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A rant.
Reviews are evil. They lie and they are evil.
Trust your instincts.
I hate Elf games, really I do.
But I bought Morrowind today because the reviews all said it was cool.
They didn’t mention how gay it is though did they?
ELVES? MUSHROOMS? SPELLS?
I read “Vampire” and I read “Immersive 3d world” and “combat”, nowhere did I spy “Swishy man-action gaming for Dale Wintons”.
That’s rubbish and I’ve just spunked £30 for this w##krag of a game.
Bah
And babies.
Women that bring their newborn babies into work and thrust them at you going “Look!”
Hurrah, it’s a baby. A small, screaming, fat person with an oversized head that stinks of green s##t.
*claps*
Thanks for bringing it in and waving it front of me. You want to do something useful? Breastfeed it in front of me.
Unfurl those udders and feed that alien wriggling in your arms. Or at least don’t get upset when I lunge with a pen to make it quiet.
Sunny days at work.
I don’t like work. Ok, so I don’t do a whole lot but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be at home, on the internet with pants round my ankles and…er…watching DVDs and stuff.
Work is stupid, why are we the only creature that works? What’s wrong with the bartering system eh?
I play music, you give me food/games/shelter.
Balls to working for a living, it’s no way to spend 50 years of your life.
Did you know you’re more likely to enjoy getting bum-raped by a Mountain Gorilla than you are to retire happy?
It’s stupid and making me angry.
Soap Operas
Christ these thins make my head hurt.
Are your lives that empty you have to fill hours of your spare-time watching poorly thought-out tales of “simple folk” that lead lives that have zero relevance to your own?
You get precious few moments when not at work, probably in the same room as friends/partners/relatives.
Don’t waste that time staring at bad actors screaming at each other and trying to resolve contrived situations in 30 mins.
Do something useful with your time/head/life, don’t fritter it away watching Eastf###ingenders – it serves no purpose at all.
In any way whatsoever.
Teens in Cars
You pass your test, suddenly you’re the best driver on the planet and must go at 120mph around every corner in your stupid little Novas. Did you read that? YOU ALL DRIVE NOVAS BECAUSE YOU’RE CAN’T AFFORD ANYTHING ELSE.
I’d understand it if you had a Dodge Viper, but a Nova/Escort/Astra. Do me a favour and instead of tearing down the A127, spend that time searching for the missing Y Chromosone you f####ing ape/
And while we’re at it, change your CD at least once.
I don’t need to hear your assface stereo pumping out the bassline to the So Solid Crew. Assface.
Nintendo Games
I’m not retarded.
Or 3.
But I gave it a chance, I bought a Gamecube just in case my entire history with Nintendo has been wrong.
But it wasn’t.
Rogue Thingy was good, but the rest of the games suck balls. Brightly coloured, gummy-mouthed entertainment for spazmos with zero wattage bulbs in their enormous gaping heads.
Super Monkey Ball? Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Luigi’s Mansion? It’s alright, let’s try that door…oh I finished it already. W##k.
And some others I bought but stabbed my brain with a Q-tip to remove and trace of memory of.
Godawful machine for knucklewalking pygmie mules.
Cash Machines
It’s not hard is it?
So why do I get stuck by the moron that has to press every key with their hairy fingers in an attempt to withdraw that month’s benefit money to spend on booze and porno mags?
Hello? I can manage to use those things in under 20 secs and escape with money.
Don’t stand there randomly stabbing keys making grunty noises because it says “F##k off Pikey, get a job”.
Perhaps if you spent less of your day screaming at your marmite-smeared-face kids and looked for gainful employment, you wouldn’t have to pray to the god of LIDL every time you used that tricky machine.
McDonalds
“I’m sorry, it’s a wait for the Big Mac”
WHY? Why do I have to wait?
Is it unexpected that someone will wander in and ask for one of those squashed mockeries of a meal?
I think not.
But always, without fail, I have to stand and watch the porky, pock-marked teen investigate the contents of his hairy eyes with a finger whilst some sloping-faced bunjockey readies my meal.
And why, even when it’s “fresh”, does it look like Indiana Jones has delivered it?
Bunch of W##k.
Reviews are evil. They lie and they are evil.
Trust your instincts.
I hate Elf games, really I do.
But I bought Morrowind today because the reviews all said it was cool.
They didn’t mention how gay it is though did they?
ELVES? MUSHROOMS? SPELLS?
I read “Vampire” and I read “Immersive 3d world” and “combat”, nowhere did I spy “Swishy man-action gaming for Dale Wintons”.
That’s rubbish and I’ve just spunked £30 for this w##krag of a game.
Bah
And babies.
Women that bring their newborn babies into work and thrust them at you going “Look!”
Hurrah, it’s a baby. A small, screaming, fat person with an oversized head that stinks of green s##t.
*claps*
Thanks for bringing it in and waving it front of me. You want to do something useful? Breastfeed it in front of me.
Unfurl those udders and feed that alien wriggling in your arms. Or at least don’t get upset when I lunge with a pen to make it quiet.
Sunny days at work.
I don’t like work. Ok, so I don’t do a whole lot but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be at home, on the internet with pants round my ankles and…er…watching DVDs and stuff.
Work is stupid, why are we the only creature that works? What’s wrong with the bartering system eh?
I play music, you give me food/games/shelter.
Balls to working for a living, it’s no way to spend 50 years of your life.
Did you know you’re more likely to enjoy getting bum-raped by a Mountain Gorilla than you are to retire happy?
It’s stupid and making me angry.
Soap Operas
Christ these thins make my head hurt.
Are your lives that empty you have to fill hours of your spare-time watching poorly thought-out tales of “simple folk” that lead lives that have zero relevance to your own?
You get precious few moments when not at work, probably in the same room as friends/partners/relatives.
Don’t waste that time staring at bad actors screaming at each other and trying to resolve contrived situations in 30 mins.
Do something useful with your time/head/life, don’t fritter it away watching Eastf###ingenders – it serves no purpose at all.
In any way whatsoever.
Teens in Cars
You pass your test, suddenly you’re the best driver on the planet and must go at 120mph around every corner in your stupid little Novas. Did you read that? YOU ALL DRIVE NOVAS BECAUSE YOU’RE CAN’T AFFORD ANYTHING ELSE.
I’d understand it if you had a Dodge Viper, but a Nova/Escort/Astra. Do me a favour and instead of tearing down the A127, spend that time searching for the missing Y Chromosone you f####ing ape/
And while we’re at it, change your CD at least once.
I don’t need to hear your assface stereo pumping out the bassline to the So Solid Crew. Assface.
Nintendo Games
I’m not retarded.
Or 3.
But I gave it a chance, I bought a Gamecube just in case my entire history with Nintendo has been wrong.
But it wasn’t.
Rogue Thingy was good, but the rest of the games suck balls. Brightly coloured, gummy-mouthed entertainment for spazmos with zero wattage bulbs in their enormous gaping heads.
Super Monkey Ball? Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Luigi’s Mansion? It’s alright, let’s try that door…oh I finished it already. W##k.
And some others I bought but stabbed my brain with a Q-tip to remove and trace of memory of.
Godawful machine for knucklewalking pygmie mules.
Cash Machines
It’s not hard is it?
So why do I get stuck by the moron that has to press every key with their hairy fingers in an attempt to withdraw that month’s benefit money to spend on booze and porno mags?
Hello? I can manage to use those things in under 20 secs and escape with money.
Don’t stand there randomly stabbing keys making grunty noises because it says “F##k off Pikey, get a job”.
Perhaps if you spent less of your day screaming at your marmite-smeared-face kids and looked for gainful employment, you wouldn’t have to pray to the god of LIDL every time you used that tricky machine.
McDonalds
“I’m sorry, it’s a wait for the Big Mac”
WHY? Why do I have to wait?
Is it unexpected that someone will wander in and ask for one of those squashed mockeries of a meal?
I think not.
But always, without fail, I have to stand and watch the porky, pock-marked teen investigate the contents of his hairy eyes with a finger whilst some sloping-faced bunjockey readies my meal.
And why, even when it’s “fresh”, does it look like Indiana Jones has delivered it?
Bunch of W##k.
Page:
I hope I don't get that sour and bitter when I reach Goatboy's age
Hey, what am I saying? That's DECADES away!
As for teens in cars, most drive Corsas, not Novas
Hey, what am I saying? That's DECADES away!
As for teens in cars, most drive Corsas, not Novas
Perhaps Goatboy would've liked Monkey Ball if it was called Punk ball, and instead of monkeys you rolled punks with shaved hair, earrings and chains around their necks trapped inside balls with spikes on them?
And maybe he'd like it if the music wasn't so bright and cheerful, and instead it was depressing and more 'man like'?
Perhaps.
And maybe he'd like it if the music wasn't so bright and cheerful, and instead it was depressing and more 'man like'?
Perhaps.
Bah, I told you not to get the GameCube. {:)
Stick with your X-Box/PS2/PC, where you can play on real games.
*waits patiently for barrage of insults*
Stick with your X-Box/PS2/PC, where you can play on real games.
*waits patiently for barrage of insults*
Ant wrote:
> Bah, I told you not to get the GameCube. {:)
>
> Stick with your X-Box/PS2/PC, where you can play on real games.
No insults for you Ant!
*Salutes Ant and hugs my xbox*
Oops i did'nt say that :s
> Bah, I told you not to get the GameCube. {:)
>
> Stick with your X-Box/PS2/PC, where you can play on real games.
No insults for you Ant!
*Salutes Ant and hugs my xbox*
Oops i did'nt say that :s
Shocktrooper wrote:
> Perhaps Goatboy would've liked Monkey Ball if it was called Punk ball
No, because Goatboy doesn't like anything! :-)
> Perhaps Goatboy would've liked Monkey Ball if it was called Punk ball
No, because Goatboy doesn't like anything! :-)
You wait for the better GameCube games Goatboy. Can't see how you won't like Eternal Darkness or Resident Evil.
1. Reveiws:
Most are as you say st, the biggest pile of you could ever read, except maybe Harry potter.
IF you hate elfs, you are most likely to be biased against this game. How the reviewi, didn't mention that the whole game consisted of munchkins with pointy ears I'll never know.
2. Baby's:
Totally agree, if we wanted a baby we could go out and find one in a matter of days, it would take 9 months but hey, if there that good we could wait. There free, not a peeny until there born. So these people shouldn't be boasting. However worse than that, is when a 15 year old mother brings her child into work and expects her teachers not to be slightly suspicious. 'You have to be 16 to have sex' they say, 'that isn't right' they say.
Well I say if there so good that almost everyone has at least one, then why not?
3. Sundays, the hallowed days. How I long to stay in bed until 2 maybe 3 PM, but can you no. WHY? because margaret down at work wants you to do 1 extra shift to cover someone, who in all likeliness youve never spoken too. How does that work, you have to come in so that someone else can stay home and slob. I SAY NO.
Now I wouldn't know about being bum raped by a mountain gorilla as it doesnt happen around my town often. For two reasons:
1. My town isn't found on the outskirts of the himalayas, and.....
2. I have been told that my back end looks just as hidious and deformed as my front. (Not fair, my ugliness is hereditary, Its all my dads fault. Curse him, CURSE HIM)
I'm slightly curious to know how you know the experience of gorilla bum rape so intimately.
4. Soaps. Its something about watching someone beautiful with an over extravert life that makes you yearn for it. They are by no means good, or well portrayed but they complex nature of these people draws us in. I mean who else can have 5 sisters, where one was murdered for being a clone, one was a test tube baby, another was adobted, another they found in a park under a bench and one who was beamed here from somewhere outside our solar system. Nowhere.
I dont know about your family but mine.......
well lets just say I'd rather be bun raped by a mountain gorilla then spend one moment in the company of my father and his overactive lobedo.
5. Boy racers. Well I have you know, my Peugeot 406, D reg never let me down once while hurtling down the A127 access road. Very reliable car. As for speeding down the roads, you have to experience the wind rushing through your hair, pity I never did but hey.
And for your information, I have two tapes. Whoever has CD's in there Nova must be rich. I have a wide selection from Sting to Sum 41.
6. Nintendo, I have an N64 and one game Golden Eye, possibly the best game for fun with mates. The rest are the biggest pile of pap the game world has seen, who gives about mario and luigi? And what that zelda's about I'll never know. He always seems to be on a quest, does he ever sleep or eat. Give me sonic anyday.
I have a gamecube, yet again, one game. Super Monkey ball, mainly for the mini games with mates. Monkey boxing.....*he he he* classic.
But is it just me, but dont all the star wars games on Nintendo all look the same? Thats because they are, exactly the same. How hard can it be to make new levels once in a blue moon.
7. Cashmachines. What you mean you can get dole money put in the bank? And there was me going all the way to the dole office to get mine.
The one thing that hinders these people is there ape like fingers. Thats why these people never have mobile phones. There fingers are so big they aim for 1 and hit 2, 4, and 5 on the way down. They take half an hour just to enter there pin.
GET OUT OF LINE, YOU FAT HANDED T*.
IF you cant hake it get out. You dont know how much that means to me.
Recently my town was on TV portrayed as a place where everyone:
A) lives on theres alotments
B) think two pints of carling is lunch.
C) raises pidgeons in there spare room
D) and have kids who dont know there a**e from there elbows.
It breaks my heart it really does.
8. Macdonalds, the home of the average student. Not eating there, no. Behind the counter.
Yes we all had a time behind the counter, hairnets, greasy uniforms and lovely badges that say 'Happy to help.'
Ahh, isn't it swwet, happy to help. Thats nice.
But when you ask them its a differnet story.
WILL YOU OFF.
I'M F* BUSY.
DONT MAKE ME SLAP YOU.
I also never understood why they didn't start making the burgers until people came in? yeah like the place is gonna be empty. They stand around talking about more hygenic kinds of grease until the moment you open the door.
And the state of them, when you finally get it. The burger looks like its been squashed for effect, do they make any effort to make it any shape but flat?
Most are as you say st, the biggest pile of you could ever read, except maybe Harry potter.
IF you hate elfs, you are most likely to be biased against this game. How the reviewi, didn't mention that the whole game consisted of munchkins with pointy ears I'll never know.
2. Baby's:
Totally agree, if we wanted a baby we could go out and find one in a matter of days, it would take 9 months but hey, if there that good we could wait. There free, not a peeny until there born. So these people shouldn't be boasting. However worse than that, is when a 15 year old mother brings her child into work and expects her teachers not to be slightly suspicious. 'You have to be 16 to have sex' they say, 'that isn't right' they say.
Well I say if there so good that almost everyone has at least one, then why not?
3. Sundays, the hallowed days. How I long to stay in bed until 2 maybe 3 PM, but can you no. WHY? because margaret down at work wants you to do 1 extra shift to cover someone, who in all likeliness youve never spoken too. How does that work, you have to come in so that someone else can stay home and slob. I SAY NO.
Now I wouldn't know about being bum raped by a mountain gorilla as it doesnt happen around my town often. For two reasons:
1. My town isn't found on the outskirts of the himalayas, and.....
2. I have been told that my back end looks just as hidious and deformed as my front. (Not fair, my ugliness is hereditary, Its all my dads fault. Curse him, CURSE HIM)
I'm slightly curious to know how you know the experience of gorilla bum rape so intimately.
4. Soaps. Its something about watching someone beautiful with an over extravert life that makes you yearn for it. They are by no means good, or well portrayed but they complex nature of these people draws us in. I mean who else can have 5 sisters, where one was murdered for being a clone, one was a test tube baby, another was adobted, another they found in a park under a bench and one who was beamed here from somewhere outside our solar system. Nowhere.
I dont know about your family but mine.......
well lets just say I'd rather be bun raped by a mountain gorilla then spend one moment in the company of my father and his overactive lobedo.
5. Boy racers. Well I have you know, my Peugeot 406, D reg never let me down once while hurtling down the A127 access road. Very reliable car. As for speeding down the roads, you have to experience the wind rushing through your hair, pity I never did but hey.
And for your information, I have two tapes. Whoever has CD's in there Nova must be rich. I have a wide selection from Sting to Sum 41.
6. Nintendo, I have an N64 and one game Golden Eye, possibly the best game for fun with mates. The rest are the biggest pile of pap the game world has seen, who gives about mario and luigi? And what that zelda's about I'll never know. He always seems to be on a quest, does he ever sleep or eat. Give me sonic anyday.
I have a gamecube, yet again, one game. Super Monkey ball, mainly for the mini games with mates. Monkey boxing.....*he he he* classic.
But is it just me, but dont all the star wars games on Nintendo all look the same? Thats because they are, exactly the same. How hard can it be to make new levels once in a blue moon.
7. Cashmachines. What you mean you can get dole money put in the bank? And there was me going all the way to the dole office to get mine.
The one thing that hinders these people is there ape like fingers. Thats why these people never have mobile phones. There fingers are so big they aim for 1 and hit 2, 4, and 5 on the way down. They take half an hour just to enter there pin.
GET OUT OF LINE, YOU FAT HANDED T*.
IF you cant hake it get out. You dont know how much that means to me.
Recently my town was on TV portrayed as a place where everyone:
A) lives on theres alotments
B) think two pints of carling is lunch.
C) raises pidgeons in there spare room
D) and have kids who dont know there a**e from there elbows.
It breaks my heart it really does.
8. Macdonalds, the home of the average student. Not eating there, no. Behind the counter.
Yes we all had a time behind the counter, hairnets, greasy uniforms and lovely badges that say 'Happy to help.'
Ahh, isn't it swwet, happy to help. Thats nice.
But when you ask them its a differnet story.
WILL YOU OFF.
I'M F* BUSY.
DONT MAKE ME SLAP YOU.
I also never understood why they didn't start making the burgers until people came in? yeah like the place is gonna be empty. They stand around talking about more hygenic kinds of grease until the moment you open the door.
And the state of them, when you finally get it. The burger looks like its been squashed for effect, do they make any effort to make it any shape but flat?
er-no wrote:
> You wait for the better GameCube games Goatboy. Can't see how you
> won't like Eternal Darkness or Resident Evil.
He won't like Resident Evil because of the crap camera angles...just like all the other Ressie games.
"I'm being attacked by a zombie that I can't see." That doesn't make it scary, it makes it infuriating.
"I can't see my character anymore," is another phrase that springs to mind.
> You wait for the better GameCube games Goatboy. Can't see how you
> won't like Eternal Darkness or Resident Evil.
He won't like Resident Evil because of the crap camera angles...just like all the other Ressie games.
"I'm being attacked by a zombie that I can't see." That doesn't make it scary, it makes it infuriating.
"I can't see my character anymore," is another phrase that springs to mind.
Ant wrote:
> He won't like Resident Evil because of the crap camera angles...just
> like all the other Ressie games.
*Slaps Ant*
I pre-ordered my copy of GC Resi on Saturday in Game, and got the "Collectors Edition" DVD they're offering, with the intro and quite a bit of in-game footage too.
Looks fantastic, and I can't wait! :-)
> He won't like Resident Evil because of the crap camera angles...just
> like all the other Ressie games.
*Slaps Ant*
I pre-ordered my copy of GC Resi on Saturday in Game, and got the "Collectors Edition" DVD they're offering, with the intro and quite a bit of in-game footage too.
Looks fantastic, and I can't wait! :-)
WòókieeMøn§†€® wrote:
> Ant wrote:
> He won't like Resident Evil because of the crap camera angles...just
> like all the other Ressie games.
>
> *Slaps Ant*
>
> I pre-ordered my copy of GC Resi on Saturday in Game, and got the
> "Collectors Edition" DVD they're offering, with the intro
> and quite a bit of in-game footage too.
>
> Looks fantastic, and I can't wait! :-)
*touches face tenderly, and then sniggers at Wookiee*
> Ant wrote:
> He won't like Resident Evil because of the crap camera angles...just
> like all the other Ressie games.
>
> *Slaps Ant*
>
> I pre-ordered my copy of GC Resi on Saturday in Game, and got the
> "Collectors Edition" DVD they're offering, with the intro
> and quite a bit of in-game footage too.
>
> Looks fantastic, and I can't wait! :-)
*touches face tenderly, and then sniggers at Wookiee*
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