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"The coffee machine where I work has a mind of it's own"

Seriously, I'm not joking! Everyday I have this kind of battle with it. I'm not thick or anything, it really does have it's own mind. For example, this morning I selected a drink and it went through the motions as normal. But when I reached to retrieve the drink, the cover came down like a type of portcullis. Even worse, when I got the drink the cup was only half full and it was practically water when it was meant to be tea!

Help me please

No... what? who? Where? Coffee? Pleeeeease....
Ahhhhhhhhh... much better!

If you take the roll covers off of adding calculators they look like people. Was this the inspiration for Transformers? Discuss.

I thought that was Romeo and Juliet.
William Grixspeare?

Then it kinda mated with other plots, and ended up as a tragic love story about a coffee machine which fell in love with a old calculator, who was accidently stabbed with a banana, so the coffee machine shot himself.

Somewhere round about message 1.

Look fellas, this was a serious discussion about my coffee machine. Where did we lose the plot?

That's right, "you can cheat all you want as long as you win!" they say...

(No damn numbers at all. What a waste of your pound.)
Ah well, there's always hope.
(Sod hope, I just want to win.)

You can get a tablet for that...

(I control him, he types what I tell him to.)
Not everything though, I do have some power under the iron fisted regime of my brain...
(Not much mind.)
You are gonna get me in trouble one day.
(And who will you blame hey? "My brain made me do it!"
"Well no crap, did it?")

They might believe me.
(Yeah, "My brain is out of control! What should I do?")
You really do scare me.
(Go check the lottery numbers, I might have won.)
Ok.