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From Ananova.com...
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An Xbox in every UK home by Christmas
Microsoft today unveiled a rather cunning plan to have an Xbox in every home in the UK by Christmas 2002.
Yes, you read that right. An Xbox. In every UK home. By Christmas. This year.
It has long been a stated aim of both Microsoft and Sony to have their respective consoles installed in as many homes as possible, as soon as possible. In the UK, Sony have appeared for some time to be leading the way. Today, however, Microsoft pulled off a major coup, announcing that practically every UK home absolutely WOULD have an Xbox in it on or before 25th December this year.
To give an indication of what this will mean for the market, consider the current sales figures. After two-and-a-half years, Sony's current global PS2 market is just over the 30 million mark. In comparison, there are approximately 58 million homes in the UK. As you can see, it doesn't take a genius to work out how this will turn the market on its head practically overnight.
So how do MS hope to achieve such an outrageous target? At a press conference called today, all was made clear.
Microsoft have just bought out all of the UK's Christmas Cracker manufacturers, and will be replacing the cheap plastic rubbish you usually find in crackers with their own brand of cheap plastic and silicon rubbish - specifically, everything you'd usually find in an Xbox package bought off the shelf. So-called 'deluxe' boxes of crackers will also come with two pieces of software.
Asked what had brought about such a bold move, Richard Teversham, head of UK marketing for Xbox, told us: "Well, we've cut the price by a hundred pounds, and the punters still won't buy the damn things, so we've decided to try giving them away instead."
So will this decision affect the price of our crackers here in the UK? "Unfortunately, yes it will, but only slightly." How slight? "A box of crackers this Christmas will set you back around £199 - more for the Deluxe boxes containing games," Teversham told us.
But surely this means that the punter is paying the cost of the Xbox, and not getting it free at all? "No no, not at all!" Teversham says. "The Xbox is 100% free. The increased price is simply to cover the costs of the extra materials required to make the larger crackers needed to hold the Xbox, and the extra distribution costs involved due to the extra weight."
Ah, but of course. 'Just as the reward pack was not a bribe for those poor sods who paid £300 for the machine before you slashed the price without warning?' we asked. "Exactly!" he replied.
One area MS are paying particular attention to is the possibility of personal injury lawsuits. Confused? We were! Teversham explained: "After giving the idea serious thought, we realised we'll need to put clear health warnings on the boxes."
He continued, "With the losses we're making on the hardware, the last thing we need is a series of lawsuits from Beckham wannabe's with broken metatarsal's suing us because the Xbox hit their foot when it plopped out of the cracker." Smiling at his own joke like a poor comedian, he added, "The other consideration is that most people pull crackers at the table while eating Christmas dinner, and we don't want them whining about scalding when it lands in their dinner and splashes them with hot gravy!"
In an attempt to further corner the market, MS have also bought the global rights to the terms "Christmas Crackers" and "Xmas Crackers" so that no-one can use them without MS's permission. In future, all such products will be called "Xbox Crackers", and will be covered in a matt-black foil-effect wrapping and a large, luminous green 'X' in the centre.
Surely, though, the cracker containing the Xbox would weigh significantly more than the others? "We've thought about that, too," Teversham explained. "The other crackers will be weighted with lumps of concrete in order to maintain the surprise factor."
In accordance with Microsoft's policy of idiot-proofing, the crackers will also be perforated around the centre, ensuring a clean break every time. Additionally, the traditional cardboard 'snapper' will be replaced with a novelty card style speaker (you know - the ones that play those annoying tunes) which will play the standard Microsoft Windows start-up jingle.
As ideas go, we think you'll agree - this one is just plain crackers!
-----
An Xbox in every UK home by Christmas
Microsoft today unveiled a rather cunning plan to have an Xbox in every home in the UK by Christmas 2002.
Yes, you read that right. An Xbox. In every UK home. By Christmas. This year.
It has long been a stated aim of both Microsoft and Sony to have their respective consoles installed in as many homes as possible, as soon as possible. In the UK, Sony have appeared for some time to be leading the way. Today, however, Microsoft pulled off a major coup, announcing that practically every UK home absolutely WOULD have an Xbox in it on or before 25th December this year.
To give an indication of what this will mean for the market, consider the current sales figures. After two-and-a-half years, Sony's current global PS2 market is just over the 30 million mark. In comparison, there are approximately 58 million homes in the UK. As you can see, it doesn't take a genius to work out how this will turn the market on its head practically overnight.
So how do MS hope to achieve such an outrageous target? At a press conference called today, all was made clear.
Microsoft have just bought out all of the UK's Christmas Cracker manufacturers, and will be replacing the cheap plastic rubbish you usually find in crackers with their own brand of cheap plastic and silicon rubbish - specifically, everything you'd usually find in an Xbox package bought off the shelf. So-called 'deluxe' boxes of crackers will also come with two pieces of software.
Asked what had brought about such a bold move, Richard Teversham, head of UK marketing for Xbox, told us: "Well, we've cut the price by a hundred pounds, and the punters still won't buy the damn things, so we've decided to try giving them away instead."
So will this decision affect the price of our crackers here in the UK? "Unfortunately, yes it will, but only slightly." How slight? "A box of crackers this Christmas will set you back around £199 - more for the Deluxe boxes containing games," Teversham told us.
But surely this means that the punter is paying the cost of the Xbox, and not getting it free at all? "No no, not at all!" Teversham says. "The Xbox is 100% free. The increased price is simply to cover the costs of the extra materials required to make the larger crackers needed to hold the Xbox, and the extra distribution costs involved due to the extra weight."
Ah, but of course. 'Just as the reward pack was not a bribe for those poor sods who paid £300 for the machine before you slashed the price without warning?' we asked. "Exactly!" he replied.
One area MS are paying particular attention to is the possibility of personal injury lawsuits. Confused? We were! Teversham explained: "After giving the idea serious thought, we realised we'll need to put clear health warnings on the boxes."
He continued, "With the losses we're making on the hardware, the last thing we need is a series of lawsuits from Beckham wannabe's with broken metatarsal's suing us because the Xbox hit their foot when it plopped out of the cracker." Smiling at his own joke like a poor comedian, he added, "The other consideration is that most people pull crackers at the table while eating Christmas dinner, and we don't want them whining about scalding when it lands in their dinner and splashes them with hot gravy!"
In an attempt to further corner the market, MS have also bought the global rights to the terms "Christmas Crackers" and "Xmas Crackers" so that no-one can use them without MS's permission. In future, all such products will be called "Xbox Crackers", and will be covered in a matt-black foil-effect wrapping and a large, luminous green 'X' in the centre.
Surely, though, the cracker containing the Xbox would weigh significantly more than the others? "We've thought about that, too," Teversham explained. "The other crackers will be weighted with lumps of concrete in order to maintain the surprise factor."
In accordance with Microsoft's policy of idiot-proofing, the crackers will also be perforated around the centre, ensuring a clean break every time. Additionally, the traditional cardboard 'snapper' will be replaced with a novelty card style speaker (you know - the ones that play those annoying tunes) which will play the standard Microsoft Windows start-up jingle.
As ideas go, we think you'll agree - this one is just plain crackers!
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Deary me, was this really the best of the day?
Cuh!
3 guesses what I'll be claiming...
Cuh!
3 guesses what I'll be claiming...
Balls! ohwell sorry about that anyway gr8 story. Although you've probably given microsoft a new plan to dominate the market. Any i stand by my coment that everyone will probably stick with Gamecubes and PS2's and the way X-Box is going it probably will start giving them away just to empty out the gaint slave labour factory's in Japan full of them!
Suuure, cubist.
Be sure to go and get one of these crackers when they come out. Tell us about them
;-) *sniggers*
Be sure to go and get one of these crackers when they come out. Tell us about them
;-) *sniggers*
That is a gr8 report thanx for the info! Anyway i doubt it will work it sounds a bit like it was devised by a ten year old lol Anyway i'm sure people will stick with GameCubes and PS2's instead of a console that they got "given" as a desperate attempt from microsoft.
Lol. Nice one. You never know though people, Wookie could be a Microsoft insider - I wouldn't put it up to Gates to pull a 'stunt' like this.
Lol, very inventive. :D
Lol, very inventive. :D
WòókieeMøn§†€® wrote:
> An Xbox in every UK home by Christmas
This is obviously wrong
> An Xbox in every UK home by Christmas
This is obviously wrong
gamezfreak wrote:
> Meka Dragon wrote:
> Christ, imagine if the whole forum was full of people like Bën
> and gamezfreak.
>
> eh? I was just replying to Pointless Babbles post of just basiccly
> Pointless Babble..
>
> I did'nt say anything about wookie's post being un-humourous, i
> actually thought it was quite funny :s
Yeah, sorry for singling you out like that, wasn't really on.
It just gets on my nerves a bit when people get a stick in their *ahem* about posts that aren't supposed to be taken seriously.
Oh, and I'm not saying you were in this case, you've already stated you were replying to pointless Babble.
> Meka Dragon wrote:
> Christ, imagine if the whole forum was full of people like Bën
> and gamezfreak.
>
> eh? I was just replying to Pointless Babbles post of just basiccly
> Pointless Babble..
>
> I did'nt say anything about wookie's post being un-humourous, i
> actually thought it was quite funny :s
Yeah, sorry for singling you out like that, wasn't really on.
It just gets on my nerves a bit when people get a stick in their *ahem* about posts that aren't supposed to be taken seriously.
Oh, and I'm not saying you were in this case, you've already stated you were replying to pointless Babble.
Strafex wrote:
> Meka Dragon wrote:
> Christ, imagine if the whole forum was full of people like Bën
> and gamezfreak.
>
> God it would be boring.
>
>
> Actually, these cat fights sometimes end up being funnier than the
> joke that started them... :-D
Meow!
Especially when Sony-Lovers and Xbox-Huggers (like me :p) fight. Thats fun! Most people don't accept other consoles, they start a boring old usual console wars topic which churns out 300-400 posts in a few weeks.....
> Meka Dragon wrote:
> Christ, imagine if the whole forum was full of people like Bën
> and gamezfreak.
>
> God it would be boring.
>
>
> Actually, these cat fights sometimes end up being funnier than the
> joke that started them... :-D
Meow!
Especially when Sony-Lovers and Xbox-Huggers (like me :p) fight. Thats fun! Most people don't accept other consoles, they start a boring old usual console wars topic which churns out 300-400 posts in a few weeks.....
Meka Dragon wrote:
> Christ, imagine if the whole forum was full of people like Bën
> and gamezfreak.
>
> God it would be boring.
Actually, these cat fights sometimes end up being funnier than the joke that started them... :-D
> Christ, imagine if the whole forum was full of people like Bën
> and gamezfreak.
>
> God it would be boring.
Actually, these cat fights sometimes end up being funnier than the joke that started them... :-D
Meka Dragon wrote:
> Christ, imagine if the whole forum was full of people like Bën
> and gamezfreak.
eh? I was just replying to Pointless Babbles post of just basiccly Pointless Babble..
I did'nt say anything about wookie's post being un-humourous, i actually thought it was quite funny :s
> Maybe they make their own 'Top Trumps' based on
> console components. "Ha, my PS2 emotion engine mass beats your
> Gamecube handle!"
Rofl!
> Christ, imagine if the whole forum was full of people like Bën
> and gamezfreak.
eh? I was just replying to Pointless Babbles post of just basiccly Pointless Babble..
I did'nt say anything about wookie's post being un-humourous, i actually thought it was quite funny :s
> Maybe they make their own 'Top Trumps' based on
> console components. "Ha, my PS2 emotion engine mass beats your
> Gamecube handle!"
Rofl!
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