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"Marriage & babies"

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Mon 09/10/06 at 06:17
Regular
Posts: 938
Just wondering of the general consensus on this topic. This is in no way meant to identify or indignify anyone's individual choices, only to discuss reasonings.


1) If a couple wanted a baby, how long should they wait, after first meeting eachother, before having a baby? Is there a standard, socially acceptable time frame??

2) Do you believe said couple should marry first, before a baby?

3) But, what if it was an unplanned pregnancy? Should they get married for the sake of the baby and somehow try to make it work? (Excluding dysfunctional relationships - ie, domestic violence, abuse, etc..)

4) Do you believe that people should get married because they want or they're expecting a baby?

5) Or, do you believe women wanting children are better off getting artificially insemenated, because the mass of single mothers is increasing anyways? Why hassle with the man factor??

6) Why do you believe it's more socially accepted these days to have babies without being married, whereas generations ago it wasn't?



Thank you, you're comments would be greatly appreciated. :)
Mon 09/10/06 at 08:18
Regular
Posts: 14,437
Seraphim wrote:
> What would i get from someone now been in a relationship.
> "Oh there not my kids you deal with them".
> Unless i was to come across a half decent guy who would accept
> my kids.

Hehe, I guess you completely ignored my willingness then :/
Mon 09/10/06 at 08:16
Regular
"AkaSeraphim"
Posts: 9,397
Voltaire wrote:
> I've always told you that you've done a good job. Dont get
> defensive dear :)

Not getting defensive just telling it like it is.

> I think you would have benefitted from having a bit more help
> though, certainly at the end of last year.

Maybe but to be honest looking back now i have done a batter job in bringing them up on my own then i ever did when i was with my ex.

However i havent got the extra help, to be honest even if i was in a relationship i dont think things would be any different. What would i get from someone now been in a relationship. "Oh there not my kids you deal with them".
Unless i was to come across a half decent guy who would accept my kids.
Mon 09/10/06 at 08:08
Regular
"Monochromatic"
Posts: 18,487
Seraphim wrote:
> Voltaire wrote:
>
> >I think raising a child is a two person job and as such it
> helps to have mother and father balancing each other out.
>
> I dont think raising a baby is a 2 person job. Im doing it alone
> and to be honest im doing a pretty god damn good job.

I've always told you that you've done a good job. Dont get defensive dear :)
I think you would have benefitted from having a bit more help though, certainly at the end of last year.
Mon 09/10/06 at 08:05
Regular
"AkaSeraphim"
Posts: 9,397
Voltaire wrote:

>I think raising a child is a two person job and as such it helps to have mother and father balancing each other out.

I dont think raising a baby is a 2 person job. Im doing it alone and to be honest im doing a pretty god damn good job.
Mon 09/10/06 at 07:54
Regular
"AkaSeraphim"
Posts: 9,397
Usually i would say, wait till you feel ready. I was with my partner 4 years when i fell pregnant the 1st time. (it ended in a miscarrige) Thinks i was about 20.

Dont think these days marriage is all that. Many people just live together and have kids rather then marriage. I think personally its down to the individuals in how they take things. I think a big part of it these days is about money etc... when it comes to marriage, specially when children are involved. Its security if the marriage was to break up.

No, i dont think you should marry just for the sake of a baby, A couple should get married if it's what they want. Not for the sake of a child.
Insemination is all well and good but some people do actually want the 'Family Life', i would prefer the whole family thing but it doesnt always work out. Though been inseminated is probably a whole lot easier and there is no hassle with the man factor.

As for if its more socially accepted, i still know a majority that look down on me for been a single mother. To hell with them, if i got married it would have probably ended in divorce. I was cheated on, not as if i ended what we had. As for me and Bullett i ended things, Why? well thats because of many issues including the fact i worry about getting hurt again, i think my confidence in relationships then was just 0. People just seem to think moving in together is good enough, i still think it boils down to finacial issues too. I dont know, its just not a big thing anymore. I am yet to see a marriage last anyway :) I have different views on the whole marriage thing.
Mon 09/10/06 at 07:52
Regular
"Monochromatic"
Posts: 18,487
You're not planning on having a baby with him now are you?! ;)

Ladybird wrote:
> 1) If a couple wanted a baby, how long should they wait, after
> first meeting eachother, before having a baby? Is there a
> standard, socially acceptable time frame??

I think whevever that relationship is clearly stable, i'd say about 2 years is a good ammount of time, depending on how old you are.

> 2) Do you believe said couple should marry first, before a
> baby?

Honestly, i think it's a bit unnecessary. It's only purpose really is for legal reasons and so the kids have daddys last name, which can be done without marriage anyway. So no

> 3) But, what if it was an unplanned pregnancy? Should they get
> married for the sake of the baby and somehow try to make it work?
> (Excluding dysfunctional relationships - ie, domestic violence,
> abuse, etc..)

I dont think it's hugely important, no. I also think their are more important things to spend money on when you've a baby on the way. Some friends of mine have been together 10 years, have 2 kids, they aren't married and have a pretty good stable life. Certainly moreso than i had with my parents who did marry and then divorced.

> 4) Do you believe that people should get married because
> they want or they're expecting a baby?

If think if you've decided that you want a baby with someone thats a bigger commitment and then it comes down to personal preference. Marriage should be held up as the ideal, so yeah it's preferable. Money aside i'd see no reason not to if you've chosen to have a child with someone.

> 5) Or, do you believe women wanting children are better off
> getting artificially insemenated, because the mass of single
> mothers is increasing anyways? Why hassle with the man
> factor??

Hehehe i didn't see this one coming (or should that be cumming?)
No not at all. If the mass of single mothers is increasing anyway, why add to it? I think raising a child is a two person job and as such it helps to have mother and father balancing each other out. I know certain people who would have benefitted massively from having the mother or father figure they lacked growing up.

> 6) Why do you believe it's more socially accepted these days to
> have babies without being married, whereas generations ago it
> wasn't?

Religion.
I think everyone is far less judgemental now as well, probably to a detriment as social standards have slipped somewhat. There is a general isolation, distrust and fear of other people that has lead to a "Who are you to tell me how to live my life" attitude whereas in the past people cared far more about how they were viewed by their neighbours. Nowadays they just think everyone is out to molest or kill their children so they retreat inwards. :)

> Thank you, you're comments would be greatly appreciated. :)

They better be, it took me long enough to type them ;P
Mon 09/10/06 at 06:17
Regular
Posts: 938
Just wondering of the general consensus on this topic. This is in no way meant to identify or indignify anyone's individual choices, only to discuss reasonings.


1) If a couple wanted a baby, how long should they wait, after first meeting eachother, before having a baby? Is there a standard, socially acceptable time frame??

2) Do you believe said couple should marry first, before a baby?

3) But, what if it was an unplanned pregnancy? Should they get married for the sake of the baby and somehow try to make it work? (Excluding dysfunctional relationships - ie, domestic violence, abuse, etc..)

4) Do you believe that people should get married because they want or they're expecting a baby?

5) Or, do you believe women wanting children are better off getting artificially insemenated, because the mass of single mothers is increasing anyways? Why hassle with the man factor??

6) Why do you believe it's more socially accepted these days to have babies without being married, whereas generations ago it wasn't?



Thank you, you're comments would be greatly appreciated. :)

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