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So I thought it would never happen to me. I thought my Boyfriend was different. I thought he wouldn't lie to me.
More fool me!
More fool me!
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Mr Ripper wrote:
> into, you may not agree with, but you CAN understand, if given the
> chance.
> "used to" seems to be operative here. Why don't you any
> more? Did something happen to make you stop doing it together? or Did
> you used to only watch certain types of porn? This is key. He may
> think that you no longer like porn, or don't like him liking it.
Well he threw all of his stuff away because he said he wasn;t interested anymore.
> Is there a reason why he didn't want to look at it with you?
> These questions have to be asked, and they will likely make him
> uncomfortale until you can make it clear that you understand it all.
>
> This is only a crisis if you don't talk about it. Because it will
> happen again.
I asked him why he felt the need to hide it he said he didn't know. He said he didn't even find the stuff that interesting and he was just going through it having a look at before he was going to delete it.
To be honest he was really upset he cried loads and told me he gets the same feeling thinking about me leaving him as he does about his parents dying.
Could all be true, then again, it could all be lies, I just don't know any more, and thats the point. I don't know when he's telling the truth anymore
> into, you may not agree with, but you CAN understand, if given the
> chance.
> "used to" seems to be operative here. Why don't you any
> more? Did something happen to make you stop doing it together? or Did
> you used to only watch certain types of porn? This is key. He may
> think that you no longer like porn, or don't like him liking it.
Well he threw all of his stuff away because he said he wasn;t interested anymore.
> Is there a reason why he didn't want to look at it with you?
> These questions have to be asked, and they will likely make him
> uncomfortale until you can make it clear that you understand it all.
>
> This is only a crisis if you don't talk about it. Because it will
> happen again.
I asked him why he felt the need to hide it he said he didn't know. He said he didn't even find the stuff that interesting and he was just going through it having a look at before he was going to delete it.
To be honest he was really upset he cried loads and told me he gets the same feeling thinking about me leaving him as he does about his parents dying.
Could all be true, then again, it could all be lies, I just don't know any more, and thats the point. I don't know when he's telling the truth anymore
Mr Ripper wrote:
and isn't sure you'd approve (MILF's or something),
---
*High Fives*
Dude, I'd never look at that site at all.
No sir.
and isn't sure you'd approve (MILF's or something),
---
*High Fives*
Dude, I'd never look at that site at all.
No sir.
Goatboy wrote:
> See, I do sensitive.
heh. Thanks
> See, I do sensitive.
heh. Thanks
Rosalind wrote:
> As I said, that isn't what worried me. It is the fact that he was so
> sneaky about it. He waited until I was in the bath, and then tried to
> hide it from me when I came in the room. Then doenright lied about
> it.
It's clearly something he doesn't want you to see. Perhaps he's picked up a new fantasy, and isn't sure you'd approve (MILF's or something), or perhaps he's fantasising about some TV celeb or another, and thinks you'll consider that he prefers her to you. Either way, you'll have to talk to him about it. Idolising a celeb is harmless in that firstly he can't have them and secondly if he had the chance, he couldn't anyway. It's essentially just pictures, something to look at. Make him understand that he doesn't have to hide things from you. Whatever he's into, you may not agree with, but you CAN understand, if given the chance.
> He knows I don't care about if he looks at porn or not. Actually we
> used to look at it together, so he can't think that I minded that.
> Its the fact that he was doing it alone and in secret that makes it
> disgusting. If he thought I wouldn't like it then he shouldn't have
> been doing it.
"used to" seems to be operative here. Why don't you any more? Did something happen to make you stop doing it together? or Did you used to only watch certain types of porn? This is key. He may think that you no longer like porn, or don't like him liking it.
> I realise that most men just *have* to look at porn as you say. Do
> all men have to lie about it? And If so what does that say about men
> really.
No, men don't have to lie about it. It depends on how sure you are that you will get reprimanded for looking at other women. You never know, it can happen that a guy will look at porn till he gets uncontrollably aroused, burst into whatever room you're in, and have his way with you, where as he might not have been in the mood otherwise.
The only way around this is communication. What was he looking at this time? Was it anything he hasn't looked at before like fetish or teeny stuff? Is there a reason why he didn't want to look at it with you? These questions have to be asked, and they will likely make him uncomfortale until you can make it clear that you understand it all.
This is only a crisis if you don't talk about it. Because it will happen again.
> As I said, that isn't what worried me. It is the fact that he was so
> sneaky about it. He waited until I was in the bath, and then tried to
> hide it from me when I came in the room. Then doenright lied about
> it.
It's clearly something he doesn't want you to see. Perhaps he's picked up a new fantasy, and isn't sure you'd approve (MILF's or something), or perhaps he's fantasising about some TV celeb or another, and thinks you'll consider that he prefers her to you. Either way, you'll have to talk to him about it. Idolising a celeb is harmless in that firstly he can't have them and secondly if he had the chance, he couldn't anyway. It's essentially just pictures, something to look at. Make him understand that he doesn't have to hide things from you. Whatever he's into, you may not agree with, but you CAN understand, if given the chance.
> He knows I don't care about if he looks at porn or not. Actually we
> used to look at it together, so he can't think that I minded that.
> Its the fact that he was doing it alone and in secret that makes it
> disgusting. If he thought I wouldn't like it then he shouldn't have
> been doing it.
"used to" seems to be operative here. Why don't you any more? Did something happen to make you stop doing it together? or Did you used to only watch certain types of porn? This is key. He may think that you no longer like porn, or don't like him liking it.
> I realise that most men just *have* to look at porn as you say. Do
> all men have to lie about it? And If so what does that say about men
> really.
No, men don't have to lie about it. It depends on how sure you are that you will get reprimanded for looking at other women. You never know, it can happen that a guy will look at porn till he gets uncontrollably aroused, burst into whatever room you're in, and have his way with you, where as he might not have been in the mood otherwise.
The only way around this is communication. What was he looking at this time? Was it anything he hasn't looked at before like fetish or teeny stuff? Is there a reason why he didn't want to look at it with you? These questions have to be asked, and they will likely make him uncomfortale until you can make it clear that you understand it all.
This is only a crisis if you don't talk about it. Because it will happen again.
Goatboy wrote:
> And, from the sounds of it, your bloke does actually care about what
> you think otherwise he wouldn't try to disguise it.
> He doesn't want you thinking he's "gone off" you, doesn't
> want to offend.
> If anything, being secretive probably means he does care what you
> think.
--
See, I do sensitive.
> And, from the sounds of it, your bloke does actually care about what
> you think otherwise he wouldn't try to disguise it.
> He doesn't want you thinking he's "gone off" you, doesn't
> want to offend.
> If anything, being secretive probably means he does care what you
> think.
--
See, I do sensitive.
Goatboy wrote:
> I wasn't joking actually.
>
> And, using honesty again, blokes look at porn. It's a fact and it
> reflect not a jot on your desirability to him.
> Give him stick for lying about it, but that's because an awful lot of
> women go "Errrggghhhh" at the notion of porno.
> Not all, but a lot do.
>
He couldn't possibly think I would because I never have before. He had a load of magazines when he met me (In fact i said to him "I bet you keep dirty mags under your bed" and he said "how did you know that". I just said to him can I look at them too and he was perfectly happy to let me.
I have read dodgy 'erotic fiction' books but I'm always realy upfront about it and I wouldn't hide it from him.
Thats why it hurts more that he lied to me. Thats the real issue I guess. Also because he has lied to me twice before (that I know of) and he promised me both times that he would never do it again and said that he knew it just made things worse.
> Don't sweat it.
> And make home-porno
Don't have a video camera so ner!
> I wasn't joking actually.
>
> And, using honesty again, blokes look at porn. It's a fact and it
> reflect not a jot on your desirability to him.
> Give him stick for lying about it, but that's because an awful lot of
> women go "Errrggghhhh" at the notion of porno.
> Not all, but a lot do.
>
He couldn't possibly think I would because I never have before. He had a load of magazines when he met me (In fact i said to him "I bet you keep dirty mags under your bed" and he said "how did you know that". I just said to him can I look at them too and he was perfectly happy to let me.
I have read dodgy 'erotic fiction' books but I'm always realy upfront about it and I wouldn't hide it from him.
Thats why it hurts more that he lied to me. Thats the real issue I guess. Also because he has lied to me twice before (that I know of) and he promised me both times that he would never do it again and said that he knew it just made things worse.
> Don't sweat it.
> And make home-porno
Don't have a video camera so ner!
I wasn't joking actually.
And, using honesty again, blokes look at porn. It's a fact and it reflect not a jot on your desirability to him.
Give him stick for lying about it, but that's because an awful lot of women go "Errrggghhhh" at the notion of porno.
Not all, but a lot do.
And, from the sounds of it, your bloke does actually care about what you think otherwise he wouldn't try to disguise it.
He doesn't want you thinking he's "gone off" you, doesn't want to offend.
If anything, being secretive probably means he does care what you think.
And I promise you, with 100% absolute gaurantee, that even Jennifer Lopez/Jennifer Aniston/Kylie Minogue's partner looks at porn when they're in the bath/downstairs.
Don't sweat it.
And make home-porno
And, using honesty again, blokes look at porn. It's a fact and it reflect not a jot on your desirability to him.
Give him stick for lying about it, but that's because an awful lot of women go "Errrggghhhh" at the notion of porno.
Not all, but a lot do.
And, from the sounds of it, your bloke does actually care about what you think otherwise he wouldn't try to disguise it.
He doesn't want you thinking he's "gone off" you, doesn't want to offend.
If anything, being secretive probably means he does care what you think.
And I promise you, with 100% absolute gaurantee, that even Jennifer Lopez/Jennifer Aniston/Kylie Minogue's partner looks at porn when they're in the bath/downstairs.
Don't sweat it.
And make home-porno
Goatboy wrote:
(some bad stuff)
your not helping
again
but this time I won't have a go at you
:p
(some bad stuff)
your not helping
again
but this time I won't have a go at you
:p
Mr Ripper wrote:
(Some good stuff)
I agree with you completely, you missed my last post I'm afraid. More commment from you would be very welcome.
i used to watch films and the Fantasy Channel (its so tacky) with him. I guess thats one reason why it hurts that he seems to have the need to look on his own.
(Some good stuff)
I agree with you completely, you missed my last post I'm afraid. More commment from you would be very welcome.
i used to watch films and the Fantasy Channel (its so tacky) with him. I guess thats one reason why it hurts that he seems to have the need to look on his own.
Hmmmmmmmm.
A strange one this.
Men are wierd, from a female perspective. Looking at porn is, well, just looking. It doesn't necessarilly follow that he doesn't find you attrative enough, or love you enough. Men like to look. Indeed, men like to _watch_.
A good move for a relationship is not to try and stifle his desire to view porn. I don't know how you feel about porn yourself, but perhaps you could watch some with him. Certainly, I'm guessing you're adult enough not to think "eugh" at the thought of watching a film like that, and I know from (lots of) experience that watching that sort of stuff together can be very arousing, and may actually lead to a better and more creative sex life.
Certainly, I would say the worst thing you can do is condemn him for looking, although you CAN condemn him for lying to you. You should be open about sex, sexual fantasies and what eachother want etc.
Condemning him for looking at porn will only make him hide his desires all the more.
Punish him for his lies, but investigate WHY he was looking at porn in the first place, it may be good for both you, and your relationship.
A strange one this.
Men are wierd, from a female perspective. Looking at porn is, well, just looking. It doesn't necessarilly follow that he doesn't find you attrative enough, or love you enough. Men like to look. Indeed, men like to _watch_.
A good move for a relationship is not to try and stifle his desire to view porn. I don't know how you feel about porn yourself, but perhaps you could watch some with him. Certainly, I'm guessing you're adult enough not to think "eugh" at the thought of watching a film like that, and I know from (lots of) experience that watching that sort of stuff together can be very arousing, and may actually lead to a better and more creative sex life.
Certainly, I would say the worst thing you can do is condemn him for looking, although you CAN condemn him for lying to you. You should be open about sex, sexual fantasies and what eachother want etc.
Condemning him for looking at porn will only make him hide his desires all the more.
Punish him for his lies, but investigate WHY he was looking at porn in the first place, it may be good for both you, and your relationship.
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