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"Hello, I'm John Connor. I shall quickly repeat the plots of the first two films in case your quick-cut eMpTyV fried minds have forgotten already."
"I'm Claire Danes. Boy machines suck eh? This supermarket scanner thing doesn't work, technology sucks eh? Do you notice how I'm already indicating how much I hate machines? Now I'll take a phone call from my dad, a top-level military bloke who has never been mentioned in either prequels yet will tie-in nicely"
"I'm the Terminatrix. Although in the 1st movie The Terminator was a ruthless, near silent machine, I shall say 'Nice Car' to this woman for no other purpose than to set-up a gag in 2 minutes from now"
"I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger. Do you notice how the director clumsily attempts to latch onto the first 2 movies by redoing the "your clothes, give them to me" scene, but adding pointless humour?"
"Quick John Connor, despite your years of hardcore survivalist training instilled in you by your strong female-role mother, I'll shoot you with a paintgun and push you into a kennel"
"Yes, and then I shall escape and give a half-hearted repeat of the bit in T2 where mum ran into the Terminator"
"Come with me if you want to...no, we don't use that line here, sorry! I'll fight off The Terminatrix so you can escape"
"Ok Arnie, and we'll engage in a lengthy pointless chase scene that somehow jumps from 5:30am darkness to daylight in the space of 2 shots!"
"Phew, we lost her. Now we'll drive into the desert with no tv helicopters or police chasing us, despite having levelled 3 city blocks with a crane and a fire-engine"
"Should we have 2 minutes of exposition now where we talk about JUDGEMENT DAY"
"No time, let's have another contrived set-piece in a cemetary. Notice how once again I use a chain-gun to destroy the awaiting police? Nice echoes of T2 eh? Ha ha ha"
"Phew, we lost her. Now Claire Danes, we almost got it on as kids but then I had to go through the events of T2. So now here we are again awaiting JUDGEMENT DAY"
"What?"
"Yes. You and I are destined to be together before JUDGEMENT DAY"
"But wasn't the point of the first two movies that we have no fate except that which we create?"
"...er...let's have another narrow escape!"
"Cool"
"Hey there's my daughter! Over here honey! I won't ask how you obtained access to a top-level miltary base when, in our first scene, I indicated that I couldn't even discuss the work I was doing"
"No dad, that was the evil-robot me. I'm over here with a heavily armed Austrian in leather and sunglasses!"
"Soooo..how did 3 of you, one heavily armed, get into this top-security level military base then?"
"Shhhh, it's time for another set piece reminiscent of the 2nd film!"
"Yes Terminatrix, let us fight in much the same way as the T2 fight"
"Ok, I'll stamp your head off, but only until you somehow push it back on"
"Jah"
"Damn, now we have to fly with zero interference from any kind of military escort to another top-secret base. Don't you find it strange how easily we accessed this top security level military stuff Claire Danes?"
"No, I find it strange that a sleek, self-contained sci-fi classic has degenerated into this chase movie with zero logic"
"Arnold, dive under that massive heavy blast-proof military bunker door and stop it from coming down, despite the fact that your exact same model was disposed of in the 1st movie by being crushed in a simple factory press"
"Jah"
"Wow, we're being chased by a legless Terminatrix! Do you notice how this echoes the finale of the 1st movie?"
"Jah"
"Now we'll attempt to negate the previous 80 mins of mindless A-Team antics by sticking on a twee serious ending, replete with voice-over to try and crowbar some of the decentness of the first two movies"
"So the mission wasn't to prevent JUDGEMENT DAY at all? Just to survive it?"
"Yes. However, that was said at the end of the first movie when Sarah Connor drove into the desert after having her picture taken, that it was coming and there was nothing you could do to stop it"
"So the 2nd movie, if we had stopped JUDGEMENT DAY, wouldn't that mean then that there never was a war, never was a resistance and that Kyle Reese would never have had reason to come back in the first place and ending up as your father?"
"Shhhh, let's watch scenes of JUDGEMENT DAY"
"Jah"
"I'm Claire Danes. Boy machines suck eh? This supermarket scanner thing doesn't work, technology sucks eh? Do you notice how I'm already indicating how much I hate machines? Now I'll take a phone call from my dad, a top-level military bloke who has never been mentioned in either prequels yet will tie-in nicely"
"I'm the Terminatrix. Although in the 1st movie The Terminator was a ruthless, near silent machine, I shall say 'Nice Car' to this woman for no other purpose than to set-up a gag in 2 minutes from now"
"I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger. Do you notice how the director clumsily attempts to latch onto the first 2 movies by redoing the "your clothes, give them to me" scene, but adding pointless humour?"
"Quick John Connor, despite your years of hardcore survivalist training instilled in you by your strong female-role mother, I'll shoot you with a paintgun and push you into a kennel"
"Yes, and then I shall escape and give a half-hearted repeat of the bit in T2 where mum ran into the Terminator"
"Come with me if you want to...no, we don't use that line here, sorry! I'll fight off The Terminatrix so you can escape"
"Ok Arnie, and we'll engage in a lengthy pointless chase scene that somehow jumps from 5:30am darkness to daylight in the space of 2 shots!"
"Phew, we lost her. Now we'll drive into the desert with no tv helicopters or police chasing us, despite having levelled 3 city blocks with a crane and a fire-engine"
"Should we have 2 minutes of exposition now where we talk about JUDGEMENT DAY"
"No time, let's have another contrived set-piece in a cemetary. Notice how once again I use a chain-gun to destroy the awaiting police? Nice echoes of T2 eh? Ha ha ha"
"Phew, we lost her. Now Claire Danes, we almost got it on as kids but then I had to go through the events of T2. So now here we are again awaiting JUDGEMENT DAY"
"What?"
"Yes. You and I are destined to be together before JUDGEMENT DAY"
"But wasn't the point of the first two movies that we have no fate except that which we create?"
"...er...let's have another narrow escape!"
"Cool"
"Hey there's my daughter! Over here honey! I won't ask how you obtained access to a top-level miltary base when, in our first scene, I indicated that I couldn't even discuss the work I was doing"
"No dad, that was the evil-robot me. I'm over here with a heavily armed Austrian in leather and sunglasses!"
"Soooo..how did 3 of you, one heavily armed, get into this top-security level military base then?"
"Shhhh, it's time for another set piece reminiscent of the 2nd film!"
"Yes Terminatrix, let us fight in much the same way as the T2 fight"
"Ok, I'll stamp your head off, but only until you somehow push it back on"
"Jah"
"Damn, now we have to fly with zero interference from any kind of military escort to another top-secret base. Don't you find it strange how easily we accessed this top security level military stuff Claire Danes?"
"No, I find it strange that a sleek, self-contained sci-fi classic has degenerated into this chase movie with zero logic"
"Arnold, dive under that massive heavy blast-proof military bunker door and stop it from coming down, despite the fact that your exact same model was disposed of in the 1st movie by being crushed in a simple factory press"
"Jah"
"Wow, we're being chased by a legless Terminatrix! Do you notice how this echoes the finale of the 1st movie?"
"Jah"
"Now we'll attempt to negate the previous 80 mins of mindless A-Team antics by sticking on a twee serious ending, replete with voice-over to try and crowbar some of the decentness of the first two movies"
"So the mission wasn't to prevent JUDGEMENT DAY at all? Just to survive it?"
"Yes. However, that was said at the end of the first movie when Sarah Connor drove into the desert after having her picture taken, that it was coming and there was nothing you could do to stop it"
"So the 2nd movie, if we had stopped JUDGEMENT DAY, wouldn't that mean then that there never was a war, never was a resistance and that Kyle Reese would never have had reason to come back in the first place and ending up as your father?"
"Shhhh, let's watch scenes of JUDGEMENT DAY"
"Jah"
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heh - you lot watch Terminator movies for the storyline? Pish!
I'm in the Robocop mood, but my mate is lending the DVD trilogy, and he got it from another kid I lent it to. I haven't seen them for months. Bah.
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> I think he loves Robocop, judging by his tagline.
and so do you by the looks of yours
> I think he loves Robocop, judging by his tagline.
and so do you by the looks of yours
I think he loves Robocop, judging by his tagline.
Insane Bartender wrote:
> I thought this film was fantastic!
I knew without reading any further that this was sarcasm in it's highest form.
gah, bartender, don't you love anything?
> I thought this film was fantastic!
I knew without reading any further that this was sarcasm in it's highest form.
gah, bartender, don't you love anything?
I thought this film was fantastic!
What?
Terminator 3?
Oh no, my mistake. It was a complete load of balls.
What?
Terminator 3?
Oh no, my mistake. It was a complete load of balls.
Timmargh wrote:
> Good review, Goatboy - saves me from having to see the film now.
> Although, I have a horrible suspicion that the missus has bought it
> me for Christmas ...
send it this way timmargh, I'll give it a good home :D
> Good review, Goatboy - saves me from having to see the film now.
> Although, I have a horrible suspicion that the missus has bought it
> me for Christmas ...
send it this way timmargh, I'll give it a good home :D
I agree with everything. but like snuggly said 'for some reason I liked it'.
and that crane chase bit was reassuringly destructive and expensive.
and that crane chase bit was reassuringly destructive and expensive.
get your own back by buying her Matrix 3 when it comes out
Good review, Goatboy - saves me from having to see the film now. Although, I have a horrible suspicion that the missus has bought it me for Christmas ...
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