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"You do nothing. Until you live within death."

It was then that I saw what I had been looking for, something I had looked for all my life and never been able to reach. I held my hand out to grasp this treasure but I let it leave me as easily as I took grasp. I let his hand go because he was going to let me fall anyway.

The light was getting dimmer now, no longer were there many options. Only a few tunnels remained as I stagger about fumbling against my pains. The two things in this life I had known were falling down around me, literally crumbling. Another, my last resort I could turn to that could keep me afloat let me drown. When all that happens, what do you do? How far would you go?

This object, the one I so desired was to be wanted. That feeling of being wanted has been needed ever since I was told I was not loved by my mountains, I had never made them proud and that they never wanted me.

When all these things happen. You realise you will never forget the expressions and the pain. Families don't forget, they only remember.

He walked away when I called to the door that he left shut. He left me to look at her in such a way that all I felt was hatred. How could I even think about hating my mother in that way? Vicious infinite regress.... forget those paths I mentioned earlier, this was a circle... it happens now near every other day, drink drives her. And it kills me. Yet she is blind and the rest of what is left of this household suffers.

Bye bye sister, bye bye brother, bye bye sister, you three left last year. Bye bye dad, you are still here, but you are merely a shell that operates on an excepting level. Its only me now and my little sister. Me, aged 17 and probably more mature than most thirty year olds. My little sister, confused and seeking her parents, although she only really has the good memories which haunt us both.

It rolls down my face now as I type. The tear tells the story on its own... struggling to release itself from my face, then when it finally drops it merely hits another part of my body and there it dries back in.

Over a year now, and too many secrets are kept.
Over a year now, and Joby has tried to end himself twice.
In a year from now, I will be out of this for sure.

Mouldy Cheese wrote:
> Good stuff. I'm not so arrogent as to even bother trying to write a
> worthwhile reply.

Don't worry... 'Good Stuff' was enough :)

Good stuff. I'm not so arrogent as to even bother trying to write a worthwhile reply.

Quinty wrote:
> that was incerdible, great thought-provoking stuff- shame its being
> pushed down the board by spam.

I didn't expect anything less.

I know who has read it and not replyed.. and I know the reasons of why they didn't reply. :)

that was incerdible, great thought-provoking stuff- shame its being pushed down the board by spam.

Wow. There's nothing I can say, through words, or text.

Thank you so much Grix. Those words are thoughtful and mean a lot to me, I think alike you but, I have, for many months thought that because of what is happening it will improve and I will be who I WANT to be. Only I can make those steps though.

Also, if you ever read this. Thank you Tony. You believed in me when everyone else hated me. When my name was sour you gave me a second chance.

Thank you Grix. Thank you Tony. And thank you pb.

There is only you in your life.

There is something I believe in, something that I know for sure, and that's balance. It doesn't matter how low we find ourselves, how difficult we find to keep walking, talking... we must always push on, because however dark and lonely it becomes, there's always more.

I don't want to lecture you, and tell you who you are... I just want you to trust me on this. People who suffer a lot during their lives, their childhoods, go on to live the most fantastic lives possible. Not through fate, but because they will mature, like you have, at a fantastic rate, more than most people would do so in their lifetime. I truly believe this, and I truly believe that you're going to do near enough any damn thing you wanted to.

Hell, when you were first on the forums, I basically hated you. Just couldn't stand reading your stuff, everything, thought you were damn arrogant... then you got banned, and the only one that really believed in you was Tony. I couldn't really understand why, but he saw something in you that the rest of us were blind to at the time. I see it now, I've seen it now for a long time. I feel stupid and pathetic for mistrusting you at first... because I can see now. You're a fantastic, amazing person. You're strong minded, and you know you're stronger than this... please listen to your heart, it beats for you, no-one else but you.

You deserve better than this, er-no. But please don't give up hope... this is just what life is. We go up, we go down, but in the end it all just equals out in the middle... do you really think you've had your fair half of good happening to you yet? Please keep staying strong, because you've got a hell of a lot to live for. Life is too random to give up hope on it.

But it doesn't matter what anyone says... your life is your own. You're the one that has to make the decisions, not the comparisions.

What can I say to reply to this? Any recognition of this being a good post takes away from the poignant truth that exists in the text.

I can only contact you personally for any proper reply and in the meantime hope that any decisions you take will work out for you.

Undead wrote:
> Undead wrote:
> ...I'm honoured to be the first to post in what is, a really great
> thread...
>
> Well, cookie saw to it that this is a false statement :D

Indeed.

Undead wrote:
...I'm honoured to be the first to post in what is, a really great thread...

Well, cookie saw to it that this is a false statement :D