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My friend Tom has deployed for Iraq today. Before he left, he asked me to marry him.
Actually, he's been asking me for the past month now. We've only known eachother for a little while, exchanging emails and pictures and chatting until sunrise over msn or on the telephone a lot. I've never physically met him, but we've grown quite fond of eachother and I do genuinely care about him. We've said we love eachother, like close friends would, given the exclusion of physical intimacy. Platonic love. As a matter of fact, we never delved into anything of a sexual nature in our conversations much at all. Maybe just wishing we were with eachother to give supporting hugs and snuggle and the like.. I think if we were actually together it'd be more than just snuggling honestly, because dayem..he's hot.
I just wonder of this urgency to want to marry.. I mean, I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage and I'm totally marriable and Tom is certainly a marriable candidate! Heh It just seems like soldiers going into the warzone exhibit such desperation and I think that maybe I wouldn't have said I would marry him so soon, if he was't going? Or maybe I would have, given my life is at such a crossroads. Hm..
He's a IED Finder/88Mike (transport), so he's got the front seat in crossfire. It's worrying that his battalion lost three guys already this past month. When he talks of what he'll encounter, he sounds skeptical of returning. It makes my eyes well-up and my heart hurt confronted with the greater odds that before this beautiful person and I can even merely touch eachother, he'd be taken..forever.
Lastnight, we talked about our wedding. We dreamed about how it would be when he got home. We talked about our children, his and mine..and how we'd have two of our own. We want lots of kids, never a dull moment. :) We talked about how our baby girl would have his Irish green eyes and pink undertones in her porcelain skin. We talked about our goals and ambitions.. About growing old together, swaying in a hammock in the backyard, sipping sangrias and star gazing. How we'd make wishes at sunset upon greenflash and hold eachother close.
I miss him already, but I look around me and my reality lacks the physical element of his existence. He's somewhat of a phantom, so to speak. How can I miss something I've never had? How can I embrace my emotions??
Now this war in the Middle East is at my doorstep and if it wasn't Tom knocking, I think I would have paid it no mind.
He rang before he left the airport this morning, as they were boarding the plane for a twenty hour journey into a different dimension. He cried. *tears* Bless his heart..
Anyways, thanks for just letting me just ramble. It's just so hard to know where to put any of this and keeping it inside is entirely debilitating for me today.
On the lighter side, heck, I'm getting married! Kinda crazy, I know..
Actually, he's been asking me for the past month now. We've only known eachother for a little while, exchanging emails and pictures and chatting until sunrise over msn or on the telephone a lot. I've never physically met him, but we've grown quite fond of eachother and I do genuinely care about him. We've said we love eachother, like close friends would, given the exclusion of physical intimacy. Platonic love. As a matter of fact, we never delved into anything of a sexual nature in our conversations much at all. Maybe just wishing we were with eachother to give supporting hugs and snuggle and the like.. I think if we were actually together it'd be more than just snuggling honestly, because dayem..he's hot.
I just wonder of this urgency to want to marry.. I mean, I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage and I'm totally marriable and Tom is certainly a marriable candidate! Heh It just seems like soldiers going into the warzone exhibit such desperation and I think that maybe I wouldn't have said I would marry him so soon, if he was't going? Or maybe I would have, given my life is at such a crossroads. Hm..
He's a IED Finder/88Mike (transport), so he's got the front seat in crossfire. It's worrying that his battalion lost three guys already this past month. When he talks of what he'll encounter, he sounds skeptical of returning. It makes my eyes well-up and my heart hurt confronted with the greater odds that before this beautiful person and I can even merely touch eachother, he'd be taken..forever.
Lastnight, we talked about our wedding. We dreamed about how it would be when he got home. We talked about our children, his and mine..and how we'd have two of our own. We want lots of kids, never a dull moment. :) We talked about how our baby girl would have his Irish green eyes and pink undertones in her porcelain skin. We talked about our goals and ambitions.. About growing old together, swaying in a hammock in the backyard, sipping sangrias and star gazing. How we'd make wishes at sunset upon greenflash and hold eachother close.
I miss him already, but I look around me and my reality lacks the physical element of his existence. He's somewhat of a phantom, so to speak. How can I miss something I've never had? How can I embrace my emotions??
Now this war in the Middle East is at my doorstep and if it wasn't Tom knocking, I think I would have paid it no mind.
He rang before he left the airport this morning, as they were boarding the plane for a twenty hour journey into a different dimension. He cried. *tears* Bless his heart..
Anyways, thanks for just letting me just ramble. It's just so hard to know where to put any of this and keeping it inside is entirely debilitating for me today.
On the lighter side, heck, I'm getting married! Kinda crazy, I know..
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My friend Tom has deployed for Iraq today. Before he left, he asked me to marry him.
Actually, he's been asking me for the past month now. We've only known eachother for a little while, exchanging emails and pictures and chatting until sunrise over msn or on the telephone a lot. I've never physically met him, but we've grown quite fond of eachother and I do genuinely care about him. We've said we love eachother, like close friends would, given the exclusion of physical intimacy. Platonic love. As a matter of fact, we never delved into anything of a sexual nature in our conversations much at all. Maybe just wishing we were with eachother to give supporting hugs and snuggle and the like.. I think if we were actually together it'd be more than just snuggling honestly, because dayem..he's hot.
I just wonder of this urgency to want to marry.. I mean, I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage and I'm totally marriable and Tom is certainly a marriable candidate! Heh It just seems like soldiers going into the warzone exhibit such desperation and I think that maybe I wouldn't have said I would marry him so soon, if he was't going? Or maybe I would have, given my life is at such a crossroads. Hm..
He's a IED Finder/88Mike (transport), so he's got the front seat in crossfire. It's worrying that his battalion lost three guys already this past month. When he talks of what he'll encounter, he sounds skeptical of returning. It makes my eyes well-up and my heart hurt confronted with the greater odds that before this beautiful person and I can even merely touch eachother, he'd be taken..forever.
Lastnight, we talked about our wedding. We dreamed about how it would be when he got home. We talked about our children, his and mine..and how we'd have two of our own. We want lots of kids, never a dull moment. :) We talked about how our baby girl would have his Irish green eyes and pink undertones in her porcelain skin. We talked about our goals and ambitions.. About growing old together, swaying in a hammock in the backyard, sipping sangrias and star gazing. How we'd make wishes at sunset upon greenflash and hold eachother close.
I miss him already, but I look around me and my reality lacks the physical element of his existence. He's somewhat of a phantom, so to speak. How can I miss something I've never had? How can I embrace my emotions??
Now this war in the Middle East is at my doorstep and if it wasn't Tom knocking, I think I would have paid it no mind.
He rang before he left the airport this morning, as they were boarding the plane for a twenty hour journey into a different dimension. He cried. *tears* Bless his heart..
Anyways, thanks for just letting me just ramble. It's just so hard to know where to put any of this and keeping it inside is entirely debilitating for me today.
On the lighter side, heck, I'm getting married! Kinda crazy, I know..
Actually, he's been asking me for the past month now. We've only known eachother for a little while, exchanging emails and pictures and chatting until sunrise over msn or on the telephone a lot. I've never physically met him, but we've grown quite fond of eachother and I do genuinely care about him. We've said we love eachother, like close friends would, given the exclusion of physical intimacy. Platonic love. As a matter of fact, we never delved into anything of a sexual nature in our conversations much at all. Maybe just wishing we were with eachother to give supporting hugs and snuggle and the like.. I think if we were actually together it'd be more than just snuggling honestly, because dayem..he's hot.
I just wonder of this urgency to want to marry.. I mean, I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage and I'm totally marriable and Tom is certainly a marriable candidate! Heh It just seems like soldiers going into the warzone exhibit such desperation and I think that maybe I wouldn't have said I would marry him so soon, if he was't going? Or maybe I would have, given my life is at such a crossroads. Hm..
He's a IED Finder/88Mike (transport), so he's got the front seat in crossfire. It's worrying that his battalion lost three guys already this past month. When he talks of what he'll encounter, he sounds skeptical of returning. It makes my eyes well-up and my heart hurt confronted with the greater odds that before this beautiful person and I can even merely touch eachother, he'd be taken..forever.
Lastnight, we talked about our wedding. We dreamed about how it would be when he got home. We talked about our children, his and mine..and how we'd have two of our own. We want lots of kids, never a dull moment. :) We talked about how our baby girl would have his Irish green eyes and pink undertones in her porcelain skin. We talked about our goals and ambitions.. About growing old together, swaying in a hammock in the backyard, sipping sangrias and star gazing. How we'd make wishes at sunset upon greenflash and hold eachother close.
I miss him already, but I look around me and my reality lacks the physical element of his existence. He's somewhat of a phantom, so to speak. How can I miss something I've never had? How can I embrace my emotions??
Now this war in the Middle East is at my doorstep and if it wasn't Tom knocking, I think I would have paid it no mind.
He rang before he left the airport this morning, as they were boarding the plane for a twenty hour journey into a different dimension. He cried. *tears* Bless his heart..
Anyways, thanks for just letting me just ramble. It's just so hard to know where to put any of this and keeping it inside is entirely debilitating for me today.
On the lighter side, heck, I'm getting married! Kinda crazy, I know..
No-one else wants to say it? Okee-dokee...
Em, for a smart woman, this isn't "kinda crazy", this is full blown insanity. It's pretty demented to marry someone you've only known a month but to marry someone you've known a month who you've never actually met is beyond madness.
The fact he's been asking you for a month, when you've only known him a short while? Alarm bells are ringing honey.
Think of all the guys you've known and how they've not been right for you, then consider the odds that this one (Who clearly isn't thinking straight) is actually the one.
There's plenty else i could add but this forum isn't the place to do it.
It's time to take a reality check, Em.
Em, for a smart woman, this isn't "kinda crazy", this is full blown insanity. It's pretty demented to marry someone you've only known a month but to marry someone you've known a month who you've never actually met is beyond madness.
The fact he's been asking you for a month, when you've only known him a short while? Alarm bells are ringing honey.
Think of all the guys you've known and how they've not been right for you, then consider the odds that this one (Who clearly isn't thinking straight) is actually the one.
There's plenty else i could add but this forum isn't the place to do it.
It's time to take a reality check, Em.
I'm afraid I would have to agree.
Aside from my dislike of this war anyway (and war in general short of protecting innocent people as opposed to killing innocent people in the name of oil), it does sound suspicious and if, as you say, you believe in the sanctity of marriage then you would wait and get to know him personally first.
I know of two people who got married to someone over the net without meeting them first, both of whom found out the hard way that it hasn't worked out. I do also know of others who met their partner over the net, but dated properly first and they are still together.
Much as I would love to feel happy for you, something just doesn't seem right...
Aside from my dislike of this war anyway (and war in general short of protecting innocent people as opposed to killing innocent people in the name of oil), it does sound suspicious and if, as you say, you believe in the sanctity of marriage then you would wait and get to know him personally first.
I know of two people who got married to someone over the net without meeting them first, both of whom found out the hard way that it hasn't worked out. I do also know of others who met their partner over the net, but dated properly first and they are still together.
Much as I would love to feel happy for you, something just doesn't seem right...
Meeting people over the internet is fine I guess. It probably makes more sense than trying to meet someone in an overfilled bar with loud music while you are too drunk to know what you are doing.
Once you have "met" them though, you really need to meet up in person. The internet doesnt allow you to read their body language, see their facial expressions or hear the tone of their voice.
In my experience, its hard to judge someone from an email or msn conversation. Most people turn out completely different in real life.
Most of my friends say that when Im on MSN (or email or wahtever) I come across very angry and a bit wierd (maybe i do on here too, I dont know) but in real life they think im totaly different. It isnt a deliberate thing that I do. I think they just take things out of context when its written instead of spoken.
Anyway, Im rambling on here. Getting married to someone you hardly know is crazy. Getting married to someone you havent actually met is just the most bizzare thing Ive heard all day.
Once you have "met" them though, you really need to meet up in person. The internet doesnt allow you to read their body language, see their facial expressions or hear the tone of their voice.
In my experience, its hard to judge someone from an email or msn conversation. Most people turn out completely different in real life.
Most of my friends say that when Im on MSN (or email or wahtever) I come across very angry and a bit wierd (maybe i do on here too, I dont know) but in real life they think im totaly different. It isnt a deliberate thing that I do. I think they just take things out of context when its written instead of spoken.
Anyway, Im rambling on here. Getting married to someone you hardly know is crazy. Getting married to someone you havent actually met is just the most bizzare thing Ive heard all day.
Geffdof wrote:
> The internet doesnt allow you to read their
> body language, see their facial expressions or hear the tone of
> their voice.
>
> In my experience, its hard to judge someone from an email or msn
> conversation. Most people turn out completely different in real
> life.
> Most of my friends say that when Im on MSN (or email or
> wahtever) I come across very angry and a bit wierd (maybe i do
> on here too, I dont know) but in real life they think im totaly
> different. It isnt a deliberate thing that I do. I think they
> just take things out of context when its written instead of
> spoken.
Yeah I agree with this, in my experience it's true ... text doesn't have any feeling attached to it, it's easy to misinterpret people or think they mean one thing when they mean another. You can end up misunderstanding each other, because you can't see the other persons body language or hear their tone of voice. It's just not the same as being there in person.
That said she did say she's spoke on the phone to him, although again it still won't give a complete picture of what he's like.
I'd definitely want to meet up and spend a lot of time in his company before doing anything further ... it's a beautiful sentiment and from one point of view very romantic ... but it may well all end in disaster if you're not suited.
> The internet doesnt allow you to read their
> body language, see their facial expressions or hear the tone of
> their voice.
>
> In my experience, its hard to judge someone from an email or msn
> conversation. Most people turn out completely different in real
> life.
> Most of my friends say that when Im on MSN (or email or
> wahtever) I come across very angry and a bit wierd (maybe i do
> on here too, I dont know) but in real life they think im totaly
> different. It isnt a deliberate thing that I do. I think they
> just take things out of context when its written instead of
> spoken.
Yeah I agree with this, in my experience it's true ... text doesn't have any feeling attached to it, it's easy to misinterpret people or think they mean one thing when they mean another. You can end up misunderstanding each other, because you can't see the other persons body language or hear their tone of voice. It's just not the same as being there in person.
That said she did say she's spoke on the phone to him, although again it still won't give a complete picture of what he's like.
I'd definitely want to meet up and spend a lot of time in his company before doing anything further ... it's a beautiful sentiment and from one point of view very romantic ... but it may well all end in disaster if you're not suited.
First, thank you all for being so genuinely candid and honest. I appreciate that from my heart.
He won't be back for another nine months..or so. Or, whenever Uncle Sam says he can come back, which from what I hear runs into about a year or more. He's going to try to take leave and come back in March or April so we can um..get to know each other and we miiight just tie the knot then or decide to wait.
I think it's crazy too. I truly, truly do. I just keep thinking, what else do you tell someone who's going to war and asking you to marry them? I don't know, it got me crying really hard yesterday and my heart just went out to him, where ever he is..
He called boarding the plane and I could hear someone in the back sounding off the orders and it was just so vivid. He sounded so sad :'(
He won't be back for another nine months..or so. Or, whenever Uncle Sam says he can come back, which from what I hear runs into about a year or more. He's going to try to take leave and come back in March or April so we can um..get to know each other and we miiight just tie the knot then or decide to wait.
I think it's crazy too. I truly, truly do. I just keep thinking, what else do you tell someone who's going to war and asking you to marry them? I don't know, it got me crying really hard yesterday and my heart just went out to him, where ever he is..
He called boarding the plane and I could hear someone in the back sounding off the orders and it was just so vivid. He sounded so sad :'(
Ladybird wrote:
> I think it's crazy too. I truly, truly do. I just keep
> thinking, what else do you tell someone who's going to war and
> asking you to marry them?
"No" springs to mind. It's madness.
> I think it's crazy too. I truly, truly do. I just keep
> thinking, what else do you tell someone who's going to war and
> asking you to marry them?
"No" springs to mind. It's madness.
Empathy doth not a good marriage make.
Honestly the best thing you could have done is say wait and see. You're a parent, you should do it all the time when your kids want something you dont want them to have, "Wait and see" are the magical words.
Best thing you could possibly do now is make this a lengthy engagement. No more talk of wedding days etc.
Honestly the best thing you could have done is say wait and see. You're a parent, you should do it all the time when your kids want something you dont want them to have, "Wait and see" are the magical words.
Best thing you could possibly do now is make this a lengthy engagement. No more talk of wedding days etc.
Chr1s wrote:
> Ladybird wrote:
> I think it's crazy too. I truly, truly do. I just keep
> thinking, what else do you tell someone who's going to war and
> asking you to marry them?
>
> "No" springs to mind. It's madness.
I suppose the reality of how treacherous it is out there for them didn't hit home until I became a part of it. To send him off with a "no, that's madness!" reply to his proposal in his psychological state would have sapped his morale, I think. But, I can assure you that if any average Joe would have asked, I would have said that, for sure.
IED Finder..kind of fancy language for the poor soul who'll be blown to bits in the first truck of a convoy. The recruitment rate for these positions is at it's lowest in decades. As a matter of fact, he didn't even sign up for that position..they just put him in it because they had a shortage.
> Ladybird wrote:
> I think it's crazy too. I truly, truly do. I just keep
> thinking, what else do you tell someone who's going to war and
> asking you to marry them?
>
> "No" springs to mind. It's madness.
I suppose the reality of how treacherous it is out there for them didn't hit home until I became a part of it. To send him off with a "no, that's madness!" reply to his proposal in his psychological state would have sapped his morale, I think. But, I can assure you that if any average Joe would have asked, I would have said that, for sure.
IED Finder..kind of fancy language for the poor soul who'll be blown to bits in the first truck of a convoy. The recruitment rate for these positions is at it's lowest in decades. As a matter of fact, he didn't even sign up for that position..they just put him in it because they had a shortage.
Voltaire wrote:
> Empathy doth not a good marriage make.
> Honestly the best thing you could have done is say wait and see.
> You're a parent, you should do it all the time when your kids
> want something you dont want them to have, "Wait and
> see" are the magical words.
> Best thing you could possibly do now is make this a lengthy
> engagement. No more talk of wedding days etc.
I love you Flocker!!! I'm on the same wavelength, but the impending wedding will definitely be the undertone of our conversations. I just don't see "marriage" per say as the end-all to getting to know eachother, even if he wasn't in the military. I suppose that leads to a very good question.. what does marriage mean to you? I'm sure you'd agree that it's a partnership in building a life together, based on mutual respect and love? I know that's a vague description, but a good foundation none the less..?
Okay yo, I have to go to an interview now..brb! *hugs*
> Empathy doth not a good marriage make.
> Honestly the best thing you could have done is say wait and see.
> You're a parent, you should do it all the time when your kids
> want something you dont want them to have, "Wait and
> see" are the magical words.
> Best thing you could possibly do now is make this a lengthy
> engagement. No more talk of wedding days etc.
I love you Flocker!!! I'm on the same wavelength, but the impending wedding will definitely be the undertone of our conversations. I just don't see "marriage" per say as the end-all to getting to know eachother, even if he wasn't in the military. I suppose that leads to a very good question.. what does marriage mean to you? I'm sure you'd agree that it's a partnership in building a life together, based on mutual respect and love? I know that's a vague description, but a good foundation none the less..?
Okay yo, I have to go to an interview now..brb! *hugs*
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