Viewing Thread:
"All you "immigrints nicked me nan's chips" types"

http://www.real153.com/content/british-test/default.asp

Unbeliever wrote:
> When in science, did you ever put a lighter in front of the bunsen
> taps and then switch them on and off quickly, hoping that a
> "backdraft" will go into the gas pipes and blow the school
> to smithereens?

No, but replace "bunsen taps" with "Smithy's A-hole" and you're just about there.

When in science, did you ever put a lighter in front of the bunsen taps and then switch them on and off quickly, hoping that a "backdraft" will go into the gas pipes and blow the school to smithereens?

It's a decent way to deal with them.


Everytime I'm on these forums, I'll post my top teacher tips.


Teacher Tip No. 1:

Hand out a blank sheet of A4 paper to all the kids when you start the class for the first time. Hand a permanent marker around and tell them to fold this piece of paper in three and fashion a fairly poor desk name icon.
Tell them to write their full name on the desktop name badge thing. You'll memorise their names faster this way. Which is a bonus when you want them to pay attention to your rages against all and sundry.

Incidentally, what subject will you be teaching?

I once burnt a girl's face off with a beaker full of acid because she laughed at my register calling ability. The kid who pointed out the spelling mistake I made on the blackboard was burnt to death with a bunsen burner, and the teaching assistant who was screaming very piercingly for some reason, was gased by Tommy "The Guffmeister" Williamson. I clamped her head to his Guffbox.

All in allit was a great first lesson and only a few minor deaths were attributable to me.

He's my new hero.

I'm going to pummell the first 8yr old that makes any sort of comment about anything at all I find offensive or stupid.

While we're on the same subject...

My IT teacher lost his mind in class once and started beating the kids up. He's lost his wife the week before and an innocuous comment made by my friend set him on the path to rage and madness.

He grabbed one kid and threw him against the lockers, beating his head against the wall. Another kid, Michael Hetherington said, "Easy sir! What are you doing?" and was greeted with a punch of awesome magnitude.

The rest of us fled the classroom lest Mr Moore started throwing chairs around.

He was arrested and after pyschiatric (sp?) test, killed himself the following fortnight.

56.

We had a cookery teacher at school who wouldn't cut her nails for 'personal reasons'. She used to sit through classes picking pastry out of them and flicking it. Health and Safty caught up with her eventually, and she had to wear rubber gloves.

Pointless story.

Rosalind wrote:
> Hello hand. How are you? Have you had a good day today? Are you
> getting your nails cut anytime soon?

No! I've been forced to stimulate sag jr all day. I'm blistered and need my nails for "other" purposes.

I hate him.

He's quite funny actually.

Until he gets offensive. Then everyone simply wants to be the first to smash his stupid face in.