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This is a girl called Skoda. She’s a ballet dancer. Some of you might remember her from a thing on a trampoline last summer (Jebus, have I been posting here that long?). She’s probably one of my best friends, when I think about it. I’ve known her since year 8 – I’ve just finished my GCSEs, so that makes it 4 years. That’s a long time.
Here is the problem. She’s funning crazy now. Not crazy in a mentally impaired way, but in a ‘better to burn out than fade away’ way. She’s a heavy drinker – she won’t just have a couple of alcopops, she’ll drink until she drops.
And frequently does. I’m not usually there, but you hear stories. Falling down in the middle of roads, that was 2 Fridays ago. Week before that, she ended up at my house. I wasn’t here, I was in Penzance. But my older sister (21, back from uni) had to rescue her in a pub, and bring her back here to vomit and cry. My sister hasn’t seen Skoda for years, but they used to be ballet dancers together.
Of course, this could only be a problem in my head. Maybe I just want to save her in a nice dramatic Dawsons Creek way, I don’t know. After all, if I really wanted to help someone, I should try the alcoholic in the village, because he definitely needs saving. But I don’t want to do that, and nor does anybody else, so they won’t. And he’ll die, there’s no question about that.
The other thing is sex. She’s 16, she can sleep with people, I don’t care. But she does. A lot. She had a boyfriend for 3 months, that was good, that was steady. But that broke up a couple of weeks ago, so she’s single now. I don’t know…obviously she wouldn’t do it if she didn’t enjoy it, and I’m not in any position to tell her what she does and doesn’t enjoy. But I just think, in the long run, she’s going to get so emotionally hurt.
Because she’s gorgeous. Absolutely drop dead gorgeous. And nobody disputes that. It’s not just her figure, it’s the way she moves. Everything about her, her laugh, everything, just makes you want to, in Goatboys words, ‘pole her’. And people will pretend to care about her just so they can touch that body. And at some point she’s going to reach for someone, and they’re not going to be there, not on an emotional level.
Just to note, I’m absolutely and totally in love with my girlfriend, so, although I admit Skoda is fit, there’s not a thought of anything happening between us. Because my girlfriend is the best. Completely and utterly the best.
So this my point, and this is what I want replies to. Other than this helping me sort out how I feel, this being carthetic (is that a word?), I need to know if I should try to do something. Because, in 2 years time, I couldn’t bear to see that she’s still in the state that she’s in. Because I don’t think she’s happy. I don’t think she’s happy at all.
This is a girl called Skoda. She’s a ballet dancer. Some of you might remember her from a thing on a trampoline last summer (Jebus, have I been posting here that long?). She’s probably one of my best friends, when I think about it. I’ve known her since year 8 – I’ve just finished my GCSEs, so that makes it 4 years. That’s a long time.
Here is the problem. She’s funning crazy now. Not crazy in a mentally impaired way, but in a ‘better to burn out than fade away’ way. She’s a heavy drinker – she won’t just have a couple of alcopops, she’ll drink until she drops.
And frequently does. I’m not usually there, but you hear stories. Falling down in the middle of roads, that was 2 Fridays ago. Week before that, she ended up at my house. I wasn’t here, I was in Penzance. But my older sister (21, back from uni) had to rescue her in a pub, and bring her back here to vomit and cry. My sister hasn’t seen Skoda for years, but they used to be ballet dancers together.
Of course, this could only be a problem in my head. Maybe I just want to save her in a nice dramatic Dawsons Creek way, I don’t know. After all, if I really wanted to help someone, I should try the alcoholic in the village, because he definitely needs saving. But I don’t want to do that, and nor does anybody else, so they won’t. And he’ll die, there’s no question about that.
The other thing is sex. She’s 16, she can sleep with people, I don’t care. But she does. A lot. She had a boyfriend for 3 months, that was good, that was steady. But that broke up a couple of weeks ago, so she’s single now. I don’t know…obviously she wouldn’t do it if she didn’t enjoy it, and I’m not in any position to tell her what she does and doesn’t enjoy. But I just think, in the long run, she’s going to get so emotionally hurt.
Because she’s gorgeous. Absolutely drop dead gorgeous. And nobody disputes that. It’s not just her figure, it’s the way she moves. Everything about her, her laugh, everything, just makes you want to, in Goatboys words, ‘pole her’. And people will pretend to care about her just so they can touch that body. And at some point she’s going to reach for someone, and they’re not going to be there, not on an emotional level.
Just to note, I’m absolutely and totally in love with my girlfriend, so, although I admit Skoda is fit, there’s not a thought of anything happening between us. Because my girlfriend is the best. Completely and utterly the best.
So this my point, and this is what I want replies to. Other than this helping me sort out how I feel, this being carthetic (is that a word?), I need to know if I should try to do something. Because, in 2 years time, I couldn’t bear to see that she’s still in the state that she’s in. Because I don’t think she’s happy. I don’t think she’s happy at all.
Let me tell you a story.
I was at University and there was a guy who was known to love his drink. He was verging on being an alcoholic - he used to come around our flats in the mid afternoon half drunk and sell us bottles of wine cheap (or should that be cheap bottles of wine?)and he'd then come back a few hours later when the pubs were shut trying to buy the same bottles off us for a higher amount. He did have a drink problem but we were all too drunk/stupid/stoned to notice or even care. After all we were all having the time of our life weren't we?
No.
One day I recall not seeing him for about a day - he used to be a regular in our flat and always came round (we lived a big courtyard where about 70 4-bedroom flats were) in the evening. I was wondering where he got to so my mate and I traipsed over to his flat to get him to come down the pub with us. Alas, we realised he was sleeping when we were let into his flat by his flatmate. My mate started shaking him and then we realised he was heavily drunk - so much so that he wasn't even responding on even the most basic level. We got a bit worried when everything we did didn't provoke a reaction so we called an ambulance. They took him away and after a while we the doctor told us he had slipped into a coma due to the excessive amount he had drunk the night before. He was lucky to be alive even on this sentient level, we were told. After keeping a bedside vigil for a couple of months, the doctor told us he was going to recommended the life support system to be switched off. His parents had agreed to it and he left this world in an ungainly fashion.
Moral of the story? It's best to notice a problem and respond sooner rather than later. Sometimes there is no later. Maybe you should speak to your friend.
There's nothing worse than watching a friend throw their life down the proverbial toilet.
I say try to talk to her. Don't preach, just see if you can get her to open up a bit. Sit her down and ask her if she's ok, and don't let her just nod and say "yeah, you?" try to dig up the specifics.
But be warned, being the knight in shining armour and saving the damsel in distress from emotional instability often leads to momentary desires for physical gratification on one or both sides. These are fleeting, and if taken advantage of, regretable. Especially if, as you say, you have a girlfriend that you love very much.
Does your friend drink loads because its fun, or has she got any worries or anything she is trying to block out...Either way she needs help before there is something serious to worry about.
Hope i was of some help.
You being such a good friend i am sure you know in your heart what to do, but dont get yourself in a situation what is difficult for yourself to handle.
*has flashback* Ah yes, the days of Dobedo havoc...
> Off topic here, @ngel, you didn't by chance happen to be on that old
> Dobedo chat thing did you ? I know it's a long shot but someone I knew
> on there had the same name. Odds are you aren't but thought it was
> worth asking.
>
> *has flashback* Ah yes, the days of Dobedo havoc...
No sorry im afraid not :(
Anyway, I'm definitely not the drinker of my group. I like a couple of beers from time to time socially, and I'll drink for special occasions, but I'm not somebody who says "Right, it's Friday... let's get hammered and throw up." My mates are like that.
I'm always trying to warn them that they drink too much, and they know they do. Let this girl know what you think, even if it's in a joking way. Depending on how she respondes, talk to her seriously about it. Ask her not to get angry but you think she should cut back. Take her out yourself, make sure she doesn't drink too much (if it's just you two, possibly some good friends and nobody else you know, she's not as likely to drink all night) Basically, don't go into religious zealot mode with her, don't act like a parent, just let her know.
Oh, and thanks for the 'damsel in distress' warning, whoever it was.