Viewing Thread:
"Feed me bad jokes"

I have some, but not enough.

What's the best thing about sh*gging 28 year-olds?
There's twenty of them.

What did Hitler say to his men before they got into their tanks?
"Get into your tanks men."

A man walks into an optician's in Warsaw.
The optician says, "Can you read the bottom line?"
The man says, "Hey!, that's my name."

Two atoms sitting at a bar.
The first one says "I've just lost an electron."
The second one says, "Are you sure?"
"Yep, I'm positive."

Two cows in a field.
First one says, "Moo."
Second says, "I was going to say that."

How does a dove ask for a piece of bread?
"Coo coo, can I have a piece of bread?"

Four men in a park. They see a wizard under the slide. The wizard says, "If you say a word whiel goign down this slide, you will land in it!"

The first man slides down shouting, "WOMEN!". A bunch of women are at the bottom.

The second man slides down, shouting, "MONEY!" He lands in a pile of money.

The third man is childish, and shouts, "WHEEE!". He lands in toilet liquid.

The fourth man trips, and shouts "OH (expletive deleted)!!!"

SQUELCH!

What's large, white, smells and hides a dark secret?
a) A fridge with a human head in it.

What's the capitol of France?
a) F

What's gray, wrinkly, and is going to be your worst nightmare?
a) Your future mothering law

What's ugly, as lots of nose hair and as loads of blackheads?
a) Your bathroom mirror

Why did the turkey cross the road?
a) Because the chicken rang in sick

Timmargh wrote:
> What's green, got six legs and if it jumped out of a tree on top of
> you it'd kill you?
> A snooker table.

That is so daft I just had to laugh :0D

i used to have a repetoire of over 200. cant remember any now. some are good and scouser jokes are deserved.

how do you put a monkey in the fridge
open the door and put him in.

how do you put an elephant in the fridge
open the door take the monkey out and put the nellie in.

all the animals were at a conference. who wasn't there.
the elephant. hes in the fridge.

you try to cross a shark infested piranha river, no bridge etc. how do you do it.
swim across. the sharks and piranhas are at the conference.

*******

footballer 1: i could kick myself for putting that tap-in wide.
footballer 2: dont try. you'd only miss.

*******

what items of his suitcase did the chinese man throw out of the aeroplane to celebrate his trip.
his dishes, so he could say bye bye china.

*******

personal fave:

english man, irish man, scots man in a desert:

english: our planes crashed and our jeeps run out of petrol in theis desert. grab 1 item each to take with us. ill take some canvas for a tent.

scot: ill take a water bottle.

irish: ill take the jeep door so when it gets hot i can wind down the window.

*******

etc.

You weren't talking about my one were you?

Hahaha, that's good.

Courtesy of the grand El Blokey:

Whats the difference between a ferrari and a dead baby covered in blood in a bag?

I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

Just thought I'd share that one with you to show you all how cruel the man with 29 gads to his name can be.....

What's white and blue?
A fridge in a denim jacket.


What's green, got six legs and if it jumped out of a tree on top of you it'd kill you?
A snooker table.


Two parrots sat on a perch. One says: "Can you smell fish?"


Two fish in a tank. One says: "Can you drive this thing?"


Two sausages in a frying pan. One says: "Blimey, it's hot in here,"
The other one says: "AARRGGHH! A TALKING SAUSAGE!"


Two cannibals eating a clown. One says: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Quality.

Some of them are so randomly amusing, its great!

What do you call a police woman with short pubic hair?

C*nt stubble