the classic villain, Darth Vader. You had the shining good guy Luke Skywalker, you had the Princess, the nice old man Ben Kenobi etc.
This was a world we'd never even thought could exist before.
And then 4 years later came The Empire Strikes Back.
You better believe me and my mates were at the front of the queue.
We were 8 now, and much more adult and grown up. We'd all seen Star Wars dozens of times between us (this was before the birth of VHS remember, you couldn't see them anywhere else *but* the cinema) and we knew the story.
We settled back, almost bursting with excitement and we were taken to that world again.
Hoth? Snow? Luke attacked by a Yeti and left for dead? NO WAY! But here comes Han Solo and Chewie, just as we remembered them to save him.
His mates came looking for him, they'd never let their friend die. We understood that and would do the same, we swore to each other.
AT-AT Walkers? Yoda? Ben Kenobi back? This was so much more than we ever hoped.
And then *that* moment. The greatest twist and so unexpected. We had no idea it was coming and there was just no way it could be.
"I am your Father"
????????Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's dad????????
Han Solo frozen and taken away by Boba Fett????????
Luke with a robot hand??????
And Empire ends.
We had to wait another 4 years to find out what was happening.
12 years old. The final chapter.
Jabba The Hut, Leia is Luke's sister? Speederbike chases, Ewoks (meh), Yoda dies? Han & Leia get it together? The Emperor dead, Vader's face revealed, reconciliation between father & son. The whole gang back together, The Empire defeated, the universe is calm and safe.
Faultless.
Movies that we had began to watch aged 4. Characters we grew up with and wanted to be so badly. Dialogue we knew and quoted in the playground.
Han Solo, Stormtroopers, Jabba, The Cantina, Greedo, the trash-compactor, the Death Star finale, the trench-run, AT-AT walkers, Millenium Falcon, X-Wings, Darth Vader, Han Solo in carbonite, "I love you" "I know", Speederbikes.
All these things have become cinema iconography and etched in the memory of those that saw them at the cinema as kids, formative cinema years and introductions to movies and sci-fi.
Absolutely incomparable to anything else since, Star Wars led the way for summer blockbusters and invented the whole genre.
And then 22 years later after Star Wars came out, Lucas announces he's making another 3.
Millions of 25-30yr olds instantly arc streams of fanboy silk-love into the ether.
We see stills, hear snippets, watch the music video, see the toys appearing, see the posters months in advance. We hear rumours:
Obi-Wan is back, Yoda is there, the Droids.
This will be the coolest thing since I was 4 years old.
The Phantom Menace.
THAT music blares, the opening crawl. Idiot grin on my face, I'm 4 again. I'm right back there seeing it for the first time.
The ship flies over again...I'm ready for this after 22 years of waiting, I want this to be good.
...ummm.....
This sounds like Star Wars, it looks like Star Wars. But it's not Star Wars, something's wrong.
Where's the banter between characters?
Where's the loveable rogue?
Where's the innocent, lusting for excitement everyday kid?
Where's the villain?
Where's the stormtroopers?
Where are the set pieces?
Where is the memorable dialogue?
I see earnest cheesy "But Master" "No, you are young" from what are supposed to be Jedi Knights. Where's the "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper"? Where's "Ah that conversation was getting boring anyway"? Where's "I don't care what you smell, get down there you big furball?"
There's no snappy wit, there's no jokes, there's no cynicism.
There's some crap about trade blockades, some pasty faced man-voiced Queen saying "I will nard give in do them Vice Chansellorrrr"
There's some annoying little kid that shouts "Wizards!" in a space battle.
There's no C3P0 and R2D2 banter, there's nothing in the dialogue.
There's no villain here. I saw Darth Maul in the trailer, I want Darth Maul. I want to feel like these guys are in danger, mortal danger from The Empire. Eh? There's no Empire????? What the fu-
No Stormtroopers? Just these tossy battle-droids that say "Roger Roger"?
Jar-Jar? A comedy character? What is this?
No wait, here's Darth Maul. Now it's gonna get good!...oh, he's dead.
And Schindler-Gon Jin is dead. Except he's not, it's exactly what happened to Obi-Wan in Star Wars.
Maaaan, this sucks. I don't care about some little 7yr old.
There's nobody here to identify with. Adults had Han Solo, the cocky space pirate who mocked everything. Kids had Luke who wanted adventure. Little girls had Princess Leia.
What's here? A little moppet, Renton-Kenobi and Leon's assassin helper in Pirot the Clown make-up sounding like a transexual?
This is awful.
Attack of The Clones.
I can't even go into the bowel-loosingly shiteness of that film.
"I'm Boba Fett, well reknowned Bounty Hunter. Here, another bounty hunter, kill Amidala for me whilst I do nothing."
"I'm Darth Vader. Why can't I touch her boobs master? Wah wah wah, this is so unfair, I like, hate you and stuff"
"I'm Saruman, see me fight Yoda in the one good scene even remotely echoing the first 3 movies"
These new movies blow. They're not Star Wars.
"Oh well Lucas meant for it to be in this order"
Really? Wrong.
If I have kids, they'll see Episode 4 first, as it was originally.
Why?
Because otherwise what do you have?
You reach Episode 3 and you know the entire backstory.
Star Wars Episode 4 starts and you think "There's Luke Skywalker, son of Annakin who was good once but fell to the Dark Side and is now Darth Vader under command of The Emperor"
Obi-Wan talks to Luke about his father and hands him his lightsabre and you think "I know all this already, his dad is Darth Vader, get on with it"
Empire holds no revelations.
"Search your feelings Luke, you know it to be true"
"No"
"I am your father"
"Never!"
Audience "Well done Luke, we knew this 4 movies ago you spaz"
And what really annoys me?
I'll go watch Episode 3 and I'll buy them all on DVD because the first 3 hold such powerful memories for me.
Damn you Lucas.
They're being released on DVD later this year and I'll buy them - Special Edition or not, it doesn't matter.
Star Wars holds a place in my heart, my childhood and my memories. The defining movies of my generation, and they'll always be that way. No amount of tinkering or rejigging by Lucas can change that.
Why?
Because Star Wars was the first film I ever saw. And the first time I'd ever been to the cinema.
I was 4 yrs old, Saturday morning and my dad took me to the cinema to introduce me to films. This was when The Odeon in Harlow was a gigantic, single screen place with an upper balcony, the left-hand side reserved for smokers and a woman would come down after the adverts with her little tray and you could buy Ki-Ora and Cornettos before the film started.
They played a cartoon first, I had my drink and settled back.
The curtains drew back and everything went dark.
Then *that* music started and the opening crawl came up (dad read it to me in case I missed any).
Then a rumble started from the back of the cinema, I remember turning round and looking to see what it was.
And then that Star Destroyer hoved into view. It just slowly appeared and kept appearing for what seemed like an age. I'd never ever seen anything like it before. Then the corridor and the rebels running down, the silent anticipation of what was to come.
I was glued to my seat, saucer eyed and slack-jawed.
The door blows in and Stormtroopers come out, then from the smoke? The greatest screen villain in my history:
Darth Vader. Strolling out from the smoke, dressed in black, breathing strangely and strangling a rebel. Terrified me beyond words.
You can't imagine the effect that film had on a 4yr old Goatboy. No experience like it ever before, nothing to compare it to, a vocabulary too small to explain. I made my dad take me back 5 times to watch it, and I had all the toys. I loved that world completely.
I wanted to be Luke Skywalker - the innocent naive kid that wanted to be a Star Pilot at the Academy, wanted to have adventures and see things. We all wanted that. We wanted Chewbacca as a friend, droids as cool toys and we wanted Landspeeders, lightsabers and The Death Star.
It unlocked my imagination and gave birth to a love of movies in me.
You had the classic villain, Darth Vader. You had the shining good guy Luke Skywalker, you had the Princess, the nice old man Ben Kenobi etc.
This was a world we'd never even thought could exist before.
And then 4 years later came The Empire Strikes Back.
You better believe me and my mates were at the front of the queue.
We were 8 now, and much more adult and grown up. We'd all seen Star Wars dozens of times between us (this was before the birth of VHS remember, you couldn't see them anywhere else *but* the cinema) and we knew the story.
We settled back, almost bursting with excitement and we were taken to that world again.
Hoth? Snow? Luke attacked by a Yeti and left for dead? NO WAY! But here comes Han Solo and Chewie, just as we remembered them to save him.
His mates came looking for him, they'd never let their friend die. We understood that and would do the same, we swore to each other.
AT-AT Walkers? Yoda? Ben Kenobi back? This was so much more than we ever hoped.
And then *that* moment. The greatest twist and so unexpected. We had no idea it was coming and there was just no way it could be.
"I am your Father"
????????Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's dad????????
Han Solo frozen and taken away by Boba Fett????????
Luke with a robot hand??????
And Empire ends.
We had to wait another 4 years to find out what was happening.
12 years old. The final chapter.
Jabba The Hut, Leia is Luke's sister? Speederbike chases, Ewoks (meh), Yoda dies? Han & Leia get it together? The Emperor dead, Vader's face revealed, reconciliation between father & son. The whole gang back together, The Empire defeated, the universe is calm and safe.
Faultless.
Movies that we had began to watch aged 4. Characters we grew up with and wanted to be so badly. Dialogue we knew and quoted in the playground.
Han Solo, Stormtroopers, Jabba, The Cantina, Greedo, the trash-compactor, the Death Star finale, the trench-run, AT-AT walkers, Millenium Falcon, X-Wings, Darth Vader, Han Solo in carbonite, "I love you" "I know", Speederbikes.
All these things have become cinema iconography and etched in the memory of those that saw them at the cinema as kids, formative cinema years and introductions to movies and sci-fi.
Absolutely incomparable to anything else since, Star Wars led the way for summer blockbusters and invented the whole genre.
And then 22 years later after Star Wars came out, Lucas announces he's making another 3.
Millions of 25-30yr olds instantly arc streams of fanboy silk-love into the ether.
We see stills, hear snippets, watch the music video, see the toys appearing, see the posters months in advance. We hear rumours:
Obi-Wan is back, Yoda is there, the Droids.
This will be the coolest thing since I was 4 years old.
The Phantom Menace.
THAT music blares, the opening crawl. Idiot grin on my face, I'm 4 again. I'm right back there seeing it for the first time.
The ship flies over again...I'm ready for this after 22 years of waiting, I want this to be good.
...ummm.....
This sounds like Star Wars, it looks like Star Wars. But it's not Star Wars, something's wrong.
Where's the banter between characters?
Where's the loveable rogue?
Where's the innocent, lusting for excitement everyday kid?
Where's the villain?
Where's the stormtroopers?
Where are the set pieces?
Where is the memorable dialogue?
I see earnest cheesy "But Master" "No, you are young" from what are supposed to be Jedi Knights. Where's the "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper"? Where's "Ah that conversation was getting boring anyway"? Where's "I don't care what you smell, get down there you big furball?"
There's no snappy wit, there's no jokes, there's no cynicism.
There's some crap about trade blockades, some pasty faced man-voiced Queen saying "I will nard give in do them Vice Chansellorrrr"
There's some annoying little kid that shouts "Wizards!" in a space battle.
There's no C3P0 and R2D2 banter, there's nothing in the dialogue.
There's no villain here. I saw Darth Maul in the trailer, I want Darth Maul. I want to feel like these guys are in danger, mortal danger from The Empire. Eh? There's no Empire????? What the fu-
No Stormtroopers? Just these tossy battle-droids that say "Roger Roger"?
Jar-Jar? A comedy character? What is this?
No wait, here's Darth Maul. Now it's gonna get good!...oh, he's dead.
And Schindler-Gon Jin is dead. Except he's not, it's exactly what happened to Obi-Wan in Star Wars.
Maaaan, this sucks. I don't care about some little 7yr old.
There's nobody here to identify with. Adults had Han Solo, the cocky space pirate who mocked everything. Kids had Luke who wanted adventure. Little girls had Princess Leia.
What's here? A little moppet, Renton-Kenobi and Leon's assassin helper in Pirot the Clown make-up sounding like a transexual?
This is awful.
Attack of The Clones.
I can't even go into the bowel-loosingly shiteness of that film.
"I'm Boba Fett, well reknowned Bounty Hunter. Here, another bounty hunter, kill Amidala for me whilst I do nothing."
"I'm Darth Vader. Why can't I touch her boobs master? Wah wah wah, this is so unfair, I like, hate you and stuff"
"I'm Saruman, see me fight Yoda in the one good scene even remotely echoing the first 3 movies"
These new movies blow. They're not Star Wars.
"Oh well Lucas meant for it to be in this order"
Really? Wrong.
If I have kids, they'll see Episode 4 first, as it was originally.
Why?
Because otherwise what do you have?
You reach Episode 3 and you know the entire backstory.
Star Wars Episode 4 starts and you think "There's Luke Skywalker, son of Annakin who was good once but fell to the Dark Side and is now Darth Vader under command of The Emperor"
Obi-Wan talks to Luke about his father and hands him his lightsabre and you think "I know all this already, his dad is Darth Vader, get on with it"
Empire holds no revelations.
"Search your feelings Luke, you know it to be true"
"No"
"I am your father"
"Never!"
Audience "Well done Luke, we knew this 4 movies ago you spaz"
And what really annoys me?
I'll go watch Episode 3 and I'll buy them all on DVD because the first 3 hold such powerful memories for me.
Damn you Lucas.
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The new 2 episodes are simply boring and uninteresting. There are episodes of bloody Star Trek more enjoyable. The 4,5 and 6 episodes are films to be watched young so you are amazed and open-minded to watch them time and time again for all eternity. Episodes 1-3 should never had been considered as films - they're the only thing that makes you consider the possibility of Samuel L. Jackson being uncool.
On a lighter note, that was a pretty good post.
On a lighter note, that was a pretty good post.
Darwock wrote:
>Then you could torture them for information about him.
That made me laugh for some reason.
And for what its worth, I thought that the Ewoks were pretty lame anyway, the beginings of Lucas downfall perhaps?
>Then you could torture them for information about him.
That made me laugh for some reason.
And for what its worth, I thought that the Ewoks were pretty lame anyway, the beginings of Lucas downfall perhaps?
You better not be slagging Frank Oz matey... the star wars films are a blip on his otherwise distinguished career. I always did think of Miss Piggy whenever Yoda spoke...
I've been sent a script of episode 3 by one of my mates who is working as a runner/slave boy on the pre-production of the film. Jar-jar's role has been expanded again, akin to episdoe 3, and unbelievably he becomes a fecking Jedi. Words fail me. Reading through the script the Jedi's numbers are whitled down by Dooku and Boba Fett, so they are forced to use those who have "potential". You see Jar-jar is strong in the force; his ability to get of trouble by tripping or falling IS his feeble attempts at letting the force guide his actions. The film ends with Jar-jar accidentaly knocking Annakin into some lava after Jar-jar defeats Dooku, whilst Obi-wan love poles Paddywhinnyone.
What is true but even worse was that I watched the extras to Episode 2 the other day, as I was interested to find out what sort of bloke Lucas was. Needless to say he is surrounded by sycophantic and spineless uber-geeks who have no ideas of their own. Anyway there was one terrible terrible part of a documentary where Frank Oz (I think); the bloke who had his and up Yoda's bum for Empire and Return (and that other "movie"), was on a video link with Lucas recording Yoda's lines.
IN STUPID VOICE FOR A GROWN MAN OF ABOUT 60
"Beguuun the Clone war has!"
"Good Frank but with more feeling"
"Bbeeeguunn the Clone war has!"
"Yeah that's better, try it again"
"The Clone War has begun"
"WTF! Frank you f**ker what doing are you my script to?"
"Sorry Mr George. Beeguuuuun the Clllown war has!"
Apart from the bits I made up (I bet you can't spot them) it was cringeworthy, David Brent personified.
Oh and great precis of the Star Wars experience Goatboy.
What is true but even worse was that I watched the extras to Episode 2 the other day, as I was interested to find out what sort of bloke Lucas was. Needless to say he is surrounded by sycophantic and spineless uber-geeks who have no ideas of their own. Anyway there was one terrible terrible part of a documentary where Frank Oz (I think); the bloke who had his and up Yoda's bum for Empire and Return (and that other "movie"), was on a video link with Lucas recording Yoda's lines.
IN STUPID VOICE FOR A GROWN MAN OF ABOUT 60
"Beguuun the Clone war has!"
"Good Frank but with more feeling"
"Bbeeeguunn the Clone war has!"
"Yeah that's better, try it again"
"The Clone War has begun"
"WTF! Frank you f**ker what doing are you my script to?"
"Sorry Mr George. Beeguuuuun the Clllown war has!"
Apart from the bits I made up (I bet you can't spot them) it was cringeworthy, David Brent personified.
Oh and great precis of the Star Wars experience Goatboy.
You are right, especially regarding Miss 'Former' girlfriend! Unless she has a problem with her neck where she can't look directly forwards.
"As you would expect, all information regarding SuperShadow is above top secret (classified at the highest level). Currently, nothing is known about SuperShadow except that SS is very close, personal friends with George Lucas, the creator of Star Wars."
Except he names his girlfriends, so if you really wanted to get to him you could track down Amber Castlerose, Marius Tsung or Mallory Lisa Landcrest(!!)... possibly using www.whowhere.lycos.com and kidnap them. Then you could torture them for information about him.
"As you would expect, all information regarding SuperShadow is above top secret (classified at the highest level). Currently, nothing is known about SuperShadow except that SS is very close, personal friends with George Lucas, the creator of Star Wars."
Except he names his girlfriends, so if you really wanted to get to him you could track down Amber Castlerose, Marius Tsung or Mallory Lisa Landcrest(!!)... possibly using www.whowhere.lycos.com and kidnap them. Then you could torture them for information about him.
he's clearly just nabbed some pics from a softcore webcam site ;)
ßora† SagdiyeV wrote:
> what a goddamn show off, and what must his new bird think of him
> sticking pictures of his previous girlfriends on the site?
'Current' girlfriend is not as nice as 'Prior' girlfriend, but he should definitely have stuck with 'Former' girlfriend.
What an ar$e! Do you think he introduces her to people as "Supershadows current girlfriend"?
'Current' looks like a member of Shampoo. in fact it also looks like he's been taking pics of her in her sleep.
> what a goddamn show off, and what must his new bird think of him
> sticking pictures of his previous girlfriends on the site?
'Current' girlfriend is not as nice as 'Prior' girlfriend, but he should definitely have stuck with 'Former' girlfriend.
What an ar$e! Do you think he introduces her to people as "Supershadows current girlfriend"?
'Current' looks like a member of Shampoo. in fact it also looks like he's been taking pics of her in her sleep.
Widge wrote:
> The "Spaced" sitcom did it best IMHO, when Tim is burning
> his star wars memorabilia to the strains of that haunting tune used
> in the movies.
Ben Kenobi's theme....
i have the soundtrack :)
> It pretty much summed up how Lucas had raped a fond
> childhood memory.
>
> Spaced also ripped this p!ss quite nicely about Star Wars purists who
> took the entire Phantom Menace thing far too seriously!
"you weren't there in the beginning, you don't know how good it was, how special!
this is it for you!!!
this trumped up toy fireworks display of a toy commercial!!
now, i don't care if you've saved up all your 50p's, take your pocket money, AND GET OUT!!...... whataprick" :)
>
> There were some FINE moments in that series. The Empire Strikes Back
> parody when they go off to search for the landlady.
the remis of the Imperial March when they have to rescue their dog is wonderful, i got the whole mp3 of that :)
and when Tim makes Brian watch the first trilogy and they have that conversation about how everything that happens is because of "one very small, but very imporant character".. the gunner on the star destroyer at the beginning of A New Hope, if he'd shot down the pod containing R2D2 and C3PO then they'd never have found luke, met han, saved leia or any of it :)
> Plus the entire
> Resident Evil episode made me crack up. Certainly deserves a third
> series one day.
oooooh, only if they could make it as funny and not cop out (Tim and Daisy get together etc..), personally i'm just enjoying the looming prospect of "Shawn of the Dead".. Edgar Wright is the man...
> The "Spaced" sitcom did it best IMHO, when Tim is burning
> his star wars memorabilia to the strains of that haunting tune used
> in the movies.
Ben Kenobi's theme....
i have the soundtrack :)
> It pretty much summed up how Lucas had raped a fond
> childhood memory.
>
> Spaced also ripped this p!ss quite nicely about Star Wars purists who
> took the entire Phantom Menace thing far too seriously!
"you weren't there in the beginning, you don't know how good it was, how special!
this is it for you!!!
this trumped up toy fireworks display of a toy commercial!!
now, i don't care if you've saved up all your 50p's, take your pocket money, AND GET OUT!!...... whataprick" :)
>
> There were some FINE moments in that series. The Empire Strikes Back
> parody when they go off to search for the landlady.
the remis of the Imperial March when they have to rescue their dog is wonderful, i got the whole mp3 of that :)
and when Tim makes Brian watch the first trilogy and they have that conversation about how everything that happens is because of "one very small, but very imporant character".. the gunner on the star destroyer at the beginning of A New Hope, if he'd shot down the pod containing R2D2 and C3PO then they'd never have found luke, met han, saved leia or any of it :)
> Plus the entire
> Resident Evil episode made me crack up. Certainly deserves a third
> series one day.
oooooh, only if they could make it as funny and not cop out (Tim and Daisy get together etc..), personally i'm just enjoying the looming prospect of "Shawn of the Dead".. Edgar Wright is the man...
he has to gradually change! remember, he is supposed to be a good Jedi that turns bad, not a bad Jedi straight away.
the majority of him turning dark will be in the third episode - read the plot summary on that link. He has to be 100% evil in the new film, or it just won't work.
the majority of him turning dark will be in the third episode - read the plot summary on that link. He has to be 100% evil in the new film, or it just won't work.
kittworld wrote:
> Perhaps in the first movie and the second they should have made his
> character darker, or more "I don't smegging care" then it
> would seem more believeable - well for me atleast.
In the first and 2nd movie, Anakin is a total pr!ck. Leading me to say "I don't smegging care" if he turns to the dark side or not. They handled it really badly if you ask me.
> Perhaps in the first movie and the second they should have made his
> character darker, or more "I don't smegging care" then it
> would seem more believeable - well for me atleast.
In the first and 2nd movie, Anakin is a total pr!ck. Leading me to say "I don't smegging care" if he turns to the dark side or not. They handled it really badly if you ask me.
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