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"First Love"

I don't know why I'm doing this. Its just something I need to get of my chest. This forum is called Life, so here is a little bit of my Life story

A couple of you know that although I'm engaged, The Ogre wasn't my First Love. FirstLove was a boy I met a school, Actually I met him at primary school, and we had always sort of been friends, but we both we with different groups of friends. I was a school-lover, book studier, teachers pet. (On the surface at least) and he was in one of those crowds that were always getting in to trouble, and in fights. Two different worlds.

Until Sixth Form. I stayed on to do my A-Levels and FirstLove stayed to do GNVQs (this might tell you something about the academic gap between us). My little clique of A-Level friends had started really annoying me. A couple of the guys were seeing girls from the year above us, and they were pretty horrible about them behind their backs. It all got a bit much for me and I started spending more and more time with the less academically gifted, but nicer GNVQ group.

It was all very innocent (at least on my part). Apart from one night of fumbling with the jack.the.lad of the sixth form, I was niaeve as hell. Over that year I had two boyfriends the first was a Tart and the second I nicknamed Bunion. I left Tart for Bunion, who in his turn left me for his Ex-Fiancee (was my fault, I shouldn't have tempted him away in the first place, and to be honest she held all the cards since there was no way I was going to sleep with him). I'd just got over a very bad virus (which the Doctors though might have been meningitus in viral form) and so I took a bit of a knock (I'm digressing).

The point is FirstLove had always told me that my boyfriends were bad choices. I'd thought that he was saying it in a friendly way, but on the Last day before Christmas hols that year I ended up in bed with him (again it was all fairly innocent). Of course then I didn't want to seem keen , so I didn't ring him, and of course I didn't see him at all over the holidays.

Time went on, there were always flirty glances going on between us, but the timing was always off, one of us would always be with somebody else, and to be honest I never thought I was good enough for him. Occasionally we would both be single at the same time, and we would mess around together, but nothing major ever happened between us.

Until thr summer before I left for University and FirstLove stabbed a man (A gay man who came on to him - I don't ccondone homophobia, but considering some ofthe stuff I think he may have gone through at the hands of his stepdad I sort of understand). None of his friends except me stood by him. I think we had a sort of a bond. That summer he asked me to be his Girlfriend, but I didn't want to be tied down to someone at home, when I was going of to Uni where there would be loads of new people (and I still felt as if I wasn't good enough for him), and although by this point I knew I had very strong feelings for him, I turned him down.

You probably know the next bit. I went away to Uni and within 3 weeks I had met, slept with and started going out with The Ogre.

Fast forward a Year to my second year. Falling in love with the Ogre made me realise that actually I was in Love with FirstLove (Silly how these things happen). I called him up, and we talked, we talked everynight for weeks and weeks, and I told him how I felt. He asked me to leave The Ogre, but I couldn't. We stayed friends, but I moved to Hull eventually and the friendship tailed off.

I stood at a crossroads and I took the easiest path. Someone similar to me, someone of similar intellegence, music taste etc. I never knew if I took the right path.

The other day I found out (from somebody else) FirstLove is going to be a father. His Girlfriend is pregnant. It brought back old memories and they needed an outlet, which is why I'm posting here, because lets face it. there is no way I could disscus this with my best friend.

I think he means stop being so touchy/defensive?

Goatboy wrote:
> stop being so precious.

I don't know what you mean by that?

(I'm not saying I disagree with you, I actually don't know what your terminology means here)

unfortunately some moments require time and tact. ie not to quick but also not to slow. Time is a b*stard.

Hedfix wrote:
> What if you think the moment's going to be around a while and it
> isn't?
>
> Gutted.
---

Which is exactly why you shouldn't waste time presuming something will remain for a while.
Each and every moment, as it happens.

You could die in an accident on the way home tonight, and think of how many things you could've said/done today/yesterday and didn't.

I wasnt having a pop, stop being so precious.

I'm just saying what I think, it's nothing personal

What if you think the moment's going to be around a while and it isn't?

Gutted.

Remind me not to 'Share' again.

:(

You were a child?

Gah
I just have zero time for these ego-salving, time wasting "I would call but..." things.
Not directed at you per se, just so bored of this stupid social no-no of appearing too keen etc.
Nothing good comes of dilly dallying.

You either seize a moment and take it, or sit back and reminisce about what could have been

I believe quasi-shrinks call this "the soft-spot for one's first love syndrome" - it never goes away, especially if the first love is better looking than the current nuzzle-partner.

Goatboy wrote:
> Rosalind wrote:
> Of course then I didn't want
> to seem keen , so I didn't ring him, and of course I didn't see him
> at
> all over the holidays.
> ---
>
> *blood boils*
>
> Stupid childish games.

I was a child at the time.

Adn it wasn't meant to be childish. he had a repuation and I thought it was a one off. This all happened at Lunch time that day, in the afternoon he flirted with one of my friends (I found out later that this was his defence mechansim, because he though he wasn't good enough for me).

I don't regret anything about this. The only thing the Ogre knows is that FirstLove asked me to leave The Ogre for him. As a result The Ogre gets a bit annoyed if firstLove gets mentioned.

I guess I just wanted to share something that I've been through with all of you.