Viewing Thread:
"101 ways to kill SNIPER"

I've started a separate thread so that we can also kill off SNIPER in other ways that may not be story related.

And what better way to start it off that the earliest account of SNIPER's death I can find:

Grix Thraves wrote:

A large fan beats in the background of a smoke filled room.

The source of the smoke sits in a dark chair, with a dark face. The light from behind the fan shines in Snipers eyes, so much in fact, that he can hardly see the chair in front of him, which he is asked to sit in. There was quite a distance between his chair, and the dark figure. At least four metres.

The smoking man extinguished himself. He looks up, for the first time since Sniper entered the room.

"You need to know, that I trust you. Whatever happens. I trust your judgement." Snipe says to the shadow.

The dark figure spoke. "So do I. But I'm not sure if I trust yours."

The only sound in the room, was that of the fan beating.

"I understand your anger." Snipe tried to gain control of the conversation. "But petty arguing will get us nowhere, we have to come to a decision."

The sound of the fan seemed to get louder.

"Rushed decisions may cost us everything. We must take time. In your case though, time is running out far too quick."

Why was the fan getting louder? He could feel the noise in his chest now. It was getting unbearable.

Sniper went to speak, but found his lungs unable to co-operate with his demands.

The smoking man, started to smoke again, and his chair swirled around, to face the fan.

Sniper fell to the floor, gasping for breath. The last thing he saw, was the figure of the man, walking over him, paying no attention to him, as his heart sounded for the last time.

Darth Sheepy strode over the body of Admrial Sniper, and continued to stride towards his shuttle, bound for his Super Star Destroyer. It seemed he would have to cope with the disaster after all.


So who's next, either dig up an old one, or make up one of your own until we have 101!

SNIPER is getting out of his nice new Ferrari. He's very happy. But look, he's dropped his keys!! He leans down to get them from under the steering wheel. Oh dear, the wind is getting harder. Oh no, due to the wind, the car door has slammed right onto Sniper's neck as he was getting the keys. It's broken his neck-he's dead!! Oh dear dear me.

Sniper the piper runs with scissors. He falls over, and gouges his eyes out.

Happy-go-lucky Sniper is walking down the road when he spontaneously combusts. End of story.

Okay, No13.

SNIPER is walking happily down the street humming a familiar tune.

He hears a distant whistling sound, and notices a shadow has formed around him.

He looks up, the whistling sound is getting louder, and the shadow is getting larger.

SNIPER gulps, pulling at his shirt collar.

A giant anvil crushes him into the ground.




No offence SNIPER, it's just because of all of your in story deaths.

*Picture is shown*

General: "What does that look like?"

RAF trainee: "A large assault of men carrying weapons, tanks, and war materials, and obstructing the cause of peace."

*Zooms in on picture*

General: "It's a small child playing with a dog."

RAF trainee: "Opps..."

*Next picture*

General: "This one?"

RAF trainee: "A large enemy aircraft carrier... there are several heavy fighters stationed on it... and are ready to launch. The planes are armed with thirty dumb fire missiles each..."

*Zooms in*

General: "It's a giraffe."

RAF trainee: "Oh."

*Next picture*

RAF trainee: "Ah, this is without a doubt a enemy camp... there are obvious signs of tracks in the dirt... here... and here... and I wouldn't be suprised if it was heavily protected with thick walls, and was mostly underground... sir."

*Zooms in*

General: "This is a picture of Van Gough's Sunflower painting."

RAF trainee: "Oh.

General: "Hey, don't worry. You passed... that was the advanced test. You only need to be able to press the red button."

RAF trainee: "You remember I told you I was colour-bli..."

General: "Yeah yeah... we need all the help we can get in this God awful war..."

RAF trainee: "...What War?"

Now, now, you have to understand that Seaweed and Coral reef do look very much alike...


...well from a plane photo anyway...




... well to an imbecile anyway...

Give Sniper an exploding cigar... and hope he doesn't notice.

(Perhaps we could try and invade the Bay Of Pigs while we are at it?)

God Americans are stupid.

Tell him that he's won gameaday and then tell him he has to come to iraq to collect it. From Saddam. Wearing an american flag. In combat gear.

Do we have to stop after 101 replies then?

Give him a mirror marked with the words "shoot this"