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"Jury Duty is boring"

Goatboy arrives at the court at 9am.
Goatboy watches a video explaining what the jury is for the benefit of stupid people.

Surely if you need to watch a video to be told what a jury is and what it does, you probably aren't the best person to decide the fate of someone else?
Just a thought.

Goatboy goes for a fag in a tiny room filled with people dressed for church, all asking questions and wondering if it would be "exciting like that programme last night"
Goatboy extinguises his smoke on the faces of all these people whilst screaming "You morons! You morons!"
Goatboy snaps back to reality with "I am Goatboy's raging bile duct" going through his mind.

Goatboy then sits until 12pm, waiting to be called whilst 30 other people all sit about and stare out the window and make calls on their mobiles, despite being told not to.
He wonders if this is a cruel joke being played on him by The Matrix.
He realises it isn't.
He cries.

Goatboy is released for lunch at 1pm, having been there since 9am and done nothing but read his Bill Hicks book all the way through.

He returns at 2pm, hoping something will happen, praying he gets chosen or sent home because he can't take much more of being in a room with these people.
They have no idea who they are trapped with.

Goatboy is released at 3pm and told to come back tomorrow at 10am to repeat the process until he is chosen, or next Friday comes along.
Whichever is first.

Goatboy is numbed beyond words by the excitment of being part of the legal system.
He gets a parking fine for being in an Office Warehouse parking lot.
He explodes and charges through the car-park screaming at the top of his lungs.
Goatboy snaps back to reality again, screws the parking fine up and tosses into the backseat before driving home.

Jury Duty is boring.

Heh. i hope for your sake that isn't true, Goat.

Sacrifice a small farm animal, while chanting. That'll sort them.

Just talk like you're a wrestler all the time.

"Would the defendant tell us his name please?"

(You shout out)"It doesn't matter what your name is!"

Erm...

*hides in corner, avoiding being mugged until Ant gets here*

You could bring in loads of anti-goverment propeganda and UFO books, mumbling incantations under your breath while drawing a pentagram in chalk around other people.

Or simply bring in loads of flowers and pick off the petals saying 'he's guilty, he's innocent, he's guilty.....'

Of the Bill Hicks stuff I've seen most of the routines were insightful more than funny, but this one did make me laugh out loud:

"I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year, after the show I went to a Waffle House, I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me, "Tch tch tch tch. Hey, what you readin' for?"
Is that like the weirdest funning question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading for. Well, godammit, you stumped me. Why do I read?
Well... hmmm... I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one is so I don't end up being a funning waffle waitress."

A scenario like that could happen in only two places: a waffle house and a jury waiting room. Prepare yourself... and more stories about fat women farting please.

Take in Lord of The Rings, don't shave, and when you are summoned, yell in a loud voice:

"THE PIXIES SHALL SET YOU FREE, MY FRIEND!"

Excellent, they'll think you're mashed and remove you.

I think you might be onto a good idea with the book tactic, leave it conspicously seeable on the table.

Today was Bill Hicks.
Tomorrow could be "Manufacturing Consent:The Political Economy of The Mass Media" by Noam Chomsky.
Wed could be "1984" by Orwell.
Or just take loads of "See Spot Run" books and flog myself off in the corner so they never pick me.

My Mum did jury duty at the Old Bailey a few months ago, said it was quite fun. She was on a drug smuggling case.

Lucky you... getting to do Jury service at the exact same time ITV launch their heavily advertised "The Jury" show. You'll probably end up with 11 TV-obsessed housewives and unemployed people who try and emulate the TV jurors.

Still Bill Hicks reading could be a good tactic for getting dismissed; they'll probably spot thet you're a healthily cynical person. You could quote Hicks to them during deliberations, or just sit and say nothing occasionally raising a condescending eyebrow or smiling sadly when other people make suggestions. They'll think that you're a genius and leave you alone.

So, has your last ounce of faith in Darwinism died yet?

So now you're telling me you might not even get picked to do it!?

What a waste of time.

Twonks.