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"After Drinking a bottle of Gin"

I've just posted this on b3ta, for their "Brushes with the law" feature. I'll share it here.

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I ended up COMPLETELY blootered. Seriously and absolutely minging. We were walking back to a mates house to continue the festivities and I thought it would be a grand idea to kick over one of the plastic warning bars around a gas pipe that was being worked on, just as a copper car was coming past. Cue coppers braking to a halt and reversing. One of my female friends (I couldn’t speak) explained to the policeman that I had just fallen into the bar, to which the copper replied, “If he can pick it back up, we’ll let him off”.

I couldn’t. I was so p'ssed I fell into the hole. I gave it another try, and then sort of muttered “hvsssmmamammsmams” and started staggering off down the road. Mr Policeman was having none of this and promptly nicked me, put me in the back of the car and explained to my friends that I was spending the night in the local cop Hilton. No problem.

I was remarkably calm about all this, until I started accusing the two coppers of nicking my tabs. Of course, I’d smoked the lot before being arrested. They said they hadn’t. I said they had. This escalated until I was *screaming* abuse at them. Once we were in the station and I was being charged, one of the friends I was with previously rang up and explained that he was a trainee solicitor, and could he speak to me. I was put on the phone and started calling the desk sergeant worse that s****, screaming down the phone really, to which he said, “Put the desk sergeant back on please would you?” as it was obvious I was in no state to hold a civil conversation.

Things got worse when I then started accusing them of nicking all my personal belonging’s including a gold ring I got off a grandparent for a 21st birthday. Bundled into the cell, I shouted and hurled abuse whilst sitting on the thin mattress directly opposite the cell door until I passed out appox 2 hours later.

I have to stress here that I was completely out of control. By this time I could walk, but it seemed as if the gin had created a weird bypass of all calm thought and tapped into the primitive anger centre of my brain. I was being an a*******. An utter, utter a*******. I have nothing against the law at all usually, and respect and admire the job they do but this time, I was a dervish.

At 6am I woke up, saw where I was and thought “Oh. HELL. What’s happened here?” Asking for a drink of water I got the “Ohhhh, you’re awake now are you?” in a really sweet and understanding voice.

The crunch to all this? My father has worked in the police force for over 30 years, and is well know to all around the region. As soon as they knew my surname they bunged me up in a cell, but in the morning it was “You aren’t XXXXX’s son are you?” to which they full well knew I was and I had to listen for 45 minutes about how disappointed my father would be, and how he’s so well respected to all, a well liked man in the brotherhood of police etc etc etc. While I was being printed, photographed and cationed.

To top it all off, I got home ready to explain what had happened to dad, and someone from his station had recognised me. And gave him a phone call. And he let me know about how disgusted he was at me.

Somehow, A good kicking would have been so much better.

I have never drank as much gin in my life again…………….

Notorious Biggles wrote:
> Not Malibu. Of all the rums you could get.
>
> Try a dark rum next time. So much better.

realllly

Well i do love malibu ooo the cocunut flavour and warmness

You know what I am fond off and should drink whilst wearing a top hat? Amoretto. ooo sir.

ßora† SagdiyeV wrote:
> Here's the funny part - I am unfamiliar with the area and have no
> idea where my car is, being stoned didn't really help either.

Wow, you were going to drive a car whilst stoned - what a responsible driver you are. I'm glad the police let you out instead of keeping you in the cells. I would have, because we might have got lucky and you would have got nailed by a car, or fell in a river or something.

Not Malibu. Of all the rums you could get.

Try a dark rum next time. So much better.

Lil Ginge wrote:
> yes my nan is fond,
>
> As for me - Malibu and coke is sexual

depends what you do with it I suppose ...

yes my nan is fond,

As for me - Malibu and coke is sexual

bah - a friend drinks gin and tonic, I think I can put my hand on my heart and say it is the foulest stuff I've ever tasted.

Read title

last poster - Borat

*giggles*

heh heh

*writes biggles name in little black book* :D

here, have a laugh at this - I'm beginning to sound like a right criminal, I'm not though, I assure you :

Was sat in my car not long after I'd passed my test, around 7-8 years ago, with a couple of friends, smoking dope. My friend assured me that this alleyway was a perfect place to stop, and the police were very unlikely to appear. 10 Minutes and a couple of J's later, I look up and there is a police riot van parked at the end of the alleyway, blocking me in. Luckily, the small amount of rambeesh we had was smoked, so the only evidence was the rather stupid grins on our faces, a packet of skins and an old can pipe on the floor in the back of the car. I wait for two coppers to make the seemingly endless journey to my car, before putting on the soberest face I can.

"Evening, what are you up to"
"Just chatting"
"Really, I can smell cannabis *turns to colleague* .. can you smell it?"
"Yes, it's quite strong"

So they ask me and my friends to get out while they search the car. Of course they find the skins and canpipe, but neither is a crime to own, so I do my best to talk my way out of it, which isn't good enough, and before I know it I'm handcuffed (yes, handcuffed) and in the riot van. One of my friends lives near me, so she accompanies me as she needs a lift home, the other friend lives nearby so he walks home.

They breathalysed me on one of those big machines in the local nick - Clear. So then they call a doctor out to give me various tests - Clear. So, nearly 3 hours later, at 1 in the morning, they release me and my friend (who just had to sit and wait for me).

Here's the funny part - I am unfamiliar with the area and have no idea where my car is, being stoned didn't really help either. After about 45mins of looking where I THOUGHT it was, we give up, and ring the police station to ask where my car was. I then flag a taxi down and tell him the address.

Finally arrive home at 2:30am. What a fiasco.

ßora† SagdiyeV wrote:

I think you missed out some bits. I think it probably went more like this:

> "What do you do for a living?"
> "I'm a student"
> "Oh right, scummy sponging students - I probably bought that
> shirt for you then"
> "That's a bit out of order don't you think"
> "You better shut your mouth or I'll send you to you room"
> Now, I bought that shirt for you, didn't I?"
> "Yes dad"
> "If you don't co-operate we'll have you up for drunken
> disorderly"
"Sorry dad, won't do it again"

I was incredibly polite when I was arrested, even had a chat with the busy who'd arrested me on the (long) drive to the police station (the local, Wallsend police station, was packed - must've been a busy night)

I'd only had four pints (mind you, it was Grolsch) so I was pretty sober by the time we were "asked to step into the car."

I had to sit in the cell for hours (I knew what time it was when we were at the desk, and what time it was when I got out when they gave me my watch back) and at one point asked how long it would be. Copper said I was in there until I'd sobered up, but he said he knew I was fine, I was just waiting to be interviewed.

Did the interview, then had to wait for my mate to be interviewed, then we were driven home. So, I survived being arrested and being stuck, totally sober and unable to sleep, in a cell for five hours WITHOUT crying like a little girl or begging them not to tell my mummy and not to let the bigger boys give me a good seeing to.

Amazing.