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Just wondering of the general consensus on this topic. This is in no way meant to identify or indignify anyone's individual choices, only to discuss reasonings.
1) If a couple wanted a baby, how long should they wait, after first meeting eachother, before having a baby? Is there a standard, socially acceptable time frame??
2) Do you believe said couple should marry first, before a baby?
3) But, what if it was an unplanned pregnancy? Should they get married for the sake of the baby and somehow try to make it work? (Excluding dysfunctional relationships - ie, domestic violence, abuse, etc..)
4) Do you believe that people should get married because they want or they're expecting a baby?
5) Or, do you believe women wanting children are better off getting artificially insemenated, because the mass of single mothers is increasing anyways? Why hassle with the man factor??
6) Why do you believe it's more socially accepted these days to have babies without being married, whereas generations ago it wasn't?
Thank you, you're comments would be greatly appreciated. :)
1) If a couple wanted a baby, how long should they wait, after first meeting eachother, before having a baby? Is there a standard, socially acceptable time frame??
2) Do you believe said couple should marry first, before a baby?
3) But, what if it was an unplanned pregnancy? Should they get married for the sake of the baby and somehow try to make it work? (Excluding dysfunctional relationships - ie, domestic violence, abuse, etc..)
4) Do you believe that people should get married because they want or they're expecting a baby?
5) Or, do you believe women wanting children are better off getting artificially insemenated, because the mass of single mothers is increasing anyways? Why hassle with the man factor??
6) Why do you believe it's more socially accepted these days to have babies without being married, whereas generations ago it wasn't?
Thank you, you're comments would be greatly appreciated. :)
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Aye, and i bet they found that everything just falls in to place. Ok its ideal to have a job etc... but all this talk of saving is rubbish!
One of my friends and his wife wanted a baby and tried to "save up" to have one.
After about a year they realised you can't save up for a baby and had a son about a year after that.
After about a year they realised you can't save up for a baby and had a son about a year after that.
Borat §agdiyev wrote:
> But then as so many people have said, you're never really
> financially or emotionally 'ready' for a child, you have to
> adapt as it goes along.
This is true, I hear many people say that there going to save to have a child. How can you save, its going to be a hell of alot of saving. How much do you really think you need for just 1 child. You do adapt to things, to think how i was when i never had kids. Then when i got pregnant the first time i thought how can i afford to have a baby, id only just started a job, but when he was born everything just fell in to place. I never really realised what was going in and going out at the time. It was just happening. But then i never had to give anything up to afford to care for them, i was earning, and my money just built up in the bank most of the time cos i wasnt use to having money, so id work, and then forget about it. Not sure that would happen now though.
> But then as so many people have said, you're never really
> financially or emotionally 'ready' for a child, you have to
> adapt as it goes along.
This is true, I hear many people say that there going to save to have a child. How can you save, its going to be a hell of alot of saving. How much do you really think you need for just 1 child. You do adapt to things, to think how i was when i never had kids. Then when i got pregnant the first time i thought how can i afford to have a baby, id only just started a job, but when he was born everything just fell in to place. I never really realised what was going in and going out at the time. It was just happening. But then i never had to give anything up to afford to care for them, i was earning, and my money just built up in the bank most of the time cos i wasnt use to having money, so id work, and then forget about it. Not sure that would happen now though.
Ladybird wrote:
> 1) If a couple wanted a baby, how long should they wait, after
> first meeting eachother, before having a baby? Is there a
> standard, socially acceptable time frame??
I think that idea is silly ... life has no rule book, why anyone should feel pressured into having a child a certain amount of time after getting together/getting married, I don't know. I think the only real consideration, aside from your ages, is maybe your financial and work situation ... if you absolutely had to choose a 'right' time, then in theory you'd like to do it when you know you'll be able to provide well for the child, and have the time to show it all the attention needed.
But then as so many people have said, you're never really financially or emotionally 'ready' for a child, you have to adapt as it goes along. I think all that really matters to a child is that he/she is loved by whoever is taking care of him/her. As for the 'socially acceptable' aspect, balls to that ... every situation is different, society will have you believe that a 'normal' family situation (mother, father living together, 2.4 children) is what is right, and anything else means there is something wrong. That's just not true.
> 2) Do you believe said couple should marry first, before a
> baby?
Nah that's a religious point of view and I don't share it.
> 3) But, what if it was an unplanned pregnancy? Should they get
> married for the sake of the baby and somehow try to make it work?
> (Excluding dysfunctional relationships - ie, domestic violence,
> abuse, etc..)
Not for the sake of the baby no ... it might focus peoples minds on putting extra effort into making the relationship work though. If two people love each other and want to bring a child up together, then yeah marriage may be the way to go, but again it's not set in stone that you must get married. As for putting up with domestic violence and abuse ... well I've never been able to understand why any woman puts up with it, baby or not. Not saying it's just women that get abused, but I think for the most part it is. Living an unhappy life, living in fear, just for the sake of your children, is madness. But I suspect there are so many cases of this in the world.
> 4) Do you believe that people should get married because
> they want or they're expecting a baby?
No, marriage is a separate issue. The only reason for marriage should be love and commitment to your partner.
> 5) Or, do you believe women wanting children are better off
> getting artificially insemenated, because the mass of single
> mothers is increasing anyways? Why hassle with the man
> factor??
Well nah, I don't like that theory at all. I think if you're going to have children it should be with someone you love or want to be with, I know it's not always the case, but if you really wanted children then I would think this is the way to go. Of course many women prefer not to be tied down and just want a child to call their own, so different things will work for different people. Just always seemed strange to me, never knowing who your father is ... but then I don't know who my real mother or father is, and I've dealt with it ok.
> 6) Why do you believe it's more socially accepted these days to
> have babies without being married, whereas generations ago it
> wasn't?
I think so yeah, I really think marriage is a separate issue. If two people are committed to each other, a ring and a bit of paper won't make much difference. And marriages can be dissolved just as easy as they are made, so from a security point of view it's not all that. Why though? I think the western world is just getting more open minded as to what consitutes a family or relationship ... religion is becoming less important in todays world.
JMO
> 1) If a couple wanted a baby, how long should they wait, after
> first meeting eachother, before having a baby? Is there a
> standard, socially acceptable time frame??
I think that idea is silly ... life has no rule book, why anyone should feel pressured into having a child a certain amount of time after getting together/getting married, I don't know. I think the only real consideration, aside from your ages, is maybe your financial and work situation ... if you absolutely had to choose a 'right' time, then in theory you'd like to do it when you know you'll be able to provide well for the child, and have the time to show it all the attention needed.
But then as so many people have said, you're never really financially or emotionally 'ready' for a child, you have to adapt as it goes along. I think all that really matters to a child is that he/she is loved by whoever is taking care of him/her. As for the 'socially acceptable' aspect, balls to that ... every situation is different, society will have you believe that a 'normal' family situation (mother, father living together, 2.4 children) is what is right, and anything else means there is something wrong. That's just not true.
> 2) Do you believe said couple should marry first, before a
> baby?
Nah that's a religious point of view and I don't share it.
> 3) But, what if it was an unplanned pregnancy? Should they get
> married for the sake of the baby and somehow try to make it work?
> (Excluding dysfunctional relationships - ie, domestic violence,
> abuse, etc..)
Not for the sake of the baby no ... it might focus peoples minds on putting extra effort into making the relationship work though. If two people love each other and want to bring a child up together, then yeah marriage may be the way to go, but again it's not set in stone that you must get married. As for putting up with domestic violence and abuse ... well I've never been able to understand why any woman puts up with it, baby or not. Not saying it's just women that get abused, but I think for the most part it is. Living an unhappy life, living in fear, just for the sake of your children, is madness. But I suspect there are so many cases of this in the world.
> 4) Do you believe that people should get married because
> they want or they're expecting a baby?
No, marriage is a separate issue. The only reason for marriage should be love and commitment to your partner.
> 5) Or, do you believe women wanting children are better off
> getting artificially insemenated, because the mass of single
> mothers is increasing anyways? Why hassle with the man
> factor??
Well nah, I don't like that theory at all. I think if you're going to have children it should be with someone you love or want to be with, I know it's not always the case, but if you really wanted children then I would think this is the way to go. Of course many women prefer not to be tied down and just want a child to call their own, so different things will work for different people. Just always seemed strange to me, never knowing who your father is ... but then I don't know who my real mother or father is, and I've dealt with it ok.
> 6) Why do you believe it's more socially accepted these days to
> have babies without being married, whereas generations ago it
> wasn't?
I think so yeah, I really think marriage is a separate issue. If two people are committed to each other, a ring and a bit of paper won't make much difference. And marriages can be dissolved just as easy as they are made, so from a security point of view it's not all that. Why though? I think the western world is just getting more open minded as to what consitutes a family or relationship ... religion is becoming less important in todays world.
JMO
Right. My opinion is that no two people have exactly the same situation, so it totally depends on what you both think. If one of you accepts marriage as the solution then it probably won't work.
I still believe in Marriage as a sense of commitment, even among those who are not religious, but if you are going to commit to a marriage you need to do just that and give it 100% all the time, not expect it to just work because you have a ring and a piece of paper. That's where a lot of marriages go wrong.
Marriage should be thought about the same way, irraspective of whether a baby is involved or not.
I still believe in Marriage as a sense of commitment, even among those who are not religious, but if you are going to commit to a marriage you need to do just that and give it 100% all the time, not expect it to just work because you have a ring and a piece of paper. That's where a lot of marriages go wrong.
Marriage should be thought about the same way, irraspective of whether a baby is involved or not.
Ladybird wrote:
> 1) If a couple wanted a baby, how long should they wait, after
> first meeting eachother, before having a baby? Is there a
> standard, socially acceptable time frame??
I don't think there's a set time although society seems to have an idea of what is "acceptable" to it.
> 2) Do you believe said couple should marry first, before a
> baby?
No.
> 3) But, what if it was an unplanned pregnancy? Should they get
> married for the sake of the baby and somehow try to make it work?
> (Excluding dysfunctional relationships - ie, domestic violence,
> abuse, etc..)
No marriage would put extra pressures on them to make it work which in turn would have a negative effect and make it more likely to not work.
> 4) Do you believe that people should get married because
> they want or they're expecting a baby?
No they should get married to show their committment to each other.
> 5) Or, do you believe women wanting children are better off
> getting artificially insemenated, because the mass of single
> mothers is increasing anyways? Why hassle with the man
> factor??
Not really.
> 6) Why do you believe it's more socially accepted these days to
> have babies without being married, whereas generations ago it
> wasn't?
I think it's got a lot to do with people being less religious these days. I know a couple whose parents are really religious and they're not even living together until after they're married next year.
> 1) If a couple wanted a baby, how long should they wait, after
> first meeting eachother, before having a baby? Is there a
> standard, socially acceptable time frame??
I don't think there's a set time although society seems to have an idea of what is "acceptable" to it.
> 2) Do you believe said couple should marry first, before a
> baby?
No.
> 3) But, what if it was an unplanned pregnancy? Should they get
> married for the sake of the baby and somehow try to make it work?
> (Excluding dysfunctional relationships - ie, domestic violence,
> abuse, etc..)
No marriage would put extra pressures on them to make it work which in turn would have a negative effect and make it more likely to not work.
> 4) Do you believe that people should get married because
> they want or they're expecting a baby?
No they should get married to show their committment to each other.
> 5) Or, do you believe women wanting children are better off
> getting artificially insemenated, because the mass of single
> mothers is increasing anyways? Why hassle with the man
> factor??
Not really.
> 6) Why do you believe it's more socially accepted these days to
> have babies without being married, whereas generations ago it
> wasn't?
I think it's got a lot to do with people being less religious these days. I know a couple whose parents are really religious and they're not even living together until after they're married next year.
It's not hypocritical, i just have different views on different aspects of a certain thing. Nothing wrong with that.
Message me though if you want to get this sorted!!
Message me though if you want to get this sorted!!
In some cases it's rather hypocritical though.
Anyway, enough of that.
Anyway, enough of that.
I have different opinions on different issues. I swing two ways with some issues too. Ive never denied that.
There are things you've mentioned on here which differ from what you've told me, but we'll leave it there. I don't want private stuff made public just as much as you, just saying there are cases where you're coming across with two completely different opinions.
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