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A rant.
Reviews are evil. They lie and they are evil.
Trust your instincts.
I hate Elf games, really I do.
But I bought Morrowind today because the reviews all said it was cool.
They didn’t mention how gay it is though did they?
ELVES? MUSHROOMS? SPELLS?
I read “Vampire” and I read “Immersive 3d world” and “combat”, nowhere did I spy “Swishy man-action gaming for Dale Wintons”.
That’s rubbish and I’ve just spunked £30 for this w##krag of a game.
Bah
And babies.
Women that bring their newborn babies into work and thrust them at you going “Look!”
Hurrah, it’s a baby. A small, screaming, fat person with an oversized head that stinks of green s##t.
*claps*
Thanks for bringing it in and waving it front of me. You want to do something useful? Breastfeed it in front of me.
Unfurl those udders and feed that alien wriggling in your arms. Or at least don’t get upset when I lunge with a pen to make it quiet.
Sunny days at work.
I don’t like work. Ok, so I don’t do a whole lot but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be at home, on the internet with pants round my ankles and…er…watching DVDs and stuff.
Work is stupid, why are we the only creature that works? What’s wrong with the bartering system eh?
I play music, you give me food/games/shelter.
Balls to working for a living, it’s no way to spend 50 years of your life.
Did you know you’re more likely to enjoy getting bum-raped by a Mountain Gorilla than you are to retire happy?
It’s stupid and making me angry.
Soap Operas
Christ these thins make my head hurt.
Are your lives that empty you have to fill hours of your spare-time watching poorly thought-out tales of “simple folk” that lead lives that have zero relevance to your own?
You get precious few moments when not at work, probably in the same room as friends/partners/relatives.
Don’t waste that time staring at bad actors screaming at each other and trying to resolve contrived situations in 30 mins.
Do something useful with your time/head/life, don’t fritter it away watching Eastf###ingenders – it serves no purpose at all.
In any way whatsoever.
Teens in Cars
You pass your test, suddenly you’re the best driver on the planet and must go at 120mph around every corner in your stupid little Novas. Did you read that? YOU ALL DRIVE NOVAS BECAUSE YOU’RE CAN’T AFFORD ANYTHING ELSE.
I’d understand it if you had a Dodge Viper, but a Nova/Escort/Astra. Do me a favour and instead of tearing down the A127, spend that time searching for the missing Y Chromosone you f####ing ape/
And while we’re at it, change your CD at least once.
I don’t need to hear your assface stereo pumping out the bassline to the So Solid Crew. Assface.
Nintendo Games
I’m not retarded.
Or 3.
But I gave it a chance, I bought a Gamecube just in case my entire history with Nintendo has been wrong.
But it wasn’t.
Rogue Thingy was good, but the rest of the games suck balls. Brightly coloured, gummy-mouthed entertainment for spazmos with zero wattage bulbs in their enormous gaping heads.
Super Monkey Ball? Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Luigi’s Mansion? It’s alright, let’s try that door…oh I finished it already. W##k.
And some others I bought but stabbed my brain with a Q-tip to remove and trace of memory of.
Godawful machine for knucklewalking pygmie mules.
Cash Machines
It’s not hard is it?
So why do I get stuck by the moron that has to press every key with their hairy fingers in an attempt to withdraw that month’s benefit money to spend on booze and porno mags?
Hello? I can manage to use those things in under 20 secs and escape with money.
Don’t stand there randomly stabbing keys making grunty noises because it says “F##k off Pikey, get a job”.
Perhaps if you spent less of your day screaming at your marmite-smeared-face kids and looked for gainful employment, you wouldn’t have to pray to the god of LIDL every time you used that tricky machine.
McDonalds
“I’m sorry, it’s a wait for the Big Mac”
WHY? Why do I have to wait?
Is it unexpected that someone will wander in and ask for one of those squashed mockeries of a meal?
I think not.
But always, without fail, I have to stand and watch the porky, pock-marked teen investigate the contents of his hairy eyes with a finger whilst some sloping-faced bunjockey readies my meal.
And why, even when it’s “fresh”, does it look like Indiana Jones has delivered it?
Bunch of W##k.
Reviews are evil. They lie and they are evil.
Trust your instincts.
I hate Elf games, really I do.
But I bought Morrowind today because the reviews all said it was cool.
They didn’t mention how gay it is though did they?
ELVES? MUSHROOMS? SPELLS?
I read “Vampire” and I read “Immersive 3d world” and “combat”, nowhere did I spy “Swishy man-action gaming for Dale Wintons”.
That’s rubbish and I’ve just spunked £30 for this w##krag of a game.
Bah
And babies.
Women that bring their newborn babies into work and thrust them at you going “Look!”
Hurrah, it’s a baby. A small, screaming, fat person with an oversized head that stinks of green s##t.
*claps*
Thanks for bringing it in and waving it front of me. You want to do something useful? Breastfeed it in front of me.
Unfurl those udders and feed that alien wriggling in your arms. Or at least don’t get upset when I lunge with a pen to make it quiet.
Sunny days at work.
I don’t like work. Ok, so I don’t do a whole lot but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be at home, on the internet with pants round my ankles and…er…watching DVDs and stuff.
Work is stupid, why are we the only creature that works? What’s wrong with the bartering system eh?
I play music, you give me food/games/shelter.
Balls to working for a living, it’s no way to spend 50 years of your life.
Did you know you’re more likely to enjoy getting bum-raped by a Mountain Gorilla than you are to retire happy?
It’s stupid and making me angry.
Soap Operas
Christ these thins make my head hurt.
Are your lives that empty you have to fill hours of your spare-time watching poorly thought-out tales of “simple folk” that lead lives that have zero relevance to your own?
You get precious few moments when not at work, probably in the same room as friends/partners/relatives.
Don’t waste that time staring at bad actors screaming at each other and trying to resolve contrived situations in 30 mins.
Do something useful with your time/head/life, don’t fritter it away watching Eastf###ingenders – it serves no purpose at all.
In any way whatsoever.
Teens in Cars
You pass your test, suddenly you’re the best driver on the planet and must go at 120mph around every corner in your stupid little Novas. Did you read that? YOU ALL DRIVE NOVAS BECAUSE YOU’RE CAN’T AFFORD ANYTHING ELSE.
I’d understand it if you had a Dodge Viper, but a Nova/Escort/Astra. Do me a favour and instead of tearing down the A127, spend that time searching for the missing Y Chromosone you f####ing ape/
And while we’re at it, change your CD at least once.
I don’t need to hear your assface stereo pumping out the bassline to the So Solid Crew. Assface.
Nintendo Games
I’m not retarded.
Or 3.
But I gave it a chance, I bought a Gamecube just in case my entire history with Nintendo has been wrong.
But it wasn’t.
Rogue Thingy was good, but the rest of the games suck balls. Brightly coloured, gummy-mouthed entertainment for spazmos with zero wattage bulbs in their enormous gaping heads.
Super Monkey Ball? Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Luigi’s Mansion? It’s alright, let’s try that door…oh I finished it already. W##k.
And some others I bought but stabbed my brain with a Q-tip to remove and trace of memory of.
Godawful machine for knucklewalking pygmie mules.
Cash Machines
It’s not hard is it?
So why do I get stuck by the moron that has to press every key with their hairy fingers in an attempt to withdraw that month’s benefit money to spend on booze and porno mags?
Hello? I can manage to use those things in under 20 secs and escape with money.
Don’t stand there randomly stabbing keys making grunty noises because it says “F##k off Pikey, get a job”.
Perhaps if you spent less of your day screaming at your marmite-smeared-face kids and looked for gainful employment, you wouldn’t have to pray to the god of LIDL every time you used that tricky machine.
McDonalds
“I’m sorry, it’s a wait for the Big Mac”
WHY? Why do I have to wait?
Is it unexpected that someone will wander in and ask for one of those squashed mockeries of a meal?
I think not.
But always, without fail, I have to stand and watch the porky, pock-marked teen investigate the contents of his hairy eyes with a finger whilst some sloping-faced bunjockey readies my meal.
And why, even when it’s “fresh”, does it look like Indiana Jones has delivered it?
Bunch of W##k.
Page:
Dringo wrote:
> ELVES RULE! Especially Legolas he is god.
--
Huzzah! He was always my favourite character from the book. So i'm smug with him. Then they get Orlando All The Girls Love Me Bloom to play him, and now I'm gay for liking him :) Gimps. Although Bloom did a pretty masterful job of it.
Hey, did you even read the book? Or are you just another....fanboy...*shudders*
> ELVES RULE! Especially Legolas he is god.
--
Huzzah! He was always my favourite character from the book. So i'm smug with him. Then they get Orlando All The Girls Love Me Bloom to play him, and now I'm gay for liking him :) Gimps. Although Bloom did a pretty masterful job of it.
Hey, did you even read the book? Or are you just another....fanboy...*shudders*
gamezfreak wrote:
> I borrowed the Gamecube for about a month just to give it a chance,
> one simple word - Retarded. Not a bad console or anything, but the
> games seem to be more child like for my liking.
LOL you would say that though, you are so far up the Xbox's @ss that you are blinded.
> I borrowed the Gamecube for about a month just to give it a chance,
> one simple word - Retarded. Not a bad console or anything, but the
> games seem to be more child like for my liking.
LOL you would say that though, you are so far up the Xbox's @ss that you are blinded.
NOOOOOO Graphics boys, JUDGING ON CHILDRENS GRAPHICS AS OPPOSED ADULT GAMEPLAY! ahem sorry stop the console wars there Dringo...
ELVES RULE! Especially Legolas he is god.
ELVES RULE! Especially Legolas he is god.
er-no wrote:
> I, alike Goatboy, gave the XBox a chance.
>
> Its crap.
I borrowed the Gamecube for about a month just to give it a chance, one simple word - Retarded. Not a bad console or anything, but the games seem to be more child like for my liking.
The games don't appeal to me much. Xbox releases by far intrest me alot more than nintendo's line up.
> I, alike Goatboy, gave the XBox a chance.
>
> Its crap.
I borrowed the Gamecube for about a month just to give it a chance, one simple word - Retarded. Not a bad console or anything, but the games seem to be more child like for my liking.
The games don't appeal to me much. Xbox releases by far intrest me alot more than nintendo's line up.
*Walks into topic*
Alert Alert Testosterone overload
*Staggers out of topic*
Alert Alert Testosterone overload
*Staggers out of topic*
I, alike Goatboy, gave the XBox a chance.
Its crap.
Its crap.
Mm, sleep it off.
It works for me.. or you could just punch something, like a door. Which.. broke my hand. So, I advise not to choose that option..
It works for me.. or you could just punch something, like a door. Which.. broke my hand. So, I advise not to choose that option..
Goatboy wrote:
> Take a deep breath, get your hand out of your pants and realise
> "It doesn't actually matter what anyone else thinks, as long as
> I'm happy for myself"
Brilliant! Thats what i think anyway. Goatboy you rock! You have given me two quotes of the day so far
1."but the rest of the games suck balls. Brightly coloured, gummy-mouthed entertainment for spazmos with zero wattage bulbs in their enormous gaping heads."
2."Take a deep breath, get your hand out of your pants and realise "It doesn't actually matter what anyone else thinks, as long as
I'm happy for myself"
Brilliant!
> Take a deep breath, get your hand out of your pants and realise
> "It doesn't actually matter what anyone else thinks, as long as
> I'm happy for myself"
Brilliant! Thats what i think anyway. Goatboy you rock! You have given me two quotes of the day so far
1."but the rest of the games suck balls. Brightly coloured, gummy-mouthed entertainment for spazmos with zero wattage bulbs in their enormous gaping heads."
2."Take a deep breath, get your hand out of your pants and realise "It doesn't actually matter what anyone else thinks, as long as
I'm happy for myself"
Brilliant!
Shocktrooper wrote:
> Right, Ant, old boy, you askled for it :-D
>
> Resident Evil is SUPPOSED to have fixed camera angles, so that it's
> more scary when an evil throat-ripping, blood-guzzling zombie jumps
> out from out of a closet, scaring the pants off you, only after you've
> filled them once your sphincter collapses.
> Also, as your character slowly moves further away from the camera, you
> find it harder to see where you're going, increasing the dreadful
> feeling of vulnerability.
> Fixed camera angles can also give you the opportunity to gaze across
> your surroundings, taking in the glorious, GC-only style textures that
> make the game that bit more realistic.
>
> As for your 'play real games on your PS2 or XBOX', real games, or
> realistic ones are what the industry does not need, as it is already
> saturated with the repetitive, dull, uninspiring rubbish.
"Why does my character appear to be situated in a still-life painting?"
> Right, Ant, old boy, you askled for it :-D
>
> Resident Evil is SUPPOSED to have fixed camera angles, so that it's
> more scary when an evil throat-ripping, blood-guzzling zombie jumps
> out from out of a closet, scaring the pants off you, only after you've
> filled them once your sphincter collapses.
> Also, as your character slowly moves further away from the camera, you
> find it harder to see where you're going, increasing the dreadful
> feeling of vulnerability.
> Fixed camera angles can also give you the opportunity to gaze across
> your surroundings, taking in the glorious, GC-only style textures that
> make the game that bit more realistic.
>
> As for your 'play real games on your PS2 or XBOX', real games, or
> realistic ones are what the industry does not need, as it is already
> saturated with the repetitive, dull, uninspiring rubbish.
"Why does my character appear to be situated in a still-life painting?"
*Points to post furhter down the page*
That would be the result of the BBC "deform the celeb you hate the most" applet, him being Aaron carter, and deformed to slightly elvish appearance... I thought you'd appreciate it. *smirks*
That would be the result of the BBC "deform the celeb you hate the most" applet, him being Aaron carter, and deformed to slightly elvish appearance... I thought you'd appreciate it. *smirks*
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