Viewing Thread:
"A Brief History of stuff since 2000*"

"Ah Mr Bush, people think the election was a joke and you barely got in, despite several recounts. Public opinion is at an all time low and several newspapers are even doubting you won"
"Why?"
"Because you announced your victory based on the yet-to-be-counted results from Florida"
"Yeah? And?"
"Well your brother Jeb is governor of Florida and people thought that was a little suspect"
"He's a good man"
"Well, his daughter - your niece - is being prosecuted for fraudulently obtaining a controlled substance, Xanax. And his former business partner Hernandez Cartaya was charged with drug smuggling, money laundering and gun-running using. Yet after a phone call from the FBI, the charges were reduced to simple tax evasion and he now serves 18yrs in a minimum security prison"
"Goddamn it, we need a war or sumthink"
"...We could go toe to toe with China for having one of our spy planes!"
"Kewl!"
"Phew, your opinion has risen, although not by much"

Several Months Later

"Ah Mr Bush, the people are questioning the methods and effectiveness of carpet bombing a country with zero townships and the terrorists hiding underground where our Daisy Cutter can't reach them."
"Godammit. Let's drop food as well!"
"...ah sir, we're dropping the food into minefields and the instructions are written in English, Spanish, Portugeuse and French. Also, 85% of the outlying areas are illiterate and the food parcels look similar to clusterbombs"
"...well how about this Anthrax thing?"
"But sir, all indications point to a domestic right-wing activist similar to Timothy McVeigh"
"Oh come on now, he's got a beard don't he?"
"We dont know who is doing this sir"
"Well he's probably had a beard at some point. I don't trust 'em!"
"Soooo....you want to whip the country up into hysteria over Anthrax and downplay the domestic angle?"
"Ayuh!"
"But what happens when we get bored and...I mean, when we capture Bin Laden and he denies this Anthrax thing? I mean, after slamming planes into buildings isn't posting spores a little...well...wussy?"
"Ah Joe Schmo is a noony-head, he'll forget all about Anthrax once we start on that there Iraqi thang"
"Good point sir! What about Bin Laden?"
"...who?"
"The dude in the cave?"
"Batman?"
"No Mr President, Bin Laden. The most wanted man in the world"
"He sounds dangerous. Let's whack 'im"
"We're trying sir but he's hiding. It's not very fair"
"...well, let's send a couple thousand troops over, march about some and then come home after a while saying we're sure he's dead."
"Good plan. What if he continues to broadcast though?"
"We'll just say we doubt it's him anyway"
"And any further terrorist attacks sir?"
"Oh we'll blame him for those though"
"...buuuut, we've been saying we dont know if he's alive or not"
"Well goshdarnit, do I have to do everything around here?"

Several weeks later

"Well Mr President, it looks like the Iraq situation is boosting your popularity in the polls. Shall we go in?"
"In a bit, I just want to offer another eulogy to the NYPD for being heroes"
"What about the 4 officers involved in shooting Amadou Diallo, who was shot 19 out of 41 rounds fired at him in front of his Bronx apartment building?"
"...uh..."
"And Abner Louima, who alleged that officers sodomized him with a stick in a precinct stationhouse. The officers, Justin Volpe, 26, Charles Schwarz, 33, Thomas Bruder, 32, and Thomas Wiese, 35, are charged with beating Louima in a patrol car on the way to the stationhouse. A fifth defendant, Sgt. Michael Bellomo, 36, is charged with covering up both attacks."
"...ah...um...Saddam is a Hitler"
"Very good Mr President. Let's go get that guy!"
"Damn straight, he should live in a nice country like the U$A"
"We still have that sniper sir, he's shot 9 people now and we have no clue as to who he is"
"Ssshhh"
"Sorry Mr President. Let's go get Saddam for mom and apple pie"
"Yup, those pesky Weapons Inspectors have finally been allowed in with unrestricted access"
"...Mr President?"
"Yep, Hussein agreed but I told that wasn't good enough. Where's that M1-Abrahms? He gonna pay fer sure. Phone my Pa and tell him Jr done real good"

------

* Satirical essay from the perspective of a pinko commie leftist, and any suggestion that war on Iraq whilst ignoring Bin Laden and Al Queda is obviously wrong and merits several lecturey posts about the ins and outs of Foreign Policy by The United States.

"Ah Mr Bush, people think the election was a joke and you barely got in, despite several recounts. Public opinion is at an all time low and several newspapers are even doubting you won"
"Why?"
"Because you announced your victory based on the yet-to-be-counted results from Florida"
"Yeah? And?"
"Well your brother Jeb is governor of Florida and people thought that was a little suspect"
"He's a good man"
"Well, his daughter - your niece - is being prosecuted for fraudulently obtaining a controlled substance, Xanax. And his former business partner Hernandez Cartaya was charged with drug smuggling, money laundering and gun-running using. Yet after a phone call from the FBI, the charges were reduced to simple tax evasion and he now serves 18yrs in a minimum security prison"
"Goddamn it, we need a war or sumthink"
"...We could go toe to toe with China for having one of our spy planes!"
"Kewl!"
"Phew, your opinion has risen, although not by much"

Several Months Later

"Ah Mr Bush, the people are questioning the methods and effectiveness of carpet bombing a country with zero townships and the terrorists hiding underground where our Daisy Cutter can't reach them."
"Godammit. Let's drop food as well!"
"...ah sir, we're dropping the food into minefields and the instructions are written in English, Spanish, Portugeuse and French. Also, 85% of the outlying areas are illiterate and the food parcels look similar to clusterbombs"
"...well how about this Anthrax thing?"
"But sir, all indications point to a domestic right-wing activist similar to Timothy McVeigh"
"Oh come on now, he's got a beard don't he?"
"We dont know who is doing this sir"
"Well he's probably had a beard at some point. I don't trust 'em!"
"Soooo....you want to whip the country up into hysteria over Anthrax and downplay the domestic angle?"
"Ayuh!"
"But what happens when we get bored and...I mean, when we capture Bin Laden and he denies this Anthrax thing? I mean, after slamming planes into buildings isn't posting spores a little...well...wussy?"
"Ah Joe Schmo is a noony-head, he'll forget all about Anthrax once we start on that there Iraqi thang"
"Good point sir! What about Bin Laden?"
"...who?"
"The dude in the cave?"
"Batman?"
"No Mr President, Bin Laden. The most wanted man in the world"
"He sounds dangerous. Let's whack 'im"
"We're trying sir but he's hiding. It's not very fair"
"...well, let's send a couple thousand troops over, march about some and then come home after a while saying we're sure he's dead."
"Good plan. What if he continues to broadcast though?"
"We'll just say we doubt it's him anyway"
"And any further terrorist attacks sir?"
"Oh we'll blame him for those though"
"...buuuut, we've been saying we dont know if he's alive or not"
"Well goshdarnit, do I have to do everything around here?"

Several weeks later

"Well Mr President, it looks like the Iraq situation is boosting your popularity in the polls. Shall we go in?"
"In a bit, I just want to offer another eulogy to the NYPD for being heroes"
"What about the 4 officers involved in shooting Amadou Diallo, who was shot 19 out of 41 rounds fired at him in front of his Bronx apartment building?"
"...uh..."
"And Abner Louima, who alleged that officers sodomized him with a stick in a precinct stationhouse. The officers, Justin Volpe, 26, Charles Schwarz, 33, Thomas Bruder, 32, and Thomas Wiese, 35, are charged with beating Louima in a patrol car on the way to the stationhouse. A fifth defendant, Sgt. Michael Bellomo, 36, is charged with covering up both attacks."
"...ah...um...Saddam is a Hitler"
"Very good Mr President. Let's go get that guy!"
"Damn straight, he should live in a nice country like the U$A"
"We still have that sniper sir, he's shot 9 people now and we have no clue as to who he is"
"Ssshhh"
"Sorry Mr President. Let's go get Saddam for mom and apple pie"
"Yup, those pesky Weapons Inspectors have finally been allowed in with unrestricted access"
"...Mr President?"
"Yep, Hussein agreed but I told that wasn't good enough. Where's that M1-Abrahms? He gonna pay fer sure. Phone my Pa and tell him Jr done real good"

------

* Satirical essay from the perspective of a pinko commie leftist, and any suggestion that war on Iraq whilst ignoring Bin Laden and Al Queda is obviously wrong and merits several lecturey posts about the ins and outs of Foreign Policy by The United States.

Lol - great post - bit cynical in places though don't you think ?

Cynical?
What is this word?

I assume Goatboy believes he can run the USA better than Mr Bush...

A massive Penguin could run the USA better than Shrubby

Bush doesn't run the USA - He just bombs people.

Real politicians and staff run the country.

Lots of people run the USA

He just gets told what to say and probably has no idea what it is he does

Heck post what you like about America and Bush, I've given up doing anything in response.

By the way, Bush doesn't bomb people, the military does after being sent to war by politicians, who people voted for and who can be removed from office if people disagree enough, and people in America get a choice of who to vote for.

Unlike Iraqi's, where 11 million people returned Saddam as president, being the only candidate and all that, and there names and addresses being on file... and people watching what they put, and just what happened to the other 20 million citizens of Iraq anyway that didn't get a chance to vote ? They couldn't ! So it's like 100% of those chosen to vote for Saddam voted for him...strange that.

So if I get this right....the bad guys in this are the democratically elected leaders where people had a choice of who to vote for, and the good guy is the one who chooses who gets to vote for him, whilst not even letting 2/3 of the country join in ? Oooookay.

Incidentally, came across this on Fox today;

*Saddam dyes his hair black to hide the fact he's nearly 70
*Saddam needs glasses but never wears them in public for fear of it being seen as sign of weakness.
*Saddam averages 4 hours sleep a day - he's afriad to lose control for any longer.
*Saddam has a chronic back condition which is why he rarely walks on tv broadcasts or in public - if he did so he'd be walking bent slghtly.
*Saddam survived a form of cancer somewhere between 1999-2001.
*Saddam commonly has commanders executed on the slightest suspicion of treachery.
*Despite water being a scarce commodity and much of the Iraqi people drinking contaminated water supplies, every one of Saddam's palaces and places has at least one large swimming pool and fountains using cleansed water.
*All of Saddam's food is imported from Europe and lab tested for chemicals and nuclear material, it is then prepared by a small team of European chefs who each have two of Saddam's bodyguard watching over them.

Did Fox make it all up ? Nope, one of Saddam's personal physicians fled Iraq to Kuwait and requested US asylum...because Iraq's that good under Saddam.

~~Belldandy~~

...this was written in jest.
Satire. Non-serious attempt at making light of a scary situation.

However, with that in mind, the Jeb Bush bits and the NYPD stuff is true.

I'm moving to Iraq next week. As a civilian I'm sure none of Bush's bombs will hit me. And there's fewer pinko, commie lefties out there, too.