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"A Brief History of stuff since 2000*"

"Ah Mr Bush, people think the election was a joke and you barely got in, despite several recounts. Public opinion is at an all time low and several newspapers are even doubting you won"
"Why?"
"Because you announced your victory based on the yet-to-be-counted results from Florida"
"Yeah? And?"
"Well your brother Jeb is governor of Florida and people thought that was a little suspect"
"He's a good man"
"Well, his daughter - your niece - is being prosecuted for fraudulently obtaining a controlled substance, Xanax. And his former business partner Hernandez Cartaya was charged with drug smuggling, money laundering and gun-running using. Yet after a phone call from the FBI, the charges were reduced to simple tax evasion and he now serves 18yrs in a minimum security prison"
"Goddamn it, we need a war or sumthink"
"...We could go toe to toe with China for having one of our spy planes!"
"Kewl!"
"Phew, your opinion has risen, although not by much"

Several Months Later

"Ah Mr Bush, the people are questioning the methods and effectiveness of carpet bombing a country with zero townships and the terrorists hiding underground where our Daisy Cutter can't reach them."
"Godammit. Let's drop food as well!"
"...ah sir, we're dropping the food into minefields and the instructions are written in English, Spanish, Portugeuse and French. Also, 85% of the outlying areas are illiterate and the food parcels look similar to clusterbombs"
"...well how about this Anthrax thing?"
"But sir, all indications point to a domestic right-wing activist similar to Timothy McVeigh"
"Oh come on now, he's got a beard don't he?"
"We dont know who is doing this sir"
"Well he's probably had a beard at some point. I don't trust 'em!"
"Soooo....you want to whip the country up into hysteria over Anthrax and downplay the domestic angle?"
"Ayuh!"
"But what happens when we get bored and...I mean, when we capture Bin Laden and he denies this Anthrax thing? I mean, after slamming planes into buildings isn't posting spores a little...well...wussy?"
"Ah Joe Schmo is a noony-head, he'll forget all about Anthrax once we start on that there Iraqi thang"
"Good point sir! What about Bin Laden?"
"...who?"
"The dude in the cave?"
"Batman?"
"No Mr President, Bin Laden. The most wanted man in the world"
"He sounds dangerous. Let's whack 'im"
"We're trying sir but he's hiding. It's not very fair"
"...well, let's send a couple thousand troops over, march about some and then come home after a while saying we're sure he's dead."
"Good plan. What if he continues to broadcast though?"
"We'll just say we doubt it's him anyway"
"And any further terrorist attacks sir?"
"Oh we'll blame him for those though"
"...buuuut, we've been saying we dont know if he's alive or not"
"Well goshdarnit, do I have to do everything around here?"

Several weeks later

"Well Mr President, it looks like the Iraq situation is boosting your popularity in the polls. Shall we go in?"
"In a bit, I just want to offer another eulogy to the NYPD for being heroes"
"What about the 4 officers involved in shooting Amadou Diallo, who was shot 19 out of 41 rounds fired at him in front of his Bronx apartment building?"
"...uh..."
"And Abner Louima, who alleged that officers sodomized him with a stick in a precinct stationhouse. The officers, Justin Volpe, 26, Charles Schwarz, 33, Thomas Bruder, 32, and Thomas Wiese, 35, are charged with beating Louima in a patrol car on the way to the stationhouse. A fifth defendant, Sgt. Michael Bellomo, 36, is charged with covering up both attacks."
"...ah...um...Saddam is a Hitler"
"Very good Mr President. Let's go get that guy!"
"Damn straight, he should live in a nice country like the U$A"
"We still have that sniper sir, he's shot 9 people now and we have no clue as to who he is"
"Ssshhh"
"Sorry Mr President. Let's go get Saddam for mom and apple pie"
"Yup, those pesky Weapons Inspectors have finally been allowed in with unrestricted access"
"...Mr President?"
"Yep, Hussein agreed but I told that wasn't good enough. Where's that M1-Abrahms? He gonna pay fer sure. Phone my Pa and tell him Jr done real good"

------

* Satirical essay from the perspective of a pinko commie leftist, and any suggestion that war on Iraq whilst ignoring Bin Laden and Al Queda is obviously wrong and merits several lecturey posts about the ins and outs of Foreign Policy by The United States.

Belldandy wrote:
> Armatige Shanks wrote:
> Fox make me laugh... has anyone ever watched 'Fox and
> Friends'?mindless, ill-informed inflamitary right-wing ramblings...
> easily worth the satellite fee alone!
>
> Rubbish. Seeing as one presenter is left wing. A lot of it is simply
> the opinions of the presenters on what is happening - no one is saying
> it's gospel or the truth or anything. Still miles ahead of the BBC
> though, as in all the presenters on the BBC are the most emotionless
> boring, left wing collection of people seen yet, with the most stupid
> selection of ties seen yet :)


You mean those left-wingers who support Bush without question?
Or the ones who think that the US should start bombing Iraq today, right now, if not sooner?
Of they way they present suggestion and proposition as fact?
Or how about they way they ridicule anyone who doesnt agree with the presidents current statements?

Maybe I'm wrong, and the US is infact perfect in every way, that anyone who disagrees with anything Pres.Bush has to say is a pinko subversie who should be shot?... maybe :)

Goatboy wrote:
> "Good point sir! What about Bin Laden?"
> "...who?"
> "The dude in the cave?"
> "Batman?"
> "No Mr President, Bin Laden. The most wanted man in the
> world"
> "He sounds dangerous. Let's whack 'im"


Comedy genius. Funniest thing I have read in ages.
Reminded me of 2D TV for some reason.

Ha ! There is no such thing as neutral, anyone in anything who claims to be unbiased or neutral is lying, though the lie is not always on purpose.

~~Belldandy~~

Belldandy wrote:
> Armatige Shanks wrote:
> Fox make me laugh... has anyone ever watched 'Fox and
> Friends'?mindless, ill-informed inflamitary right-wing ramblings...
> easily worth the satellite fee alone!
>
> Rubbish. Seeing as one presenter is left wing. A lot of it is simply
> the opinions of the presenters on what is happening - no one is saying
> it's gospel or the truth or anything. Still miles ahead of the BBC
> though, as in all the presenters on the BBC are the most emotionless
> boring, left wing collection of people seen yet, with the most stupid
> selection of ties seen yet :)


But surely it's better to primarily have neutral newsreaders so you can have the best possible chance to make some opinion of your own than be shoe-horned into the beliefs of the presenter?

Armatige Shanks wrote:
> Fox make me laugh... has anyone ever watched 'Fox and
> Friends'?mindless, ill-informed inflamitary right-wing ramblings...
> easily worth the satellite fee alone!

Rubbish. Seeing as one presenter is left wing. A lot of it is simply the opinions of the presenters on what is happening - no one is saying it's gospel or the truth or anything. Still miles ahead of the BBC though, as in all the presenters on the BBC are the most emotionless boring, left wing collection of people seen yet, with the most stupid selection of ties seen yet :)

~~Belldandy~~

Nice one. The West often get accused of supplying arms to future trangressors, so it would be amusing if their entire stockpile was derived from bits and bobs found in cereal packets.

I found a minigun in my Shredder Wheat the other day, claims Sadam spokeman.

Belldandy wrote:

> *All of Saddam's food is imported from Europe and lab tested for
> chemicals and nuclear material, it is then prepared by a small team of
> European chefs who each have two of Saddam's bodyguard watching over
> them.

Saddam: Mmmm those eclairs look nice. Can I have one?

Personal physician: Well this one contains a small amount of weapons grade plutonium...

Saddam: Great! Put in a bomb! I can eat the other one, right? I'm off to pee in my swimming pool so no-one else can use it.

Belldandy wrote:
> Incidentally, came across this on Fox today;
them.
>
> Did Fox make it all up ? Nope, one of Saddam's personal physicians
> fled Iraq to Kuwait and requested US asylum...because Iraq's that good
> under Saddam.


Fox make me laugh... has anyone ever watched 'Fox and Friends'?mindless, ill-informed inflamitary right-wing ramblings... easily worth the satellite fee alone!

I'm moving to Iraq next week. As a civilian I'm sure none of Bush's bombs will hit me. And there's fewer pinko, commie lefties out there, too.

...this was written in jest.
Satire. Non-serious attempt at making light of a scary situation.

However, with that in mind, the Jeb Bush bits and the NYPD stuff is true.