The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
From Ananova.com...
-----
An Xbox in every UK home by Christmas
Microsoft today unveiled a rather cunning plan to have an Xbox in every home in the UK by Christmas 2002.
Yes, you read that right. An Xbox. In every UK home. By Christmas. This year.
It has long been a stated aim of both Microsoft and Sony to have their respective consoles installed in as many homes as possible, as soon as possible. In the UK, Sony have appeared for some time to be leading the way. Today, however, Microsoft pulled off a major coup, announcing that practically every UK home absolutely WOULD have an Xbox in it on or before 25th December this year.
To give an indication of what this will mean for the market, consider the current sales figures. After two-and-a-half years, Sony's current global PS2 market is just over the 30 million mark. In comparison, there are approximately 58 million homes in the UK. As you can see, it doesn't take a genius to work out how this will turn the market on its head practically overnight.
So how do MS hope to achieve such an outrageous target? At a press conference called today, all was made clear.
Microsoft have just bought out all of the UK's Christmas Cracker manufacturers, and will be replacing the cheap plastic rubbish you usually find in crackers with their own brand of cheap plastic and silicon rubbish - specifically, everything you'd usually find in an Xbox package bought off the shelf. So-called 'deluxe' boxes of crackers will also come with two pieces of software.
Asked what had brought about such a bold move, Richard Teversham, head of UK marketing for Xbox, told us: "Well, we've cut the price by a hundred pounds, and the punters still won't buy the damn things, so we've decided to try giving them away instead."
So will this decision affect the price of our crackers here in the UK? "Unfortunately, yes it will, but only slightly." How slight? "A box of crackers this Christmas will set you back around £199 - more for the Deluxe boxes containing games," Teversham told us.
But surely this means that the punter is paying the cost of the Xbox, and not getting it free at all? "No no, not at all!" Teversham says. "The Xbox is 100% free. The increased price is simply to cover the costs of the extra materials required to make the larger crackers needed to hold the Xbox, and the extra distribution costs involved due to the extra weight."
Ah, but of course. 'Just as the reward pack was not a bribe for those poor sods who paid £300 for the machine before you slashed the price without warning?' we asked. "Exactly!" he replied.
One area MS are paying particular attention to is the possibility of personal injury lawsuits. Confused? We were! Teversham explained: "After giving the idea serious thought, we realised we'll need to put clear health warnings on the boxes."
He continued, "With the losses we're making on the hardware, the last thing we need is a series of lawsuits from Beckham wannabe's with broken metatarsal's suing us because the Xbox hit their foot when it plopped out of the cracker." Smiling at his own joke like a poor comedian, he added, "The other consideration is that most people pull crackers at the table while eating Christmas dinner, and we don't want them whining about scalding when it lands in their dinner and splashes them with hot gravy!"
In an attempt to further corner the market, MS have also bought the global rights to the terms "Christmas Crackers" and "Xmas Crackers" so that no-one can use them without MS's permission. In future, all such products will be called "Xbox Crackers", and will be covered in a matt-black foil-effect wrapping and a large, luminous green 'X' in the centre.
Surely, though, the cracker containing the Xbox would weigh significantly more than the others? "We've thought about that, too," Teversham explained. "The other crackers will be weighted with lumps of concrete in order to maintain the surprise factor."
In accordance with Microsoft's policy of idiot-proofing, the crackers will also be perforated around the centre, ensuring a clean break every time. Additionally, the traditional cardboard 'snapper' will be replaced with a novelty card style speaker (you know - the ones that play those annoying tunes) which will play the standard Microsoft Windows start-up jingle.
As ideas go, we think you'll agree - this one is just plain crackers!
-----
An Xbox in every UK home by Christmas
Microsoft today unveiled a rather cunning plan to have an Xbox in every home in the UK by Christmas 2002.
Yes, you read that right. An Xbox. In every UK home. By Christmas. This year.
It has long been a stated aim of both Microsoft and Sony to have their respective consoles installed in as many homes as possible, as soon as possible. In the UK, Sony have appeared for some time to be leading the way. Today, however, Microsoft pulled off a major coup, announcing that practically every UK home absolutely WOULD have an Xbox in it on or before 25th December this year.
To give an indication of what this will mean for the market, consider the current sales figures. After two-and-a-half years, Sony's current global PS2 market is just over the 30 million mark. In comparison, there are approximately 58 million homes in the UK. As you can see, it doesn't take a genius to work out how this will turn the market on its head practically overnight.
So how do MS hope to achieve such an outrageous target? At a press conference called today, all was made clear.
Microsoft have just bought out all of the UK's Christmas Cracker manufacturers, and will be replacing the cheap plastic rubbish you usually find in crackers with their own brand of cheap plastic and silicon rubbish - specifically, everything you'd usually find in an Xbox package bought off the shelf. So-called 'deluxe' boxes of crackers will also come with two pieces of software.
Asked what had brought about such a bold move, Richard Teversham, head of UK marketing for Xbox, told us: "Well, we've cut the price by a hundred pounds, and the punters still won't buy the damn things, so we've decided to try giving them away instead."
So will this decision affect the price of our crackers here in the UK? "Unfortunately, yes it will, but only slightly." How slight? "A box of crackers this Christmas will set you back around £199 - more for the Deluxe boxes containing games," Teversham told us.
But surely this means that the punter is paying the cost of the Xbox, and not getting it free at all? "No no, not at all!" Teversham says. "The Xbox is 100% free. The increased price is simply to cover the costs of the extra materials required to make the larger crackers needed to hold the Xbox, and the extra distribution costs involved due to the extra weight."
Ah, but of course. 'Just as the reward pack was not a bribe for those poor sods who paid £300 for the machine before you slashed the price without warning?' we asked. "Exactly!" he replied.
One area MS are paying particular attention to is the possibility of personal injury lawsuits. Confused? We were! Teversham explained: "After giving the idea serious thought, we realised we'll need to put clear health warnings on the boxes."
He continued, "With the losses we're making on the hardware, the last thing we need is a series of lawsuits from Beckham wannabe's with broken metatarsal's suing us because the Xbox hit their foot when it plopped out of the cracker." Smiling at his own joke like a poor comedian, he added, "The other consideration is that most people pull crackers at the table while eating Christmas dinner, and we don't want them whining about scalding when it lands in their dinner and splashes them with hot gravy!"
In an attempt to further corner the market, MS have also bought the global rights to the terms "Christmas Crackers" and "Xmas Crackers" so that no-one can use them without MS's permission. In future, all such products will be called "Xbox Crackers", and will be covered in a matt-black foil-effect wrapping and a large, luminous green 'X' in the centre.
Surely, though, the cracker containing the Xbox would weigh significantly more than the others? "We've thought about that, too," Teversham explained. "The other crackers will be weighted with lumps of concrete in order to maintain the surprise factor."
In accordance with Microsoft's policy of idiot-proofing, the crackers will also be perforated around the centre, ensuring a clean break every time. Additionally, the traditional cardboard 'snapper' will be replaced with a novelty card style speaker (you know - the ones that play those annoying tunes) which will play the standard Microsoft Windows start-up jingle.
As ideas go, we think you'll agree - this one is just plain crackers!
Page:
*Applauds Cookie's slip up*
How to make an already comical thread, that much more amusing. ;)
How to make an already comical thread, that much more amusing. ;)
And THAT is why you should read the whole post BEFORE replying.
What a laughable plan. Bill gates obviously still doesnt see the difference between Microsoft Windows and the Xbox.
Christ, imagine if the whole forum was full of people like Bën and gamezfreak.
God it would be boring.
Don't you get it? It's a joke, it's humour, it's funny, okay?
Yes you have a console, yes, it plays games, hoorah! enjoy it, but really, they're not that interesting.
I'd much rather read a post like this, than one about the online plans of the major console players. This made me laugh, the other post would lose my attention in seconds.
I love writing spoof news stories, and I love reading other peoples. To me, they make the forum special. When you see someone replying like they're taking it all seriously you really have to wonder what these people do for fun? Maybe they make their own 'Top Trumps' based on console components. "Ha, my PS2 emotion engine mass beats your Gamecube handle!"
Get a life. If you want serious debate on the Xbox, then find another thread to do it in. This is obviously not serious.
So thanks Wookiee, an excellent read, brought a smile to my face.
God it would be boring.
Don't you get it? It's a joke, it's humour, it's funny, okay?
Yes you have a console, yes, it plays games, hoorah! enjoy it, but really, they're not that interesting.
I'd much rather read a post like this, than one about the online plans of the major console players. This made me laugh, the other post would lose my attention in seconds.
I love writing spoof news stories, and I love reading other peoples. To me, they make the forum special. When you see someone replying like they're taking it all seriously you really have to wonder what these people do for fun? Maybe they make their own 'Top Trumps' based on console components. "Ha, my PS2 emotion engine mass beats your Gamecube handle!"
Get a life. If you want serious debate on the Xbox, then find another thread to do it in. This is obviously not serious.
So thanks Wookiee, an excellent read, brought a smile to my face.
gamezfreak wrote:
> I guess i'm a 'muppet' then
Yes, that would make you a muppet. :P
> What scheme is that? Xbox live costs the price of a game, getting you
> the headset and subscription for a whole year.
It costs the usual price of a gameto buy, and the "free subscription for a whole year" means nothing, as after that year you'll be paying £72 per annum just to continue using software that you have already paid in full (your £40 odd) for. Not on, especially considering none of the other console manufacturers are charging a monthly fee to use their stuff.
Thats not so much a dislike of Microsoft, as it is my being concerned that they're ripping everyone who owns an X-Box off entirely, mate up the road has one and thats what he's going to have to pay if he wants to use online gaming.
> Hehe, People don't sulk, they defend stupidly retarded comments people
> make at each others consoles....
Or in this case sulk at the base fact that the X-Box isn't a hugely popular console. :P
You like it, thats fair enough, but you have to admit that it isn't as widely liked as Nintendo and Sony's efforts at present.
> Maybe i think the PS2 is a poor console - but hey thats my opinion :)
*Shrugs*
Say what you like about the PS2, or even the Gamecube, I'm not biased either way - I'm just unimpressed with the X-Box, as are a good many others. ;)
> I guess i'm a 'muppet' then
Yes, that would make you a muppet. :P
> What scheme is that? Xbox live costs the price of a game, getting you
> the headset and subscription for a whole year.
It costs the usual price of a gameto buy, and the "free subscription for a whole year" means nothing, as after that year you'll be paying £72 per annum just to continue using software that you have already paid in full (your £40 odd) for. Not on, especially considering none of the other console manufacturers are charging a monthly fee to use their stuff.
Thats not so much a dislike of Microsoft, as it is my being concerned that they're ripping everyone who owns an X-Box off entirely, mate up the road has one and thats what he's going to have to pay if he wants to use online gaming.
> Hehe, People don't sulk, they defend stupidly retarded comments people
> make at each others consoles....
Or in this case sulk at the base fact that the X-Box isn't a hugely popular console. :P
You like it, thats fair enough, but you have to admit that it isn't as widely liked as Nintendo and Sony's efforts at present.
> Maybe i think the PS2 is a poor console - but hey thats my opinion :)
*Shrugs*
Say what you like about the PS2, or even the Gamecube, I'm not biased either way - I'm just unimpressed with the X-Box, as are a good many others. ;)
Yeah, I might get an Xbox soon because I want Halo, Project Gotham racing and Halo 2 and the Internet headset that comes with a frickin' microphone! How cool is that?!
All for the price of a game! I must get an Xbox for that reason. :-)
I'm not that far away from buying one, actually.
:D
All for the price of a game! I must get an Xbox for that reason. :-)
I'm not that far away from buying one, actually.
:D
Dead Wonder wrote:
> Umm, yeah, that IS in fact plain crackers.
>
> Tha Criminal, what's your new eMail address? I wanna add you to my MSN
> list...as thats the best way to fit in here!
My msn add is [email protected]
> Umm, yeah, that IS in fact plain crackers.
>
> Tha Criminal, what's your new eMail address? I wanna add you to my MSN
> list...as thats the best way to fit in here!
My msn add is [email protected]
Umm, yeah, that IS in fact plain crackers.
Tha Criminal, what's your new eMail address? I wanna add you to my MSN list...as thats the best way to fit in here!
Tha Criminal, what's your new eMail address? I wanna add you to my MSN list...as thats the best way to fit in here!
WòókieeMøn§†€® wrote:
> Tóm wrote:
> I have an Xbox. I like it. But I can accept any critism people have
> for it. As long as it's justified.
>
> Ah, but my criticism isn't exactly justified - just a bit of fun.
> :-)
But the points you normally make about the Xbox make a lot of sense, and I would often agree with them, even though I like my Xbox.
And this is justified. It's a joke, no one should take jokes seriously.
> Tóm wrote:
> I have an Xbox. I like it. But I can accept any critism people have
> for it. As long as it's justified.
>
> Ah, but my criticism isn't exactly justified - just a bit of fun.
> :-)
But the points you normally make about the Xbox make a lot of sense, and I would often agree with them, even though I like my Xbox.
And this is justified. It's a joke, no one should take jokes seriously.
Page: