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This is about a girl. It always is, I suppose – no-one writes topics about blokes on here. Not meaningful ones. That’s something worth taking into consideration, because, despite the platonic tone I am keen to emphasize, I wouldn’t be typing this if the girl was a boy. But perhaps that’s just the way people are, I don’t know.
This is a girl called Skoda. She’s a ballet dancer. Some of you might remember her from a thing on a trampoline last summer (Jebus, have I been posting here that long?). She’s probably one of my best friends, when I think about it. I’ve known her since year 8 – I’ve just finished my GCSEs, so that makes it 4 years. That’s a long time.
Here is the problem. She’s funning crazy now. Not crazy in a mentally impaired way, but in a ‘better to burn out than fade away’ way. She’s a heavy drinker – she won’t just have a couple of alcopops, she’ll drink until she drops.
And frequently does. I’m not usually there, but you hear stories. Falling down in the middle of roads, that was 2 Fridays ago. Week before that, she ended up at my house. I wasn’t here, I was in Penzance. But my older sister (21, back from uni) had to rescue her in a pub, and bring her back here to vomit and cry. My sister hasn’t seen Skoda for years, but they used to be ballet dancers together.
Of course, this could only be a problem in my head. Maybe I just want to save her in a nice dramatic Dawsons Creek way, I don’t know. After all, if I really wanted to help someone, I should try the alcoholic in the village, because he definitely needs saving. But I don’t want to do that, and nor does anybody else, so they won’t. And he’ll die, there’s no question about that.
The other thing is sex. She’s 16, she can sleep with people, I don’t care. But she does. A lot. She had a boyfriend for 3 months, that was good, that was steady. But that broke up a couple of weeks ago, so she’s single now. I don’t know…obviously she wouldn’t do it if she didn’t enjoy it, and I’m not in any position to tell her what she does and doesn’t enjoy. But I just think, in the long run, she’s going to get so emotionally hurt.
Because she’s gorgeous. Absolutely drop dead gorgeous. And nobody disputes that. It’s not just her figure, it’s the way she moves. Everything about her, her laugh, everything, just makes you want to, in Goatboys words, ‘pole her’. And people will pretend to care about her just so they can touch that body. And at some point she’s going to reach for someone, and they’re not going to be there, not on an emotional level.
Just to note, I’m absolutely and totally in love with my girlfriend, so, although I admit Skoda is fit, there’s not a thought of anything happening between us. Because my girlfriend is the best. Completely and utterly the best.
So this my point, and this is what I want replies to. Other than this helping me sort out how I feel, this being carthetic (is that a word?), I need to know if I should try to do something. Because, in 2 years time, I couldn’t bear to see that she’s still in the state that she’s in. Because I don’t think she’s happy. I don’t think she’s happy at all.
This is a girl called Skoda. She’s a ballet dancer. Some of you might remember her from a thing on a trampoline last summer (Jebus, have I been posting here that long?). She’s probably one of my best friends, when I think about it. I’ve known her since year 8 – I’ve just finished my GCSEs, so that makes it 4 years. That’s a long time.
Here is the problem. She’s funning crazy now. Not crazy in a mentally impaired way, but in a ‘better to burn out than fade away’ way. She’s a heavy drinker – she won’t just have a couple of alcopops, she’ll drink until she drops.
And frequently does. I’m not usually there, but you hear stories. Falling down in the middle of roads, that was 2 Fridays ago. Week before that, she ended up at my house. I wasn’t here, I was in Penzance. But my older sister (21, back from uni) had to rescue her in a pub, and bring her back here to vomit and cry. My sister hasn’t seen Skoda for years, but they used to be ballet dancers together.
Of course, this could only be a problem in my head. Maybe I just want to save her in a nice dramatic Dawsons Creek way, I don’t know. After all, if I really wanted to help someone, I should try the alcoholic in the village, because he definitely needs saving. But I don’t want to do that, and nor does anybody else, so they won’t. And he’ll die, there’s no question about that.
The other thing is sex. She’s 16, she can sleep with people, I don’t care. But she does. A lot. She had a boyfriend for 3 months, that was good, that was steady. But that broke up a couple of weeks ago, so she’s single now. I don’t know…obviously she wouldn’t do it if she didn’t enjoy it, and I’m not in any position to tell her what she does and doesn’t enjoy. But I just think, in the long run, she’s going to get so emotionally hurt.
Because she’s gorgeous. Absolutely drop dead gorgeous. And nobody disputes that. It’s not just her figure, it’s the way she moves. Everything about her, her laugh, everything, just makes you want to, in Goatboys words, ‘pole her’. And people will pretend to care about her just so they can touch that body. And at some point she’s going to reach for someone, and they’re not going to be there, not on an emotional level.
Just to note, I’m absolutely and totally in love with my girlfriend, so, although I admit Skoda is fit, there’s not a thought of anything happening between us. Because my girlfriend is the best. Completely and utterly the best.
So this my point, and this is what I want replies to. Other than this helping me sort out how I feel, this being carthetic (is that a word?), I need to know if I should try to do something. Because, in 2 years time, I couldn’t bear to see that she’s still in the state that she’s in. Because I don’t think she’s happy. I don’t think she’s happy at all.
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Screw you, and you called me the ass|-|ole. What else can you do? Sit her down and have a rational conversation and maybe she'll see the light? Get real.
Cubist wrote:
> If it was me I'd call her a stupid bint and tell her to get her act
> together before she really hurts herself and/or the people that care
> about her. It may sound harsh, it may sound uncarring but if it gets
> through to her then it's worth it. If not then I suggest you try as
> hard as you can to wash your hands of her. I know that will be hard as
> you've been friends for so long but that's what I would do.
Iit would be really bad to just 'wash your hands of her' you'd have to be a real assh*le to do that, it's just going to make her feel worse, what if a couple of weeks later she killed herself? You'd feel overwhelming guilt for a long time and would probably be your fault. Also, calling her a stupid bint will probably make her even more depressed, it's best only to do that to people who are either making a big deal out of nothing, or are emotionally stable, this girl doesn't sound emotionally stable, so it would probably make her hurt even more. God i'd hate to know you out of these forums...
> If it was me I'd call her a stupid bint and tell her to get her act
> together before she really hurts herself and/or the people that care
> about her. It may sound harsh, it may sound uncarring but if it gets
> through to her then it's worth it. If not then I suggest you try as
> hard as you can to wash your hands of her. I know that will be hard as
> you've been friends for so long but that's what I would do.
Iit would be really bad to just 'wash your hands of her' you'd have to be a real assh*le to do that, it's just going to make her feel worse, what if a couple of weeks later she killed herself? You'd feel overwhelming guilt for a long time and would probably be your fault. Also, calling her a stupid bint will probably make her even more depressed, it's best only to do that to people who are either making a big deal out of nothing, or are emotionally stable, this girl doesn't sound emotionally stable, so it would probably make her hurt even more. God i'd hate to know you out of these forums...
Does your girlfriend know you want to help this girl? If not I would tell her before you do anything to help or she might take it the wrong way. Maybe your girlfriend could help her too? Good luck, it's a good thing to help otheres.
If it was me I'd call her a stupid bint and tell her to get her act together before she really hurts herself and/or the people that care about her. It may sound harsh, it may sound uncarring but if it gets through to her then it's worth it. If not then I suggest you try as hard as you can to wash your hands of her. I know that will be hard as you've been friends for so long but that's what I would do.
This girl sounds like she has some issues. Alot of people when they drink so much they are trying to escape something. Sometimes they feel that through drinking/drugs/not eating they can escape from the thing they think no one will understand.
her boyfriend left her, she sleeps around and she seems a ni on alky. She probably has had no one there to stop this.
You have posted a thread, you think highly of her and probably see more to her than a nice body and easy ride.
Although she will probably try to push you away(its what women do) By saying you care as a friend, you want her to be ok again etc this will give her a reason to stop. It would also show that she is being noticed - and not when she is drunk or because you want something out of her.
From a friends point of view just show her you care. That will do so much good for her you won't even know it.
her boyfriend left her, she sleeps around and she seems a ni on alky. She probably has had no one there to stop this.
You have posted a thread, you think highly of her and probably see more to her than a nice body and easy ride.
Although she will probably try to push you away(its what women do) By saying you care as a friend, you want her to be ok again etc this will give her a reason to stop. It would also show that she is being noticed - and not when she is drunk or because you want something out of her.
From a friends point of view just show her you care. That will do so much good for her you won't even know it.
I agree a party i dont think will be the right place, apart from the chance of her drinking there, You dont want to make a scene. You need a different enviroment to approach the situation.
A party may not be the best timing...
But it does sound like you should try to do something.
Jeez, tough position, to get the right balance between making your point and pushing her away.
I guess the only advice I could give would be to be as honest as possible, while remaining tactful.
And if it does all collapse, be there for her then.
Oh, and I'd definitely suggest getting hold of her at a time with no distractions, when she's sober, when you'll be able to talk it over properly.
Good luck.
But it does sound like you should try to do something.
Jeez, tough position, to get the right balance between making your point and pushing her away.
I guess the only advice I could give would be to be as honest as possible, while remaining tactful.
And if it does all collapse, be there for her then.
Oh, and I'd definitely suggest getting hold of her at a time with no distractions, when she's sober, when you'll be able to talk it over properly.
Good luck.
Yup, you lot have got it right. I'll definitely go talk to her - she'll be at a party I'm going to tommorow night if I'm lucky. If not, I'll invite her over.
Oh, and thanks for the 'damsel in distress' warning, whoever it was.
Oh, and thanks for the 'damsel in distress' warning, whoever it was.
I've seen people get seriously screwed up by alchohol and drug abuse. People who mean a lot to me. And it's so painful to watch them, mashed off their faces or high every single night. You watch them slowly degenerate and it's heart-wrenching. It turned out well for the people I know, they got help and got clean; it may not turn out well for Skoda (heh, I remember that thread :-)). Talk to her. You really should.
Skoda? That's an interesting name. She sounds very nice, but like many, drink has taken over. Did she drink much before now? I know some people try to make up for lost time if they didn't drink from an early age. A lot of people at my 6th form did that when we were 17/18. I'd been drinking longer than most, so the fun of it had died down. Everyone else was getting lashed every single week. Seemed daft to me.
Anyway, I'm definitely not the drinker of my group. I like a couple of beers from time to time socially, and I'll drink for special occasions, but I'm not somebody who says "Right, it's Friday... let's get hammered and throw up." My mates are like that.
I'm always trying to warn them that they drink too much, and they know they do. Let this girl know what you think, even if it's in a joking way. Depending on how she respondes, talk to her seriously about it. Ask her not to get angry but you think she should cut back. Take her out yourself, make sure she doesn't drink too much (if it's just you two, possibly some good friends and nobody else you know, she's not as likely to drink all night) Basically, don't go into religious zealot mode with her, don't act like a parent, just let her know.
Anyway, I'm definitely not the drinker of my group. I like a couple of beers from time to time socially, and I'll drink for special occasions, but I'm not somebody who says "Right, it's Friday... let's get hammered and throw up." My mates are like that.
I'm always trying to warn them that they drink too much, and they know they do. Let this girl know what you think, even if it's in a joking way. Depending on how she respondes, talk to her seriously about it. Ask her not to get angry but you think she should cut back. Take her out yourself, make sure she doesn't drink too much (if it's just you two, possibly some good friends and nobody else you know, she's not as likely to drink all night) Basically, don't go into religious zealot mode with her, don't act like a parent, just let her know.
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