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From Ananova.com...
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An Xbox in every UK home by Christmas
Microsoft today unveiled a rather cunning plan to have an Xbox in every home in the UK by Christmas 2002.
Yes, you read that right. An Xbox. In every UK home. By Christmas. This year.
It has long been a stated aim of both Microsoft and Sony to have their respective consoles installed in as many homes as possible, as soon as possible. In the UK, Sony have appeared for some time to be leading the way. Today, however, Microsoft pulled off a major coup, announcing that practically every UK home absolutely WOULD have an Xbox in it on or before 25th December this year.
To give an indication of what this will mean for the market, consider the current sales figures. After two-and-a-half years, Sony's current global PS2 market is just over the 30 million mark. In comparison, there are approximately 58 million homes in the UK. As you can see, it doesn't take a genius to work out how this will turn the market on its head practically overnight.
So how do MS hope to achieve such an outrageous target? At a press conference called today, all was made clear.
Microsoft have just bought out all of the UK's Christmas Cracker manufacturers, and will be replacing the cheap plastic rubbish you usually find in crackers with their own brand of cheap plastic and silicon rubbish - specifically, everything you'd usually find in an Xbox package bought off the shelf. So-called 'deluxe' boxes of crackers will also come with two pieces of software.
Asked what had brought about such a bold move, Richard Teversham, head of UK marketing for Xbox, told us: "Well, we've cut the price by a hundred pounds, and the punters still won't buy the damn things, so we've decided to try giving them away instead."
So will this decision affect the price of our crackers here in the UK? "Unfortunately, yes it will, but only slightly." How slight? "A box of crackers this Christmas will set you back around £199 - more for the Deluxe boxes containing games," Teversham told us.
But surely this means that the punter is paying the cost of the Xbox, and not getting it free at all? "No no, not at all!" Teversham says. "The Xbox is 100% free. The increased price is simply to cover the costs of the extra materials required to make the larger crackers needed to hold the Xbox, and the extra distribution costs involved due to the extra weight."
Ah, but of course. 'Just as the reward pack was not a bribe for those poor sods who paid £300 for the machine before you slashed the price without warning?' we asked. "Exactly!" he replied.
One area MS are paying particular attention to is the possibility of personal injury lawsuits. Confused? We were! Teversham explained: "After giving the idea serious thought, we realised we'll need to put clear health warnings on the boxes."
He continued, "With the losses we're making on the hardware, the last thing we need is a series of lawsuits from Beckham wannabe's with broken metatarsal's suing us because the Xbox hit their foot when it plopped out of the cracker." Smiling at his own joke like a poor comedian, he added, "The other consideration is that most people pull crackers at the table while eating Christmas dinner, and we don't want them whining about scalding when it lands in their dinner and splashes them with hot gravy!"
In an attempt to further corner the market, MS have also bought the global rights to the terms "Christmas Crackers" and "Xmas Crackers" so that no-one can use them without MS's permission. In future, all such products will be called "Xbox Crackers", and will be covered in a matt-black foil-effect wrapping and a large, luminous green 'X' in the centre.
Surely, though, the cracker containing the Xbox would weigh significantly more than the others? "We've thought about that, too," Teversham explained. "The other crackers will be weighted with lumps of concrete in order to maintain the surprise factor."
In accordance with Microsoft's policy of idiot-proofing, the crackers will also be perforated around the centre, ensuring a clean break every time. Additionally, the traditional cardboard 'snapper' will be replaced with a novelty card style speaker (you know - the ones that play those annoying tunes) which will play the standard Microsoft Windows start-up jingle.
As ideas go, we think you'll agree - this one is just plain crackers!
-----
An Xbox in every UK home by Christmas
Microsoft today unveiled a rather cunning plan to have an Xbox in every home in the UK by Christmas 2002.
Yes, you read that right. An Xbox. In every UK home. By Christmas. This year.
It has long been a stated aim of both Microsoft and Sony to have their respective consoles installed in as many homes as possible, as soon as possible. In the UK, Sony have appeared for some time to be leading the way. Today, however, Microsoft pulled off a major coup, announcing that practically every UK home absolutely WOULD have an Xbox in it on or before 25th December this year.
To give an indication of what this will mean for the market, consider the current sales figures. After two-and-a-half years, Sony's current global PS2 market is just over the 30 million mark. In comparison, there are approximately 58 million homes in the UK. As you can see, it doesn't take a genius to work out how this will turn the market on its head practically overnight.
So how do MS hope to achieve such an outrageous target? At a press conference called today, all was made clear.
Microsoft have just bought out all of the UK's Christmas Cracker manufacturers, and will be replacing the cheap plastic rubbish you usually find in crackers with their own brand of cheap plastic and silicon rubbish - specifically, everything you'd usually find in an Xbox package bought off the shelf. So-called 'deluxe' boxes of crackers will also come with two pieces of software.
Asked what had brought about such a bold move, Richard Teversham, head of UK marketing for Xbox, told us: "Well, we've cut the price by a hundred pounds, and the punters still won't buy the damn things, so we've decided to try giving them away instead."
So will this decision affect the price of our crackers here in the UK? "Unfortunately, yes it will, but only slightly." How slight? "A box of crackers this Christmas will set you back around £199 - more for the Deluxe boxes containing games," Teversham told us.
But surely this means that the punter is paying the cost of the Xbox, and not getting it free at all? "No no, not at all!" Teversham says. "The Xbox is 100% free. The increased price is simply to cover the costs of the extra materials required to make the larger crackers needed to hold the Xbox, and the extra distribution costs involved due to the extra weight."
Ah, but of course. 'Just as the reward pack was not a bribe for those poor sods who paid £300 for the machine before you slashed the price without warning?' we asked. "Exactly!" he replied.
One area MS are paying particular attention to is the possibility of personal injury lawsuits. Confused? We were! Teversham explained: "After giving the idea serious thought, we realised we'll need to put clear health warnings on the boxes."
He continued, "With the losses we're making on the hardware, the last thing we need is a series of lawsuits from Beckham wannabe's with broken metatarsal's suing us because the Xbox hit their foot when it plopped out of the cracker." Smiling at his own joke like a poor comedian, he added, "The other consideration is that most people pull crackers at the table while eating Christmas dinner, and we don't want them whining about scalding when it lands in their dinner and splashes them with hot gravy!"
In an attempt to further corner the market, MS have also bought the global rights to the terms "Christmas Crackers" and "Xmas Crackers" so that no-one can use them without MS's permission. In future, all such products will be called "Xbox Crackers", and will be covered in a matt-black foil-effect wrapping and a large, luminous green 'X' in the centre.
Surely, though, the cracker containing the Xbox would weigh significantly more than the others? "We've thought about that, too," Teversham explained. "The other crackers will be weighted with lumps of concrete in order to maintain the surprise factor."
In accordance with Microsoft's policy of idiot-proofing, the crackers will also be perforated around the centre, ensuring a clean break every time. Additionally, the traditional cardboard 'snapper' will be replaced with a novelty card style speaker (you know - the ones that play those annoying tunes) which will play the standard Microsoft Windows start-up jingle.
As ideas go, we think you'll agree - this one is just plain crackers!
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Pointless Babble wrote:
> Correction... some muppets like the XBox.
I guess i'm a 'muppet' then
> Didn't like the ideas
> Microsoft were putting forward, didn't like the system when I actually
> played on it for some length (on Halo incidentally), not impressed
> with their latest rip-off scheme they're integrating into XBox live.
What scheme is that? Xbox live costs the price of a game, getting you the headset and subscription for a whole year.
> It isn't the people that don't like the XBox that need to get over it,
> its the people who sulk when someone points out the fact that its a
> largely unpopular system. :P
Hehe, People don't sulk, they defend stupidly retarded comments people make at each others consoles....
Maybe i think the PS2 is a poor console - but hey thats my opinion :)
> Correction... some muppets like the XBox.
I guess i'm a 'muppet' then
> Didn't like the ideas
> Microsoft were putting forward, didn't like the system when I actually
> played on it for some length (on Halo incidentally), not impressed
> with their latest rip-off scheme they're integrating into XBox live.
What scheme is that? Xbox live costs the price of a game, getting you the headset and subscription for a whole year.
> It isn't the people that don't like the XBox that need to get over it,
> its the people who sulk when someone points out the fact that its a
> largely unpopular system. :P
Hehe, People don't sulk, they defend stupidly retarded comments people make at each others consoles....
Maybe i think the PS2 is a poor console - but hey thats my opinion :)
sales figures for the Xbox from the Doors magazine that comes with The Sunday Times put total xbox sales in uk at 200,000
Brilliant stuff Wookiee!
(Y)
(Y)
Bën wrote:
> It's a console for God's sake. Some people like the XBox. Get over
> it....
Correction... some muppets like the XBox. Didn't like the ideas Microsoft were putting forward, didn't like the system when I actually played on it for some length (on Halo incidentally), not impressed with their latest rip-off scheme they're integrating into XBox live. It isn't the people that don't like the XBox that need to get over it, its the people who sulk when someone points out the fact that its a largely unpopular system. :P
> It's a console for God's sake. Some people like the XBox. Get over
> it....
Correction... some muppets like the XBox. Didn't like the ideas Microsoft were putting forward, didn't like the system when I actually played on it for some length (on Halo incidentally), not impressed with their latest rip-off scheme they're integrating into XBox live. It isn't the people that don't like the XBox that need to get over it, its the people who sulk when someone points out the fact that its a largely unpopular system. :P
Genius. Give this man GAD for this.
Top stuff Wookiee.
Top stuff Wookiee.
Tóm wrote:
> I have an Xbox. I like it. But I can accept any critism people have
> for it. As long as it's justified.
Ah, but my criticism isn't exactly justified - just a bit of fun. :-)
Oh, and purely for Bën's info - I do actually own an Xbox. I'm not overly keen on the current software, but I have no dislike of the machine itself.
> I have an Xbox. I like it. But I can accept any critism people have
> for it. As long as it's justified.
Ah, but my criticism isn't exactly justified - just a bit of fun. :-)
Oh, and purely for Bën's info - I do actually own an Xbox. I'm not overly keen on the current software, but I have no dislike of the machine itself.
I have an Xbox. I like it. But I can accept any critism people have for it. As long as it's justified.
Christ....
It's a console for God's sake. Some people like the XBox. Get over it....
It's a console for God's sake. Some people like the XBox. Get over it....
LOL.
You can imagine they *will* do some sort of gimmick at christmas, to get sales going. Make it pre-gift wrapped in some fancy X paper or something.
You can imagine they *will* do some sort of gimmick at christmas, to get sales going. Make it pre-gift wrapped in some fancy X paper or something.
Ingenius concept, In america they have a similar plan for thanksgiving with Giant X-Turkeys.
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