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A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
:D
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
:D
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A proton, neutron and electron walk into a bar.
The Proton walks to the the bar and asks for a pint.
"2 quid please mate"
Proton gives the barman £2 and sits down.
The electron then asks for the same, pays and sits down next to his friend.
The neutron then asks for a pint and hands £2 to the barman but the barman gives it him back and says it's on the house.
Furious, the proton and electron storm to the bar and demand to know why he gets his drink for free.
The barman says "It's simple lads, there's no charge on him!"
Benefit of a Chemistry degree people!
*goes red and retires back into the corner*
The Proton walks to the the bar and asks for a pint.
"2 quid please mate"
Proton gives the barman £2 and sits down.
The electron then asks for the same, pays and sits down next to his friend.
The neutron then asks for a pint and hands £2 to the barman but the barman gives it him back and says it's on the house.
Furious, the proton and electron storm to the bar and demand to know why he gets his drink for free.
The barman says "It's simple lads, there's no charge on him!"
Benefit of a Chemistry degree people!
*goes red and retires back into the corner*
Just got this one in an email, it's fairly amusing but not rude, but anyway, enjoy! :)
Atheist's Prayer
As an atheist walked through the forest, he smiled at the beauty that was all around him and said, "What natural wonders the powers of evolution have created."
Just then he heard a rustling near the river. He went to investigate and a 7-foot-tall grizzly bear was tearing down the path towards him him. The man took off like a shot, and when he got up the courage to look back, he saw the bear was catching up fast.
He tried with all his strength to pick up the pace, but he tripped and crashed to the ground. As he tried to get up, the bear jumped on his chest and picked up one paw to whack him.
The atheist screamed, "Oh my God!!!"
Time stopped! The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice boomed from the heavens, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," the voice said.
The light went out, the river ran again, and the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped its right paw, brought both paws together, bowed its head and spoke:
"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
what do you think? :D
slik ~_~
Atheist's Prayer
As an atheist walked through the forest, he smiled at the beauty that was all around him and said, "What natural wonders the powers of evolution have created."
Just then he heard a rustling near the river. He went to investigate and a 7-foot-tall grizzly bear was tearing down the path towards him him. The man took off like a shot, and when he got up the courage to look back, he saw the bear was catching up fast.
He tried with all his strength to pick up the pace, but he tripped and crashed to the ground. As he tried to get up, the bear jumped on his chest and picked up one paw to whack him.
The atheist screamed, "Oh my God!!!"
Time stopped! The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice boomed from the heavens, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," the voice said.
The light went out, the river ran again, and the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped its right paw, brought both paws together, bowed its head and spoke:
"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
what do you think? :D
slik ~_~
LOL, nice one $lik, that was quality!! :D
cheers Brew, I will post another one tommorow :)
slik ~_~
slik ~_~
As promised heres todays joke, enjoy! :)
Hide the Duke
Joe met his girlfriend's parents for the first time at their house over dinner. After the meal, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the Joe's chair. Unfortunately, after the hearty meal, Joe really had to fart. He stealthily let out a slow, barely audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.
"This is great!" thought Joe. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.
"Duke!" the father barked. Joe thought he was home free so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.
"Duke! Get out of there before Joe craps on you!"
slik ~_~
Hide the Duke
Joe met his girlfriend's parents for the first time at their house over dinner. After the meal, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the Joe's chair. Unfortunately, after the hearty meal, Joe really had to fart. He stealthily let out a slow, barely audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.
"This is great!" thought Joe. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.
"Duke!" the father barked. Joe thought he was home free so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.
"Duke! Get out of there before Joe craps on you!"
slik ~_~
And todays joke is...
Madonna, Britney and Christina
Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.
Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says, "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy."
Not to be outdone, Britney rips a $1000 bill in half and throws it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy."
Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina brags, "Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier."
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy."
----------------------------
pretty lame i know, but what the heck! :)
slik ~_~
Madonna, Britney and Christina
Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.
Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says, "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy."
Not to be outdone, Britney rips a $1000 bill in half and throws it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy."
Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina brags, "Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier."
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy."
----------------------------
pretty lame i know, but what the heck! :)
slik ~_~
I have a good one but it is a bit racial towards coloured people, if you wanna hear it ask me at [email protected]
Stop breathing
sheepy, go home
SHEEPY wrote:
> Stop breathing
u stop breathing
> Stop breathing
u stop breathing
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