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"Confused..."

Do you ever get the feeling that your real self, who you actually are, is held back because you get into a certain way of life, and daren't change how you are, or who you are ?

That's kind of what I'm wondering about recently. My room is filled with things I supposedly like - comics, books, figures, consoles and tons of stuff from over the years. I'm wondering how much of it I really do like, and what is just still here because I'm afraid to abandon things, to change.

On the wall by the side of my bed a large American flag hangs, covering part of the wall. Recently part of me wonders why that is still there, what it stands for now... whether it is something I still want to hang there.

There's just loads of things like that, things I have I wonder why I still have them, why I even bought them in the first place, it's like part of me doesn't want to let go of something I used to like, or in some cases, believe in.

As most of you may know, as Belldandy, I had some pretty strong beliefs in certain things, but beliefs are tested and recently my belief in them has susided in many cases, but as you've maybe seen, I still slip back to them every so often. It's like I've changed my mind but daren't commit to something new for some mystifying reason.

I'll be amazed if any of this makes any sense to anyone, I'm a little confused right now about some things.

I'm worse with girls i can't express my feelings to them properly :x

That's different for me.. Outside if I 'have' to confront someone, no doubt I will. Wheras I wouldn't do it on the internet.. Yet I'm not overly confident on the outside.. Just very protective of people messing with my mind..

i'm probably more expressive on the internet, but neither in real life or on the internet am i that eloquent. I'm definetly more confrontational on the internet than in real life, i guess i'm more maybe easy going in real life.

Practical Magic wrote:
> On the wall by the side of my bed a large American flag hangs,
> covering part of the wall. Recently part of me wonders why that is
> still there, what it stands for now... whether it is something I still
> want to hang there.
---

*bites lip*

§niper wrote:
> .. Never in any house have i seen a english flag ..

Strange that, wonder why ? Actually I don't, but anyway...nice to see some people have an idea what I was rambling on about last night,

Bell,

I've only just seen this thread, but I want to tell you I understand exactly what you mean about beliefs. Its common knowledge that I went through a crisis of faith ending in seeing the truth that there is actually no God, and what I'm trying to say relates to that I guess. Religon is very restrictive of peoples beliefs (I'm talkimg about religous beliefs maybe morals and opinons would be closer to what I'm actually talking about).

I used to think that some things were wrong (sex before marriage, gay relationships, witchcraft & wicca, the occult and several others). Losing any religeous belief that I had has made me see that theses views were things I was brought up with, and not my own moral structure. I've had to rexamine my views and so forth and decide on a moral code which suits me.

Occasionally I still think things from that earlier time, and then wonder why I think them. I might hear about someone who sleeps with 2 guys in one night and firstly I'll think that its wrong, but then when I examine why I think thats wrong and I realise that actually I don't think that after, I think whatever a person choses to do with their life is fine if it isn't hurting anyone else all but years of programming have conditioned me to think that way first.

I know that it isn't exactlly the same as what your saying, but I urge you to examine why you hold the beliefs you do, and if you don't feel it deep down admit that they were the wrong beliefs for you.

sorry for rambling on

It is called growing up. You reach a point in your life when things lose the value they once had. Tastes change.

I used to collect things, compulsively. I had huge stamp and coin collections. They are still around somewhere, but these days I could not hinge a stamp if I tried. They used to be an integral part of who I was, but it just faded. A new me grew instead.

I know what you mean about feeling trapped. I felt like I was in a rut too, and as I thought that more and more, the less I liked the things I used to love. New things took over my life, guitars and music, In a way that I hadn't been like since I was younger.

I don't know why tastes change like that, especially if you stop liking something you pored a lot of time, money and effort into. They just do. It sort of leaves you with an empty feeling almost.

Thanks Rosalind, that's kind of exactly ( oxymoron ahoy ) how I'm like at the moment, I know what you mean. It's hard to change, but at the same time I see flaws in what I used to believe.

On another level part of me thinks thaty if I have time and chance to think about all this then life isn't so bad in the first place.

Yup, I'm a tad confused!

If you are confused and don't know what you wnt anymore try this.

Have a coffee. Go out late at night for a walk where there is no people, in the rain. Take your mobile. Whoever you end up texting is the one...

Notorious Biggles wrote:
> I used to collect things, compulsively. I had huge stamp and coin
> collections.

Stamp collections? Heh heh ha!

Ahem. Sorry about that.