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A rant.
Reviews are evil. They lie and they are evil.
Trust your instincts.
I hate Elf games, really I do.
But I bought Morrowind today because the reviews all said it was cool.
They didn’t mention how gay it is though did they?
ELVES? MUSHROOMS? SPELLS?
I read “Vampire” and I read “Immersive 3d world” and “combat”, nowhere did I spy “Swishy man-action gaming for Dale Wintons”.
That’s rubbish and I’ve just spunked £30 for this w##krag of a game.
Bah
And babies.
Women that bring their newborn babies into work and thrust them at you going “Look!”
Hurrah, it’s a baby. A small, screaming, fat person with an oversized head that stinks of green s##t.
*claps*
Thanks for bringing it in and waving it front of me. You want to do something useful? Breastfeed it in front of me.
Unfurl those udders and feed that alien wriggling in your arms. Or at least don’t get upset when I lunge with a pen to make it quiet.
Sunny days at work.
I don’t like work. Ok, so I don’t do a whole lot but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be at home, on the internet with pants round my ankles and…er…watching DVDs and stuff.
Work is stupid, why are we the only creature that works? What’s wrong with the bartering system eh?
I play music, you give me food/games/shelter.
Balls to working for a living, it’s no way to spend 50 years of your life.
Did you know you’re more likely to enjoy getting bum-raped by a Mountain Gorilla than you are to retire happy?
It’s stupid and making me angry.
Soap Operas
Christ these thins make my head hurt.
Are your lives that empty you have to fill hours of your spare-time watching poorly thought-out tales of “simple folk” that lead lives that have zero relevance to your own?
You get precious few moments when not at work, probably in the same room as friends/partners/relatives.
Don’t waste that time staring at bad actors screaming at each other and trying to resolve contrived situations in 30 mins.
Do something useful with your time/head/life, don’t fritter it away watching Eastf###ingenders – it serves no purpose at all.
In any way whatsoever.
Teens in Cars
You pass your test, suddenly you’re the best driver on the planet and must go at 120mph around every corner in your stupid little Novas. Did you read that? YOU ALL DRIVE NOVAS BECAUSE YOU’RE CAN’T AFFORD ANYTHING ELSE.
I’d understand it if you had a Dodge Viper, but a Nova/Escort/Astra. Do me a favour and instead of tearing down the A127, spend that time searching for the missing Y Chromosone you f####ing ape/
And while we’re at it, change your CD at least once.
I don’t need to hear your assface stereo pumping out the bassline to the So Solid Crew. Assface.
Nintendo Games
I’m not retarded.
Or 3.
But I gave it a chance, I bought a Gamecube just in case my entire history with Nintendo has been wrong.
But it wasn’t.
Rogue Thingy was good, but the rest of the games suck balls. Brightly coloured, gummy-mouthed entertainment for spazmos with zero wattage bulbs in their enormous gaping heads.
Super Monkey Ball? Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Luigi’s Mansion? It’s alright, let’s try that door…oh I finished it already. W##k.
And some others I bought but stabbed my brain with a Q-tip to remove and trace of memory of.
Godawful machine for knucklewalking pygmie mules.
Cash Machines
It’s not hard is it?
So why do I get stuck by the moron that has to press every key with their hairy fingers in an attempt to withdraw that month’s benefit money to spend on booze and porno mags?
Hello? I can manage to use those things in under 20 secs and escape with money.
Don’t stand there randomly stabbing keys making grunty noises because it says “F##k off Pikey, get a job”.
Perhaps if you spent less of your day screaming at your marmite-smeared-face kids and looked for gainful employment, you wouldn’t have to pray to the god of LIDL every time you used that tricky machine.
McDonalds
“I’m sorry, it’s a wait for the Big Mac”
WHY? Why do I have to wait?
Is it unexpected that someone will wander in and ask for one of those squashed mockeries of a meal?
I think not.
But always, without fail, I have to stand and watch the porky, pock-marked teen investigate the contents of his hairy eyes with a finger whilst some sloping-faced bunjockey readies my meal.
And why, even when it’s “fresh”, does it look like Indiana Jones has delivered it?
Bunch of W##k.
Reviews are evil. They lie and they are evil.
Trust your instincts.
I hate Elf games, really I do.
But I bought Morrowind today because the reviews all said it was cool.
They didn’t mention how gay it is though did they?
ELVES? MUSHROOMS? SPELLS?
I read “Vampire” and I read “Immersive 3d world” and “combat”, nowhere did I spy “Swishy man-action gaming for Dale Wintons”.
That’s rubbish and I’ve just spunked £30 for this w##krag of a game.
Bah
And babies.
Women that bring their newborn babies into work and thrust them at you going “Look!”
Hurrah, it’s a baby. A small, screaming, fat person with an oversized head that stinks of green s##t.
*claps*
Thanks for bringing it in and waving it front of me. You want to do something useful? Breastfeed it in front of me.
Unfurl those udders and feed that alien wriggling in your arms. Or at least don’t get upset when I lunge with a pen to make it quiet.
Sunny days at work.
I don’t like work. Ok, so I don’t do a whole lot but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be at home, on the internet with pants round my ankles and…er…watching DVDs and stuff.
Work is stupid, why are we the only creature that works? What’s wrong with the bartering system eh?
I play music, you give me food/games/shelter.
Balls to working for a living, it’s no way to spend 50 years of your life.
Did you know you’re more likely to enjoy getting bum-raped by a Mountain Gorilla than you are to retire happy?
It’s stupid and making me angry.
Soap Operas
Christ these thins make my head hurt.
Are your lives that empty you have to fill hours of your spare-time watching poorly thought-out tales of “simple folk” that lead lives that have zero relevance to your own?
You get precious few moments when not at work, probably in the same room as friends/partners/relatives.
Don’t waste that time staring at bad actors screaming at each other and trying to resolve contrived situations in 30 mins.
Do something useful with your time/head/life, don’t fritter it away watching Eastf###ingenders – it serves no purpose at all.
In any way whatsoever.
Teens in Cars
You pass your test, suddenly you’re the best driver on the planet and must go at 120mph around every corner in your stupid little Novas. Did you read that? YOU ALL DRIVE NOVAS BECAUSE YOU’RE CAN’T AFFORD ANYTHING ELSE.
I’d understand it if you had a Dodge Viper, but a Nova/Escort/Astra. Do me a favour and instead of tearing down the A127, spend that time searching for the missing Y Chromosone you f####ing ape/
And while we’re at it, change your CD at least once.
I don’t need to hear your assface stereo pumping out the bassline to the So Solid Crew. Assface.
Nintendo Games
I’m not retarded.
Or 3.
But I gave it a chance, I bought a Gamecube just in case my entire history with Nintendo has been wrong.
But it wasn’t.
Rogue Thingy was good, but the rest of the games suck balls. Brightly coloured, gummy-mouthed entertainment for spazmos with zero wattage bulbs in their enormous gaping heads.
Super Monkey Ball? Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Luigi’s Mansion? It’s alright, let’s try that door…oh I finished it already. W##k.
And some others I bought but stabbed my brain with a Q-tip to remove and trace of memory of.
Godawful machine for knucklewalking pygmie mules.
Cash Machines
It’s not hard is it?
So why do I get stuck by the moron that has to press every key with their hairy fingers in an attempt to withdraw that month’s benefit money to spend on booze and porno mags?
Hello? I can manage to use those things in under 20 secs and escape with money.
Don’t stand there randomly stabbing keys making grunty noises because it says “F##k off Pikey, get a job”.
Perhaps if you spent less of your day screaming at your marmite-smeared-face kids and looked for gainful employment, you wouldn’t have to pray to the god of LIDL every time you used that tricky machine.
McDonalds
“I’m sorry, it’s a wait for the Big Mac”
WHY? Why do I have to wait?
Is it unexpected that someone will wander in and ask for one of those squashed mockeries of a meal?
I think not.
But always, without fail, I have to stand and watch the porky, pock-marked teen investigate the contents of his hairy eyes with a finger whilst some sloping-faced bunjockey readies my meal.
And why, even when it’s “fresh”, does it look like Indiana Jones has delivered it?
Bunch of W##k.
Page:
Shocktrooper wrote:
> Perhaps Goatboy would've liked Monkey Ball if it was called Punk ball
No, because Goatboy doesn't like anything! :-)
> Perhaps Goatboy would've liked Monkey Ball if it was called Punk ball
No, because Goatboy doesn't like anything! :-)
Ant wrote:
> Bah, I told you not to get the GameCube. {:)
>
> Stick with your X-Box/PS2/PC, where you can play on real games.
No insults for you Ant!
*Salutes Ant and hugs my xbox*
Oops i did'nt say that :s
> Bah, I told you not to get the GameCube. {:)
>
> Stick with your X-Box/PS2/PC, where you can play on real games.
No insults for you Ant!
*Salutes Ant and hugs my xbox*
Oops i did'nt say that :s
Bah, I told you not to get the GameCube. {:)
Stick with your X-Box/PS2/PC, where you can play on real games.
*waits patiently for barrage of insults*
Stick with your X-Box/PS2/PC, where you can play on real games.
*waits patiently for barrage of insults*
Perhaps Goatboy would've liked Monkey Ball if it was called Punk ball, and instead of monkeys you rolled punks with shaved hair, earrings and chains around their necks trapped inside balls with spikes on them?
And maybe he'd like it if the music wasn't so bright and cheerful, and instead it was depressing and more 'man like'?
Perhaps.
And maybe he'd like it if the music wasn't so bright and cheerful, and instead it was depressing and more 'man like'?
Perhaps.
I hope I don't get that sour and bitter when I reach Goatboy's age
Hey, what am I saying? That's DECADES away!
As for teens in cars, most drive Corsas, not Novas
Hey, what am I saying? That's DECADES away!
As for teens in cars, most drive Corsas, not Novas
Goatboy wrote:
> Teens in Cars...
Mine was a yellow Volkswagen Polo C 1100 with orange go-faster stripes and a magnetic CB Radio ariel stuck on the roof which often came off and dangled by the cable when going around corners too fast. The track was Two Tribes by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.
Now it's a white Citroen ZX Aura 1.9 TD but the CD player is bust.
> Teens in Cars...
Mine was a yellow Volkswagen Polo C 1100 with orange go-faster stripes and a magnetic CB Radio ariel stuck on the roof which often came off and dangled by the cable when going around corners too fast. The track was Two Tribes by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.
Now it's a white Citroen ZX Aura 1.9 TD but the CD player is bust.
Lol
Keep it going Goaty !!
:D
Keep it going Goaty !!
:D
cookie monster wrote:
> Well dog and duck is on citv. i'd better go watch it.
i've seen that one, on cbbc though you just missed the tweenies doing a blues song with the dog as the backing singer. just classic.
> Well dog and duck is on citv. i'd better go watch it.
i've seen that one, on cbbc though you just missed the tweenies doing a blues song with the dog as the backing singer. just classic.
No it's cool just with lots of swearing
Goatboy wrote:
> I paid £30 something for it, I gave it as much of a chance as I
> could.
>
> I just sat there thinking "monkey in a ball. Roll monkey. End of
> level...hmmmmm"
> The 2 player games were fun, but I just have better ways of spending
> my time than trying to roll a monkey (cutesy one at that) around a
> level and getting bored.
>
> Sorry, I just don't like Nintendo but I spent £200 to prove I
> didnt.
Did you try the harder levels? The joy of monkey ball is in the challenge.
Well you sold yourself a bit short. You got what £50 for your cube and your games? You were bumped, had you a little more patience you could have got most of your money back.
Well dog and duck is on citv. i'd better go watch it.
> I paid £30 something for it, I gave it as much of a chance as I
> could.
>
> I just sat there thinking "monkey in a ball. Roll monkey. End of
> level...hmmmmm"
> The 2 player games were fun, but I just have better ways of spending
> my time than trying to roll a monkey (cutesy one at that) around a
> level and getting bored.
>
> Sorry, I just don't like Nintendo but I spent £200 to prove I
> didnt.
Did you try the harder levels? The joy of monkey ball is in the challenge.
Well you sold yourself a bit short. You got what £50 for your cube and your games? You were bumped, had you a little more patience you could have got most of your money back.
Well dog and duck is on citv. i'd better go watch it.
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