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"Sober Rambling"

Here's a thought.

I'm obsessed with dreams. In fact, dreams rarely don't entertain me, or affect me, or make me utterly happy.

They're amazingly realistic, and well, they're a bit hard to tell from real life, sometimes.

And I'm getting really worried about it. Because my dreams are so much more exciting, thrilling and inspiring than anything I see in life itself. They fear me, thrill me... and... I'm worried it's numbing me in actual life.

Because if I dream what it's like to do something, then I'd dream it perfectly. Everything would affect me, everything would be done to impeccable timing. And you just don't get that in real life.

In a way, my dreams are making me disapprietiate life. They make me much more happier than things that happen in real life. Most of the time.

But there are things I still dream about that I know I can never do. And there are things that I can dream about that I know that will never happen. Maybe that's why I feel I need to create things, to try to bring my dreams, in a pathetic but somewhat way, to life.

Because my dreams are the only place where I'm not restricted. And I feel, if there's one thing that makes life not worth living, it's restrictions. Having to wait to do the things that make you happy for really stupid reasons. Like fear.

Sure, we have fear in our dreams. But we can face it.

From now on, I want to be terrified. I want to shock myself in life much more often. I want to risk more. I want to risk being seen.

Will I do it? Probably not. But this is just a sober ramble. Much shorter than drunk rambling.

I only mumble because I'm afraid of being heard, you know.

My dreams are to me like another life.

The other night for instance, I was exploring a vast emerald forest pursuing a fabulous white beast. I was climbing trees, leaping across chasms, swimming in a fast-flowing river. I eventually tracked it down in a leafy glade where we had an indepth conversation.

I woke up and wrote down what I could remember. The beast told me things I could never imagine in my conscious state.

I might sound slightly sad, but my [lucid] dreams have always been more interesting than my waking life.

Nightmares are evil. Make you feel ikcy in the morning and sometimes can't stop thinking about it.

I just had one. About half hour ago. Had a little 2 hour sleep.
I was in the countryside and I got lost. Strange, but it felt like a nightmare!

Yeah, no problem mate, I understand.

Heh, don't really feel like saying at the moment.

I've not had a really bad nightmare in ages.

What was it about Grix?

I had a really bad nightmare last night. First time I've had a nightmare like that in about two years.

I never dream.

Reflection of personality, maybe

If so, how ironic.

People say you have a minimum of 15 dreams a night, but can't remember them all!

Most I remembered was about 2 or 3.
Pointless 'fact' really.

Didn't get up til 1pm this afternoon.

And I didn't dream.

Without the risk of being betrayed by your country and tortured by enemies.