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Girls like different things to boys.
That’s a given, but I have discovered that there are certain things, objects and foods, that are also only for boys and girls.
At great personal risk, I have managed to obtain the list from Estrogen HQ.
Programmes:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
This is a girl’s show. To be watched only by girls that like a “bit of danger” and think Spike is “cute”. These girls are usually straight-laced but bad-at-heart girls that like to appear risky but still don’t want to do anything really daring like get a tattoo or pierce bits of their face.
If you watch this and are male, there are only two excuses:
(a) Your lady watches it and if you didn’t then you wouldn’t get any sugar.
(b) You are gay.
And you can’t use the excuse “I watch it because Buffy is hot”, because the fact you are watching this show means you either have a girlfriend, or you just want to wear her clothes anyway.
SEX IN THE CITY
Again, a total girl show.
For women, by women, about women.
Men don’t watch this because it’s everything we don’t like in women – it’s bitchy, whining, insecure and is invariably about their body shape and shoes and stuff.
Total Fem show with no redeeming male interests (and seeing 2 secs of boob does not justify the teeth-itching experience of being in a woman’s mind for 1hr per week)
HEARTBEAT/MONARCH OF THE GLEN/SUNDAY NIGHT 7-10pm SHOWS
These are all for women.
And women usually over the age of 38 at that. A nice, relaxing, warm and fluffy time of the evening for when the kids have been settled, chocolates have been opened and coffee made.
Men may watch these shows, but only because they are slumped in the armchair still working off Sunday lunch and it’s too early for a bath / w##k on the internet.
TOP GEAR
Man.
100% male show. If women watch this, it’s because they are lesbians or ugly and can’t get any men to live with them and fix their cars for them.
It’s about fast cars, and sometimes aeroplanes. This is man territory, stay away women.
PROGRAMMES ABOUT WAR
Male only zones.
NATURE DOCUMENTARIES
This is a tricky area.
Some shows are about lemurs and marmosets and other nice little animals, this is predominately a girl area.
But the ones about gorillas, sharks, crocs…any big killer animals are man episodes.
Or episodes about explorers (men) being brave and risking death from ice and stuff – Man show.
Food
SALAD
This is girl food.
Men cannot nor should not eat salad. Otherwise you’re a nancy boy that should be wearing plimsolls and worrying about his waist-size. You fairy.
Salad is acceptable on a man plate if used as a garnish only. Any more than a sprig and you are approaching “Well I shouldn’t really” zones. And that is not a place for a man.
FRUIT
Minefield of gender-issues.
TANGERINE
Girl. Easy to open, light and can be eaten WHILST DOING YOUR NAILS
ORANGES
Man. A sod to open, messy and take an age to eat. Best done whilst waiting for war movies to start on Channel 5 (bloke channel)
MELONS
Watermelon is unisex, but Galia and other melons are girly. For obvious reasons.
PRAWN COCKTAIL
Woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman. No man alive should have ever ordered one of these, otherwise you are a Femmy bloke with soft, luxuriant hair.
CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA
Woman. Typical curry ordered by woman (usually with a white wine), whilst men order Jalfrezi and madras and (only to attempted by drunken men in a group) Phaal.
QUICHE
So utterly female I’m feeling fruity just writing the word. Men have no business with chilled dairy products.
There are many others, but I’m bored and want a smoke. (Malboro is man smoke, Silk Cut is girly, B&H are Unisex. Lambert & Butler are pikey, no matter what sex).
That’s a given, but I have discovered that there are certain things, objects and foods, that are also only for boys and girls.
At great personal risk, I have managed to obtain the list from Estrogen HQ.
Programmes:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
This is a girl’s show. To be watched only by girls that like a “bit of danger” and think Spike is “cute”. These girls are usually straight-laced but bad-at-heart girls that like to appear risky but still don’t want to do anything really daring like get a tattoo or pierce bits of their face.
If you watch this and are male, there are only two excuses:
(a) Your lady watches it and if you didn’t then you wouldn’t get any sugar.
(b) You are gay.
And you can’t use the excuse “I watch it because Buffy is hot”, because the fact you are watching this show means you either have a girlfriend, or you just want to wear her clothes anyway.
SEX IN THE CITY
Again, a total girl show.
For women, by women, about women.
Men don’t watch this because it’s everything we don’t like in women – it’s bitchy, whining, insecure and is invariably about their body shape and shoes and stuff.
Total Fem show with no redeeming male interests (and seeing 2 secs of boob does not justify the teeth-itching experience of being in a woman’s mind for 1hr per week)
HEARTBEAT/MONARCH OF THE GLEN/SUNDAY NIGHT 7-10pm SHOWS
These are all for women.
And women usually over the age of 38 at that. A nice, relaxing, warm and fluffy time of the evening for when the kids have been settled, chocolates have been opened and coffee made.
Men may watch these shows, but only because they are slumped in the armchair still working off Sunday lunch and it’s too early for a bath / w##k on the internet.
TOP GEAR
Man.
100% male show. If women watch this, it’s because they are lesbians or ugly and can’t get any men to live with them and fix their cars for them.
It’s about fast cars, and sometimes aeroplanes. This is man territory, stay away women.
PROGRAMMES ABOUT WAR
Male only zones.
NATURE DOCUMENTARIES
This is a tricky area.
Some shows are about lemurs and marmosets and other nice little animals, this is predominately a girl area.
But the ones about gorillas, sharks, crocs…any big killer animals are man episodes.
Or episodes about explorers (men) being brave and risking death from ice and stuff – Man show.
Food
SALAD
This is girl food.
Men cannot nor should not eat salad. Otherwise you’re a nancy boy that should be wearing plimsolls and worrying about his waist-size. You fairy.
Salad is acceptable on a man plate if used as a garnish only. Any more than a sprig and you are approaching “Well I shouldn’t really” zones. And that is not a place for a man.
FRUIT
Minefield of gender-issues.
TANGERINE
Girl. Easy to open, light and can be eaten WHILST DOING YOUR NAILS
ORANGES
Man. A sod to open, messy and take an age to eat. Best done whilst waiting for war movies to start on Channel 5 (bloke channel)
MELONS
Watermelon is unisex, but Galia and other melons are girly. For obvious reasons.
PRAWN COCKTAIL
Woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman. No man alive should have ever ordered one of these, otherwise you are a Femmy bloke with soft, luxuriant hair.
CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA
Woman. Typical curry ordered by woman (usually with a white wine), whilst men order Jalfrezi and madras and (only to attempted by drunken men in a group) Phaal.
QUICHE
So utterly female I’m feeling fruity just writing the word. Men have no business with chilled dairy products.
There are many others, but I’m bored and want a smoke. (Malboro is man smoke, Silk Cut is girly, B&H are Unisex. Lambert & Butler are pikey, no matter what sex).
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Blokes are allowed salad in a kebab or burger. Usually accompanied with chillis and chilli sauce because it seemd A Good Idea At The Time.
It will however, leave you with an a**e, like the Japanese flag the following day.
A phaal will not have the same effect. A phaal will leave you with no a**e. Or any feeling below your armpits for several days.
Typical girly food in a curry house:
Nan bread and chips.
Excuse me!? Oh, with a diet coke as well. Despite the fact that diet coke will have no effect on the weight of this monstrosity...
It will however, leave you with an a**e, like the Japanese flag the following day.
A phaal will not have the same effect. A phaal will leave you with no a**e. Or any feeling below your armpits for several days.
Typical girly food in a curry house:
Nan bread and chips.
Excuse me!? Oh, with a diet coke as well. Despite the fact that diet coke will have no effect on the weight of this monstrosity...
Half the Fem-Power gone, then.
I have eaten peel, because it is nice.
I have unwrapped in one single peel, but never have I rewrapped it.
Interesting idea...
I have eaten peel, because it is nice.
I have unwrapped in one single peel, but never have I rewrapped it.
Interesting idea...
Heh heh
Of course, eating tangerines can be negated of the Fem-Power if you also eat the peel or try and unwrap in one solid peel and then stick it back together and leave for someone else to pick up.
Of course, eating tangerines can be negated of the Fem-Power if you also eat the peel or try and unwrap in one solid peel and then stick it back together and leave for someone else to pick up.
I was going to go kill some sort of animal, but it'd damage my nails.
Pweh I was about to go kill a wild boar to prove my manhood.
Yeah but crisps are man food.
Unless they have the word "lite" on the packet, then your a woman.
And doesn't matter if you like or hate Top Gear, it's still a man show, regardless of whether you watch it or not.
Unless they have the word "lite" on the packet, then your a woman.
And doesn't matter if you like or hate Top Gear, it's still a man show, regardless of whether you watch it or not.
Guilty of:
Hating Top Gear
Like Prawn Cocktail Crisps
Pass on everything else.
Hating Top Gear
Like Prawn Cocktail Crisps
Pass on everything else.
Home Video shows.
Depends.
Mostly Unisex, but the Kirsty's Home Videos on Sky One is man.
Because they show boobs and stuff.
And 37/38 is the dividing line. Don't ask how I know, because then I would have to keel you
Depends.
Mostly Unisex, but the Kirsty's Home Videos on Sky One is man.
Because they show boobs and stuff.
And 37/38 is the dividing line. Don't ask how I know, because then I would have to keel you
Used to watch Ally McBeal, but:
1) They were just using the same story over and over. Got bored in the end.
2) S4C enjoys making as many Welsh people as possible insomniacs. All Welsh programs till about 9PM, then all the normal programs till about 4AM.
Ok, here's a tricky one. Home video shows. Which sex is that?
I'm thinking kinda unisex sadists. Same with all those Saturday night entertainment programs.
Oh yeah, and what's the difference between a 37 year old woman and a 38 year old woman? Odd range.
1) They were just using the same story over and over. Got bored in the end.
2) S4C enjoys making as many Welsh people as possible insomniacs. All Welsh programs till about 9PM, then all the normal programs till about 4AM.
Ok, here's a tricky one. Home video shows. Which sex is that?
I'm thinking kinda unisex sadists. Same with all those Saturday night entertainment programs.
Oh yeah, and what's the difference between a 37 year old woman and a 38 year old woman? Odd range.
Yeah, the Korma is a typical girl meal,I forgot about that one.
As for Ally McBeal?
There ain't a reason for a man to watch that.
Please hand in your Man-Club membership card and gather your belongings (probably consisting of MAKE UP and stuff).
However,you have kids so your man instinct has been dulled by fatherhood and turned you from the rigorous hunter/killer into the protective father.
A good thing, without doubt, but also distances you from the loincloth wearing, spear chucking savages that the rest of us are.
Because you are grown up
As for Ally McBeal?
There ain't a reason for a man to watch that.
Please hand in your Man-Club membership card and gather your belongings (probably consisting of MAKE UP and stuff).
However,you have kids so your man instinct has been dulled by fatherhood and turned you from the rigorous hunter/killer into the protective father.
A good thing, without doubt, but also distances you from the loincloth wearing, spear chucking savages that the rest of us are.
Because you are grown up
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