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"A Rant"

A rant.

Reviews are evil. They lie and they are evil.
Trust your instincts.
I hate Elf games, really I do.
But I bought Morrowind today because the reviews all said it was cool.
They didn’t mention how gay it is though did they?
ELVES? MUSHROOMS? SPELLS?
I read “Vampire” and I read “Immersive 3d world” and “combat”, nowhere did I spy “Swishy man-action gaming for Dale Wintons”.
That’s rubbish and I’ve just spunked £30 for this w##krag of a game.
Bah

And babies.
Women that bring their newborn babies into work and thrust them at you going “Look!”
Hurrah, it’s a baby. A small, screaming, fat person with an oversized head that stinks of green s##t.
*claps*
Thanks for bringing it in and waving it front of me. You want to do something useful? Breastfeed it in front of me.
Unfurl those udders and feed that alien wriggling in your arms. Or at least don’t get upset when I lunge with a pen to make it quiet.

Sunny days at work.
I don’t like work. Ok, so I don’t do a whole lot but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be at home, on the internet with pants round my ankles and…er…watching DVDs and stuff.
Work is stupid, why are we the only creature that works? What’s wrong with the bartering system eh?
I play music, you give me food/games/shelter.
Balls to working for a living, it’s no way to spend 50 years of your life.
Did you know you’re more likely to enjoy getting bum-raped by a Mountain Gorilla than you are to retire happy?
It’s stupid and making me angry.

Soap Operas
Christ these thins make my head hurt.
Are your lives that empty you have to fill hours of your spare-time watching poorly thought-out tales of “simple folk” that lead lives that have zero relevance to your own?
You get precious few moments when not at work, probably in the same room as friends/partners/relatives.
Don’t waste that time staring at bad actors screaming at each other and trying to resolve contrived situations in 30 mins.
Do something useful with your time/head/life, don’t fritter it away watching Eastf###ingenders – it serves no purpose at all.
In any way whatsoever.

Teens in Cars
You pass your test, suddenly you’re the best driver on the planet and must go at 120mph around every corner in your stupid little Novas. Did you read that? YOU ALL DRIVE NOVAS BECAUSE YOU’RE CAN’T AFFORD ANYTHING ELSE.
I’d understand it if you had a Dodge Viper, but a Nova/Escort/Astra. Do me a favour and instead of tearing down the A127, spend that time searching for the missing Y Chromosone you f####ing ape/
And while we’re at it, change your CD at least once.
I don’t need to hear your assface stereo pumping out the bassline to the So Solid Crew. Assface.

Nintendo Games
I’m not retarded.
Or 3.
But I gave it a chance, I bought a Gamecube just in case my entire history with Nintendo has been wrong.
But it wasn’t.
Rogue Thingy was good, but the rest of the games suck balls. Brightly coloured, gummy-mouthed entertainment for spazmos with zero wattage bulbs in their enormous gaping heads.
Super Monkey Ball? Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Luigi’s Mansion? It’s alright, let’s try that door…oh I finished it already. W##k.
And some others I bought but stabbed my brain with a Q-tip to remove and trace of memory of.
Godawful machine for knucklewalking pygmie mules.

Cash Machines
It’s not hard is it?
So why do I get stuck by the moron that has to press every key with their hairy fingers in an attempt to withdraw that month’s benefit money to spend on booze and porno mags?
Hello? I can manage to use those things in under 20 secs and escape with money.
Don’t stand there randomly stabbing keys making grunty noises because it says “F##k off Pikey, get a job”.
Perhaps if you spent less of your day screaming at your marmite-smeared-face kids and looked for gainful employment, you wouldn’t have to pray to the god of LIDL every time you used that tricky machine.

McDonalds
“I’m sorry, it’s a wait for the Big Mac”
WHY? Why do I have to wait?
Is it unexpected that someone will wander in and ask for one of those squashed mockeries of a meal?
I think not.
But always, without fail, I have to stand and watch the porky, pock-marked teen investigate the contents of his hairy eyes with a finger whilst some sloping-faced bunjockey readies my meal.
And why, even when it’s “fresh”, does it look like Indiana Jones has delivered it?
Bunch of W##k.

What i dont like is when *boy racers* in their cars try to race you.

My bro passed his test last year and he got a Corsa Sport and has done it all up and every thing and because he has a car like that when we go round in his car all the boy racers in their cars automatically think we want to race.

kr ure a puss, if someone does their car up like that and just wants to look good must be even more of a puss than u

yes if so intelligent (the image you put across every time you post) then why believe reviews as most are stinking crap. If you don't think you will like it then rent or is that to easy for you?

If saw me in Mcdonalds i had i worse time than you i waited 5 minutes while some soldiers hang about the till farting and speaking at the tops of there voices.

Goatboy wrote:
> my little mooncalf friend.

*Bursts into laughter*

Hucking filarious. ;)
Whats sad is that he's probably got no idea what you're talking about, pitiful. But thats kids these days for you. ;)

This ought to cheer you up after your ranting spree in any case...
its the result of a few minutes tinkering with that BBC morph thing ½Pint linked, and some creative tweaking in PSP, shows what you can do to Aaron Carter's face with a blowtorch and a baseball bat - enjoy. ;)

http://lovemediarooftoppics .tripod.com/forgoatboy.jpg

Anyone remember Goatboys posts when he first played Super Monkey Ball?

Yep, at first he loved it, particularly the multiplayer.

Then he couldn't roll the ball across the thin platform, and he got frustrated.

Look back at the posts, go on, back to May/June.

It's not a game for the impatient, that's for sure.

I imagine Goatboy would have liked it if it were called Super Elf Ball, a game with elves in balls, that gather around in circles, and sing songs.

;o)

Oh, and my babies rule. Yoyu're just upset that I didn't say you could have a go with them. ;o)

Ant wrote:
> er-no wrote:
> You wait for the better GameCube games Goatboy. Can't see how you
> won't like Eternal Darkness or Resident Evil.
>
> He won't like Resident Evil because of the crap camera angles...just
> like all the other Ressie games.
>
> "I'm being attacked by a zombie that I can't see." That
> doesn't make it scary, it makes it infuriating.
>
> "I can't see my character anymore," is another phrase that
> springs to mind.

Right, Ant, old boy, you askled for it :-D

Resident Evil is SUPPOSED to have fixed camera angles, so that it's more scary when an evil throat-ripping, blood-guzzling zombie jumps out from out of a closet, scaring the pants off you, only after you've filled them once your sphincter collapses.
Also, as your character slowly moves further away from the camera, you find it harder to see where you're going, increasing the dreadful feeling of vulnerability.
Fixed camera angles can also give you the opportunity to gaze across your surroundings, taking in the glorious, GC-only style textures that make the game that bit more realistic.

As for your 'play real games on your PS2 or XBOX', real games, or realistic ones are what the industry does not need, as it is already saturated with the repetitive, dull, uninspiring rubbish.

Ahem.

:-D

I bought a Gamecube to see if I would like it.
I didn't.
Now, hands on heart, how many of you have bought a console before deciding you don't like it?
I gave it a chance.
So shut up.

So stop licking those windows for just a second and read it again:
"I don't like the Gamecube", not "Gamecube is crap and everyone must say so".
Stop trying to make me change my mind based on actually owning that console.

Jesus, a guy writes some spurious rubbish to relieve red-faced anger and it turns into yet another "Gamecube rocks/Xbox sux" thread.
Take a deep breath, get your hand out of your pants and realise "It doesn't actually matter what anyone else thinks, as long as I'm happy for myself"

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

It's okay Goatboy I enjoy your rant

Rant more please

Alright, but first I'm off for a bath and some food.
And tea.

My next rant shall be entitled "I'm me, so stop posting like me. You Bennys"

Hmmm

I'm going to eat pizza and go to bed... I shall read it tomorrow.